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Wife/Mother/Banking/Military Enthusiast/Storyteller/Speaks Sarcasm/Ninja/I tweet in pidgin/Twitter DJ/I pledge to Nigeria my country to defend her unity.
Twitter author Profile picture 2 added to My Authors
16 Oct 19
#RandomMusings #FoodRevolution
1. When the CBN announced the restriction on forex for the importation of milk, many of us came on twitter to complain as usual. Some said it was another ploy to enrich the Fulani & give them land. I supported the policy because I knew a new set of
2. millionaires were about to come up. Then Arla foods moved fast into a signing of a $100m deal to source milk from Kaduna state. A few weeks into signing of that deal, Arla Foods has announced that they have loaded their first truck of milk heading for their processing plant.
3. I always use India in my examples considering their similarities to Nigeria. Mother Dairy India & Amul milk India all started out small until the ban on importation of milk in 2008. What these companies both did was head down to the interiors of Gujurat, Bengaluru to
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5 Oct 19
A few intelligence agencies of the world in no particular order:

1. A. The Mossad, Israel: Short for HaMossad leModiʿin uleTafkidim Meyuḥadim, founded in December 1949. With enemies in the East, West, South & North of Israel, they are saddled with the responsibility
2. of intelligence gathering, covert operations & counterterrorism. They have been known to carry out lots of deadly operations like the 2010 international scandal where it was discovered that Mossad agents had used forged Australian passports to enter Dubai & assassinate Hamas
3. leader Mahmoud al-Mabhouh. The smokescreen was so embarassing that law enforcement were chasing real Australians, by the time they realised the people they had arrested were innocent, the Israeli agents were back home safe. Lets not forget how they have hunt & kill most
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4 Oct 19
Make I put disclaimer before dem do meeting for my head.

1The stories I tell are 'factions'; a mixture of facts & fiction. What is fact & what is fiction is only known to me, this a creative enterprise using humour & plain story-telling to entertain, teach &
2. learn as well from your feedbacks. Names & incidences do not represent actual persons or experiences. I’m only using my literary licence, not motor licence O! Ehen!”
'Andrew, I'm checking out' is a phrase that started as far back as the 80's, it was made popular by veteran
3. actor Enebele Elebuwa in a popular TV promo about a young man named Andrew who got fed up with the country & decided to leave for good. Clutching his portomanteau who declare “Men, no light, no water, no job…I'm tired of this country …I'm checking out.' My people, no be
Read 36 tweets
3 Oct 19
Security is still an issue but when you stay in your whatsapp/twitter groups to plot lies because Nigerians forget easily, we will be here waiting to remind you with the facts:
1. January 20, 2012 @channelstv reporter Enenche Akogwu was among scores killed in a deadly
attack in Kano state.…
19 September 2013 87 people killed in Benisheik Bornu Boko Haram militants…
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2 Oct 19
Role Of State Governors/Government In Nigeria

1. Many Nigerians aren't aware that some state governors are yet to inaugurate their cabinets. Some of those who were up in arms that PMB had not appointed ministers have gone silent now their state governors haven't
2. appointed commissioners. Many Nigerians aren't aware that most things they complain about aren't under the purview of the FGN while some are both responsibilities of state & federal government.
Basic Amenities: People lament about bad roads while pointing fingers at Abuja
3. I agree that most of our highways are in a bad shape but many do not know that there are more 'state roads' than 'federal highways'. Many do not know that the road from bank road Owerri to relief market falls under the states responsibility. My state stopped having pipe borne
Read 13 tweets
2 Oct 19
@nkyru remember our conversation?

1. A case of the cup being either half full or half empty. Alphonso imported rice via cotonou valued at $500,000, unfortunately the customs federal taskforce caught his drivers, the rice confiscated & distributed to IDP camps. Alphonso declares
2. Nigeria is collapsing. Haruna is a cobbler in Lagos, gets a call from his old father that some people have come from Onitsha & they are taking land on lease for agriculture. Haruna is the only son, his father is too old & doesnt know how to haggle with the strangers. Haruna
3. runs to Ojota, finds a DAF truck thats loading to the north. After 2 days of being on the road Haruna arrives his hometown in Kebbi state. After negotiations with the investors, they take the land & gives Haruna cash. Part of the agreement is that Haruna helps them oversee the
Read 14 tweets
1 Oct 19
#Thread #RandomMusings

