🧵I’m a little over half way through reading @R_Denhollander ‘s book, What Is A Girl Worth. I’ve had to take it slow. Even though I was married to my abuser and the circumstances of my assaults were very different from hers, the book has proved triggering. But I keep reading because when she describes her feelings and responses to trauma, she mirrors mine. All those fears about coming out with the truth, trying to navigate motherhood while healing, trying to be a wife after my body was weaponized against me - it is all so familiar.

I was speaking to one of my teenage daughters the other day who was telling me about a conflict she was having with her step mom. It comes to naturally to resist, to defend, decry and protest. It’s times like that I have to set aside my “mama bear” instincts and put my kids well being first. I suggested my daughter respond to the conflict with kindness and generosity (I would help her with the latter).

🧵TW: abuse. #metoo #Awareness This was the last photo ever taken of my family before my divorce. We had already split up, but you wouldn’t know it to look at us. It was Easter. We went to Church, laughed, smiled & celebrated. I never took off that cardigan & nobody asked why. About a year later my youngest came home from his dads with bruises around his neck. The marks were identical to the ones I used to hide on my arms and thighs and abdomen. I took him to the hospital to document it and they called CPS.

🧵Especially in recent months, I’ve seen an uptick of men claiming that their ex wives were wrong for filing for divorce against them, “she was the one who filed” is a common complaint as if who files first indicates who was most guilty. Studies show that women are more likely to file for divorce but their reasons often point to the other party having broke the actual marriage vows. She may file when the situation gets bad enough that she cannot or will not submit to mistreatment.