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Jarvis Profile picture
@jarvis_best
Aug 2, 2024 • 13 tweets • 4 min read • Read on X
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Keith Olbermann has called for Elon’s arrest so I thought I would do a thread of my favorite times Keith has demanded someone be arrested along with why he wants them locked up.

Elon Musk: Donating to a PAC that gathers voter info. Image
Ron DeSantis: Flying migrants to Martha’s Vineyard Image
“Select Supreme Court Justices”: He didn’t like one of their rulings Image
Rep MTG: Talking about border security Image
Tom Wilson: Fighting in hockey Image
Rep. Gosar: Endorsing Trump Image
Donald Trump: Making terrorist threats Image
Ted Cruz: asking for an audit Image
Rep Heather Scott: posting on Twitter a picture someone sent her Image
Chief Justice John Roberts: arrest needed if he doesn’t respond to a subpoena from Dick Durbin Image
Jared Kushner: Espionage Image
Donald Trump Jr: treason. Image
Ending it with my overall favorite Keith moment that doesn’t involve him demanding an arrest: the time he tried to dunk on someone but ended up saying he pisses on his own face. Image

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More from @jarvis_best

Jarvis Profile picture
Jul 1
Pride Month is over boys and I'm as bummed as all of you.

However, as I did last year, I want to encourage you - there's still plenty of special days ahead for my fellow LGTBuddies.

While Pride is gone, it's only a few more months to October, which is LGBT History Month.Image
Then we come to November, which is Trans Awareness Month.

But do not confuse that with the Trans Day of Visibility, which is March 31, or Pansexual Visibility Day, which is May 24.
Lesbian Visibility Day is April 26, and then you ladies have a little break until International Lesbian Day, which is October 8.

If you're not a lesbian yet, you can become one on National Coming Out Day, which is October 11.
Read 10 tweets
Jarvis Profile picture
Feb 10
I'm a big fan of judicial impeachments and we should do it more often! Only 8 US judges in history have been impeached and convicted, and we need to get that number up!

There's this one dude in Nevada who can only be described as an unrestrained lunatic. Here is his story. Image
Bob Jones is his name! He seemed like a sensible guy as a bankruptcy judge and was actually on the Judicial Conference Committee where he handled ethical issues for other judges.

George W nominated him and he was confirmed unanimously by the Senate in 2003. Good start!
But then he went crazy.

Nevada had an old law on the books that offered voters a protest vote on the ballot - they could for "none of these candidates." It's a dumb law, but states have a ton of leeway in how they run elections, so it's obviously constitutional.

He declared the law unconstitutional, and did so at the last possible moment. He delayed for months on end, more or less bragging in open court that he was trying to avoid appellate review.

The appellate court reviewed his decision despite the fact that he never even wrote an opinion. They reversed him - upholding the law - and called him out for intentionally delaying.
Read 8 tweets
Jarvis Profile picture
Jan 13
Good afternoon, friends. A bit of "personal news" as they say.

I am thrilled to announce that I have resigned effective immediately from my lucrative $4M/yr law partnership in order to devote my time to my new Substack vertical, THE CULTURAL ENGAGER.

I want to reiterate that I resigned due to me being brave and bold and I was not at all fired by my management that objected to me spending 16 hours a day hitting on girls on X The Everything App.Image
I can hear you ingrates now. "Oh, another centrist blog. Yawn."

Well shut the hell up and listen a minute because that's not what this is AT ALL.

I mean it is, but it's THE CULTURAL ENGAGER has so much more than that!
FIRST it's not JUST politics. I mean yes Ivanka Trump's dad might come up on occasion, but TO WIN IN POLITICS FIRST YOU AHVE TO WIN IN CULTURE WHICH IS AN IDEA I JUST CAME UP WITH NOW.

That means we're going to have HUMOR. We're going to have PHOTOGAPHY. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE FUCKING SPORTS. REVIEWS OF OPERAS YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF WE'RE DOING ALL THAT SHIT OK? WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TAKES ON SHIT THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Read 8 tweets
Jarvis Profile picture
Dec 2, 2024
I have decided to do a NEW KEITH THREAD. I really enjoyed my last one where he demanded that everyone get arrested for insane reasons, but this new one is made up of people he demands to RESIGN.

Now, Keith demands that people resign every day. So to keep it of reasonable length, I’m limiting it to (i) Dems - people on his own side and (ii) demand issued within the last year.

Even with those restrictions, there’s still a lot of content.

As with the last thread, I will name the person who should resign and identify the reason why they should resign.

Alright, LFG.Image
Senator Gary Peters: Being a pine cone and criticizing the Hunter pardon. Image
Jared Polis: Being cautiously optimistic about the RFK appointment and also criticizing the Hunter pardon. Image
Read 16 tweets
Jarvis Profile picture
Nov 5, 2024
Thread: I thought I would take a little "trip down memory lane" so we can remember what a FUN election season it's been, maybe the best ever.

During the first six months, Biden kept spacing out and wandering off like a goddam child. It was wild.
The journos assured us that these videos were deceptively edited and FAKE NEWS, possibly Russian. Image
Then came the debate! And what a debate it was. I didn’t watch it but I heard good things.
Read 12 tweets
Jarvis Profile picture
Oct 23, 2024
This is the beauty of America though. Every President is Hitler. A Hitler of defined powers and subject to checks and balances, but Hitler nonetheless. George Washington was our First Hitler, and him along with our other Founding Hitlers put a system in place that would stand the test of time and allow regular people to put a new Hitler in office every four years. A lot of people don't like this or that Hitler, but everyone gets a say and sooner or later there will be a Hitler in power that represents your interests, your views - your own personal Hitler.
Four of the best Hitlers we've ever had. Image
We must not forget the founding mothers our country too - Abigail Adams-Hitler, Martha Washington-Hitler, and Dolley Madison-Hitler. Our plucky little Hitlerettes! Image
Read 7 tweets

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