Thread by @matt_cam

I've seen this episode of "Messiah," & to the extent that I could (and this is true) stop laughing through most of it the portrayal of ICE detention was one of the few things I thought it basically got *right.*

Here's a thread on just a few of the things it didn't:

(1/209198)

https://twitter.com/ZoeTillman/status/1265703145625305088

2/ Up top: "Messiah" is smart TV for stupid people. It's Very Serious #resistance theater.

I haven't seen "Homeland," but I guess it's a similar setup except instead of being a possible terrorist our guy (hereinafter "Sexy Jesus") might *also* be the Second Coming, or something

3/ Anyway, all you really need to know is that Sexy Jesus has magicked himself from an Israeli interrogation cell to work a miracle in Dilley, Texas.

If that town sounds familiar, it's bc it has been a major family detention center since the Obama yrs.

thenation.com/article/archiv…

4/ And if you're now thinking as you read this that a dramatic look at what might happen if Jesus Christ showed up undocumented in the American wilderness might make for good TV--well, you're probably right. Maybe it still will, someday.

5/ This whole mess of nonsense begins with a moment of reality when Sexy Jesus is criminally charged w/illegal entry.

Sidebar: HE MAGICALLY TELEPORTED INTO THE UNITED STATES! The government can't prove beyond reasonable doubt he didn't come with a visa! Why are we rolling over?

6/ Then we get to the mistake this episode makes again & again & again: conflating the federal criminal justice system with the federal immigration court system. This sentence is meaningless!

7/ Sexy Jesus is a mystical cult leader with followers around the globe who the CIA is monitoring for possible terrorist ties & appeared *without explanation* in the middle of a tornado after being last sighted hours earlier in Israel. So I'd go a little stronger than "probably"

8/

lol ok

9/ In the world of "Messiah," the detention of a Syrian-born mystic with possible terrorist ties who showed up in Texas without any ID or explanation as to how he had broken out of an Israeli jail cell less than a day earlier is... a Trump thing? As if Obama would have hesitated!

10/ From here it seems the showrunners were so desperate to make this into a Trump story that they forgot to check in with anyone who had been anywhere near a federal courtroom (federal or immigration), or possibly even a law school

You guys. Next time please just

11/ A lot happens very quickly, so let's start here: we're in the wrong court.

This is the seal of the #immigrationcourt, the DOJ dept which reviews deportation cases. Sexy Jesus has been charged w/criminal entry, which would go to a criminal court. I *promise* this matters

12/ Smaller thing, but: a judge would not say that the government "has found" but rather "has alleged" unlawful entry/presence. He's the one doing the finding.

More importantly: the judge is played by "Catheter Cowboy" Thomas Kopache, as recently made famous by @LastWeekTonight

13/ The use of "respondent" & the "admit or deny" language is much more like civil "charges" on deportation proceedings, but they sure go out of their way to make it sound criminal. (For one thing we don't call immigration counsel "the defense" in civil proceedings.)

14/ Here's where I *knew* that the showrunners hadn't consulted with an immigration attorney. CAT protection is extremely minimal and should always be your *last* option in deportation proceedings

(Her summary here also isn't the actual legal basis for it, but we'll get there)

15/ Before Sexy Jesus's application has even been filed, the "prosecution" (so this *is* a criminal case?) is already on its feet to oppose it (citing "the news," as one does in federal court) and asking the judge for expedited removal--

--and here we pause for a laugh break

16/ N.B.: Expedited removal is a real thing, but explicitly exists to keep these cases *out of court.* It's the process by which any CBP officer can deport certain people on their own authority w/o the pesky complications of judicial review & due process

americanimmigrationcouncil.org/research/prime…

17/ In some fairness, here's one place the government's attempt to keep him from filing does make sense. Per the REAL ID Act, identity must be definitively proven for an applicant for asylum (or related relief) to be granted protection. Sexy Jesus is, ofc, totally undocumented.

18/ This, OTOH, is absurd. Assuming that we're actually in deportation proceedings, they are totally confidential & details from the application may only be released by the applicant w/written permission. She may also want to close the courtroom to the public? Bc that's an option

19/ "Seeing as the respondent has fled a foreign country already, I'm going to deny bail."

Weird focus when you're looking at a cult leader being investigated by a few major governments who has already broken out of Israeli jail & mysteriously teleported across the world but ok

20/ Do these people just think that "expedited removal" means "a faster hearing?"

Apparently they do.

Why?

This isn't so much legal screenwriting as refrigerator magnet poetry at this point

21/ "Expedited" in a detained immigration court would usually mean maybe 2-3 weeks, and not the 2 days Sexy Jesus is given to put together the Convention Against Torture claim his unusually incompetent ACLU attorney is seeking over asylum, presumably bc it sounds way cooler

22/ We return a few days later to our federal immigration AND criminal court. But also... state court? Sure. It's also state court.

This is now the third THIRD simultaneous venue this court is supposed to represent. They're just laughing at us now, so at least it's mutual

23/ The episode is called "Trial," & they keep using that word. But that's not what proceedings in immigration court are called, & given the other language in play here the showrunners still seem to want us to believe this is a criminal case

24/ Hawt damn, Sexy Jesus!

