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Stuff I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Rempel insists Canada "do my people a solid" and demands Feds provide Albertans with CERB - Canadian Emergency Rodeo Bailout
2. Scheer's job is to hold Trudeau accountable, not racist CPC MPs
3. Month of April finally reported missing
4. Doug & Lecce say they didn't know the free laptops they gave away belonged to other people already
5. NCC confirms old guest cottage moved to Harrington Lake. Poilievre inists Tony Stark using cottage to build Liberal Iron Man suits
6. Parliament Hill becomes COVID test site
7. AIMCo loses $4B. Kenney and Wolf say the UCP will recover the loss by buying big into Clorox stock.
8. Canada ranks as one of the most successful countries in the COVID fight. Andrew, Erin, MacKay and Sloan are furious and insist Marilyn Gladu be appointed Canada's top doctor.
9. Georgia allows partial reopening. Hairstylists and manicurists can now open, as long as they respect physical distancing rules. That's it. That's the funny part.
10. After launching their Facetime Safety Inspections pilot, the UCP says elective surgeries to be done via TikTok.
11. Scheer insists MPs attend HoC in person because it's his week to pack Poilievre's lunch
12. Garnett Genius ignores physical distancing rules in HoC. Says the Paw Patrol face scarf Gladu knitted him is science approved
13. UCP says oil prices and late Spring all Notley's fault
14. After putting an iron ring around long-term care homes, assembling a LTC SWAT team, throwing everything he's got at COVID, and firing up the old laser focus, Doug finally runs out of folksy euphemisms
15. Doug promises a free Canadian soldier to every LTC resident in Ontario
16. Canadian Association of Rodeo Clowns officially endorses Rempel's WEXIT leadership campaign
17. O'Toole argues that a pandemic is no time to start ignoring three-year-old news about socks
18. Elliott says ON's COVID plan's been in place for months. It's contagious you know.
19. Trump says if you seem someone suffering from COVID you should immediately do the Heimlich Maneuver on them.
20. Recent polls indicate 83% of all Canadians are afraid of Andrew's new hairdo.
21. According to new stats, Canada's rockin' COVID lockdown.

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