Thread by @Realoilsheikh

MAKING OUR MARRIAGES WORK

The importance of the family, as an institution cannot be overemphasized. This is so obvious considering the fact that it is tiniest, yet most significant component of the society. Thus, Allaah Has given so much attention to the marriage institution.

Problems are bound to happen, but when they do, how do we handle them? Sometimes, instead of looking inwards to find solutions, we sit & trade blames, at the end leaving without solutions, rather worsening the situation. Our problems are ours, no one will solve it for us.

I still believe that it is hightime fathers of to-be husbands sit them down & talk them through the marriage in the light of Islam strictly not our culture. Every culture is fallible & do come with so many faults, but the laws of Allaah are perfect at all times.

The way to-be wives go through counseling from their parent, go through coaching & several sermons, to-be husbands should be trained in the same way. This will go a very long way in patching some of the societal ills we are witnessing today. Culture is different from religion.

There is a great wisdom behind every law of Allaah & His messenger, that many of us fail to comprehend, or deliberate choose not to. Let us take this simple verse of the Glorious Quran:

“And live with them [wives] in kindness (Alma'roof)....”

[Surah an-Nisaa’ 4:19].

The concept of Al-Ma'aroof in the Glorious Qur’an is so wide & comes with different meanings. Sometimes, it would represent Tawheed, Monotheism & all kinds of good Islam has ordained. In some places it means kindness & goodness. Because Allaah (SWT) knows how our cultures vary,

because He (SWT) knows how our individual behaviors & characters vary, he didn't specifically define the extent of kindness we should have for our wives. What may be considered as kindness in one culture might be seen as very ordinary in another. Thus, within ourselves,

are we kind to our wives? Do we go to the extent that Allaah (SWT) enjoined us to treat them? I have a Malaysian friend, named Firdaus. His wife helps her mum in a University Canteen & he comes over to help them too sometimes. Anytime I didn't see him there I will ask his wife,

"where is my friend Firdaus" & for almost all the times, if he isn't at work, he is at home assisting her with the children in one way or another. One day I asked him how he does change Diapers after a child poops, & he laughed so hard. He told me it is easy. I told him I didn't

know how to change a pooped one, but if it is urine, I can simply change & I even do it a lot. I found out that he has been doing it for so many years, sometimes even if the wife is at home but she is attending to something else. Now, as simple as that, how many of us do it?

We need to up our games. Most of these things are what we can learn & become good at. If you are the type that stay home frequently & see the hell of a work it is to take care of kids, you will appreciate the fact that giving helping hand is necessary. Let's do better.