Philip Simon - Stand Up Comedian Profile picture
Jul 11, 2020 12 tweets 5 min read Read on X
I miss everything about being a #comedian, both on and off stage.

I’ll list some below but as we ask @OliverDowden to #SaveLiveComedy, as a comic or a punter, what do you miss about #LiveComedy?
I miss not knowing how a gig will go beforehands and then standing on stage telling jokes to a room that will judge a punchline in the moment & not based on any knowledge of how it’s been received before. I miss reading the room and editing as I go to get the best of a set.
I miss the awkward conversations with audience at gigs. The praise when things go well and avoidance of eye contact when you’ve died. I even miss hearing their jokes and being told “here, you can have that one for your skit!”
I miss the green room banter before, during and after the shows. The chats with promoters, learning local knowledge from venue staff and the levelling of the playing field where TV names and open spots sit as equals discussing anything from sports to the state of the circuit
I miss seeing a comedian on TV and then finding myself on a line up with them, chatting as openly as if the hierarchy didn’t exist. I miss being blown away by an open spot and then revelling in the delight of seeing a mate break through to tv me higher profile gigs
I miss the travelling, driving for hours at a time, often finding myself in the middle of nowhere for 2-3 hours just to deliver 20 minutes of middle class whimsy. I miss taking time on arrival to explore the high streets, even though lately they’re all starting to look the same.
I miss car shares with other comedians. The conversations that flow deep into the night as you desperately work to keep the driver awake. The sanctity of the car meaning that all industry gossip is protected and the awkwardly silent drive home after one of you died on stage.
I miss listening to hours of podcasts on these drives if I’m driving alone. I miss avoiding service stations when I need a break, choosing to rather explore local villages around the UK, doing my bit to #SupportLocal, #SupportLocalBusinesses & #SupportSmallBusinesses
I miss being the awkward entertainment at a corporate function or fundraiser, being stared at with a sea of pitying faces of bemused members of staff forced to sit through my material when all they want to do is raid the free bar and snog their colleagues.
I miss staying in hotels that mean I come back from the gig to find myself avoiding drunk wedding guests who can’t understand that you’re not home from clubbing, you’re back home from work.
And of course, after all that I miss coming home to my family. I miss remembering how blessed I am by what I have waiting for me when I come home. A love I fear I’ve taken for granted without the luxury of absence afforded to me as a travelling comedian.
This is why #comedy is so important to me & so many of my peers & colleagues. It’s not just our livelihoods it’s our lives.

I know everyone has great demands on their time right now and we’re all worried about the future, please PLEASE help us #SaveLiveComedy and #SaveTheArts

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More from @PhilipsComedy

Apr 8, 2021
Well, I'm not sure what algorithms you've been seeing these past few days, but aren't you a lovely bunch! 🥰

A thread ... enjoy!
First of all, thank you to everyone who's reached out recently asking how you can support creative #freelancers like me with everything we've been doing in Lockdown. It will come as no surprise to hear it's been a crap year, but there have been moments of light that have helped.
Naturally live comedy is currently not an option, so pretty much everything went online. Somehow, most of my work now seems to be for children (but more on that shortly). In the meantime, @HYOC2020 have some great ways to support those in the cultural & creative world.
Read 6 tweets
Jul 16, 2020
Joke Thread:

I can't for the life of me work out why it's safe to reopen gyms, but live comedy is still considered dangerous?!?

So here are some jokes about gyms & exercise I wish I was allowed to tell in a live comedy club!

#SaveLiveComedy
On my first day at the gym I was given a gun and sent to shoot Nazis in the woods. Not how I'd imagined Resistance Training.
My personal trainer always gives me a Boost! Or a Twix. Whatever he’s got going spare really!
Read 8 tweets
Jul 7, 2020
Ah, the life of a #Freelancer ... a thread:

A lot has happened since lockdown, so perhaps you'd be so generous as to let me spill the beans on everything I've been up to over a coffee:

ko-fi.com/philipscomedy
I've been slowly updating and adding new content to my YouTube comedy channel. It would be great to get a few more subscribers on there to help unlock some of the features only available to the super popular.

bit.ly/P_S_YouTube
I created children's YouTube show School's Out Comedy Club - bit.ly/SchoolsOutCome…

Through this I've hosted a few local & international live streams for various children's groups - Cubs, Brownies, Guides, Scouts, Schools, etc...

Get in touch if you'd like to book one.
Read 8 tweets
Jun 13, 2020
Before I started comedy I taught #SexEducation, going into schools teaching about relationships, boundaries, puberty, that kind of thing.

When I say "going into schools", I was invited. I didn't just stand in the playground with a banana & a condom talking to kids about sex!
Hearing this, someone recently asked, "if you catch #CoronaVirus from a lover does that make it an STI?"

I said "no". Banging your head during sex wouldn’t mean a headache was an STI...actually in some relationships a headache could really be considered a form of contraception!
Thinking about this encounter, I was reminded of stuff the kids would ask.

In the spirit of “there’s no such things as a stupid question” we'd encourage them to ask anything, and to keep it anonymous they'd write it on a scrap of paper so no-one knew who asked the question.
Read 25 tweets
Aug 11, 2019
I know, "it's joke, it's just a joke", but the problem is, with something as serious as antisemitism, how do we know when it's not a joke?

A thread...
Today we had another pretty full room for Jew-O-Rama, which is the other show I'm doing alongside "Who's the Daddy Pig?"

You can find out more about it here:
tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/jew-o…
Jew-O-Rama is a Jewish compilation show I run with @levenecomedy featuring the best Jewish and Jew "ish" comedians at the Fringe. We started last Saturday and so far we've had some fantastic acts and have played to really decent audience numbers.
Read 15 tweets

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