We had been chatting on Twitter for a while, we had a unique style of communicating: on the TL, we rarely interacted with each other, a few retweets here, some likes there, you could hardly see us comment on each other's Tweets. However, our DM was all shades of lit, that was...
our safe haven, the one place where we were so free that if it were possible, we could walk into each other's DMs in our birthday suits.
There was this vibe between us that made it seem like we had known each other for years, we knew almost everything about each other, so much so
that if anyone had seen our DM, nothing would have convinced the person that we had never met physically. We were so close that we were only a physical meeting away from dating, but neither of us wanted to rush it, we wanted to take our time.
There are a lot of pretty Aunties on Twitter, but she, no, she was more than just a pretty one, from her pictures she had an alluring beauty, there was a sparkle in her enchanting eyes, her dimples accentuated her already pretty face, and her smile- her smile looked like
it could soften even the devil's heart.
Fast forward to the day we finally met, she was doing her book launch and invited me. Man, was I excited! Finally, after 4 years of Twitter DMs (Yeah, we knew about the curse that follows taking a chat off Twitter to another app),
I couldn't contain my excitement, I was going to see my main crush of 4 years! I made sure I looked dapper, I had impressed my crush on Twitter, it was only right that I impressed her in person. I rehearsed different conversations for different moods and situations.
Finally, I drove down to the venue feeling like I had just one a million bucks, I was so happy, that I didn't let danfos and the mad drivers of Lagos bother me. I got to the place and I was shocked at the mammoth crowd I met, and my respect for her went several notches higher,
probably because I didn't expect that much crowd at a book launch. There I was lost in the crowd, hoping that by some stroke of luck she would see me, then several questions played in my head "what if you're not the only Twitter crush here?" "what if she doesn't even like you?"
What if this, what if that! At that point, I could barely identify if it was an angel or demon asking the questions. I just wanted to meet my Twitter Aunty crush in person and couldn't allow anything or any voice deter me. The window of opportunity came when she was doing a book
signing, but the people from my exes village must have been on my case, 'cause the books were sold out. I tried to buy it off someone for triple the price, but he wouldn't budge, I tried borrowing, just to get in and have it signed, but no one was willing to "help" me. I gave up
Feeling dejected, I just slumped in a chair and thought about my life, why me? Why had my village people suddenly found me? Who had I offended? Perhaps, it was that lady I splashed water on the other day, or perhaps....

"let me know when you're done thinking" a cool voice said
I turned round to find the most beautiful female human specie I had ever seen- no, for real! She was the most beautiful... I was speechless for seconds, like the sight of her knocked off my brain's network signal, the valve of brain to mouth shut on its own.
I can't remember what I was muttering, all I know is I felt petrified, like I had just seen the basilisk snake in Harry Potter, or perhaps the head of Medusa, whatever! I couldn't move, how could one lady be that pretty and voluptuous? I came to my senses when she hugged me
that hug, that one beautiful bear hug, was electric! It sent jolts of current to my brain, her body was so soft, she felt so supple, her skin....

"Okay that's enough hugging for today" she whispered in my ears.
"I...I...I'm...g...glad...I...I came" I never knew I could stutter
"I know you were lying, 'cause when you're replying you stutter, stutter, stu-st-stutter" She sang, we both laughed, and I regained my composure.
"Beautiful book" I said
"And where's yours?" She asked. I narrated my ordeal to her, and she laughed. Her laughter was melodious
Her book launch was a success, and to celebrate her and the success of the book launch, we said goodbyes to her other friends, then I took her out to dinner. In all my life, I had never been with a lady with so much life, and when I took my card out to pay, she objected...
she said it was her treat and she wanted to pay, I was not going that, not on a day as special as that, so we agreed, the next date, she was paying. After dinner-

"You're such a gentleman" she said
"Well, I try, thank you, you're way prettier than your pictures" I replied
"I know, kind Sir, would you be nice enough to take me home" She said, as she planted a kiss on my cheek. Damn! I had just been kissed on the cheek by hottest lady ever, I told myself I was never washing that portion of my cheek. I took her home, we stayed a while in the car...
She was full of gratitude and appreciation, and I felt I had the time of my life with her, and I felt fulfilled
"wow it's 12 am already" she exclaimed, I had no idea, like time froze when we were not paying attention to time.
"Oh well, it's no big deal, I'll just lodge somewhere"
"You want to lodge & pay plenty money, when there's a free apartment here, with 10 star service" she said. I couldn't say no to the offer.

