"I had plenty of happy times before I had kids. But if I count up happy moments, not just potential happiness but actual happy moments, there are more after kids than before. Now I practically have it on tap, almost any bedtime." paulgraham.com/kids.html
Something this @paulg essay gets right: the downsides of being a parent are obvious and comprehensible before you're a parent. The upsides are much harder to feel, because they don't make much sense outside the specific relationship and love you have for your kid.
I also feel a bit too seen by this sentence: "The fact is, most of the freedom I had before kids, I never used. I paid for it in loneliness, but I never used it."
One quibble with Graham's essay is he treats the way kids can curb ambition and productivity as an obvious negative. I disagree. Do I miss the ability to work all the time? Sure. But the way in which parenthood has cut the part of my that tended towards workaholism is a gift.
Our culture pounds away at the idea that a day is only well spent if it's "productive." Even if you think that's off, it can be a hard thing to change in yourself. For me, parenthood has made it harder to balance my time, but easier to balance my values.
