Thread by @lianziyun

Dinner that night is another awkward affair. wwx loudly declares he won’t be drinking any wine, sending the servant back with the jug. lxc sees Jiang Wei roll his eyes and he hides his smile with a bite of rice. Jiang Wei certainly brings the “fierce” to “fierce loyalty”.

jc is obviously exhausted again, barely eating and disappearing after dinner. As lxc is led to his room, he spies Healer Yu leading a horde of assistants to the inner courtyards.

lxc wants to follow but obviously can’t, so after settling in, he decides on another walk.

lp at night is ethereal in its beauty, quiet and calm. He sits at a bench by a smaller lotus cove and feels the urge to paint. He hasn’t had inspiration for over a year, and he didn’t expect to come now.

But the lotuses are so pretty in the moonlight, the water clear and still.

lxc looks around for a servant or disciple - he doesn’t have any supplies with him, had come with only clothing, Shuoyue, and Liebing.

Instead of a servant he sees lwj approach. lxc turns to face the water again as lwj sits beside him.

“Xiongzhang.”

“Wangji. Where’s Wei-gongzi?”

“Researching. He’s...a little frustrated.”

lxc hums.

“Xiongzhang.”

“Yes, Wangji?”

“You shouldn’t be here.”

lxc presses his lips together. There is no conceivable way this still counts as being in seclusion.

“Wangji does not understand.” lwj turns to look at him. “You do all this for Jiang Wanyin. Why?”

lxc takes a long while to answer, looking out over the water.

“I don’t know,” he says finally. “Something in me just calls out to him.”

“Didn’t you feel this way towards jgy?” lwj challenges. “Xiongzhang’s heart is too soft. Others will take advantage.”

“No,” lxc says immediately. “No, Jiang Wanyin is different.”

“Is he?”

lxc looks at lwj, who returns it calmly.

“Xiongzhang had thought the same thing of jgy, that he was misunderstood and looked down on. That no one else saw the good in him because of his birth, and upon suspicion would immediately arrive at the worst conclusion.

It made you want to protect him, to support him, to love him. jwy is a cruel, despicable man. Are you not doing the same for him now?”

Anger flares in lxc. “You know nothing of the man you speak!”

lwy’s stare is unflinching. “Is xiongzhang referring to jgy or jwy?”

“Of course jwy!” lxc stands, glaring down at lwj, who stands also. “Enough of your vitriol towards jwy. Your precious wwx isn’t so innocent and good, and neither are you. At least I acknowledge my faults whilst you lord over others, thinking yourself so much better than them.”

“You are choosing jwy over your blood brother?”

“I am not choosing anything! Why must you be like this?”

The mulish look on lwj’s face tells lxc everything he needs to know.

“There is no point in talking about this with you. We will never see eye to eye on this.” lxc pauses as he turns to leave. “I never made you choose between me and Wei-gongzi, and I never thought you would make me do just that.”

lwj stares after his brother, watching him sweep away, before sitting back down on the bench. lwj thinks he’s done nothing wrong. lxc is deluded again, just like he had been with jgy. Time will prove him right.

By the next morning, there’s no hiding that jc is not recovering properly. The transformation had taken too much from him, and now it appears they’ve skipped the gradual decline and are already at the “brink of exhaustion” stage.

It doesn’t help that jc had powered through his duties as usual since returning, running on nothing but determination.

There’s only so much energy a core can produce. Its maximum right now is still not enough, and it’s beginning to diminish from the energy directed back at it.

Most of Yunmeng Jiang think that Sect Leader was injured during his top secret job so they’re all incredibly worried, but it does not compare to that of Jiang Rong and Jiang Wei.

Jiang Wei is knelt next to the bed, jc’s hand clutched against his chest. Jiang Rong stands next to him, pale with shock as Healer Yu gives his diagnosis.

“Stop crying, Wei-er.”

Jiang Wei shakes his head. “I’m not crying,” he says, scrubbing the tears from his face.

“A-Rong, I trust you’ve got everything under control?”

He doesn’t. He really doesn’t. “Yes, Sect Leader.”

“Good. Any word from jl?”

Jiang Rong’s lips thin. “No, Sect Leader.” No doubt it’s because jc doesn’t want to burden jl with the knowledge that he’s ill.

jc sighs. “Where’s wwx?”

