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shauna Profile picture
shauna
@goldengateblond
two turntables and a toblerone
Apr 22, 2023 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
somewhere he's screaming at an underling PUT IT BACK PUT IT BACK while becoming the literal corn cob meme in front of everyone ImageImageImage this is how twitter ends. not with a bang, but with an idiot chasing dril and throwing checkmarks at him as yakety sax plays at 2x speed.
Feb 4, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
them: “i don’t know why you’re still on twitter”
me: yes I’m sure my parents WOULD be proud I cackle at JD Vance holding a giant dick
Apr 21, 2022 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
when I was 5, my single mom and I lived with a lesbian couple for a bit. "sometimes girls like other girls," my mom explained. I thought this was *amazing* and immediately made two of my Barbies a power couple. later, I met one of my mom's friends. he wore a black cape and when he dramatically swept it open, the inside had big hot-pink satin letters that spelled out BITCH.

"sometimes boys like other boys," my mom explained. I didn't care. I just wanted one of those capes.
Jul 2, 2021 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
what’s the worst thing you’ve seen at a wedding that told you the marriage wouldn’t last, mine was when the bride dedicated “every breath you take” to the groom seriously so good
Feb 13, 2021 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
👀 “Mr Hawley ... not guilty” is the biggest lie of all
Feb 13, 2021 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
jesus christ we are so bad at this the wind up and the balk were worse than doing nothing. now we’ve lost the narrative too.
Aug 14, 2020 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
I use @make5calls:

📪 go to 5calls.org, enter your zip code

📫 pick “Demand the Federal Government Support the United States Postal Service”

📬 use the script & contact info provided to call your reps

📭 shy? call after hours! voicemails count like regular calls! I filed a complaint with the USPS Office of the Inspector General, join me! uspsoig.gov/form/file-onli…
Jun 19, 2020 • 8 tweets • 3 min read
Hi! Thank you for all the birthday wishes! I have a favor to ask.

I share a birthday with Juneteenth, so if I’ve ever made you laugh or made you think or shared an article you liked or otherwise brought you joy in any way, I’d be honored if you’d donate to these orgs... > @TheOkraProject combats food insecurity in the Black trans community.
DONATE: artsbusinesscollaborative.org/asp-products/t…
Oct 2, 2019 • 6 tweets • 3 min read
I hope @ewarren prints this out and does massive leaflet drops over her events. @ewarren on what planet does a 70-year-old woman boffing a 24-year-old Marine not turn her into a deity of some sort
Jan 19, 2019 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
The "youthful indiscretions" of most of us do not involve acting like overprivileged sociopaths, my dude. Those kids knew there were cameras. They were proud of this. If you truly believe kids deserve second chances, you should be GRATEFUL it went viral, which led to societal pushback that said "you shouldn't do this, it's shitty." Their parents apparently aren't teaching them that.
Jan 4, 2019 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
Pace yourselves, GOP. If you’re upset because one woman danced and another one used a swear, you’ll be all out of pearls to clutch when the subpoenas start flying. Welcome to the Pearl Clutch Cafe! Can I get you folks started with some drinks and Donald Trump talking about how stacked his baby daughter Tiffany may grow up to be?
Jan 2, 2019 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
what in the wide world of fuck is this just a totally normal Cabinet meeting with Trump on a Game of Thrones-style poster, nbd
Sep 22, 2018 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
“Tell me what boy hasn’t done this in high school.” Fix your shit, @GOP women.

That was my first thought too, but I think I’m more concerned if they’re raising daughters.
Sep 14, 2018 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
PSA: Random idiots aside, judging people who didn’t evacuate is shitty. Uprooting for a few days is spendy, and a recent study showed 40% of Americans can’t even cover a $400 emergency expense. Don’t be a jerk. Every other one of my mentions seems to rebut the one just above it (even though they’re just talking to me). The lack of compassion being shown by some of you is stunning.
Jun 11, 2018 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
If this were Chelsea Clinton and her husband, Congress would’ve set the entirety of Washington, D.C. on fire. Neither Ivanka nor Jared are former Presidents or Secretaries of State. Don't be fucking obtuse.
Jun 2, 2018 • 6 tweets • 5 min read
CALIFORNIA: Primaries are Tuesday, June 5. And if you’re in #CA39, #CA48, or #CA49, it's possible no Democrats at all will advance to the general. Let’s talk. (1/6) To take back the House, we need to flip 23 GOP seats. Eight of the most flippable — districts that voted for Hillary — are right here in California. (2/6)