Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

Stuff I learnt on the Twitter this week.

1. Missouri couple aims guns at protestors. Say they got guns out after hearing report of 30 to 50 feral hogs roaming their private enclave.
2. Trump supporters at Mt Rushmore tell Lakota Nations members to "Go back where you came from!"

3. Doug wants Feds to give Ontario no-strings-attached relief cash. Andrew Scheer yet to complain that would make Ontario's economy lazy and unmotivated to get back to work.
4. Mercedes Stephenson reports Trudeau placed a gate in the path of lovely Manitoba man's speeding truck.

5. Kenney goes camping for an hour on July 1st. Insiders report he cut firewood, park services and development restrictions while there.
6. Erin O'Toole outraged that he imagined someone was trying to cancel the Canadian flag.
7. Alberta changes spelling of Canada to "Dominion."

8. Students across Canada get screwed over by squabbling politicians. Lecce says math will make everything better come September.
9. Hearing news of armed intruder at Rideau Hall, Scheer waits to comment until he determines whether the armed man was wearing an "I ❤️O&G" hoodie.

10. After losing NHL playoff hosting bid, Kenney government passes bill to change the Eskimos' football team name to Edmonton Issues Managers.
11. Scheer tweets from the Muskoka Gazebo that the Trudeau government is corrupt.
12. Lecce hands out 3 trillion flags. #Shufflefear

13. Ontario's Wasaga Beach jam-packed on July 1st. Many beachgoers say they didn't receive Doug's "Use your common sense" memo.
14. Florida man wears underwear on his head to protest mask laws. As a result of people avoiding him he's the only one in Florida to not contract COVID.

15. Conservative media reports MB man packed guns and military rations to drive to Ottawa to enjoy a picnic with the Trudeaus on Rideau Hall lawn.
16. RCMP spends 13 minutes trying to find intruder. 90 minutes chatting with him. Man surrenders when promised a post-arrest massage.

17. RCMP hires Aline & Jean Chrétien to consult on security enhancements at official residences.
18. Gofundme set up to raise money to help support the super-likeable sausage maker from Manitoba who was under economic stress so that's why he understandably tried to kill the PM.

19. Trump says his mental acuity assessment was released so Biden's should be too. Says he aced spelling "cat" and "dawg" and wants to know if Biden can too.
20. 4000 Trump supporters turn up at Mt Rushmore rally. 3998 of them overheard asking "Who're those guys on the mountain?"

21. Responding to statue vandalism Kenney tweets "This cancel culture must be stopped!" and then heads off to press conference to announce more cuts to healthcare and education.
22. Kenney announces more tax cuts for big business. Says investment in Alberta will increase fersure.

23. Mexico, Canada, Europe, and Britain forbidding travel from States. Seems nobody's letting Amurikuns leave all that greatness they've going on.
24. Trump tells Mt Rushmore rally leftists are trying to rewrite history. Says, as the best president in history, he won't allow it.

25. Trudeau screwed up again. Scheer's a US citizen. MacKay's a gun-loving PC turncoat. O'Toole pretends he's a fighter pilot. Singh's busy vamping on Tik Tok.

Prime Minister Ryan Reynolds has a nice ring to it, no?

26. Canada. Is. The Best. That is all.

*Correction: Edmonton did win the NHL playoff bid.

But I still stand by the Edmonton Issues Managers wisecrack.