“In his room. Shall I send for him?” Jiang Rong may detest wwx, but he will not send anyway anyone trying to save jc.

“Yeah, why not.” jc’s eyes close.

“Sect Leader!” Jiang Wei cries.

“Hush, Wei-er. The meds are making me sleepy, that’s all.” His body needs the healing sleep.

Jiang Wei sniffles next to the bed, until wwx flies in and nearly kicks him in the head scrambling onto the bed.

“Jiang Cheng! What’s wrong? What happened? Why did you call me?”

“Shuddup, wwx. You’re too noisy.” jc’s eyes blink open. “You really should spend more time exploring instead of staying cooped up in that room.”

“I told you, I‘ll figure something out.” wwx’s eyes and mouth are lined with tension, not even bothering with his usual smiling mask.

jc sighs. “wwx, you don’t have a solution to everything in the world.”

“I will for you.”

jc knows better than to trust wwx’s promises. They bring nothing but hurt when they’re inevitably broken.

He’s always the one left behind. But now it seems as if he’ll be the one to leave them all behind instead, for the first and only time.

He only wishes he had more time with jl. But there’s no point in calling him over now. He will later, to give Zidian a new master.

Outside, Healer Yu is having a whispered conversation with Jiang Rong. “There is no medication for matters of the heart. Sect Leader is attacking his own core. If he’s doing it on purpose, nothing we do can stop it.

If he’s doing it subconsciously then he will only stop when the matter is resolved.”

Jiang Rong can think of nothing that would cause jc to be like this. Then his eyes turn hard. wwx. It has to have something to do with wwx.

“Keep doing all you can, Healer Yu,” he says. “A-Wei and I can start passing spiritual energy also.”

“That might be the only way,” Healer Yu says, and for a second, Jiang Rong’s strength almost gives way.

He catches wwx later as he leaves jc’s room, stepping directly into his path. “Master Wei, if you would spare me a moment.”

“What is it?” wwx folds his arms defensively. “I haven’t done anything.”

“You know why Sect Leader is attacking his core.”

wwx fidgets, eyes shifty. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re looking for a specific solution. A talisman or array or medical procedure.”

“So?”

“There will not be a cure until Sect Leader’s distress is resolved.”

wwx frowns. “What sort of distress?”

“Whatever there is about his core.”

Jiang Rong watches the colour drain from wwx’s face. He was right. It’s all wwx’s fault. “You /will/ tell me everything you know. I will not have Sect Leader waste away like this for someone like /you/.”

“No.” wwx stands firm. “That’s between me and jc.”

“Master Wei -“

“I said no.” wwx doesn’t flinch when Jiang Rong takes a step closer. “I need to talk to Lan Zhan. I’ll come back to see jc soon.”

Jiang Rong’s nails are digging into his palm, fisted tightly against his side. He doesn’t answer, and doesn’t move when wwx moves past him.

If wwx won’t tell, maybe Jiang Wei could get jc to spill instead.

Sect Leader is asleep, but Jiang Wei will be alerted the second he wakes, and he goes back to handle sect business after talking with Jiang Rong.

Meanwhile, Jiang Rong goes to find lxc, eventually locating him at the floating pavilion, painting leisurely.

Jiang Rong swallows his sneer and approaches with a bow. “Zewu-jun. This one has a favour to ask.”

“I will do my best to help.”

“Sect Leader is unwell. Gusu Lan is famed for healing and your healing music. Is there a chance that -“

“Yes, of course,” lxc says, already standing and rushing off. “My qin is in my room.”

Jiang Rong follows. “This one thanks you.”

“Please, no thanks are necessary.”

No one says anything when Jiang Rong leads lxc to jc’s room. lxc gives a sharp inhale when he sees jc sleeping.

“Healer Yu gave him meds to aid in healing sleep.”

“I see.” lxc sits by the bed, leaning over to inspect jc’s sleeping face. “I thought he was recovering.”

“We all thought wrong.”

lxc reaches out, brushing away a loose strand of hair.

Jiang Rong suddenly feels very uncomfortable. “Zewu-jun, is this suitable?” He gestures to the low table in jc’s room.

“Yes, that’s perfect.” lxc sits so he can watch jc as he plays. Healing music is normally for physical ailments, but it should make jc more comfortable.

“Then I leave Sect Leader in your hands.”

Jiang Rong closes the doors behind himself as lxc begins to play.

