I am so guilty of assuming the worst possible outcome, I often completely overlook the potential of a situation.
ED related example- if I eat this extra snack I may gain weight...... Alternative view, if I eat this extra snack it may aid my recovery and help me reach my goal. 1/3
Life example - if I view my opinion in a meeting everyone will laugh at me....... Alternative view, if I view my opinion in the meeting my idea may help, if not at least I tried. 2/3
When you hear yourself jumping on the negative voice just stop and pause ...... How else could I view a situation. What is the best that could happen instead of assuming the worst and what would I say to a friend in this situation? 3/3
I repost this picture every year, this was the last picture taken of me before my attempt. I look so happy, carefree & full of life. What many did not realise was how much I was raging a war with myself. Convinced I....
Was an awful person & a burden to all. consumed by a number of mental illnesses that eventually took their toll.
It is by pure chance I am still here. The quick thinking of a friend who had a gut feeling something wasn't right. His actions saved my life.
Looking back I am....
Incredibly thankful. I do not recognise the person I was back then. I now have a different job, new hobbies & finally living authentically. Doing things that I want to do & learning the signs of burn out.
Everyone kept saying hold on, it will get better, but I did not.....
Can we normalise REAL post partum bodies please. I'm sick of being asked how I am going to loose my baby weight? How am I going to get back into shape? What creams I am using to get rid of stretch marks?
Piss off.
I was told it would not be possible to carry a child due to the damage my eating disorder had done to my reproductive system. We are overwhelmed with what we have managed to produce.
The last thing my body needs is to be manipulated, punished and starved.
My body has done an incredible job over 9 months, it needs to be cared for, nourished & loved.
I have seen so many # insta perfect post partum bodies. I am also being targeted by adverts to join weight loss programmes enticing me to hate what my body has becone.
Recovery truth
I'm not going to lie. It is hard. The most difficult & most painful thing I have ever done. To constantly fight against that voice, the voice which controlled every element of my life for far too long. The tears, confusion and pure exhaustion.
The voice still appears from time to time, in times when I am feeling a little vunerable or anxious. The voice will try to lure me back in, using different ways and weak spots to get to me.
The latest way it's trying to lure me in is attacking my postpartum body. Nothing fits my body is still healing, it needs time. The temptation to loose weight quickly, resort to old behaviours & the voice whispering, you have done it before, you can do it again, it's easy really.
Let me tell you a conversation I had with a Dr recently. Had to visit & get checked over general pregnancy niggles, they had to check my BMI.
Dr: Oh Mrs Burnett you are measuring obese, we need to look at diet plans, I can suggest the new better health app, a calorie defecit & exercising.
Me: But I am 8 & a half months pregnant & recovering from an ED.
1st of all of course I am going to be weighing more a tiny human is growing inside me, I could pop any day now. 2nd I was discharged from ed services in Jan, suggesting I diet is not a good idea. I know I would spiral quite quickly and my priority is staying well for little one
I've been feeling really deflated around the governments obesity scheme. I despise the fact they are just using numbers to determine health. Im classed as overweight & fear now every time I go to the doctors for anything I will be prescribed weight loss as a cure for any issue(1)
However when I was classed as a healthy weight, I had to restrict, count calories and use all sorts of eating disorder behaviours to maintain that weight. I was not living, I was actually doing lots of damage to my mental and physical health. (2)
Set point theory does not seem to exsist or been considered. Trying to maintain a healthy weight nearly killed me. Now I feel like I am being pushed back into living/existing in my disordered ways just to avoid being shamed constantly. (3)
A year ago I was undergoing tests, years of living with an #eatingdisorder had damaged my reproductive system. I was told it wouldn't be possible to have children naturally, a massive blow. I was given the option of IVF but I had to be in solid recovery. 1/3
I worked hard, tears, anger and a lot of involvement from professionals, I reached my set point maintained and was well. I started the medication to regulate my hormones and my cycle, 5 months of different pills, just before we started IVF we found out we were pregnant.
My eating disorder nearly took away my chance of starting a family. Last night I sat and cried on my husband, overwhelmed that in 7 weeks we are going to be parents.words can not describe how greatful I am for my treatment team @LPFTNHS for helping me reach my long term goal 3/3