Thread by @suzannezeedyk

On #WorldKindnessDay, I wanted to give serious consideration to HOW @JohnLewisRetail Christmas ad #TheBeginner communicates its message of welcome & love, which has proven to mean so much to the Care Experienced Community but others have mocked. So here's a THREAD. @whocaresscot

2. I had thought maybe it wd be overkill to offer one of my analyses of #TheBeginner - a bit obvious, a bit overegging t story - until I read t depressing analysis frm @stuheritage in @guardian, which @RebekahPierre92 found so hurtful. Changed my mind.

3. HOW do they manage to pull heart strings? What components are needed to tell a story abt welcomng relatnships?Maybe its not so obvious.
Well, first: EFFORT. At .06, ths new foster dad is willing to put himself out, endure pain, for a child. Lots of childrn never expernce that.

4. Not just a bit of effort. A LOT of effort. (Look at his face! .09) When someone invests effort in you, in communicates that YOU MATTER. Lots of childrn in the care system never got the message that they mattered to anybody. In less than 10 secs, this story makes that possible.

5. Second: YOU ARE WANTED. "We can't wait." .13. Imagine what it is to hear you are wanted. Lots of ppl take that feeling for granted. So: Imagine what it is to hv felt repeatedly that you are NOT wanted. Imagine when it becomes too hard to keep hoping that you cd ever BE wanted.

6. Third: WILLING TO ENDURE HUMILIATION. How many times will it be t childrn in care who endured humiliation - rejection by other ppl? Yet, here's a foster dad who WANTS t connectn w/ a child to work so much that he is willng to endure humiliation himself. #Valued

7. Fourth: HOPE. It's Christmas, t season of #Hope. That's t point of a star on t tree. Look at t pain on his face. He's sore,he's bruised. That pain was endured in t hope that this risk, this unknown new relationshp, might work. How many times is it t CHILD who risks rejection??

8. Fifth: OFFER TO SHARE. Look at what they have to share with a child: Laughter, lights, space, friendship, food. This couple is willing to SHARE their life with an unknown child. They are willing to CHANGE their life. They know it might not work. It's a risk.

9. Well, it's a risk for the child too. 1000 young people in care are "movec on" from their "placements" every week. That means they endure the LOSS of everything I've highlighted in this thread: Hope, Belonging, Being wanted, Sharing. cypnow.co.uk/news/article/m…

10. This couple isn't offering her a 'placement'. They are offering her a 'home'. The term 'home' shouts permanent. 'Placement' shouts temporary. Let's change our language.
And how do we first get sight of that home? The same way a child will - from t outside, through t window.

11. We're half way through the video. The soundtrack is saying: "Its the small things." And since this thread is about HOW @JohnLewisRetail told this story, let me highlight small things we might have missed: Her hand lovingly on his arm. The teddy on the tree.

12. Sixth: HOLDING HER IN MIND. He's at work. He's still thinkng abt her. (She doesn't know that yet.) Being held in mind is so key for a child's healthy developmnt that paediatrician @childinmind made it her twitter tag. And yes, the music is rising. It's reaching for our heart.

13. Seventh: EXTRA DASH OF HOPE. Its .59 in the story. He finally makes the flip successfully! "YES!" Look at his smile. It's been worth all that effort! And the music soars at that moment: "Carry me HOOOMMME". Maybe its gonna be okay. Maybe its okay to hope. Maybe...

14. Eighth: EMBODIED RISK. The moment has arrived. Momentous moment in the midst of the ordinary: chopping veg. The doorbell goes. 1.03. HE STOPS BREATHING, just for a moment. Look at his shoulders, his gaze, his stillness, big breath out. This is IT. It might not work...

15. Ninth: TRUST. He turns to look at her. They share a moment of intimacy in one another's eyes. "This is it. We're in ths together,however it turns out." A foster child will need such trust between adults,because it will be so very hard for her to trust. She'll push boundaries.

16. And now, for t rest of t story, we see all those 'components' in this thread echoed in t face of a child. Annie is at t door. Her face is fearful. She hugs her skateboard close. She's scared. Too scared maybe even to hope. She has no idea what these ppl are like.

17. Tenth (and last): SAFETY. That's what this shot coveys: the safety of a skateboard. Enough to get her over the threshold. Just look at how they have framed that shot. Dad casual, hands in pockets, blurry. Christmas tree blurry. Skateboard? Sharp.

18. As a foster child, it takes so much courage to step across that threshhold into t unknown. That's one reason this story means so much to t Care Experienced Community. If you've never felt that fear? You are privileged. As @_LisaCherry says, own it.

19. So let me ask such a story might spark cynicism, irony, skepticism for ppl like @stuheritage? Well, it can be hard to bear vulnerable emotions & this film certainly works to create those. Cynicism does a great job of guarding against vulnerability.
theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2…

20/end. So let me end with a THANK YOU to all those in the Care Experienced Community. You remind society how much courage it takes to LOVE. We all need reminders of that profound truth. Thank you to you and to @JohnLewisRetail @whocaresscot @actnforchildren.

Thinking of you as I end this, thank you: @AshleyCScotland @laur_beveridge @AshleyJBaptiste @lemnsissay @_LisaCherry @margl43 @fionathepromise @ThePromiseScot

@stuheritage - As a regular @guardian reader, I thought I would say: Its not too late, shd you wish, to write another piece about what you learned from Twitter's response to yr piece about the pain out there in the Care Community. It's not too late to repair the hurt caused.