Growing up with undiagnosed inattentive ADHD meant I developed a very all or nothing perspective.

As in, I immediately categorised things into stuff I liked vs didn't.

Which makes sense.. I did very well in stuff I was interested in, and really struggled with stuff I wasn't. And I nearly always failed when not interested, so felt it was a waste of spoons. Striving for efficiency, let's say.

But the issue is that now that I'm much better at managing, but I still default to the black and white mindset.

When I feel I won't like it, I struggle to try.

My anxiety has always largely stemmed from my ADHD.

I get anxious about forgetting, not noticing things, not remembering things, interrupting/ coming across rude, and so on.

My anxiety works as a maladaptive coping method and keeps my inattentive self vigilant. But I rather not depend on anxiety ofcourse, and so I've been learning healthy coping strategies.

And for ADHDers, taking meds tends to help alleviate our anxiety, which it does for me.

So between my meds and healthy coping strategies, I have learnt to manage better.

ADHD makes it hard to plan and break down tasks.

You have something that needs to be done, and your brain doesn't know where to start and it gets intimidated.

And it loses any possible motivation.

It feels like wayyy too much effort for any possible result. An example:

Say you wanted to clean your whole house.

Where do you start?

You gotta start somewhere?

Fuck, I started this example and now I'm stumped myself.

Your brain just sees the whole task, struggles breaking it down into steps and it becomes very unmotivating.

Emotional regulation is a skill that has to be learnt and practised. Kids learn from their caregivers.

ADHD makes it harder to regulate emotions.

And as I've learnt to actively manage my emotions, I'm starting to see that a lot of NTs don't know how to regulate their emotions. Were you guys taught any emotional regulation skills cause I certainly wasn't.

It was all about suppress suppress suppress.

Stop crying or you'll be punished.

Its like a cycle of shitty coping.

And it's already hard on NTs.

A ND thrown in there is gonna suffer harder.

ADHD makes it hard to trust yourself.

Our inconsistency means that it's a coin flip everytime we want to do or stop doing something.

'Can I start now? If I start now, would I be able to stop? Will I be able to sleep?'

'If I stop now, will I still be interested tomorrow?'. All this inconsistency made me very anxious.

What if I forget to lock up? Maybe I have an appointment tomorrow that I forgot?

How would I even try to remember if I did forget?

Was I too forward? Was I not forward enough? Why did I forget to ask how they were back?!

ADHD meds help you do what you want to do in the first place.

For the first year I took meds, I didn't see a lot of results.

I'd spent all my life unable to do things, so I never learnt how to do thing, or even how to want to do things.

So even on meds, I didn't do much. This differs from person to person ofcourse.

My sister has more hyperactive symptoms (v my inattentive), and had a lot of good active coping strategies ready and found the meds bring results within a few weeks.

Ofcourse, meds make it easier to learn/ use coping strategies too.

ADHD can make it hard to STOP focusing on something.

This is fucking terrifying cause you can't stop your brain, and you feel out of control.

I once stayed up for over 40 hours, cause I couldn't stop reading this novel.

My friends had to come make food for me. And it can be anything.. depressive thoughts, intrusive thoughts, people or even emotions.

Sometimes, this can happen on stuff you want to do, which is why some people like hyperfocus, but personally I hyperfocus on stuff I don't want more than stuff I want.

ADHD affects our emotions.

I had to learn that for myself.

Yes, it makes it harder to regulate emotions and process them.

But what I still find hardest is noticing them.

Our attention issues have an internal aspect too, and negative emotions can build without realising. The amount of time I used to randomly burst into tears when I was younger.

Literally wondering why the heck I am crying cause "I'm not even feeling sad!".

Ofcourse I was sad. I was intensely sad but I never realized.

People don't seem to understand the extent of memory recall issues.

If someone struggles to remember something, then they will also struggle to remember to write it down.

Or if they wrote it down, they might not recall that they had written it or where or if at all.

https://twitter.com/comradesalazar/status/1564591957594218499

I still have certain people in my life, who've known about what my ADHD entails and seen me struggling, getting annoyed when I don't seem to remember something right away.

I will remember.. you'll just need to give me some prompts.

Something to help bring it up.

No, not everyone is 'a little adhd'.

Your paper cut and our fracture can both be painful, but we can't just use a bandaid like you.

ADHD symptoms can seem relatable to most people but what makes it ADHD is it's severity, duration and how much it affects our lives. Yes, everyone finds it easier to do what they are interested in, and struggle with what they are not.

For a NT, that can be the difference between an A and a C.

For an ADHDer, it might be the difference between an A and failing for 8 years straight (speaking from experience).

Inconsistency is a key aspect of ADHD.

And it really throws off NTs.

