I was thinking about the most offensive job offer I have ever received, that I never tweeted about because they had me sign an NDA before we talked about it.

But I just went back and read the NDA and it says I was supposed to be paid for my time and I never was, so… So I got a DM here on Twitter. An org that did not want to reveal who they were liked my writing and my social media presence. They had a pop culture positivity-centric project and they wanted to know if I was interested in writing for it.

I was definitely curious!

Holy shit I am at a truly great movie theatre in Harrogate. It has a vibe I don’t even want to try to describe other than to say I love it. everymancinema.com/harrogate it keeps getting better!

So uh I’m about to see how fast I can get kicked out of a virtual event I don’t understand half of the words or any of the acronyms in this email. I’m sure some of you do, but please don’t spoil the surprise for me. I’m RSVPing right now.

Warning: the following thread contains both audiophile wankery AND Billy Joel I generally like Billy Joel. There might be some Stockholm Syndrome involved, since Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits Volumes I & II was the second compact disc I ever purchased and I got my money’s worth by listening to it a lot.

Here’s my take on it after a few days.

1) it works very well, is unobtrusive and well designed, and has saved me twice.

https://twitter.com/millardjk/status/1401013465767161863

2) I don’t object to “power user” features having a cost — the service as it was continues to be free. SOMEONE has to pay the bill and ads alone don’t seem to be cutting it.

Whelp, one day of using Twitter Blue and I have to say that the Undo feature is useful and very well implemented. It’s subtle, not a pain, and has prompted me to proofread most of my tweets before hitting send.

Is that worth $3? Who knows. Hilariously I’m tweeting this from the account that does NOT have Twitter Blue and so I expected to get a shot at proofreading that tweet and didn’t get it.

(Because you sign up on a per-account basis and currently can only sign up once per AppleID)

I regret to inform you that I now have an enormous hat

It’s entirely possible to construct inclusive, funny April Fools pranks that everyone can enjoy.

Let me tell you about my favourite one. At my old workplace there were a lot of computers and they were all exactly the same. Same model, same keyboard and mouse, same software on all of them, and most importantly, the same desktop picture: MacOS’ default mountains image.

I’ve started a new evening ritual: I leave all my technology inside except my Walkman, and I get into the hammock in the back yard and listen to an album from start to finish.

My cat has been curious about this new habit, and I’ve been trying to coax him into the hammock — Tonight was some Rolling Stones — I’ve never really given them a fair shake, so I’m working through the Stones in Mono box set — and like clockwork, my big grey lump of a cat shows up. I make some space and start patting the hammock and asking him to jump up —

I started playing Animal Crossing and WHAT THE FUCK, YOU START THIS GAME IN DEBT TO FUCKING RACCOONS?? So the raccoon sends me to get tree branches but the motherfucker neglects to warn be about the wasps? WHAT THE FUCK, these raccoons are evil

hey you guys ask me tomorrow morning about that time I got high and texted a lot of people

if I ask when that was it’s right now Last night I was a guest at a dinner series where they talk to artists and eat amazing, cannabis-infused meals. I am a total lightweight, and also I tend to become incomprehensible — though I think I’m making total sense — but the meal was after the interview, so no problem.

Near my high school girlfriend’s house there was this path. It went from her street to the nearest bus stop. It was shaded by trees and a really pleasant walk. But whenever it rained, it was covered in snails.

A horrifying thread.

https://twitter.com/Rawnzilla/status/1122514835999211520

I was leaving her place one night. It was dark, and it had just rained. And when I got to the path, the lights that normally lit it were out.

I have done a terrible, terrible thing because I am a terrible person.

In my final year of high school, I had an English teacher whose feedback I found tremendously useful. I enjoyed his class, and I got a lot out of it.

But he hated my writing. I have always written in the way that I speak, kind of circular and lacking in formality. It was not his cup of tea. He’d get frustrated with my essays because he would like the ideas and dislike the execution.

Had a little moment just now where I remembered how much I loved the Hobby Show in Toronto.

Picture ComicCon. Now add model trains and remote controlled boats. AND comics. AND prop vendors — to this day I regret not buying an Aliens pulse rifle cast from the original prop. I did model trains with my dad at least in part to go to the Hobby Show every year. And I integrated whatever I found there into our model trains, much to the chagrin of the Erin Mills Model Railroad Association.

Some talk about shipping and customers and expectations.

Big retailers that have multiple warehouses to reduce shipping times and costs have created the impression that it is inexpensive to ship things, even internationally.

That’s not a complaint — I love free shipping — It is, however, a challenge to the small business. Let me tell you about a conversation I have had a few too many times about the @EffinBirds deck of playing cards and its cost.

It usually starts with “why is this $20, I can have decks of cards printed for $5”.

Today’s train is filled with old people who have a lot of complaints about problems they are making for themselves. I haven’t read any of my book because they are providing such amazing entertainment.

#traintweets First, we have Madame Seat-Hopper. I knew we were in for fun during boarding, when she said “oh, I don’t like this seat. I’ll just sit over there” and picked a different one. She had to move when the seat-owner arrived two minutes later. Harrumphing ensued —

Just having a conversation with @viss about terrible films that we love and I brought up Andy Sidaris. I’d like to share the cinema of Andy Sidaris with all of you right now. My first exposure to Andy Sidaris was a one AM broadcast of Hard Ticket To Hawaii on CityTV, which back in the day was a funky independent station with generally good taste in movies. I fell asleep halfway through, and the next morning was convinced I had hallucinated it.