1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 296 of Mr and Mrs Better Half. #MrMrsBetterHalf is designed to strengthen marriages and relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. 
2. Last week, we shared Timeless Relationship Nuggets. Missed it? Catch up here - wakelet.com/wake/VYTZKUawZ… . This week, we’ll be discussing the topic, “No more fighting dirty with my spouse”. #MrMrsBetterHalf
3. One might wonder - ‘Can’t we all just get along? Must we fight?’ While that is idyllic, it’s not realistic. Misunderstanding is a part of life. We all have different views on life and sometimes, those views will clash. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4 It’s the same with relationships. No matter how perfect you are for each other, your opinions will not always align. Those non-alignments test the strength of your relationship. Can you stay together even if you don't always agree? #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. Non-alignments can threaten the life of a union when they are not resolved amicably or in a manner that ends in peace. When I was courting my wife, she was my favourite person. I loved hanging out with her all the time. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. But in our first few years of marriage, our fights made me avoid her, as there were so much unresolved issues between us. As we sat together to try and resolve our issues and get our marriage on track, we realized that we didn't fight fair. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. Today, I will share some of the things we learnt along the way from our studies and practical experiences. First – a happy marriage and indeed a happy relationship of any kind is the union of two forgivers. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. Relationships do not work when malice rules and reigns. If you cannot forgive, you will fall out of love. #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. Secondly, all couples fight. You aren’t an oddity. Disagreements occur because we are different and imperfect. Men and women are wired differently. It is impossible that we will see everything the same way all the time. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. Third, understand that imperfections usually have an element of selfishness - this is usually why it ends in a fight. Most disagreements escalate to fights because we insist on our own way. If we were selfless, we would back down. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. Also, healthy couples fight for resolution; unhealthy couples fight for their personal victory. Have you ever been in a situation where you were fighting and all you wanted to do was draw blood? #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. I know I have. At that time, I wasn’t interested in making up or bringing peace. I wanted to inflict pain. It’s terrible but that’s what happens when we let our selfishness override the health of our relationships. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. When you fight, the point should not be to inflict pain; it should be to find a middle-ground and douse tension. The truth is that one can predict the success or failure of a marriage from the way a couple fights. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. So how do you ensure that you fight for a resolution and not just to score a personal victory? 3 tips for today: (a) Be quick to listen. Now this means listen to the real message - not to the tone or the volume… find the message. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. Now, this can be tough. Sometimes we get so upset by our partner’s approach that we can’t focus on anything else. However, the point of fighting for resolution is not to sweat the less significant stuff. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. If your wife is screaming about how you don’t love her, clearly, her words should be what you should address. Calm her down and talk through the issue. When the issue is resolved you can now bring up the secondary issue of approach. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. But never make it the focus. When you listen, seek to understand. Many times, couples fight not really knowing what they’re fighting about. Seek clarity from each other. Lay the issues on the table and ensure you are on the same page. Then seek a resolution. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. (b) Be slow to speak. We need to be quick to listen and slow to speak.Your tongue is too ready to respond! The tongue doesn't have a brain. If you let it run riot without control, it will set your home ablaze. Control it! #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. Don’t be too quick to defend yourself. Don’t be eager to issue a counter attack. Listen, pause, think then speak. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. Here are 2 questions you should ask yourself while you pause and think: (i) Should what I’m thinking be said? (ii) Should what I’m thinking be said NOW? Wisdom, tact and good timing are key to reaching resolutions. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. (c) Be slow to get angry. Sometimes when we fight, our feelings can get hurt. Sometimes that hurt can also turn to anger. When you feel your temper start to rise, step back. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. If you have enough control to think at the time, ask yourself what exactly is making you angry. This could actually help to trace the triggers that cause friction and discord in your relationship. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. If on the other hand, you are the sort of person who loses control when angry - walk away. Usually, when people are hurt and angry, all thoughts of fighting for peace fly out of the window. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. At that point, people are more prone to fight dirty - with sucker punches, angry accusations and bitter grudges. Allowing anger to take the reins when you’re fighting can add fuel to the fire. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. It is better to back off, calm down and pick up the conversation later so it can be resolved. These principles apply to building all kinds of relationships, so apply them to your friendships, in your family, courtship and of course, your marriage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. I hope this has been helpful to you. I’ll be back next week with a new topic. Until then, thanks for following and RTing! May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. Permit me to invite you to join me at this webinar tomorrow, 25th of April at ElevationNG on Facebook live streaming at 10 am WAT. It promises to be interesting conversation. Please tell a friend. #MrMrsBetterHalf
