Healing is not sexy. It is also not linear.

Trauma can lie dormant for a while and make you think it has disappeared and then it rears its head.

Remember the ones who did not stand by you as you healed, the ones who say they want you whole but really just want you defenseless. This includes lovers, friends, and family. There are people who thrive off of your pain. Some of your friendships are built on you being the “weak one”. You don’t know it until you find your strength. And then everything shifts.

When sex becomes coercive, it can lead to a decrease in your partner's vulnerability.

Decreased vulnerability inevitably leads to reduced intimacy. Once intimacy (in various forms) begins to fade, the relationship can lead to ruin. How does sex become coercive within marriage? When it comes as a blanket expectation even when other forms of connection or communication are absent. No human being wants to feel as if they are simply a site of sexual activity.

Marriage thrives on CONNECTION.

Sisters, you can help increase your man's erection, assist with his reproductive health, and help him achieve a mind-blowing orgasm with just a 3 finger massage? I'll share with you how external prostate massage can do just that. The prostate is a walnut-sized gland internally situated between the bladder and the penis. It sits in front of the rectum. The urethra runs through the center of the prostate, from the bladder to the penis, letting urine flow out of the body.

Some sisters try to include me in conversations that border on raunchy. I am not that person. There is a line between healthy sexuality and vulgarity. I talk about sex from a professional perspective. I do not want to trade sexual memes w/sisters I do not know. I am a very private person IRL and I have mastered being able to tell someone a lot w/o revealing anything substantial about myself. I do not like to talk about exploits or what I prefer. I do not center myself in the work at all. What I do/like/try is unimportant.

Welcome to all the new Villagers (that's what I like to call folks who support the work in our digital village). I'm Angelica Lindsey-Ali, a public health professional, certified sex health educator for over 16 years, and a practicing Muslim. Nice to meet you. I teach women how to reclaim their rights to sexual pleasure, love their bodies, and embrace femininity. Everything that I do is guided by my worldview as a Black Muslim woman. But you don't have to be Black or Muslim to follow and learn.

Brothers: make sure that every touch between you and your wife does not come with the expectation of sex. Establish a deeper level of intimacy by employing the sensual, not the sexual. When a woman feels that she should only expect intimacy if she is willing/able to have sex, it removes pleasure from the act itself. It limits connections and can cause a fraying of the relationship. Many men don’t realize this until it’s too late.

Yesterday, I received a comment from someone who felt it wasn’t necessarily prudent for me to recommend wearing sexy clothing by it might lead one to act on impulse and possibly want to have sex. It doesn’t really work like that... Encouraging sisters to be comfortable with their sexuality, to explore what it means to have actualized sensuality, isn’t an invitation to the haram. It is an open door to getting to know one’s self on a deeper level.

At work today, one of my young female staffers caught a glimpse of the top I'm wearing under a big black hoodie. "Ooooh, Miss Angelica! Y'all can wear stuff like that?!" Yes, we can. We're Muslim but we are still women. That led to a discussion about femininity, Muslim women's dress, what constitutes sexiness, and why you don't have to dress up for men to feel good. All of the women (4 total) I was talking to are non-Muslim. One of them said "Islam is way different than I thought it was!"

FAQ: My husband becomes so excited when practicing kunyaza that he ejaculates prematurely. This spoils the mood and leaves me frustrated. He gets his but I’m left dry (literally). What can I do? #TVAFAQ Answer: Sexual control is a learned practice and he can improve. There are a couple of things I would suggest. But the responsibility is on him to work on this. He has to be willing to change.

When I went into labor with my first child, my water broke. It was just like in the movies except I didn't really feel any pain. I was talking on the phone and then a flood of water came out and I was like "oh...okay. I guess the baby is coming." I drove myself to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription and dawdled around the house for a bit before I told my husband that it was time to call the midwife. I was having contractions 90 seconds apart but I was fine. I have a VERY high tolerance for pain.

As salaam alaikum and welcome to the new followers. I'm Angelica, The Village Auntie. I am a Black woman, wife, mother, practicing Muslim and certified sexual health educator. I tweet about reconnecting to #TheWaysofOurForemothers through conversations around femininity and sex. Everything that I do is from an Islamic perspective. I have over 18 years experience in the fields of education and public health. I have delivered health education sessions to hundreds of people in my job as a public health professional.