She insisted I took a bath, she provided a towel and a robe, then we sat in the living room and talked more...
We talked about our previous relationships, music, body sizes.
"So tell me, am I fat?" she asked
"Stand and turn around, let me see" I joked, but she did stand and turn around, only then did I really realize she had been putting on a short see through nightie.
"You're one thick pretty Aunty" I said without thinking.
She walked gracefully to where I was seated, lay down and placed her head on my lap. Self control! I told myself, this is just a test, I also told myself. Momentary silence as she stroked my beard, then she pulled my head
down, and kissed me, I held back "it's a test!" my mind was telling itself, "she's just testing you" I was telling myself. She stopped, looked at me, giggled and kissed again, this time, I didn't hold back, I responded..... To be continued
I had kissed and had been kissed before, but this? this felt new, I had been called the best kisser, what I was experiencing was beyond my scope. As our tongues did their thing, she nibbled a little on my lips. All this while my hands stayed suspended in air over her body-
consent was a delicate thing I never joked with.
"Are you nervous?" she asked in a cool voice. I think I was, why I was- that was beyond me.
"I still feel like I'm dreaming, and you're this pretty goddess in my dream" I answered.
"Okay, is this the part where I pinch you....
or hit you to snap back to reality?" She asked with a look of mischief.
"Err, there'll be no need for that, I know what's missing" I said, as I whipped my phone out.
"And what would that be?" She asked with a raised eyebrow, damn! She was all shades of pretty, & I was enchanted
"Just tell me you have an aux cord" I said
"Oh... Oh.. Music, yeah, good thinking, while you set that up, let me get something from the kitchen" As she made to leave, I looked at her retreating figure, the gentle sway of her hips, the rhythmical bounce of her bumbum, something in
me jumped for joy! I arranged the perfect playlist, to set us in the mood:
🎶Toni Braxton - Spanish Guitar
🎶Sade Adu - Sweetest Taboo
🎶Marvin Gaye - Sexual Healing
🎶Teddy Pendergrass - Can't We Try
🎶Teddy Pendergrass - Come Go With Me
🎶Teddy Pendergrass - Close The Door
🎶Teddy Pendergrass - Turn Off The Lights
🎶Teddy Pendergrass & Whitney Houston - Hold Me
I started with the first track, and turned to find her seated with a bucket of ice cream. I walked over to her,
"Me lady, may I have this dance?" I asked as I curtsied.
"Oh dear, he is but a gentleman" She mimicked the Victorian accent. I held her hand and pulled her up, as we held each other and moved. There we were, lost in each other's arms, oblivious to our surroundings, the music gently guiding us to that ghenghen zone.
She looked into my eyes, like she was searching, wondering what I would do next.
"no one has ever asked me for a dance or made me feel this way.. I don't know...I didn't think the physical attraction would be this s." I didn't let her finish before I kissed her, we had that long.
passionate kiss that awakened desire and longing. She let out soft moans, as we kissed. Several thoughts went through my mind, was this real? was I making the right move? What would the ending be like? What was the future like for us? I felt it was time to shut the voices in my
head out, and deal with the moment. Her breathing had changed, mine too... I don't know how long we kissed, but what I do know is we were on the 6th track when she just put her head on my shoulders.
"you really are a gentleman, aren't you? others would have started touchy touchy"
She said as she giggled.
"Well, we were raised to be all round gentlemen" I said, with a smirk.
"Baby please come with me, let me show you my inner chamber, it's much more comfortable than this place" She said with a wink, I followed like a child being led to get some cookies.
she just called me "Baby", jackpot!
"These will come in handy inside" She picked the Ice Cream bucket, my phone and the aux cord. I couldn't help but admire her maturity, it was way way above my exes', I mean she knew what she wanted, and was not playing hide and seek about it.
We got to her room & indeed it looked more comfortable than the living room, more comfortable than my entire apartment. I admired her taste, the room decor, the ambient lighting, it was just art, I was going back home to rebrand my apartment, yes I said what I said, "rebrand"!!!
