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More from @jarvis_best

Jarvis

@jarvis_best

Jul 29

Upcoming Sweeney projects - a
Jarvis Thread:

1. Sydney Sweeney is elite race car driver Elizabeth Fastrubber BUT can she win the season title and become a master grand champion? Find out this fall only in theaters - it’s MASTER RACE!

2. “Excuse me miss, but I couldn’t help noticing that you have absolutely massive milkers.”

With that one cheesy pickup line, Hank Henderson landed the girl of his dreams. But what will it take to keep her? Find out this winter on ABC’s new drama, FOURTEEN WORDS ❤️

3. Audrey Hiller, a young woman injured in war, returns home in order to fight new domestic enemies not to mention her own inner demons. Next spring in: MY STRUGGLE.

Read 18 tweets

Jarvis

@jarvis_best

Jul 22

With the boomers deciding to live forever I'm not sure there's any way AROUND doing this. I've had several family members buy big houses when they had young families, but then the value of their house increased 10X over the decades (not unheard of in Colorado).

So by the time they're empty nesters and would love to downsize, their capital gains at 20% would have been ENORMOUS. Capital gains of $1M plus broker fees plus moving fees and maybe you're giving up $250K+ just for the privilege of having a smaller house.

As a result, the boomers are living in big empty houses while young families can't afford enough space. I have several old ass neighbors occupying these big houses like Zuccotti Park but for some reason I can't call in the NYPD to tase the shit out of them.

I don't want to give the boomers ANOTHER tax break but we have to find some humane way to make nana homeless.

Or inhumane, whatever, idc

Read 4 tweets

Jarvis

@jarvis_best

Jul 17

https://twitter.com/yashar/status/1945980280906580036

Alright. Look.

Who knows.

But . . . writing a script of an imaginary commercial or something with a voice over and use of these words, many of which have more than one syllable . . .

doesn't really sound like him.

https://twitter.com/yashar/status/1945980280906580036

If they said Trump sent Epstein a glossy picture of a chick with huge tits and had written HEY JACKOFF GET A LOAD OF THESE I might believe it. But not this.

Who knows maybe Trump is composing tastefully drafted dialogues and sketching nudes in his spare time and then only pretends to be Trump in public who the fuck can say.

Read 6 tweets

Jarvis

@jarvis_best

Jul 1

Pride Month is over boys and I'm as bummed as all of you.

However, as I did last year, I want to encourage you - there's still plenty of special days ahead for my fellow LGTBuddies.

While Pride is gone, it's only a few more months to October, which is LGBT History Month.

Then we come to November, which is Trans Awareness Month.

But do not confuse that with the Trans Day of Visibility, which is March 31, or Pansexual Visibility Day, which is May 24.

Lesbian Visibility Day is April 26, and then you ladies have a little break until International Lesbian Day, which is October 8.

If you're not a lesbian yet, you can become one on National Coming Out Day, which is October 11.

Read 10 tweets

Jarvis

@jarvis_best

Feb 10

I'm a big fan of judicial impeachments and we should do it more often! Only 8 US judges in history have been impeached and convicted, and we need to get that number up!

There's this one dude in Nevada who can only be described as an unrestrained lunatic. Here is his story.

Bob Jones is his name! He seemed like a sensible guy as a bankruptcy judge and was actually on the Judicial Conference Committee where he handled ethical issues for other judges.

George W nominated him and he was confirmed unanimously by the Senate in 2003. Good start!

But then he went crazy.

Nevada had an old law on the books that offered voters a protest vote on the ballot - they could for "none of these candidates." It's a dumb law, but states have a ton of leeway in how they run elections, so it's obviously constitutional.

He declared the law unconstitutional, and did so at the last possible moment. He delayed for months on end, more or less bragging in open court that he was trying to avoid appellate review.

The appellate court reviewed his decision despite the fact that he never even wrote an opinion. They reversed him - upholding the law - and called him out for intentionally delaying.

Read 8 tweets

Jarvis

@jarvis_best

Jan 13

Good afternoon, friends. A bit of "personal news" as they say.

I am thrilled to announce that I have resigned effective immediately from my lucrative $4M/yr law partnership in order to devote my time to my new Substack vertical, THE CULTURAL ENGAGER.

I want to reiterate that I resigned due to me being brave and bold and I was not at all fired by my management that objected to me spending 16 hours a day hitting on girls on X The Everything App.

I can hear you ingrates now. "Oh, another centrist blog. Yawn."

Well shut the hell up and listen a minute because that's not what this is AT ALL.

I mean it is, but it's THE CULTURAL ENGAGER has so much more than that!

FIRST it's not JUST politics. I mean yes Ivanka Trump's dad might come up on occasion, but TO WIN IN POLITICS FIRST YOU AHVE TO WIN IN CULTURE WHICH IS AN IDEA I JUST CAME UP WITH NOW.

That means we're going to have HUMOR. We're going to have PHOTOGAPHY. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE FUCKING SPORTS. REVIEWS OF OPERAS YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF WE'RE DOING ALL THAT SHIT OK? WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TAKES ON SHIT THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Read 8 tweets

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