I imagine we've all had parents/ teachers/ authority figures get annoyed about us struggling with <something we aren't interested in>, because we seem to focus just fine in <something we are interested in>. This can also throw ourselves off, especially before prediagnosis.

I still remember hating myself, confused about why I could do something fine a few days ago, but am struggling now.

Hell, I still get annoyed at my brain nowadays about it sometimes.

It's very frustrating.

I've hurt or offended quite a lot of people without meaning to.

Most of it was when I was younger, and struggled with self filtering, tact and excitability.

So I eventually stopped talking much out of fear of hurting others.

I've a lot more experience but I'm still anxious. I worry that my words would be misunderstood cause not everyone thinks like I do (or is as open as me).

So I find myself anxiously replaying past conversations, worrying about how something I said could be misunderstood.

It's very draining and makes socializing off putting.

ADHDers are no strangers to failing.

After years of failing, I just avoided doing things.

Why do stuff when we'll just fail?

When everyone around us blames us for not trying hard enough when we were putting our all into it?

When hard work is just rewarded with failure? NT folks equate interest with result.

With hard work with result.

That if you aren't producing output or getting the result you want, you're just not trying hard enough.

And even ND folks can pick up that mindset form NTs around us..

And feel worse about ourselves for it.

When I was younger, I'd fill every second of my existence with distractions so I wouldn't have to feel or think.

I'd wake up, and go on my phone.

Be on my phone for every second of my life.

After uni, I'd go on YouTube. Watch stuff till I passed out at 3 am.

Repeat. I had no active coping strategies so I'd just push the pain away till I stopped remembering it.

Out of sight, out of mind.

If it was especially bad, I'd stop doing everything and spend all day watching stuff to avoid my thoughts.

Say you face some negative emotions.

Rejection, disappointment, failure.. how do you deal with it?

You can use whatever coping strategies you want.. but one step is universal.

Letting yourself feel it. (1/4) Negative emotions suck, especially for us. Even small experiences can be very high and extra painful.

But to deal with it, you gotta let yourself feel it.

I'm currently mourning some failed major plans. Something I was looking forward to a lot.

'Something to look forward to' is genuinely one of best ways to describe a project and how it helps us ADHDers.

I didn't have something to look forward to yesterday and gamed every free second I had to distract from unstimulation.

Today, I have one, and I haven't gamed once.

https://twitter.com/VivWestlake/status/1370610453689200641

I either need to be doing something at all times or need to have something I'm doing in the future to look forward to.

Former is distraction. Gaming, reading, endless internet scrolling.

Latter is creative. Constructive. Filling.

A few years ago, I would be unable to continue doing anything after doing it for some time.

Many tasks started and abandoned.

So if I started reading a new book, I start hot, read obsessively, but give a few days, I'd read less till I'd be unable to pick it up again. (1/6) I wanted to figure out why.

Sure it made some sense from an effort to reward perspective for some stuff.. but why did I behave the same way for hobbies?

Why did I have so many books and games half consumed? And how could I get around this.

ADHD and anger.

I don't really mention it a lot cause I don't experience too much of it.

But anger is a BIG issue with ADHD.

Negative situations can cause us to collapse inwards and/ or explode outwards.

The former can be a break down.

The latter is often rage. Anger. I feel like ADHDers with anger issues are treated worse.

I can see why.. anger affects others around them directly.

But fuck, they aren't doing it on purpose.

I have seen kids with ADHD explode into fits of rage.

They're not spoilt. It's emotional dysregulation.

There's one quality that is always present in ADHDers who haven't yet or are just learning to cope with their symptoms.

Fragility.

Something negative happens, big or small, and it can cause us to collapse. Just break down.

This is true for EVERYONE at the start. As we learn to cope, we become less fragile. We learn to become more resilient.

Learning to cope is a process.

Imagine trying to get better at talking to people. If you aren't able to handle RSD or self soothe, a single negative interaction can cause you to give up.

Intrusive thoughts are especially scary when you have impulsivity issues too.

I'm still super careful around stairs cause my brain starts wondering how it's be to just hurl myself down them.

My ADHD thinks it's be cool but I disagree. ADHD is like a very young child, who doesn't know how anything works and wants to try it all.

ADHD: 'feel that knife edge, I bet it's super sharp!'

Me: 'it is and it'll cause me to bleed'

ADHD: 'but what if you don't! It'd be cool'

Disaster strikes when I listen to it.

Question for female ADHDers:

How have your experiences/ symptoms differed from what you've read/ heard/ seen about ADHD?

What would you like to tell girls who think they might have ADHD?

#askadhd

(Here's one to start off: hormones can affect symptoms and your ability to cope) Some resources below.

I'd also recommend some female ADHD advocates to follow but like 90% of all ADHD advocates are women, and they're all good.

chadd.org/for-adults/wom…

additudemag.com/gender-differe…