Thread by @davidmullings

I enjoyed talking about my wife and marriage so here are some things I’ve done as an entrepreneur to try to minimize the risk of divorce.

So far it’s worked, 12 years in May, but anything can happen so take it with a grain of salt

I was VERY clear about the 15-year plan I had until I was 30 and it wasn’t changing because we got married because the marriage was factored in.

When I turned 30 I put together a 20-year plan broken into blocks of 5 years BUT this time it was less detailed and SHE helped

I shared my 5 business idols with her and which ones had marital issues.

We agreed to learn about their personal lives to understand what each spouse did and did not do in those that did work and those didn’t

We downloaded the audiobook versions of The Snowball Effect about Warren Buffett and Steve Jobs.

We listened to them on a cross-country drive from Orlando to San Francisco’s and discussed the problems we saw

But most importantly, we asked one of my mentors who had 2 kids our age, had achieved most of what I wanted and was VERY high profile, how did he manage to do it and still be married.

He invited us both to breakfast in Jamaica

Next trip and we went.

He and his wife sat us down for breakfast and he said:

“David, I’ve run a public company, I’ve done my part helping government, I’ve traveled the world and I’m still married. You asked how and so I have the answer for you...ask my wife”

He leaves

He also told her that nothing was to be hidden and to be honest. Then he left us alone with his wife.

It was 2 hours of “how to live with an ambitious man who was going places and charismatic, the life of the party and driven” class

Amazing

She then told us to study @BarackObama and @MichelleObama to get a handle on how the wife carries herself everywhere, especially online, to protect the husband’s rep and how the husband is to treat his wife at all times in public, hopefully in prvt too

Kathryn knows at the start of the year EXACTLY what business deals I’m working, the timelines I expect things to happen and be in the public eye so she can prepare (her friends obviously ask after things show up in the papers)

She gets a bi-weekly update as the timeline changes

She also has access my phone and the passwords to my email accounts in case I am incapacitated because must go on. Investors don’t like keyman risk.

We have no secret bank accounts though we do have separate accounts.

I have 1 holding company and she owns 50%.

Trust

I love to dance. We have a system to deal with that when I travel to Jamaica and party. Our close friends know the deal so they hold me to it.

I let her know my meeting schedule when traveling and let her know how they go at the end of the day so she feels more part of my life

I rarely do big deals with people who never meet my wife.

I want her to feel their vibe.

If she says no, no deal.

Marriage is a life-time joint venture as far as we are concerned and so that means dealing with ups and downs, having clear goals, being on the same page and having one vision to pursue within an agreed timeline, iterating as you go along.

It gets tougher with 3 kids

And last year I really dropped the ball but we took the time to walk through what I did wrong last year and what she would have wanted me to do differently.

I did the same but my list was like 1/10th lol

We also have a “no arguing and shouting at each other” rule

Instead, we have to stop and the person with the issue has to write it down in our argument book.

It forces you to calm down and think through what is making you angry. You are also much more careful with written words

We stopped writing before year 7.

Each anniversary we look back at the book and laugh at how petty our arguments were.

This year we skipped ahead 5 pages and wrote “New Chapter” since the book was 3/4 empty.

We would now right about what we love about each other when it hits

So in short, we found a system that works for us, have very clear communication, demonstrate extreme trust, make each other feel like we are part of our full lives (a bit harder in my case) and keep her updates on public things that she may get asked about

She has read some of my business books so that she understands concepts I talk about.

She even came with me to UWI Mona School of Business 1 year to critique an MBA class presentation and impressed the teacher (and me)

Lastly, we have constant discussions about the things I will spend money on in the future so that she doesn’t get upset at the prices.

I have her read articles similar to what I intend to eventually have written about me so that she knows my exact goals.

We just went over one yesterday and have another one today to review.

I also draw out the business structures so she understands what fits where, who reports to who, who manages what and what exactly these things even do.

She tells her coworkers that I run a hedge fund. Easier

We currently live in a house that she picked on a street that she picked.

It’s called Berkshire

She told me that I’d love the street because she knows how much I look up to Warren Buffett

Know your spouse.

I’ve learnt additional things after 2018 that I’ll share in future

I know someone is thinking of asking but afraid to ask:

No I did not ask for a prenup delicate knowing what my wealth creation goals were.

She was already helping @realvibez with graphics. Anything I accomplished after was because of that startup and her support.

Deserves 1/2

My wife let me move to Berlin, Germany last September for 3 months to pursue MY dream and she was stuck with a 6 y/o, 5 y/o and a 7-month-old while working full time.

I came back a bunch of times but she as single mom.

If she doesn’t deserve half then I’m an Asshole.

Simple

Now of course we are studying what happened with Jeff Bezos from what we can read.

My single greatest fear is achieving the success I envision and then doing something stupid because I feel invincible or that I’m so smart I can hide it.

Hubris and Ego

But that’s where constantly speaking to HER parents is helpful.

I don’t want to do anything hurt THEM or disrespect them because I love them so much as well.

In-laws can really make a huge difference in a marriage.

That was once of my key traits in who I would go after

To close, honour and cherish your spouse like a friend that you deeply care about.

Try not to hurt them, definitely don’t do it on purpose or out of spite.

Be careful what words you say when angry

Be present, not just take up physical space

C O M M U N I C A T E