Just over 4 years ago, I tried to end my life.

Tw. Sui*ide

I repost this picture every year, this was the last picture taken of me before my attempt. I look so happy, carefree & full of life. What many did not realise was how much I was raging a war with myself. Convinced I.... Was an awful person & a burden to all. consumed by a number of mental illnesses that eventually took their toll.

It is by pure chance I am still here. The quick thinking of a friend who had a gut feeling something wasn't right. His actions saved my life.

Looking back I am....

Post partum bodies! Please read full thread

Can we normalise REAL post partum bodies please. I'm sick of being asked how I am going to loose my baby weight? How am I going to get back into shape? What creams I am using to get rid of stretch marks?

Piss off. I was told it would not be possible to carry a child due to the damage my eating disorder had done to my reproductive system. We are overwhelmed with what we have managed to produce.

The last thing my body needs is to be manipulated, punished and starved.

A thread....

Recovery truth
I'm not going to lie. It is hard. The most difficult & most painful thing I have ever done. To constantly fight against that voice, the voice which controlled every element of my life for far too long. The tears, confusion and pure exhaustion. The voice still appears from time to time, in times when I am feeling a little vunerable or anxious. The voice will try to lure me back in, using different ways and weak spots to get to me.

Please read whole thread

It has taken me a few weeks to process this.

Let me tell you a conversation I had with a Dr recently. Had to visit & get checked over general pregnancy niggles, they had to check my BMI. Dr: Oh Mrs Burnett you are measuring obese, we need to look at diet plans, I can suggest the new better health app, a calorie defecit & exercising.

Me: But I am 8 & a half months pregnant & recovering from an ED.

I've been feeling really deflated around the governments obesity scheme. I despise the fact they are just using numbers to determine health. Im classed as overweight & fear now every time I go to the doctors for anything I will be prescribed weight loss as a cure for any issue(1) However when I was classed as a healthy weight, I had to restrict, count calories and use all sorts of eating disorder behaviours to maintain that weight. I was not living, I was actually doing lots of damage to my mental and physical health. (2)

A year ago I was undergoing tests, years of living with an #eatingdisorder had damaged my reproductive system. I was told it wouldn't be possible to have children naturally, a massive blow. I was given the option of IVF but I had to be in solid recovery. 1/3 I worked hard, tears, anger and a lot of involvement from professionals, I reached my set point maintained and was well. I started the medication to regulate my hormones and my cycle, 5 months of different pills, just before we started IVF we found out we were pregnant.

Recovery tip. Stepladder goal setting.
Full video on my insta barefootrebel1
Remember this is just my example, you may have different steps, more steps less steps different goals different starting point. It is just an example.
I used this technique when I desperately wanted to.. to achieve a goal but it seemed so far away or just too much. Breaking it down into smaller steps, I found really useful.

If you get stuck DM I will be able to help you think and develop steps for your own goals.

Try not to have to many steps though or it can get to much again

I am so guilty of assuming the worst possible outcome, I often completely overlook the potential of a situation.
ED related example- if I eat this extra snack I may gain weight...... Alternative view, if I eat this extra snack it may aid my recovery and help me reach my goal.
1/3 Life example - if I view my opinion in a meeting everyone will laugh at me....... Alternative view, if I view my opinion in the meeting my idea may help, if not at least I tried. 2/3

I am sorry?....... what the actual fuck!

I don't think I have ever read such crap.

Ed community...... Your thoughts?
theguardian.com/society/2020/j… I've just learnt not to spend my life counting calories in and out. Learning to eat intuitively. Trying to recover from an ed in a world obsessed with diet culture is impossible, this is not helpful.

With non essential shops opening up pubs and social venues how is it justifiable to keep partners from labour, & births. I need my partner by my side.

Partners allowed for entirety of labour/birth in ALL hospitals. - Sign the Petition! chng.it/VFyWZcRw via @UKChange If you don't agree that is fine i appreciate people's opinions on this may differ. But its a personal opinion for me I'm due our first child & have a severe anxiety disorder. Hubby knows how to handle me. The thought of him not being there all the way through😓 It's his child too

RECOVERY TIP: distraction box/emotional first aid box. I made this a few years ago & filled it with items that would help ground me (list of items in thread). when I was in emotional distress I would sit with my box and try to calm #anxiety #eatingdisorder #recovery #mentalhealth my box contains
photographs, flash cards, my fav book, craft items my niece's have made, puzzle book, notepad and pens to journal, tea bags, scented candle, hand cream, room spray, elastic bands, stress balls, cards and notes from friends,