so my instinct says, avoid giving ppl recipes, but at least name common pitfalls. lotta people fall in these pits, here's a hazard sign to help you avoid it, and here's a rope ladder to pull yerself out
what's the name for that thing where you learn an abstraction and it makes you intoxicated/ distracted/ overconfident coz you think you understood something but actually you have totally missed the essence of it?
another e.g.: how many groups call themselves non-hierarchical and therefore cannot see the toxicity of their power dynamics
because hey, we chose the One True & Good Abstraction which is a magic amulet against coercion, exclusion, manipulation
if I new the name, I'd be better at spotting it, and better at designing pedagogical methods that avoid the developmental cul de sacs
If you're in a 'teacher' role, how do you approach this challenge?
speaking as a specialist in non hierarchical organising, it is very confusing to discover in me a growing respect for hierarchy and understanding of the role it plays in nearly all groups of people
groups are tricky because we lack shared context, everyone comes from a different place, grew up with different norms and cultural expectations
but one thing nearly everyone has in common: you were probably raised in a household with 1 or 2 adults and a few kids
no matter how enlightened or progressive your family, there's inevitably an enormous power difference between adults and children
this is the conditioning that basically everyone shows up with when they enter any collaboration
I was called in to mediate a conflict today, made me think how crucial & high-leverge this skill is. I wonder how many people would know how to do it?
I’m not a v sophisticated mediator but I’ll share my mental model here in case it is useful...
when two parties have escalating tension, when a lack of trust or shared understanding means that they’re exceeding their relationship’s capacity for divergence, thats the time to bring in a 3rd party mediator
as a mediator my job is to establish trust with Person A & Person B, give both of them the experience of being seen/heard/respected
they might have animosity between each other but if they can each trust me I can help them rebuild trust in their relationship
I drew this diagram to illustrate a lot of related insights about agency, hosting, community-building, collaborative leadership & social change
come with me now, the thread is long and full of bangers…
you can use this map to self-evaluate your level of agency: where are you currently? what group experiences do you feel comfortable to host? what feels very doable? what would feel like a tolerable stretch? what would be overwhelming even to attempt?
up and to the right = more agency, more capacity for collaborative leadership
this comes with more responsibility, more ability to mobilise resources, more commitment, more risk, more impact
ok not to sound dramatic but I used to be kinda dumb and now I'm smarter than like 80% of people and I know when & how it happened & I think the same method would work for most people
for me it happened during the Occupy Movement. specifically, participating in lengthy deliberation, with skin in the game, for days on end
prior to the deliberative process, my ideas were just what my friends thought. ,y head was full of slogans. I had no interest in truth, I just believed things that seemed good to believe. I calibrated my inner compass from the people I looked up to and that was enough
"I never would have believed how quickly you can develop trust & belonging with a group of strangers" — we routinely get this feedback at the end of a 2-3hr workshop
I wanna explain how we do it...
people are lonely because they lack the social context that invites meaningful connections, NOT because the "right people" are so hard to find
my friends & I know how to create the ideal social conditions for people to find trust /belonging /safety /connection