Thread by @CCChatMagazine

I tweeted recently about abusers who hide behind their charitable giving. This is important because it’s how abusers fool others by covering their tracks.

THREAD

#coercivecontrol

“ X couldn’t possibly be Y because they have done so much for charity “

We may think that nobody would be naive enough to believe that someone who is charitable can’t also have an agenda for their largesse but it appears plenty believe that only good people *do charity*

Yet in the sentencing remarks in the Tom Meighan trial, the judge said: “ I could send you to prison today. Of course, I take account of your personal mitigation, the charitable work that you have done in the past, and your prompt guilty plea.”
Link: judiciary.uk/wp-content/upl…

In his book Rethinking Narcissism, Dr. Craig Malkin distinguishes between three types of narcissists—the extrovert, the introvert, and the communal.

Not many people have heard of the communal #narcissist.

Whilst this type shares characteristics of both extrovert and introvert narcissists —these are all people who continuously seek to validate their self-perceived grandiosity, esteem, entitlement, and power—

this type focuses on promoting him or herself through commitment to others, communal goals, and the supposed ability to listen and connect.

To quote from Rethinking Narcissism:

"[T]hey regard themselves as especially nurturing, understanding, and empathic. They proudly announce how much they give to charity or how little they spend on themselves.

They trap you in a corner at a party and whisper excitedly about how thoughtful they’ve been to their grieving next-door neighbor. That’s me—I’m a born listener! They believe themselves better than the rest of humanity, but cherish their status as givers, not takers."

They make it clear that while your concerns are petty and shallow, theirs are possessed of deep meaning and intent.

They are hugely territorial and much more concerned with personal aggrandizement and appreciation than the communal goal you thought you were all working toward.

Researchers have developed a Communal Narcissism Inventory, which identifies grandiosity such as making statements along the lines of solving the world’s problems or promising to fix whatever no one else has been able to.

This is how the narcissist sees themselves. The reality is that they lack the ability to empathize, is only involved in community as a validation of self.

Or, to mitigate their abuse.

In an article on communal narcissism, Jochen Gebauer et al note that just as an agentic narcissist (the one who defines himself through actions that show him to be superior) will be liked and even admired until people catch on,

the communal narcissist also enjoys initial admiration but will fall out of favor even more drastically because of the hypocritical nature of his or her motives.