I hate to break it to ya, but the Still Small Voice isn't always right.

Our intuition, inner knowing, gut will not always steer us in the right direction. I think those of us who grew up to believe our instincts are always wrong, that we're prone to sin, that we cannot be trusted, need to do the work to reclaim our own agency.

My religious deconstruction journey has often felt like I've done 180 degree changes on so many things.

I used to believe this. Now I believe the opposite.

It felt disorienting to me, and I think has been disorienting for those around me. All the flip flops. But looking back, it wasn't so much that I changed that drastically, or that I "swung the pendulum."

This is very normalized in my culture. The first time I asked an American friend to errand hang with me, she was so shocked I felt like I did something wrong. That’s when I learned in American culture, expecting company for mundane reasons is considered not independent enough. In mandarin we call it 陪, “pei,” to accompany someone for completely frivolous reasons.

I would have never chosen evangelicalism for my upbringing, nor would I ever wish religious trauma on anyone. I work hard everyday to make sure children are not spiritually abused. #ParentingForward

BUT, deconstructing from evangelicalism has taught me many life skills I know how to interrogate stories told about me. Beyond evangelicalism, I retain this skill so I remain critical of narratives that impact the way I live my life. It's not always easy b/c we breathe the air we breathe, but I've wrested from one Story before, I can do it again.

Just finished Crazy Ex Girlfriend series and I want to talk about the song "Let's Generalize About Men" It pokes fun at the way feminists "smash the patriarchy" by generalizing men. It's kind of a #NotAllMen song but conveys that it's just a ritual women do that helps alleviate living with the patriarchy

I would go further, claiming powerlessness over porn addiction SOLIDIFIES their power.

https://twitter.com/mamabea67607755/status/1372988466326335489

I wish we wouldn't talk about men having porn/sex addictions, instead talk about porn "habits." Habits are a choice, can be nurtured and changed, can be hard to break sometimes, but habits are a much more morally neutral way to talk about "the porn problem."

Many of my podcast guests tell me I ask really excellent questions. #humblebrag Maybe it's just like courtesy small talk but it happens often enough I'll try to believe it. I've always been a question asker. As a third culture kid, I often asked questions that are not appropriate because I had to navigate multiple cultures. Many out-of-context questions.

Of course, I also asked too many questions of my religious establishment. 🙄

Parents of white kids, if your kids exhibit white fragility? That's GOOD.

Hear me out. White fragility occurs when white people are upset when they become aware of racism. Often, white people respond to cope with that discomfort by dismissing, diminishing, denying that painful reality. This, of course, perpetuates racism and the cycle continues.

I grew up in a missionary community, glorification of suffering was a real big theme. Many of my missionary friends chose very hard lives for themselves (& their families) for religious purposes.

Suffering, of course, is very human, but glorifying it is toxic to humanity. Life is up and down, sometimes we are suffering, other times we experience joy and happiness and pleasure. Elevating suffering makes it impossible to experience this range.

https://twitter.com/cindy_w_brandt/status/1292987571509682176?s=20

Excuse me I'm going to do a tweet thread on how to recover from purity culture in evangelicalism without talking about sex at all, wish me luck.

These are 5 ways I believe you have to reframe your brain/body to set you up for sex positivity: 1. Boundaries. We DID NOT LEARN HOW TO DRAW BOUNDARIES THIS IS A HARD LESSON FOR US EX EVANGELICALS DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE HOW HARD IT IS.

Learn what you like and don't like.
Communicating it.
Expecting it to be respected.

Someone told my parenting group that their 13 year old nephew asked, "Is it wrong that I'm thankful I'm white?"

This is uncomfortable to hear but I was very encouraged. Here's why: This white teen is empathizing with black pain, he sees color, he sees the inequality and injustice. He knows his white privilege.

What's important is what comes next.

I get the impulse to say Christians behaving poorly as not "true" or "real" Christians.

It's reprehensible to do bad things in the name of a benevolent God.

But it's not very helpful. Like the folks who want to MAGA, it begs the question, when was America ever great?

When have Christians EVER behaved like "true" Christians?

Parenting Forward Conference Sessions Thread:

Barbara Brown Taylor talks about re-enchanting the world with our children. The talk is, well, enchanting. Her love of the earth, the soil, the sun, the flowers, is mesmerizing. She's all class. .@caspertk gives us data on the loneliness epidemic and how to find community in a post religious world. How to find common values, purpose, to co create with people who know and love you. His joy for connectedness is so hopeful.

Looks like missionary is the top vote within five minutes of polling 😂 So let's start there. First, before I get mansplained, I'm a missionary convert, grew up in missionary community, studied missions in grad level, was career missionary for 5 years.

https://twitter.com/cindy_w_brandt/status/1066541349497843713

Although loss of life is always sad, we cannot let reverence keep us from talking about important things, especially when it may the thing that could have PREVENTED this death. Tell the story to expose what's problematic in the missionary mindset - talk about it. It's the time.

Conservative evangelicals literally teach people how to be mean. The system is toxic to the core. I know progressive Christianity is problematic too, but I'll take it ANYDAY over the blatant violence against vulnerable people that I still see in conservative evangelicalism.

Sometimes I feel shame for existing in white spaces. I've had POC make comments about how my community (Raising Children Unfundamentalist on FB) is mostly white, and it is, but somehow I feel I'm to blame for this. ...like I don't make enough space for POC, or because I've simply assimilated too much. It kinda sucks that I've been colonized as a missionary convert, had to assimilate to survive/gain a platform, and then feel shamed for it.