Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Ontario's now allowing social circles of 10 people. Doug says "The social circle police won't be knocking at your door though." In related news, Doug announces a new police force.
2. Alberta's RCMP Brass become dashcam woke overnight.

2. Stephen Lecce appoints Caroline Mulroney as his new "work wife." His assistant, Sam Oosterhoff, unavailable for comment.
3. Jessica Mulroney implodes her own career by simultaneously being secretly snarky and unable to spell 'libel.'
4. Christine Elliott *really* likes wine.

5. Kenney spent $40K on travel and hospitality in a month that was locked down for two weeks. Says much the money was spent on gas during searches for an open McDonald's drive-thru.
6. Brock Harrison announces he blocked 50 people on Twitter this week. That's it. That's the news.

7. Scheer outraged he is just now learning about two mortgages the Ethics Commissioner has known about for years.
8. Derek Sloan says Trudeau wants to take away our right to own guns and tell women what to do with their bodies.
9. O'Toole wants to take Canada back from CBC Gem.

10. National Post says absurd Rex Murphy article was published without review by senior staff, saying a junior staffer approved it. No word yet whether Keean Bexte will be disciplined.
11. Innisfail, AB scares away BLM protest, saying they've all met a Black person and "get it."

12. Canadian grocery chains cancel $2-hour COVID bonus for frontline staff, mid-pandemic. Billionaire Galen Weston says he's sending every Canadian a 25-dollar gift card though.
13. Scheer *now* says all those "CERB fraudsters" should not face punishment. Winks at Kenney's staff.

14. Trump says 75-year-old man shoved by Buffalo police was in fact that guy from the old "I've fallen and can't get up!" commercials just trying to revive his acting career.
15. NASCAR bans Confederate flags from all venues. In unrelated news, Trump books tattoo removal session.

16. Hordes of Amurikuns stream into Canada for vacation after telling Customs they're "headed to Alaska!" Many report being "bummed out" to discover all of Alberta's parks are open pit mines now.
17. Kenney takes questions from the Rebel's Bexte. That's it. That's the funny part.

18. Batters endorses MacKay. Kenney and Shandro endorse O'Toole. Bernier says he can't endorse Sloan because he's too weird.
19. John Tory says "Torontonians must be respectful of others" and wear masks while using TTC. In other news, apparently John Tory's never been to Toronto.

20. T.O. Police Chief Saunders resigns 8 months into new contract. Says people in Toronto now have until July 31st to speed and text while driving.
21. Toronto Health Authority announces a slow downward trend in COVID cases but significant spike in red-winged blackbird attacks.

22. Lecce directs daycare operators to prepare for reopening by removing all touchable surfaces.
23. UCP announces $3.7M contract awarded to Calgary consultant for review of Alberta post-secondary education. Min of Ed says more funds to be made available for Education War Room™.

24. Trump insists Tulsa rally attendees sign COVID waiver. Waiver excerpt: "You can not sue me if you happen to catch the FAKE VIRUS!"
25. Trump delivers West Point commencement speech. Says "Soldiers must be brave. Except with bone spurs. Very painful!"