1. Hello and welcome! It's episode 290 of Mr and Mrs Better Half. #MrMrsBetterHalf is designed to strengthen marriages and relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. 
2. Last week’s topic was, ‘How to disagree without collateral damage’. Missed it? Catch up here wakelet.com/wake/49f48623-… if you missed it. #MrMrsBetterHalf
3. This week, we’ll be discussing the topic: “Trying too Hard? Dealing with the struggle for acceptance.” Research has shown that in order for a person to have healthy self-esteem, s/he must at the core, feel accepted. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. Acceptance plays a pivotal role in our emotional health. Think about when you moved to a new territory, school or job. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. One of the first things you desired was to feel accepted, to feel an assurance that you belonged. It is why some people stay at a job or live in a neighbourhood for 1 month while others stay for 20 years. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. We want to belong. That’s why we cling to our families, friends, clubs, social circles, churches etc. We enjoy being a part of something. We like having membership cards that show we belong somewhere. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. In fact, society is suspicious of loners. Without a social circle, you are not only mysterious, but you are also undesirable. Few serious employers will hire you without a reference. Fewer people will marry you without a background check. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. So, belonging or being accepted is not only important to you, but it can also affect how you are perceived. So, we get it; the connection is important. So, what happens when we don’t feel like we belong? #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. Or what happens when you desire to be accepted but you seem to be rejected at every turn. Without acceptance, you encounter feelings of isolation, loneliness & sometimes desperation. This is why some people sometimes go to extreme lengths to find love. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. I’ve had some single people share their experiences of being rejected frequently by members of the opposite sex. Further questioning sometimes revealed that they were trying too hard to be accepted. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. You can’t ask out a different lady in the same social circle every other day. It shows you don’t know what you want. As a lady, being overly flirtatious or being too available or anxious for a relationship can also be a turn-off. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. Differentiate the desire to be accepted from desperation to be accepted. Desperation pushes you beyond rationality. Desperation makes you debase and compromise yourself to be noticed even if your feelings are not equally reciprocated. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. This is where we sometimes make mistakes when entering relationships. Desperation eliminates rational thought; this can lead to making bad marital decisions that you will have to handle in the days to come. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. For singles, the desperation to be married can make you tear up your list of qualities that make up a good spouse. I heard someone once say, “forget all that ‘he must be honest and hardworking…’ he should just be male!” #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. Just being a man/woman is not enough to build a good marriage! What will life be like after you’ve tied the knot? So why are we so anxious to be accepted? #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. Why do we feel the desperate need to be loved/accepted by others? One reason could be societal pressure. Trying to fit in makes you seem ‘normal’ and ‘cool’. However, at the root of the desperation to be accepted by a mate is the fear of rejection. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. Ask yourself this question: why am I so afraid of being rejected? For some people, rejection is not an event; it is a proclamation about who they are: unwanted and undesirable. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. So, this is how they interpret rejection: ‘the fact that I didn’t get the job means that I am a loser’. “The fact that I didn’t get the boy/girl means I am ugly or unattractive’ socially awkward or a weirdo.’ #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. Listen, you cannot determine how people will react to you. It is out of your hands. They will think what they please. What they think doesn’t and mustn’t define you. You are who you are regardless of whether they accept you or not. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. Not getting a job/date/club membership doesn’t alter your make up. It doesn't change who you are. Gifted people know that they must not give up on their dreams at the first smell of rejection. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. The musicians and artists we admire today have many, many, stories about how often they were rejected. Did it mean they were not gifted before they got their big break? No! It was simply not their prime opportunity. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. They may have been knocked down for a moment, but they were not knocked out. They got up and kept moving. Singles, if someone you like doesn't like you back, it doesn’t affect your value. Shake it off and find someone else. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. People embrace negativity too quickly. Don't personalize rejection. It's simply a part of life; it's not your identity. For your information, receiving a positive response is not always a determinant of your goodness or value. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. Sometimes people accept you for reasons that have nothing to do with who you really are. Some people will marry you just for your physique or your pocket. Those things don’t makeup who you really are. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. I repeat, rejection is just an event, but to really believe it, you have to be sure that you are worthy to be accepted. #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. Again, this goes down to the roots of having a healthy self-esteem. Do you feel worthy to be accepted? Some feel they should be accepted because they are beautiful, social, rich, intelligent, from a certain race, etc. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. These are all good things, but they are peripheral to your nature. What if they were stripped away? First, realize that you are a person of value because God made you and He doesn’t package rubbish. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. You are not a liability; you are here to add colour and value to the world. The world is better for your existence. Next, realize that since you have value, you must have something good to offer. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. Now this is a good point for me to ask if you are cultivating the value God has placed in you. Some people think life is a free ride. It isn’t. You cannot coast through life being lazy & think it will turn out ok. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. You have potential. Cultivate it. We cannot pay lip service to your value; you need to exhibit it. So, develop your mind, body and spirit. Be a person of good character. Be a giver. Be one who actively adds value. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. When you know who you are, nobody can take your dignity away from you. That is why you won’t date someone who doesn’t truly appreciate or celebrate you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. This is why you won’t lower your standards to marry someone who doesn’t share your values. This is why you won’t change yourself to suit someone else in order to feel accepted by him or her. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. This is why you can say ‘no’ to an abusive relationship and walk away from it. This is why if you're married you're not a foot soldier in your home. You are a partner who has valuable contributions. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. If you struggle with the feeling of being accepted, always remember that if you are God’s child, you’ve been accepted. You are an elite member of the club of the beloved children of God. You were not rejected; you belong. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. Finally, to the married folk, when you said your vows to your spouse, you pledged that you belonged to each other. You should not turn around and reject your spouse or make him/her feel unworthy of you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
36. When you hear your spouse say things like, ‘you don't love me anymore’, or ‘I don't feel close to you’, pay attention. It could mean you are not giving your spouse attention and s/he is withering away in the marriage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
37. The things you give attention to blossom. The things you neglect will wither and die. While cultivating your own sense of worth is important, marriage does not succeed by just your individuality. #MrMrsBetterHalf
38. You can’t say, ‘if my spouse has good self-esteem, s/he will be fine.’ No. You must water your marriage with your love. Your spouse must feel loved and accepted by you. You must express this with your words and actions. #MrMrsBetterHalf
39. You should never use acceptance or rejection as a weapon to keep your spouse in check. Some people use mood swings, money and even sex to control their spouses. That is manipulation and not love. #MrMrsBetterHalf
40. The truth is that if you have a good sense of self, you will find it easy to give and receive love from your spouse. So if you find yourself being cruel or dismissive of your spouse, you need to check your self-esteem. #MrMrsBetterHalf
41. You can’t give what you don't have. You can’t esteem your spouse when you don’t truly esteem yourself. Remember that you have value and that God loves you. Believe it, act like it, and be around people who celebrate you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
42. I hope this has been helpful. Until then, thanks for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
