Breaking: I have signed an exclusive deal with Spotify to receive ad-free streaming for 7 days
I was reluctant to sign another major media deal after that Columbia Record Club fiasco
I'm just gonna say this better not end up with me having another 10 boxes of Henry Mancini and Johnny Mathis 8-tracks
Really, I'm not bitter that every other minor internet celebrity except me has inked some sort of book or podcast deal. Obviously, I congratulate them on their good fortune, and for being complete sellout garbage whores
I figure I will have the last laugh after I cut off my ear and die in penniless obscurity, and then 100 years later my tweets start selling at Christie's for $400 million
Please photoshop the above tweet into this 
You'll rue the day you forgot to sign Never-Bitter Dave, you goddamn media cowards