=====

jc wakes up after a couple hours of lxc’s playing, feeling a tiny bit better but still exhausted. He’s only a little surprised to see lxc there, cuz of course they would try Gusu’s healing music. There’s no point in a natural recovery, not now.

“Zewu-jun?”

“Sect Leader Jiang.” The music cuts off, lxc approaching. “How are you feeling? Should I call Healer Yu?”

“No, I’m fine.” There’s scuffling outside and jc knows either his SIC or TIC (or both) will arrive soon. He props himself up, lxc helping him to lean against his pillows.

“Thanks for playing,” he says.

“It’s the least I can do.”

jc sighs. “You know it’s futile, right?”

“No, it’s not. The meds should have lasted until lunch, but you woke on your own. The music is helping, and I will continue to assist.”

jc waves a hand. “If you want to continue wasting time, fine.”

“This is not wasting time. I would say it’s the best use of my time right now.”

jc sighs. “Do as you please. I can’t stop you.”

There’s a knock before Jiang Wei enters, bowing to lxc before sitting by jc.

lxc leaves the two of them to it, stepping outside so they could talk in private.

Inside, Jiang Wei is supremely frustrated that jc won’t spill his secret. “Why are you doing this?” he ends up asking. “Why won’t you try for us?”

jc would normally lose his temper by now, but he just sinks into his pillows, eyes closing. “Wei-er, it’s not so simple.”

“Then tell me so I can make it simple!”

jc sighs. “It’s not something I can control. It’s not like I want this to happen. But it’s just the way things are.”

Jiang Wei cannot accept that. He storms out, brushing past lxc without another word.

lxc goes back inside to see jc sipping some water. He stands by the bed and jc raises an eyebrow at him.

“You can sit, you know. I feel like we’re past such niceties, don’t you think so?”

lxc can feel his cheeks heat up as he sits on the edge. “Does it have anything to do with Guanyin Temple?”

jc’s eyes bore into him. “I think we both know what the problem is.”

lxc fidgets with the drape of his robes. “You could still stop it, you know. If you just accept it.”

“I have accepted it. That’s why it’s like this.”

“If you really have, you wouldn’t be rejecting it like this.”

“No, Zewu-jun. This was never something I wanted. I’ve accepted that everything I’ve achieved since the massacre is wwx’s and not mine.

All of Yunmeng, even jl, all that is mine only because wwx allowed it to be. What is the use of my existence?”

“You are not defined by your core,” lxc says. “All that you’ve achieved is still yours, and no one else’s. You’re so important to everyone at Yunmeng,

from your disciples to servants to the townspeople. They love you for you, not for your core.”

jc looks pained, but he frowns. He obviously disagrees, and lxc doesn’t know what he can say to change his mind. He knows himself that words don’t change anything.

Perhaps there really is nothing he can do except for easing jc’s suffering through music.

Outside, a livid lqr arrives by sword. “Take me to lxc,” he demands, and the guards exchange looks before escorting him to the waiting hall.

lxc is informed of his uncle’s arrival, and leaves jc to greet him. “Shufu.”

“Xichen, what is the meaning of this?” lqr demands. “I knew you were wandering around cr with a child, but now you’re in Yunmeng? You’re supposed to be in seclusion! What sort of joke is this?!”

“There is an urgent matter here requiring my assistance,” lxc says calmly.

“What is so urgent that it would take you from seclusion? Could you not send disciples? Jingyi and Sizhui are perfectly capable cultivators, and I know Wangji is here too.”

“There are private matters between me and Sect Leader Jiang.”

“Private -!” lqr desperately hopes it’s not an illegitimate child.

“Shufu, I will not return until the matter is resolved.”

“And how long will that be?”

“As long as it takes.”

lqr is so angry he’s ready to spit blood. lxc had gone into self-imposed seclusion - what sort of madness is this, for him to just up and leave without even telling anyone?

“Xichen, I hope you know what you’re doing. You have not been the best example of good decisions.”

lxc stiffens. “I realise. I know what I’m doing.”

lqr shakes his head. He shouldn’t have to deal with any of this. He had never wanted any of this. It was never supposed to be his burden to bear. He did what he thought was best, for his family and for the sect,

but he was supposed to be the spare, the supporting role, not the leader.

He hadn’t even wanted kids, though he had tried his best in his brother’s absence. But seeing his nephews now - how badly had he failed, that things are like this?

