Thread by @suzannezeedyk

Its been a rough weekend for t news. How abt we hv a THREAD OF JOY?
This week @realdcameron & I intervwd @czzpr on children's LAUGHTER. @eliistender10 has just offerd a brilliant illustratn! So when we look closer, what details do we find in 60 secs of a @sesamestreet exchange?

2. From t start (.02), we know this is a deep conversatn because they are lookng right into one another's eyes. Think abt how good Jim Henson was as a puppeteer, to get that angle workng, both for us & the child. That's part of what makes Kermit 'real': his eye gaze, his timing.

3. Oooh! By .03, a self-esteem challnge has been posed! "Can you sing the alphabet?" Kermit waits VERY attentively, his intense eye gaze *containing* t big feelngs that come up for her. See? She looks away. Calming self-regulation. "Am I up to this? Can I? Um...Yes! Yes I could."

4. Alternative explanatn: Someone is behind t camera & she's turning her head to include them in t conv. We don't actually know. We don't hv t full contxt she is operatng in. So t best we hv is our guess.
Note: That's *always* t case. We never know fully what a child is carryng.

5. My best guess is self-regulation. Why? Because I reckon she's abt 3 yrs old, which puts her in a stage of developmnt that t theorist Erikson called 'Initative vs Guilt'. A healthy outcome of this stage means she experiences herself as capable & able to take control of events.

6. And when she turns her head back (.04)? There's Kermit, waiting with his attentive eye gaze.😀His connected presence will continue to *contain* her big feelings regarding competence. (He hasn't turned away to glance at his mobile phone. He waited, ready for her...)

7. Oh brilliant! She's off! "a,b,c,d,e,f..." What's Kermit doing? He's dancing about, in time with her singing. That correspondence is another sign of connection, another indication he is fully listening. Her brain will be noting that. She'll feel safe.

8. Safe enough (.09) to...TELL A JOKE! She *takes control* of t interactn (remembr t Stage I talkd about?) by 1) teasing Kermit 2) by thwarting t rules 3) by thwarting his expectation. Sophisticated stuff! She knows she's done all that because she giggles. Fair chuffed w/ herslf.

9. Kermit buys into t spontaneous game. (Bless him.) He keeps things safe. She learns she's allowd to TAKE RISKS & be creative! "You're not singing t alphabet!" So they start again, repeating all t elemnts of singing & dancng. All baby games require ths: Repeat but add something.

10. Will she? Will she? Will she tease again, make another joke again?? WE DON'T KNOW! And she hasn't by 'p' (at .21). We are left in UNCERTAINTY, in a teeny bit of ANXIETY. That's why its a JOKE. We don't know when/what/if it is coming. She's taken charge...

11. "q, r, Cookie Monster!" (.24) And look at Kermit's face! He's playing into it, embracing the game. And listen to her laugh. The joke has worked!! She can experience herslf as a capable risk-taker because Kermit's reaction enables it. Stage descrptn:"Enjoy a sense of purpose".

12. Let's have another round (.32)! Kermit: "q, r, s." She joins in: "t, u, Cookie Monster!" Laughs head off...
(Parents of toddlers!: I hope you are recognisng this pattern. If you end up doing endless rounds of tedious jokes...? Well, now you know t value of your patience.)

13. Because LOOK at t impact of her laughter (.38)! She's so chuffed w/ what she's made happen that she has to squeeze her eyes shut. The delight is affectng her whole body.(Bless Kermit.)
(Sometimes I've wondered if any of ths exchange was planned,staged? Well, THIS part ain't!)

14. Kermit's turn(.39). What does he do? He sets up a new theme that will soon get extended. He POUTS! "You're just teasng me!" He pretends to feel a teeny bit HURT.
Major risk here! What if he's *not pretendng*? What if its for real? ANXIETY! The game just got more complx.

15. But Kermit's willing to keep trusting... They finish t song together. 'w, x, y, and zzzz'. He's dancing in rhythm. He's even willing to snuggle in close for beat. He's looking up at her. "We're okay. I forgive you for all that teasing & messing up my plan of a beautiful son."

16.And does she accept his forgiveness? Does she stop pushing?? (Does she hell!...😀, as my grandfather used to say.) They sing: "Now I know my ABCs, nxt time won't you COOKIE MONSTER!" She doesn't make the emotional complexity better, smoother. She makes it worse! MESSIER! (.49)

17. Remember t Stage descriptor above? "They learn they can take t initiative & control what happens." We have just witnessed an act of TRUST, in herself & in her relationship w/ Kermit. She is explorng (learning) how far she can push emotional tension between them. I LOVE THIS.

18. Okay, a spontaneous comic duo is underway here. Or that 'jazz session' @czzpr talked about. Kermit takes the HUFF, never missing a beat from t song's line 'next time'... "Next time Cookie Monster can do it with you." And he marches off!! A clear RUPTURE HAS OCCURRED!

19. What will Joey do? Will she get worried? Will she get offended? Will she feel ashamed? EMOTIONAL RISK! Anything could happen at this point (.53)! Breath-holding moment... She goes for? REPAIR! "I love you."

20. Yeah! Relief! REPAIR. All is not lost! Except... WHAT WILL KERMIT DO?! He cd say [the equivalent of] "piss off. You knew you were pushing it." He could start to cry that she kept teasing. What does he do?
He comes running back (.55). "I love you too." He signals FORGIVENESS.

21. The deal is sealed w/ Joey's kiss. Peace &joy &harmony is restored in the land of @sesamestreet! This little human story, which began w/ teasing & ended in rupture/repair of 6 moves (Pout, Push, Huff, Repair, Forgiveness, Confirmatn Kiss), has come to an end.
Except,wait!...

22. Don't miss t very end (.59), as t camera fades. Listen out for Kermit's quiet vocalisatn "wwwoahhh", uttered as they separate. Yes, he taking a turn, in reply to her kiss. But he's also giving voice to t feeling betwn them. He is RETAINING their connection even in that SPACE.

23. I keep offerng these threads because often what ppl see in these clips is "cuteness". But they are so much richer than that. Our childrn learn how to do all ths emotional stuff frm us, without our even realisng: Trust, Repair, Forgive, Explore, Feel capable. It's astonishing.

24/end. In fact, every single one of our human interactions have these tiny moments of meaning in them. I hope my threads give some idea of what to look out for. #Curiosity is another astonishing thing to me. It literally changes what you see in your world.
Thanks, all.

@paulinescott222 @pauldixtweets @JaneyGodley @JANEOROURKE @janehmul @KeeganSmith_Law @annanewell @rhonamatheson @meljanestuart1 @JohnCarnochan @donnaadamsx @margl43 @children1st @childinmind @SimonPartridge @UpstartScot @GiveTimeScot @kymscott5 @sallycroachy @Lorrain05617625

@Graham_Goulden @grahamchatterl2 @drjessm @AshleyCScotland @AlexJODonnell @alex_fullerton @Sharlenedavisx @Mr_PaintPots @NeilMackay @CraigmillarBFB @FJRMonifieth @brigidrussell51 @Philippa_Perry @katesilverton
And @oliverizod Look!The ABC song (old fashioned version, I know😕)