I always get Muslims who tell me that what I am doing/teaching is haram. This is before they even know WHAT I actually do. There is an assumption that if sex is involved, it must be out of bounds. Wrong. Sex is a part of life. Islam makes ample room for these discussions. Honestly, I call myself ThatBlackMuslimSexLady because that's how folks in the community remember me. But what I actually talk about goes so much 'deeper' than instructions on how to have effective penetrative vaginal sex.

I frequently receive DMs asking me about which sexual activities I find most fulfilling or if I am able to do the things that I teach. This work is not about me, fam. I intentionally remain vague about my personal life. Don't worry about me. If you know me personally, you know that I am very private person. I don't share easily and when I do, it's only amongst people whom I trust. I don't tell folks my middle name, what makes you think I'll tell you about my sex life? Nah. Not me at all.

We are doing Muslim youth a disservice by not having conversations around sex and relationships. We are sending young people out into the world armed only with the restrictions of religion w/o informing them of the beautiful realities of halal partnerships. Too many of us lament the lack of Muslim youth seeking out marriage. But how can they want to enter into a system about which they only know the stipulations but not the benefits? Marriage sounds boring. No one is hipping youth to the beauty and power of halal love.

Just because a man's penis is erect doesn't mean that he is automatically 'ready' to have sex. Our village is definitely (and always will be!) woman-centered, but let's talk about men for a minute, shall we? #TVAMovement #ForeplayEquality A vast majority of men wake up with nocturnal penile tumescence ('morning wood') and it is not for reasons you might think. Much of it has no connection to external sexual stimuli. Don't believe me? Read this: cle.clinic/2Sw53si

Activate the sensual pleasures in your every day life. Sensuality does not have to lead to or involve sex at all. It is a way to engage and enliven your basic connection to the world around you. Try it. #TheVillageAuntieMovement It is the feel of chiffon against your cheek as you wrap your khimar. The light touch of your hair when it grazes your ears. The feel of your skin as soap glides down your leg. Sensual pleasures can be small or large. The key is to stop and acknowledge them.

Sis, your vagina is supposed to smell like...a vagina. Not flowers. Not summer rain. Not vanilla brown sugar. Get familiar w/your natural aroma. It’s there for a reason. #TheVillageAuntieMovement Once you learn how your vagina smells ‘at rest’, you can better understand when something is off. Some scents that signal a problem: fishy, mildew, ammonia, bread-like. Each one signals something different. Sometimes poor hygiene, other times, something more serious.

Sexual satisfaction is one of the keys to a healthy, sustained, and fulfilled marriage. Too often we overlook the importance of sex in Muslim marriages. But it’s key. So let’s talk about how to add some spice, shall we? #TVAGoesKinky Who been doing missionary for years and has no idea know what else to do? How can you even begin to introduce variety when missionary is all you’ve been taught? Or when you’ve been raised to think desire for pleasure = whore? #TVAGoesKinky

I was raped when I was 23. I got married in 2004 at the age of 29. It took me until 2017, at the age of 42, to tell my husband what had happened to me. I still haven’t told my parents or siblings. Only close friends...and now you. I was ashamed, scared, and confused about what happened to me. I was unsure about what to say or how to say it. I didn’t want others to pity me. I didn’t want to be labeled a victim.

For women of African descent, we have to be careful when others attempt to paint our traditional practices as "unhealthy" or "bad". Everything our foremothers did wasn't perfect, but they did, and do, have mastery over natural healing techniques. We cannot be afraid to use them. Don't let the powers that be convince you that 'bush tea' is no good. Don't wait for them to monopolize the crops, repackage it and sell it to you as 'superfood'. It is what strengthened your ancestors. It can heal you, too. #TheVillageAuntie

One of the biggest lies society has convinced us to accept is that a woman loses allure and sexiness once she reaches a certain age. But there are far too many examples of women owning their beauty & power well into their elder years for us to accept this as fact. #SeniorSaturday I am not merely talking about celebrities, I'm talking about average every day women who embody intangible sexiness and exude sensuality. Why is that? Because they understand that being sexy is more than physical appearance. #SeniorSaturday