And now he’s gonna have to go back to cr and defend the leadership position all over again as lxc does whatever it is he’s doing right now, because it certainly isn’t being in the seclusion that he had wanted so badly. “Where is Sect Leader Jiang? I want to give my greetings.”

“Sect Leader Jiang is indisposed, but I will pass them on to him.”

lqr gives him a warning look. “Xichen, do not fall again into misplaced sympathy.”

lxc shakes his head. “No, shufu, this is different.”

lqr can’t even be bothered to protest. He suddenly feels so very old, and so very weary. He will have to deal with the elders again, and he is just so tired. “Do what you must, then.” jc will keep an eye on things, at least.

lxc sees lqr to the entrance, bowing as lqr flies off.

Back in cr, ljy is burning with curiosity. lsz is curious also, but he trusts that lwj and wwx will tell them eventually. When they hear that lxc has run away to lp in the middle of the night during his supposed seclusion, ljy is ready to explode at the lack of info.

(Let’s not call it gossip. It’s just info.)

So he writes to jl, asking if there’s something happening at lp or with his uncle that would need lxc.

jl is confused, cuz he hasn’t heard anything. Jiujiu’s recent letter was as usual, so jl had put off replying to it.

He decides to go to lp instead of writing - he needs to see for himself what’s going on.

“Take me to jiujiu,” he demands as soon as he arrives.

He expects jc’s office or the training grounds, so he’s thrown when they’re at jc’s bedroom, door closed and music drifting through.

Well that solves the question of what lxc is doing in lp, but why is he here? Is jiujiu injured? Why did no one tell him?

“Jiujiu?” jl gives a perfunctory knock, not bothering to wait before he slides open the door.

The music stops abruptly, but jl doesn’t even notice as he trips over to jiujiu’s bedside. “Jiujiu?” His voice comes in a scared whisper.

His tall, strong uncle is unmoving under a thick blanket, looking so small as he sleeps.

jl’s breath catches in his throat. “Jiujiu?” He shakes him gently but there’s no response. “Jiujiu!”

“It’s alright.” jl looks over his shoulder to see lxc standing by him. “He’s just taken some meds.”

“What - what’s wrong with jiujiu? Why did no one tell me anything?”

lxc doesn’t know what to say. Certainly it’s not his decision to make. “I’ll keep playing, and we’ll see when he wakes.”

jl turns back to jc, holding his hand as a million thoughts go through his head. He’s just so confused.

He knows how the sect closes rank around their leader, so there’s no point in calling for the SIC or TIC or Healer Yu. If jc ordered, then nothing would unseal their mouths.

Eventually jc stirs. “Hmm? Jin Ling? What are you doing here?”

lxc quietly slips out of the room, sliding the door closed silently.

“Jiujiu!” jl leans closer. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re sick?”

“Who said I’m sick?” jc asks, but when he struggles to sit up, a sliver of fear cuts through jl as he helps rearrange the pillows.

“No one said.”

jc gives him A Look, but jl looks defiant.

“No one said! Everyone knows that Zewu-jun ran away to lp, so I came to see what happened.”

jc tsks. “Nosy brat.”

“Jiujiu, are you really ok?” His uncle is a force of nature, unstoppable and fierce. No one is stronger or more powerful than jiujiu, but now his hands shake as he rearranges the blanket over his lap. It’s all wrong.

“Jin Ling.” jc looks at him seriously, reaching up to stroke over his cheek.

jl doesn’t know what to do. His uncle is rarely so gentle.

“Jiujiu is a little unwell. You don’t need to worry. It’ll all be over soon.”

jl doesn’t know how to feel about that. He should be reassured, but the heavy knot of anxiety in him just grows. “Is it serious? What’s wrong?”

jc sighs. “Jin Ling, did you abandon your duties? You’re sect leader now, you need to be more responsible.”

“I am! Jiujiu is important!”

jc sinks against his pillows. How can he scold jl for this? “A-Ling.”

“I’m not leaving until you recover,” jl says stubbornly.

“You owe a duty to your sect.”

“I’ve been away for long stretches before. If jiujiu really is fine then you’ll get better soon and I’ll go back soon.”

jc doesn’t know what to do. He wants jl here, to spend this extra time with him, but he also doesn’t want jl to see him wither away.

“Tell me what sort of mischief you’ve been up to then.”

