Thread by @DRedmosquito

Been stuck in the US for four months now due to Covid Shutdown. Loneliness don dey kee me, so I decided to go out into the streets of Philadelphia and see if I could meet women. I would have tried Tinder, but those ones tried to scam me, a gist for another day.
A thread

Lol! So today I made up my mind to enter streets and meet women the old-fashioned way. 🙃Woke up, did my workouts, wore my nonsense tank top and went into the mall.

I eyed first babe just as soon as I entered, picking vegetables in the food aisle. Clean shape inside tight jeans.

My brain begin dey calculate. Every hunter knows the chance of failure is high. You're simply hoping the chances tilt in your favor small. She's picking things around, I'm following her with sense at a respectable distance, fam I even entered pampers section just to appear busy

Babe is walking about the store, hunter is walking about too. All I've been doing for weeks is reading, Graphic art and programming. Hunter needs to make a move.

I need an opening to engage her, but I can't see any. She's always picking things and walking about too fast.

Suddenly she's in line for checkout, she's slipping away. If I don't catch her before she checks out, I might miss this chance forever, she's next in line. I'm walking to talk to her now, suddenly she walks to the checkout register. Damn! Plan don bash.

I quickly pick something from one aisle as if that's what I wanted to buy.
I am determined, I've walked the length and breadth of this store, I've seen no other babe that is up to her standard. So I'm suddenly standing in Apple Juice Aisle, while she's checking out.

I'm standing right in front of American Apple Cidar but my eye is twisted to the left, eyeing her with discretion. I'm afraid if I blink too much, she can just vanish.
She's opening her purse, paying for her items, packaging them.

My heart is thumping, I'm touching apple juice to appear normal, but hunter is timing, hunter doesn't want apple juice. Suddenly she carries her groceries and walks out the exit. This is my chance. Hunter quickly drops apple juice.

I also dash out of the store briskly.

She's in the parking lot, her carkeys in her right hand. My mind is telling me, "Damn! This woman pass your level oo. See as her carkey fine". I'm like "Fuck it! Man gaz bold"

I get to her side, she's covered in facemask like me. I quickly say "Hello",

she turns to me with a serious look in her eyes. My brain is having to think fast, unlike in Nigeria where I'd easily know what to say, here I'm like a fish out of water, I don't know the nuances of the pickup culture here, I don't exactly know how the women here relate.

And I also have that strong Nigerian accent that I'm sincerely not confident about. Many times, you have to repeat things twice to these people cos of accent. Pickup requires quick lines that the woman can quickly get, not "Excuse me, what did you say?!". Also, I'm poorly dressed

I have no money, I'm literally disadvantaged enough as it is. But man gaz bold.

I quickly say, "Oh! I saw you in the store and I thought you were quite pretty, so I just thought I'd come over and say hi, is that cool with you?" .
4 months have rendered me dull.

She takes a second to reply, my mind dey calculate. She looks ahead as she's walking, then says "Alright, that's cool!".

Goal ball jorh🙌🏾🤣🤣

That's how I met Stephanie, a Ghanaian who just made her first Nigerian friend, me🙃🙃.

From there, I quickly carry on and she collects number, which is quite fine with me.I bid her farewell as she enters her car and I run back to the store for round two, I need to see what else is in the river.

I'm already feeling a little happy for my round 1.

But every hunter knows that you can't just get one babe, you need to get plenty, not because you're greedy, but because the chances of failure is quite high.

In the pampas section I see these two women, one is looking like a mother, the second person, her friend, Damn!

She's petite like a girl I once dated, hot shape, tights on ass, wearing a crop top, has a navel ring, blue hair, beautiful pink nails, wearing these colored dental-braces. I can even see the waistbeads. This one is what we call, big fish 🙃.

You know that in this life, sometimes it's good to shoot your shot beyond what you know you're capable of. It's like carrying a canoe and attempting to hunt a whale. But your madness can sometimes shock you.

Starving men hunt anything.

This one is quite complicated, cos she's with a friend. One woman is hard enough, when she's with a friend, it's much more difficult. Cos they'll be blocking each other, you'll have to get one when there's chance, and you must not be rude to the other. You need to balance the two

The babe you want to meet might want to keep up appearances for her friend, so she can easily ridicule you or turn you down. It's just ten times harder

I enter water aisle, it is from there that I'm timing them. Hunter has his eye set, my brain dey calculate again. Abacus lomo

I'm doing like I'm eyeing bottled water, I'm reading the label. "This water is 100% pure!", the way I'm looking at it, somebody will think I'm health inspector.

Suddenly they go to beef aisle and I see small space between the two friends, they're both selecting beef separately.

The hunter leaps into action. I forget that I'm still holding a bottle of water, I walk to beef section and I'm still reading the water label. I quickly turn to her

"Excuse me", I say, she turns to me and looks confused, she no even dey wear mask, this one na streets oo

I say "Hi", she replies "Hi" and suddenly walks away towards her other friend.

They're both say some things to each quickly in that Africa-American accent that I don't understand and they're laughing as they're saying it. I don't exactly know what they're saying.

"They are laughing at you" , my brain tells me. Hunter cannot be shamed. Na lie, they're not laughing at me. I remain there a lil while, reading water bottle label in beef aisle, still eyeing them with corner eye.

I now move to beef jerky aisle, I'm waiting for another chance.

I blew the first one, her American accent and her cold reply blew me away, I was too weak, I didn't have the confidence to finish the job, I should have said something smarter, done something quicker. A hunter cannot afford to be so slow during the chase.

My heart is pounding again as I'm waiting for another chance, suddenly she walks away from her friend to return something to the beef aisle. My chance, a hunter cannot lose twice. I walk up to her, she sees me, I raise my right hand in saying hi, "Excuse me!". Her eyes change

This one is bloody. In the crowded mall where Oyinbo choke left right and center.

She sees me walking towards her waving my hand and shouts out in that American accent with her fingers raised "No! Thank you!", before turning around to walk away.

Hunter has been publicly shamed. Retreat!! Retreat!!! Fall back!!! Enemy fire!! I repeat!! Enemy fire ooo!!! Hunter is being hunted. I think I can hear her friend laughing, I'm not sure. Everything is happening too fast, first thing is to find cover. 😭😭

I'm fast, I quickly turn back into beef jerky aisle, wondering why exactly I did not choose wisely. But I know that as a man you must sometimes go beyond.

I see babe that's covered in expensive jewelry and I went to carry myself to public disgrace. With my tanktop. 😭😭

I see babe thats covered in expensive jewelry and I went to carry myself to public disgrace. With my tanktop.

Thankfully, you cannot shame the shameless. At least we do not remain ashamed for long. I walk around the store a while more, trying to avoid Miss Petite all the while.

This place is now dead, no more babes. Perhaps I try again tomorrow.
It takes a lot of confidence for someone like me to walk up to strange women, many of my guys won't believe , but I know what I feel and go through. Worse still in a country where I don't know anyone

I literally have to fight against a lot of things in my gut. Many other guys have it easier, some have it worse, of course.

But I know that on the other side of that fear is the possibility of some sort of friendship and companionship

so I try to move beyond the fear. Las las, the hunter cannot let fear impede him from the hunt. We shall wear our scars of public disgrace with pride.

Disgrace and pride in the same sentence lol.

While you're here.
Kindly vote ma guy. Thank you
instagram.com/p/CBkkX4yFtwj/…

Yall remember Beautiful Steph in Jeans with the car keys?!
Apparently, our ancestors weren't sleeping on our matter.

Go out and make friends, my people. No allow make loneliness kee you for house.
Enter street with facemask.