Thread by @_karmacap

as promised, here is the tale of getting #MyFirstR01 & like a good psychologist i'll go over the content (what it's about) & mostly the process (how I did it) & give some professional development advice as i am wont to do. buckle up because i wrote too much & am dysregulated 1/n

it is a large 5 year project to update an adolescent HIV prevention program I worked on as a postdoc in 2012-2013. The updates will 1) reflect contemporary HIV prevention knowledge, bc TONS has changed, 2) focus on encouraging HIV testing/PrEP uptake (not just condoms!) 2/n

3) make it more 2022, technology-wise (it was only delivered using text msg), 4) make it more gender-inclusive (previously was GBQ cis boys; I plan to expand it to trans & gender diverse teens who may benefit from HIV testing/PrEP) - read summary here bit.ly/36bqGKi 3/n

it is also an #impsci project! there are lots of unanswered Qs in #HIV digital health like, how do you reach and engage teens with programs like this outside research settings - esp LGBTQ teens who may be moving from one online space to another & not always easy to find? 4/n

and how do you do this in a constantly shifting digital landscape, when teens are often at the forefront of internet and #socialmedia things and researchers are, um, not? expert panels & interviews will come up with best practices for reaching/engaging #LGBTQ teens 5/n

and now for how i got here. being a PI of an R01 was not a thing i ever thought i'd do. but after a few years of playing supporting roles on projects & leading small scale projects of my own my forever-mentor @Mustanski told me one day "you're ready" & i was like "wut am not" 6/n

for a long time i told myself i was not PI material. i had planned to write a K that never materialized bc i had a baby and it was hard and i needed to focus on her. i came back from parental leave & struggled to find my footing. i did my job, but honestly was in a fog 7/n

but some of the projects i was on sparked some interest in other topics -- do teens know about #PrEP? what do they know? do they use apps like Gr*ndr? what are their experiences? so i did some tiny studies of my own to find out, and i was lucky they were of interest to others 8/n

fwiw i was in a good position - managing an R01, co-investigator on a few other grants that hit at the same time, so i was VERY lucky i was in a situation where my salary was covered and where my colleagues were happy for me to tack on my misc questions to their projects 9/n

those mini studies helped me realize that i wanted to focus on teens, sexual health & technology and less on other things. they led me to apply for and get some small/medium size grants. i had more questions that the other studies i was working on could not answer. 10/n

by this point I knew I was capable, but I was legit afraid of the process of conceptualizing & writing the grant & getting shredded in review. so, I said i was interested in doing it but delayed and hemmed and hawed until i got the mentorly nudge to do the dang thing already 11/n

we came up w/ the idea of building on the project i worked on as a postdoc. my notes say we first sat down to do this 3/22/2019 (let that sink in). in summer 2019 i collected some more pilot data & checked with our youth advisors to see if the idea was still relevant 12/n

then i set a deadline of jan 2020 (note to self, avoid jan deadline bc your holidays will suck). i worked on this grant a TON for 4-5 months. i went between feeling hopeful, confident, excited to feeling literal despair & fear that i'd never finish it & that i'd never get it 13/n

i cried in the bathroom to @michellebirkett & during a meeting w @DrMNewcomb bc of fear/stress. bless you kind souls. Michael gave me this A+ advice: it won't feel like it's going to come together until the last minute so the sooner you accept that the better off you'll be 14/n

i submitted it in Jan 2020 and was proud of myself. study section met on Friday March 13, 2020 womp womp, and I got my score and summary statement back around the time we were told to stay home because of the pandemic. 50th percentile, impact 60. 15/n

the pandemic took the sting out of the score, but getting it scored was still a win i am told. i reworked it, got more pilot data in response to concerns, resubmitted sept 2020. study section met before thanksgiving. 27th percentile, impact 44. not high enough to get funded 16/n

at this point you need to submit a new application. i reworked again. i got external reviewers (thx @Judymosk @NUCATSInstitute!) i submitted may 2021. reviews came in july. 14th percentile. impact score 30. i was early stage investigator which gives you an edge for 1st R01 17/n

i responded to reviewer critiques & was told not to resubmit. I got "just in time"/JIT request for more info in october. status went to "pending" in nov 2021, which was exciting. then i waited a LONG time, was asked for more JIT info in march, then it said "award prepared"! 18/n

and it was awarded on 4/5/2022 *over 3 years after i decided i'd write it*. now that you have also waited a long time:
1) stay excited about an idea or set of ideas you believe in even when they get rejected repeatedly. explore them in different ways in the meantime. 19/n

2) get yourself some mentors and peers who will look at your work a million times and who share successful and unsuccessful grants with you. this was CRITICAL in seeing what they have in common and what worked/didn't. 20/n

3) grants involve a mountain of paperwork and it can feel overwhelming. but it has gotten easier (even more exciting) to write grants since i tackled one. be nice to yourself. eat snacks. take breaks. do things you love even when you don't feel like you have time 21/n

4) accept that the review process sometimes works out for you and sometimes doesn't. i've been a reviewer. sometimes solid grants don't do well and sometimes ok ones do better for various reasons. getting review experience gives you insight into writing to please reviewers 22/n

5) you don't need a K or an R21 or an R34 to get an R01. I had supplements, pilot grants, and experience running/being co-investigator on big R and U grants. if you have the expertise + experience + team + idea + pilot data + access to infrastructure, go for it 23/n

6) it's ok if you don't know if you want to be a PI. it's ok to figure it out along the way. it's ok to decide you don't want to do it anymore. it's ok to know you want to be a PI all along. all are valid. as @Mustanski told me ca. 2012, there are many ways to be a scientist 24/n

looking forward to continuing this science adventure with my wonderful investigative team @denhli @Mustanski @DrMNewcomb who was there every step of the way.
caveat: i only know what *i* did to get here! i invite others to share their pearls of wisdom! /end