Author. Satirist. Podcaster. Singer. Awesome. Modest. All views I express are that of your employer. Boggle champion. Was a sexy George Costanza in a past life.
Jun 18 • 4 tweets • 4 min read
Trump v. Biden
Age
Trump: 78
Biden: 81 (so, about the same)
COVID deaths most recent day in office
Trump: 24,690
Biden: 132
Jobs added
Trump: -2.67M
Biden: +16.27M
Manufacturing jobs added
Trump: -192k
Biden: +748k
Times impeached
Trump: 2
Biden: 0
Felony convictions
Trump: 34
Biden: 0
Felony charges pending
Trump: 54
Biden: 0
Times liable for fraud
Trump: 1
Biden: 0
Times liable for defamation
Trump: 2
Biden: 0
Times liable for rape
Trump: 1
Biden 0
#VoteBlue
...and as I know Trumpers will deny some of these numbers, here's the proof for every single one of them:
Except:
- COVID
- hydroxychloroquine
- disinfectants
- Ivermectin
- Obama's birth certificate
- 2016 election results
- 2020 election results
- Hillary going to jail
- Mexico paying for the wall
- Finishing the wall
- The wall being effective
2/- The Mueller Report
- his impeachments
- Biden suffering dementia
- knowing more about ISIS than the generals
- the trajectory of hurricanes
- Giuliani being a competent lawyer
- being smart
- Nepal, Bhutan, and Thailand being Nipple, Button, and Thighland
Sep 17, 2020 • 9 tweets • 3 min read
Due to the latest report of Trump's sexual improprieties, Trumpers have gotten Tara Reade trending again, calling liberals/Democrats hypocrites. Here's the difference: Ms. Reade's allegation was taken seriously, but due to inconsistencies and multiple people discrediting her,
the allegation has been deemed unreliable. To this point, it's been the only such allegation made against Biden. On the flip-side, there have been over 33 such allegations made against Donald Trump. Many of the stories are similar to one another and have largely been consistent.
Aug 6, 2020 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Wow... So I just read the Jonathan Swan interview in its entirety and it's even worse than the media is projecting. Here are a few other bits I haven't heard them mention:
DT: "Jonathan, we didn't even have a test. Now, in all fairness-"
JS: "Why would you have a test?"
DT: "There was no test for this."
JS: "The virus didn't exist."
DT: "Excuse me. I was going to say-"
JS: "Okay."
DT: "There was no test for this. We didn't have a test because there was no test."
JS: "Of course."
...
JS: "Do you read your written brief?"
DT: "I do."
Apr 25, 2020 • 7 tweets • 3 min read
I wrote and recorded a new parody, entitled, "Lysol" (to the tune of "Wonderwall").
Today is gonna be a day
I speak gobbledygook to you
By now you should've realized
This is what I f*ckin' do
I don't believe that anybody
Knows what I'm about to do right now #LysolTrump
Dumb speak, the words are in my head
Ready to finally come out
I'm sure you've never heard them before
Unless you're a fake doctor named Gout
I don't believe anybody will look
As stupid as I'm about to now #LysolTrump
Apr 10, 2020 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
#WhiteHouseBriefing Fact-check
Trump: "We're testing more than anybody in the world, the best testing."
The US has provided more tests than any other country, with 2,489,786 and counting, but that's just 0.76% of the population and the US ranks 40th in tests p/1M population.
Here are the said rankings: 1) Feroe Islands 110,677 2) Iceland 100,002 3) UAE 59,967 4) Gibraltar 45,799 5) Luxembourg 45,166 6) Falkland Islands 39,368 7) Bahrain 33,679 8) Malta 31,100 9) San Marino 24,933 10) Liechenstein 23,605 11) Isle of Man 22,744 12) Norway 22,720
Mar 13, 2020 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Here are the February state-by-state Donald Trump approval-rating polls, courtesy of Morning Consult (morningconsult.com/tracking-trump…). These are the net results, with the state's electoral votes in parentheses.
In response to Trump's tweet where he claims credit for the current state of the economy, I thought I'd share the transcript for episode 8 of my podcast ("I Feel Snitty"), entitled, "Don Didn't Built That." It was aired 9/4/19. ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/don-didnt-bu… #ObamaWasBetterAtEverything
Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 8, entitled, “Don Didn’t Build That.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki. Today I’ll be dissecting Donald Trump’s seemingly constant self-praise, proving once and for all the claims he makes on his alleged positive accomplishments are nothing more