Music playing, cool neon lights on, both of us on the bed, we gisted, joked laughed, and the kiss began, this time more intense.
"Baby touch me, don't hold back, I want to be touched" she said as our breathing became rapid. The voice came in my head again with
"bros I know it's been two years of celibacy, I thought you hung your mekwe boot till marr..." I shut the voice out, there are always exceptions. She got on me, pinned my hands down and kissed me. We both wanted this, no more holding back, she kissed my neck, slowly she made her
way to my man boobs, as she ran her fingers down my belly, tracing the faint ridges of my disappearing 6 packs. The actions of licking my nips and using her fingers on my belly made me realize male nips weren't useless after all, then she did it- she went further down, with her..
hands, the feel of her soft palm on my phallus sent shudders through my spine, she let out a slow "woow" as she stroked junior.
"What do you call this veined dude?" She asked
"Dr. D" I replied and she let out a chuckle.
"You remember I promised you a 10 star treatment, yeah?"
At that moment, I couldn't even remember my own name, then she went and brought some papers and handed them over to me.
"My health papers, I'm totally clean down there and everywhere else" She answered with a wink. I didn't have a medical report like that, I was ashamed of myself
oh wait! I had just done a forced HIV test some days ago.
"So what's your status?" she asked as she continued stroking Dr. D. The stroking was taking me to cloud 12.
"Ne..tive, ne...tive" I wasn't even sure what I was saying, the sensation that was going through my body was just
wonderful.
"Oh negative, okay okay... When last did you... Oh dang it!, baby I trust you even if it's a big risk" She kissed me, as she stroked Dr. D, & just when I thought I was enjoying, she took the enjoyment further, she scooped some Ice cream into her mouth, and slowly took
Dr. D into her mouth. I was gone!!, the pleasure was simply out of this world, this was fellatio that got its Masters and PhD from abroad. Damn! She was good! The ice cream, her mouth, and tongue had me telling myself "I'm Wifing her, I sure am". She stopped, took her nightie off
& she was the real definition of "lady in the streets, pornstar in the sheets". She had the perfect body, full boobs, thick thighs, her belly was not flat, but it was beautiful.
"You're just so beautiful" I muttered
"Baby I know" She resumed with the ice-creamed Dr. D. I couldnt
let her do all the work, so I muttered
"Sit on my face" as she positioned herself over my face- my mind went off again: I was going against everything I stood for, I remembered I said no more cunninlingus, no more mekwe till marriage, but here I was breaking all resolutions with
reckless abandon! She let out a moan as my tongue did its work, she shuddered a couple of times, she rolled over and was gasping for air and laughing, her thighs twitching.
"Damn! I haven't felt this good in 5 years" she exclaimed. But, I wasn't done
I kissed her, then nibbled on her nips as I gently rubbed her control center down there, I went down with my head again, as she spread her legs wider. She held my head down there and was legit saying "Marry me, marry oh damn! Yes baby, yes baby, yessss" a couple of spasms after,
and the tune changed to a faint
"baby please make love to me, let's make love" she said as she bent on all fours, and gave the perfect back arching. I quickly did a mental check if I had taken my daily dose of Bananas, avocados, soya milk and tigernut milk, yes I had, so I was
insured. As I took in the massive behind, I knew this was the one I was marrying, no doubts, as I made to slowly thrust in, enjoy intense coitus, & have the time of our lives, I heard a distant knock, the knock was coming closer, & for an instant I thought someone was coming in.
"Oka! Oka! Oka! Your ferrowship people don come" my house help called out.
I opened my eyes to find myself in my room on my bed with my pillows, I looked around me, and the realization that I had been dreaming all along was not palatable. I had just dreamt of a follower I had
been crushing on for years but never spoken to. Damn these dreams, to think I may have just been tricked by a spirit wife. I knelt down to pray, remembered the dream and sat back again, reliving every moment.
Thanks for following this pure work of fiction. No names were mentioned to avoid misinterpretations and erroneous judgements.

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