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I always liked personal journals as framing devices for Romantic or Gothic horror novels like in Dracula and Frankenstein. I decided to write a satirical thread using this same device but for a common #scientific #journey:
Personal Journal of Dr. Nicholas Gladman
-Day 1-
Our scientific voyage began this afternoon. I am excited for what we shall discover and observe. #Manuscript first draft almost complete. Weird dark clouds on the horizon but sure it is normal.
-Day 2-
Manuscript sent to co-authors for initial thoughts and edits. Am hopeful for quick turnover and minimal comments. Anderson died of freak roof collapse but I’m sure that doesn’t portend anything sinister.
-Day 6-
#PCR failed. Slight rash occurs after physical contact with my model organism; probably just my new moisturizer.

Comments returned from co-authors. Worse than I thought, but it only requires a two-thirds re-write and four more figure panels.
-Day 7-
Anderson’s brother had to have leg amputated stemming from gangrene after snakebite. Strangely, that species of snake is not supposed to exist on this continent. I’m sure this doesn’t portend anything sinister.
-Day 27-
Rashes more severe. Think I am becoming allergic to my model organism.
-Day 28-

Submitted manuscript to prestigious #journal. Am optimistic.


The prestigious journal declined our submission; wouldn’t be hurtful if Editor hadn’t included so many laughing emojis in official rejection email.
-Day 30-
Reformatted manuscript and submitted to quality journal…well a peer-reviewed journal…well definitely not a pay-for-play “peer-reviewed” journal. Am hopeful.
-Day 223-
Received email from Editor stating they just got our manuscript and will send it off to review. Am beginning to understand physics class from undergrad where professor described Relativity and how time slowed in a crushing singularity.
-Day 300-
Reviewer 1 and 3 seemed like nice blokes; gave good, constructive feedback. #reviewer2 decapitated Anderson for some reason (the youngest Anderson brother, not the snake-bitten older brother that died from a pesky misdiagnosed infection).
-Day 356-
Returned modified manuscript to Editor with an animal sacrifice to appease—what we have come to understand as an eldritch spirit—Reviewer 2. I regret not taking sinister portents seriously.
-Day 400-
Definitely allergic to model organism. #Immunoblot failed.

Resorted to cannibalism. Unfortunately, Anderson’s cousin drew the short straw. Out of salt but am hopeful.
-Day 609-
Manuscript accepted. Required to pay all the diamonds in the Congo for three color figures and Open Access.

Rashes still present and new facial twitch has manifested.
-Day 884-
We ran out of food, but somehow still plenty of alcohol.
-Day 1032-
Just decided to #publish everything on #bioRxiv.
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