Thread by @NortherlyRose

#Thread
Learning to take care of myself after a late-in-life autism diagnosis.
This is a good day to write about coping precisely because I’m struggling.
When things go well, it’s easy for platitudes to slip off the tongue.
But I’m here now reminding myself what I need to do.
1/

I love alliteration and a lot of my coping mechanisms just happen to start with p.
The first cluster involves pacing, and avoiding undue pressure.
I try to achieve this by prioritising and doing things more efficiently.
This ‘expands the pie’ of energy that’s available to me.
2/

Achieving this depends on several factors.
Playing the scene through to the end helps me recognise where things are heading.
Predictability is a double edged sword. Patterns can be reassuring but they also flag up the need for preemptive action.
Prevention is better than cure.
3/

Planning ahead and careful preparation reduce the likelihood of problems occurring, but demands still pop-up unexpectedly, some of which I may need to push back against.
Trusting my own perception of how close to my ‘coping limit’ I am is a particularly important part of this.
4/

I’m trying to let go of perfectionism, procrastination and prevarication.
Some people might consider these a form of rumination.
Sitting on fences is painful and exhausting so I’m attempting to do less of it.
If I’m not sure what I want to do, tossing a coin will soon tell me!
5/

Sometimes I wait for someone else’s permission, instead of acting on what I already know.
People-pleasing is pointless if I’ve no idea what the other person is thinking, and they’re unwilling to say.
I try to keep on asking myself the question: “how does this make me feel?”
6/

Therapy is a sort of psychological pain relief.
It helps me understand what hurts and why.
I can’t cope with office politics or hierarchical ‘pecking orders’ without getting damaged, so I don’t even try.
I had enough of that in my peak career years and I still bear the scars.
7/

Which brings me onto positionality (‘how differences in social position and power shape identities and access in society’).
This helps to determine the options that are open to us.
Nothing is completely pre-determined of course but privilege often plays a significant part.
8/

The problem with privilege is that very few of us admit that we have it.
I do. Far less than I used to, but still more than many.
Being in a relatively advantaged position has practical implications.
Privilege could expand future possibilities for me, provided I permit it to.
9/

I was struck by the notion of the scarcity mindset in a recent piece by @ThatKerryHudson.
This may carry on affecting us profoundly, long after we should feel secure.
Those of us who once fell apart may struggle to get over how precarious life is if you’re #ActuallyAutistic
10/

#Health wise I tend to operate according to precautionary principles, trying to prevent physical problems from occurring, or worsening, by staying tuned into all of my senses, especially the ones I find particularly difficult to read, like #interoception and #proprioception.
11/

Difficulties tend to arise when some kind of external intervention is required.
Then the need to perform the role of a subservient and grateful recipient of expert medical treatment often lets me down.
I’m far too opinionated about what I want, having done extensive research.
12/

‘The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life’ by Goffman is one of my favourite sociology books.
A whole cluster of things under ‘authenticity’ include ‘pretending less to myself and others ’, ‘finding my true purpose in life’ and ‘being in places where I can really be myself’.
13/

Given the amount of prejudice about autism in society, perspective shifting is necessary to feel pride in being autistic.
Not the exceptional, high-achieving, over-compensating person I was once drawn to being, but an ordinary, contented, satisfied, run-of-the-mill person.
14/

Being accepted for who we are shouldn’t require us to be exceptional.
I wince at all of the employment materials highlighting how much additional value an autistic employee would bring.
I long for the day when conditions are such in workplaces that we can simply blend in.
15/

It’s a shame that for many autistic people trying to cope in neurotypical-dominated work settings, employment is a damage limitation exercise.
I’m incredibly fortunate to have liberated myself from those kind of situations as they can cause us immense and long-lasting harm.
16/

In work terms I’m best suited to projects with quite clearly defined goals and a degree of flexibility in how to achieve these.
It’s obvious to me now that ‘positivity’ depends on me having room in my life for joy.
Pleasure can easily be extinguished by hostility or toxicity.
17/

I’m not an overly competitive person, so that kind of dynamic tends to make me unhappy.
If I go out of my way to do something well it’s for the joy and satisfaction of a job well done, not to compete with anybody.
Learning how I prefer to work has taken me a very long time!
18/

The slow and steady nature of my progress towards self-enlightenment is an overarching theme.
I thought I could ‘fix’ things quickly once I discovered that I was autistic, but it’s 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
Patience doesn’t come naturally, so I’m relying on perseverance.
18/

I know why today has been a difficult day and what I can do to help myself recover.
Becoming overwhelmed was almost inevitable given everything that’s been going on.
The basic architecture of my life is a whole lot better now, but feelings still blow in and out like weather.
19/

As I’ve said many times before, one of the things that really helps me to cope is #ActuallyAutistic Twitter.
I get so much peer support in the form of helpful suggestions, reassuring encouragement (and photos of cute creatures!)
Thank you all for your wisdom and kindness.
20/end

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