There are cultural observations and ritual processes that take place between involved families until the day of the celebrations. It begins with a young man informing his family that he has met a woman he would want to marry. there are other ways in which a man can get a woman.
He informs male elders within the family. They them consult with the family matriarch ;Kgadi. She plays an important role to appoint Mmaditsela. Mmaditsela is more like a family spokes person. Often are women, but men can also assume this role. It is a trusted none family member.
Mmaditsela will go to the woman’s family to notify them that Motshekga family have seen a girl and would want to come to “Gopela sego sa meetse”. This is to prepare the family on the other side so they can get their team ready too. The girl would have discussed with his boy..
Or could be a suprise from her boyfriend. A date would be set. The young man’s family would asemble a team. His Rakgadi, Malome, a neutral family friend and Mmaditsela. The delegation is led by a neutral none member.
On arrival, they will be allocated a separate house or a room. woman’s family team would equally be allocated a separate house or a room.They all communicate through their Mmaditselas. young man’s team begins the process. They go and introduce themselves and state their case.
That their young man has seen a flower (young woma)and would like to come ‘pick’. There are lots of theatrics that the girl’s family can play to test seriousness or just to be difficult. For now we will leave those aside. The girl’s family will call girl before their team
She would be asked if she knows anything about this boy or his family. If she agrees, she is dismissed and process continues. This stage would be an equivalent of “ western engagement”. Mmaditsela would report back. The family would now escalate the process.
The families would agree on the Magadi negotiations process and date. Once they have agreed , the boy’s family would be released. And a date for Mahadi would’ve been set. This stage of the process is short.
In some instances, woman’s family would tell boy’s family as to how many cows they want for their girl. On the day of Mahadi negotiations, the boy’s negotiation team would put an offer.They might accept or get rejected. It can be a back and forth process between their Mmaditselas
Once agreement is reached, a wedding process is set. The boy’s family would send the cows over. In reciprocation, the girl’s family’s team acompany a girl. Her family matriarch and other women ba ‘Laya ngwetji’. They give marriage tips and counseling to the girl.
A group of young girls, Batwana, will accompany her to her new family. Her young cousin will be amongst the girls. But they will be led by her family team. On arrival she will be introduced to her new family’s matriarch. Who will introduce her to the family and the rules
Batwana will help her cook for the and serve for that day’s celebration. There will be exchange of gifts. From two families. The young girls will remain with her for few days to help her settle in. young cousin will even stay longer to observe if her sister is treated well.
following day the matriarch will offer her three names. Like Mmamohale, Mmamatome, Mmangwako. names would somehow mean or related to the family. They call it” o Nosa ngwetji”. Once she picks a name she would be offered a regalia worm by new weds. Also gifts from mother in law
Name that she picks becomes a married name. Her first born would be Ngwako if she had chosen Mmangwako. Mohale if she had chosen Mmamohale.