It is technically possible to allow a sketch artist into #immigrationcourt, and now I really want to

25/ lol in any actual immigration court this sentence would be followed by "...and I will now invite you to explain to this court how in the name of Sexy Jesus you thought it was appropriate to file your entire case within hours of this hearing"

26/ Two important things:

1) They're setting this up as if it is also an extradition hearing, while also being a criminal/deportation/state court proceeding

2) Other than his inability to prove his ID, there is no earthly reason Sexy Jesus couldn't just apply for asylum

27/ The show passes on what could have been a tremendous opportunity to depict an actual asylum hearing and has the defense basically just say "idk, this all just happened too fast to put on a case so I'm just going to say some lawyer stuff"

28/ No matter how good the evidence or detailed the supporting affidavit, an applicant has to testify in every asylum/CAT claim. That's just how it works.

Except in the world of "Messiah," in which an attorney can apparently just do it for him.

29/ The conflation of asylum law with the Convention Against Torture here is positively crazymaking. CAT does not require any showing of *why* someone would be tortured--it's just not even relevant. You just have to show the applicant *would be tortured.* That's it.

30/ "Or would you like to rest on your malpractice?"

31/ Speaking of malpractice! We're about to see an example of why you should NEVER let your client address the court unless you know what he is about to say so good that it should be shown in law school trial practice courses

32/ Rather than testify as to the circumstances which require him to apply for asylum/CAT/whatever, Sexy Jesus proceeds to explain to the court why borders kind of suck actually

33/ I regret to inform you that this is not a recognized defense against deportation in the Fifth Circuit

34/ TFW you have totally destroyed your own deportation case with philosophical horseshit instead of putting on a case

35/ Someone not actually familiar with the #immigrationcourt system and how ICE conducts itself in these proceedings might find this cross-examination in which the government accuses him of being a fake Muslim to be a bit much.

I found it to be the single most believable part.

36/ lol and then they had to go and do this

How dare the government attorney try to question my client on *checks notes* cross-examination

37/ But ofc here's why: he's just the worst witness. This is his response to being asked directly what religion he is in support of his application for faith-based asylum.

Who knew Jesus would be such a nightmare of a client?

38/ BTW, here's one of the scenes which inspired Geo Group to sue Netflix for making detention look bad. While they're not wrong that this is not what long-term immigration detention looks like, if anything it's far too generous in depicting the reality of holding facilities

38/ And as if his lawyer weren't already enough of a disgrace to the good name of the ACLU, she stops in just to yell at him for awhile

(IMO ACLU actually has far more right to sue here than Geo Group, they come off looking completely incompetent!)

/39 SCENE: Judge Catheter Cowboy is alone in his chambers having a drink, watching Fox News, and reflecting deeply on the three minutes of argument, sixty seconds of cross-examination, and brief but pointless philosophical musings on the nature of borders he just heard

40/ everyone involved in this show thinks that you are very, very stupid and if you are still watching this episode and nodding along at this point it gives me no pleasure to say that they are correct

35/ Judge Cowboy then receives a late night pep talk from the White House, all very fine and normal immigration court stuff, barely worth even mentioning here really

41/ sorry this tweet got out of order, but truly this whole court is out of order

https://twitter.com/matt_cam/status/1265770483871612928

42/ recall that Sexy Jesus has put on THE OPPOSITE OF A CASE, this was barely a trial let alone a late-night trial of the soul here

43/ at last, something I would actually expect to hear from a judge verbatim

44/ Do I need to tell you what Judge Catheter Cowboy decides to do? Or that the government somehow forgets that it has a right to appeal the case and keep Sexy Jesus in Geo Group's custody for years longer? Or that he triumphantly exeunts to a CSNY song? I don't, do I. You knew

My thread broke, but the rest starts here:

https://twitter.com/matt_cam/status/1265768463378845697

45/ In conclusion:

1) Public or privately run, immigration detention sucks. Geo is profiting from the worst kind of human misery, and their brand and their entire business model is trash. They have made a deal with the devil and fully deserve the social & cultural consequences

2) This show has been canceled and we will know if Sexy Jesus is the one true savior, but as far as the women who share my couch are concerned he was "Messiah"'s salvation and the only reason we made it past the first thirty minutes.

I mean, I would.

I absolutely would.

*will never know

3) I know I've been hard on "Messiah" here, but in total fairness that's only because it is bad. It is, to be more clear, not good.

But as Kurt Vonnegut once reminded the MST3K crew, even bad stuff can be made with the best intentions. I think about this vignette all the time

4) I hope this suit doesn't discourage screenwriters/showrunners from doing things like spotlighting Geo's collaboration w/ICE on family detention or showing Americans what their systems are doing to people. (Even people who aren't actual Jesus, maybe?) It's necessary work!

5) But why does an immigration detainee have to be ACTUAL JESUS to be someone we care about getting out of ICE detention? Is that maybe not overshooting just a titch? Not everyone in there is a saint, nor should they be. That's not the point of asylum. This works against that IMO

6) Yes, this episode made me laugh (a lot) and officially ended our household's already-waning interest in the further adventures of Sexy Jesus. But the reason it annoyed me so much--and inspired this monster thread--was what a total *waste* it was of a perfectly good opportunity

7) In my version, Sexy Jesus can't afford an attorney & is forced to represent himself. The judge laughs at his speech & orders him returned to Israel for further violent interrogation. No one cares.

This requires no imagination. It's what would actually happen.

Give us THAT

8) In conclusion

ME, AN IMMIGRATION LAWYER: *furiously writes 50+-tweet thread on the many legal sins of a terrible episode of a middling Netflix show that hardly anyone ever watched*

YOU, A REASONABLE PERSON:

AND THIS

I have already done some low-key consulting and am excited for more. If your script, screenplay, short story, graphic novel, etc get anywhere near the stuff I do & you want to do this right (or at least not be featured in my next thread) I'm in

https://twitter.com/ahartley98/status/1265822223849357313