Thread by @suchin545

#TheArchies just didn’t work for me unfortunately. Didn’t think it was possible but Zoya Akhtar has made such a …low energy film (doing my best here not to use the word “dull” coz that would break my heart). It’s all pretty packaging but I rarely felt much for anyone.

And damn do you feel that length.

I think there’s even a scene where one of the parents says : Tum dikhte kaise ho..yeh important nahi hai. Tum feel kya karte ho? My point exactly.

Some *Spoiler-filled* thoughts:

Let's do away with the obvious. It’s of course visually delightful with its retro-Sex Education aesthetic, costume design and wonderful production design porn world. Though, I’m not sure why there was such an aversion to colour.

I’ve also never seen Zoya dive into plot so fast. Surely the appeal of this film is to get to know the gang, their dynamics and just hang out with them? I would’ve happily done half an hour of just that

..but the very first scene goes straight into the whole "evil business daddy park demolition" deal. Also, sidenote, not sure why but the whole Anglo-Indian thing made me laugh.

It’s also so many songs - which I get, it’s going for the whole musical vibe and Zoya is clearly having a blast shooting those sequences, but I think I would’ve vibed with the multiple dance set pieces a lot more if the songs were more fun. They did little for me.

Coming to the gang:

Agastya Nanda has an easy, endearing charm. As does Khushi Kapoor who I was quite taken by. If all we’re looking for from this film is gentle, harmless, sweet presence then they absolutely deliver.

It’s Suhana that I really struggled with. Was her whole benign, monotone, static-ness supposed to be a character thing? It’s just so flat. And surely Veronica is a banger of a character, in all her lovably extra glory? I imagined a sort of modern day Poo.

There’s so much fun to be had with her, and we feel none of that here. She just seemed inexplicably averse to intonation and expression. Again, is this a character thing I’m not getting? It would've been far more enjoyable to watch someone ham their way through that role.

She also has the most uneven arc. We don’t take her seriously at all until all of a sudden we’re supposed to (did anyone Really buy that Betty and her were true BFFs Until that scene where they both confront Archie?).

Khushi fairs far better in comparison but, of course, the Betty character is always the easiest to feel for.

I also found it very difficult to empathise with Archie after a point. He just comes across as a heartless dick and/or an absolute idiot for making eyes at every girl in his vicinity and then feigning ignorance and wondering why they’re upset. What a dumbass.

Not sure if he's Supposed to come across as a player but either way he just seems insensitive.

But after you watch it, you really do experience a fresh wave of nepotism-related frustration (yes I said the N word, sue me).

Zoya and Reema very passionately (and convincingly) defended their casting recently in an interview with Film Companion essentially saying “we have an excellent cast of fine actors, the media chooses only to talk about the few star kids”.

If it was a true blue ensemble that maybe that's fair. Except, after you watch the movie, it’s clear that, despite Zoya’s knack for ensemble-ness, this is absolutely an Archie - Betty- Veronica movie

And the likes of Jughead (the always reliable Mihir Ahuja), Reggie (there's something enchanting about Vedang Raina), Dalton (a lovable Yuvraj Menda) and Ethel (Aditi Saigal) - arguably the more talented actors - are absolutely supporting characters here

Feels like a pretty feeble justification in hindsight.

Sidenote - Reggie and Dilton get the most touching scene.

Also sidenote - Rudra Mahuvakar's Moose is the unsung hero of this film and I wish we got more time with him.

In the end, it’s all so pretty... but little more. I wish I felt for them, and with them, more.