1. I wan throw stone for inside market, anybody e meet na you sabi! You get shop for Banex plaza, 25 June 2014 your customer call you for phone say e dey near your place weder you dey? You been no dey around as you rush go do something for Gwarinpa, na em
2. you tell your customer say make e chill say you dey come. You drive speed make you for reach meet customer collect money only for you to reach near first forty hotel bomb go off for banex. That your customer die for the blast, one of your neighbors wound seriously for the
3. blast. If no be flat tyre wey you get as you dey comot Gwarinpa, you for waka enter the blast. Today, na you dey for twitter dey insult Army, DSS & current government wey don try make sure say that kain thing no ever happen inside Abuja again? You dey now wan show dem how best
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1 Oct 19
1. Killings have been going on all over Nigeria for a while. Killings in some parts of of the South East got so bad that mischievous folks on social media started blaming 'herdsmen'. A guy did a post about how he was traveling on our highways somewhere in the east when masked
2 'herdsmen' opened fire at him & he was able to drive away from the scene unharmed except for bullet marks on the car. It was until I started asking him some questions like, how did you know they were herdsmen since your tweet admitted they were masked? If you claim to have
3. heard them speak, were your glasses wound down or up? Ak47s with high decibels firing at a car moving at over 80km/hr with gushing air will make it difficult even for a linguist to pick a language spoken by the shooter(s). I noticed the fellow ignored my questions &
Read 19 tweets
29 Sep 19
1. A Nigerian will go to Cotonou; buy a car, pay car deportate/battery/security and duty to Benin republic. That car will be driven to 'pastor park' at seme border & he pays a smuggler to fly it rather than pay duty to Nigeria! A Nigerian will take taxi from his house in Maryland
2. USA, eat a burger in the cab & tell the cabbie to stop at any trash can so he can dump the burger wrapper. This same Nigerian will land at Nnamdi Azikiwe int'l, buy gala & throw the wrapper on the floor without thinking. In the UK if you watch 'live TV' from a channel that
3. isn't broadcast in the UK (including those picked up via satellite or online), you need to be covered by a valid TV licence. In the Uk, VAT, Income, National Insurance Corporation, Capital gains, Motoring, Inheritance, Stamp duty Insurance Premium, Air Passenger Duty Taxes
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29 Sep 19
1. Benin republic has a population of 11.80 million meanwhile Lagos population is over 20m. In 2018 Benin was world No. 6 in rice imports valued at $930.5 million (3.8%). Nigeria wasn't at top 15 yet we have foreign rice all over the place. Go to Zone-al-Madina, Sekanji, Akpakpa
2. & see millions of cars, average Beninese use bikes more than they use cars so where do all those cars end up? Nigeria! Benin is the highest importer of used cloths, go to Missebo market & you will immediately know where all those cloths will end up; Lagos, Aba, Onitsha etc.
3. Coconut, banana, pineapple are all landing in Nigeria through idi-roko, seme etc. If we do not do something drastic about Benin republic, all our talk about local production is just talk! Note: over 80% of rice imported into Benin lands in Nigeria! close to 90% of cars lined
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29 Sep 19
1. Pakistani, Sudan, SA, Chad, Mali, Venezuela etc complain of their country being broken; they all should get out? If we all start getting out, pray tell me where we will head to? Few years ago India was rated as the poverty/rape capital of the world, today Bangalore is
2. giving silicon valley a run for their money. The state of Maharashtra is richer than all of Nigeria. June 3-4 1989 we heard of the Tiananmen Square massacre in China that left several hundred to thousands dead. Over 10,000 people were arrested because of a broken
3. China. Today China will match US dollar for dollar and military for military. It took Rwanda 100 days in 1994 to slaughter 800,000 Tutsis by Hutu extremists. Rwanda isn't yet where they would like to be but at least there has been steadY growth. How did these countries get to
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25 Sep 19
The screenshot below shared by subdeliveryzone reminds me of a story I always said I was gonna share.


“The stories I tell here are factions; that is they are a mixture of facts & fiction. What is fact & what is fiction is only known to me, this is primarily
2. me using humour & plain story-telling to entertain, teach & learn as well from your feedbacks. Please, note that names & incidences do not represent actual persons or experiences. I’m only using my literary license, not motor license O! Ehen!”
August 8, 2013 turned out to be
3. a big day for navy cadet Ifeanyi Ude. On this day, the 25-year-old became an officer of the Nigerian navy after graduating from the Nigeria Defense Academy (NDA) in Kaduna. What made this day even more memorable for him was the moment after the passing out parade where he
Read 26 tweets
19 Sep 19
In a conversation with an Indian entrepreneur;

1. Your country Nigeria is similar to ours in so many ways. The rich are so rich, while the poor only know abject poverty. The middle class are just very little. Your country has high level corruption just like my country
2. We have so many ethnic groups & religions, same as you do. Our country has a huge population problem (we are over 1bn), Nigeria has the biggest population in Africa. We have so many problems the same way your country Nigeria has many problems. Are you aware problems are good?
3. I mean coming from a country with problems is a good thing. You want to know how/why I say it? With problems come solutions, be a problem solver. Think solutions & put your solution out there, people will pay for it. I am sure you have heard of the Indian caste system, the
Read 15 tweets
3 Sep 19
1. It is unfortunate & very stupid of people like Dele Momodu & Davido to blame the attacks of Nigerians in SA on PMB & Nigerians. No country in the world has it all. Every country have their fair share of criminals constituting nuisance globally. Even Americans are
2. seen moving into Dubai, Qatar everyday! China is one of the most advanced countries in the world yet, the chinese are scouring the earth looking for business opportunities. I wouldn't expect Davido to know anything but Dele Momodu keeps disappointing me. Anyone with half a
3. brain would know that xenophobic attacks in South Africa didnt start today. In fact, one of the worst attacks happened in 2008; March 67 were killed & May another 62. An intelligent person should be asking, what would lead black Africans to attack fellow Africans when they
Read 8 tweets
3 Sep 19
Nigerians, we are our own problem! 1. #Thread A house occupied by Nigerians in india was busted by cops. News has it that the bust was the highest amount of crystal meth seized in a single raid in India. As usual everyone started shouting how evil Nigerians are. People ignored
2. a few things which I will point out; the house is owned by 'an Indian police officer'. How on God's earth did a law enforcement officer rent out his house without the proper police/FFRO verification on foreigners as stated in Indian law? The basement of the house was being
3. used as a lab; a lot of chemicals used in cooking meth was found in the basement most of which are controlled substances. How did the Nigerians who are illegal immigrants buy those chemicals without the help of locals? The major language in India is hindi followed by over 100
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27 Aug 19
1. Dear Adèsina compliments of the weather sir! Oga mi! I hail! My hand dey for up! 🙌 Tuale baba! I want to be like you when I grow up sir! Ehmm sir I know say as a big boy, you no get time for little ones like me so anytime wey u fit, make you peruse this #Thread cos I observe
2. something since yesterday. Sir since your pictures begin circulate for Internet with some world leaders, some people don begin carve your statue as world leader! Sir abeg no see this thread as me trying to kill your dreams/aspirations, by the way I never reach! Even if them
3. press pause for your career for 10 years now press fast forward for my own 10 years, I still no go catch up with you. So make you no think am like that. Instead make you think am as small advise from person wey dey the main ghetto street wey get ability to see where them wan
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14 Aug 19

The Court on 5th August, 2019 granted Sheikh Ibraheem EL-Zakzaky leave to travel to India for medical treatment. Consequently, the Government and its relevant agencies took steps to comply with the Order.
2. In line with the Court Order, El-Zakzaky was approved to embark on the trip with State officials and his choice to be accompanied by his aides and personal Doctors was not opposed by the government.
3. On 12th August, 2019, he and other members of the entourage went to India via Dubai. It is to be noted that El-Zakzaky particularly chose Medanta Hospital, India. However, on reaching Dubai, El-Zakzaky began to display ulterior motives against laid down procedures.
Read 13 tweets
12 Aug 19
CAVEAT: The stories I tell are factions; a mixture of facts & fiction. What is fact/fiction is only known to me. Names & incidences do not represent actual persons/experiences.

1. This lady got into her car parked at the shopping complex & was reversing when she heard
2. a bang, she had hit a car behind her. It turns out that someone was already trying to maneuver out of his parking space when she hit his car with her rear end. The man came down first to check the extent of damage on his car before she eventually came down. "Madam, I had
3. already started moving out before you got into your car na, you should have waited just a few more seconds so I can drive off to give you space to come out" the man said. "I didn't see you oo" she replied. "How can you say you didn't see me? What is your rear view mirror for?
Read 29 tweets
12 Aug 19
1. Chairman I have read your tweets where you complain about the chain of command. I am wondering what your complaint is about. The world over countries military will have a joint chief of staffs (in our case defense staff) with one chief. Then each service is represented
2. by the highest ranking. They are all appointed by the @NGRPresident following @NGRSenate confirmation. Service chiefs do not have total operational command either individually or collectively, as the chain of command runs all the way from President down to
3. commanders of combatant commands; divisions/brigades/battalions/units/FOBs etc. Every single soldier has a supervisor who he reports to as you are not allowed to jump the chain of command. So what reforms are your senior military men recommending? That the command & control
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11 Aug 19
1. Yes we are no matter how much you might wanna shit on the country's parade. America has over 10 enemies who won't mind obliterating them within secs so they must develop & own such weapons. China must exert force in Asia or get toppled so they need 5th gen jets. Israel can't
2. sleep with their eyes closed as they have made enemies all around them so they need super attack capabilities & solid defence systems. Saudi Arabia has to police the gulf or else insurgency will come right into their country & crash their multi billion dollar empire.
3. Russia will continue being Russia; worried their own shadow will bite them. Note that all these countries are super rich countries! Now let's talk Nigeria; we have Benin republic to the west of us, Niger to the north & Cameroon/Chad to the east. Benin republic doesn't have
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6 Aug 19
Finally we have kicked @MBuhari out with za #RevolutionNow .This is my inaugural speech

1.Fellow Nigerians, by za powers conferred on me by za pedral republic of Naijeriya I hereby assume opis as za commander in chief. Sequel to za revolution I have had extensive
2. consultations within the armed forces hierarchy & other well meaning Nigerians especially members of za Rotties Association (RAPC) in a bid to find solutions to the various political, economic & social problems which have engulfed our beloved nation. Things appeared bleak &
3. the atmosphere was heavy with uncertainties until our orange beret brazas & their partners in Dubai came up with za revolution. I therefore take this opportunity to pay tribute to za leader of za revolution for his 'selfless' service to the nation. He showed great courage as
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