“Jiujiu! I’ve been good.” jl dives into a story about a recent night hunt he went on with his friends, and jc leans back, more focused on taking in the details of jl’s face than the story.

Jin Ling‘s gotten taller again. He’s broader also, and his voice is settling into its deep register. He‘s so much like jzx, but his eyes are all yanli’s.

“Jin Ling! You’re finally here!”

Trust wwx to come at all the wrong times.

“Senior Wei. What are you doing here?”

“What took you so long? Look, you don’t need to worry, alright? jc’s gonna be fine. I’ll figure something out, I promise, I won’t let him die -“

“WEI WUXIAN!” jc is beyond furious.

jl turns huge, horrified eyes back to his jiujiu, who’s coughing. “Jiujiu?” His voice breaks.

wwx just looks confused. “You didn’t tell him? What’s he doing here then?”

“He’s my nephew you piece of shit!” jc is wheezing, jl rubbing his back. “Why can’t he be here!”

“Jiujiu, what’s happening?!” jl looks between jc and wwx, lost, as his eyes start filling with tears.

“I...Jiang Cheng, Jin Ling, I didn’t mean to - I thought you’d told him - I didn’t know -“

“You never do!” Zidian gives off weak sparks. “Get the fuck out!”

wwx runs out, slamming the doors shut.

jl turns back to jc, and jc’s heart breaks at the look on jl’s face. “Jiujiu?”

jl turns back to jc, and jc’s heart breaks at the look on jl’s face. “Jiujiu?”

“A-Ling, don’t cry. Don’t listen to that bastard.”

“But you’re sick. You’re not well! Zewu-jun had to leave seclusion to play for you!” jl’s voice gets increasingly hysterical.

“Shh. A-Ling, breathe. It’s fine. You don’t need to be so worried.”

“Jiujiu!” jl wails, falling forward to hug jc.

“Silly boy, everything’s gonna be alright.” jc strokes over jl’s hair, holding him tight.

jl just cries harder. Has jiujiu always been so small? jl’s arms wrap easily around jc’s waist, and he has to bend down to tuck his face into jiujiu’s shoulder.

jc sits there calmly as jl cries all over him, soaking his robes through. “Shh, A-Ling, everything’s gonna be fine.”

“No it’s not!” jl wails. “Nothing’s gonna be fine!”

jc huffs a breathy laugh. “A-Ling. Shh, come on. Where’s my grown up sect leader?”

It would normally stop jl’s sobs, but it’s no use now as jl keeps crying loudly. jc closes his eyes to hold in his own tears.

The one thing he doesn’t want to let go of is jl, his precious nephew; the only family he has left. The baby that he cared for with his own two hands, strapped to his chest as he conducted his duties. The tiny toddler that held his hand as he tottered on unsteady feet.

The child that would run to him in tears and hide behind his robes from bullies. The headstrong teenager that was desperate to prove his worth but who kept looking back to make sure jiujiu was there behind him.

Ah, but his A-Ling is all grown up now. The events of the past year showed that well enough. He doesn’t need jiujiu for night hunts anymore, doesn’t need jiujiu to hold court for him in Lanling anymore, doesn’t need jiujiu to help in decisions anymore.

He’ll let jl be spoiled for now, because jl will be fine on his own.

When jl calms down, hiccuping as he lifts his head, jc wipes his face with his sleeve in practiced ease.

“Silly boy,” he chides. “This is not how a sect leader conducts himself.”

“Well I’m a sect leader and this is how I conduct myself so this is how a sect leader conducts himself.”

jc would normally respond with a scolding, but he’s tired again, so he just rolls his eyes at jl’s petulance.

“Jiujiu.” jl’s bottom lip trembles again. “What’s wrong? What illness do you have?”

“Something with my core,” jc says flippantly.

jl’s eyes flicker down to his abdomen. “Because...?” he whispers. Then his eyes widen.

“Did wwx do something to you? Is that why he’s here?! Is that why he said all those things?!”

“No, A-Ling.” jc tugs at jl’s hand. “He didnt do anything.”

“Then why did you tell him first? I’m your family.”

“I didn’t tell him anything. He just happened to find out.”

That appeases jl somewhat. “And Zewu-jun?”

“Just happened to be involved when I was at cr.”

“You would’ve told me, right?” jl asks in a tiny voice.

“Of course. Just...” jc sighs. “Just not so soon.”

“Jiujiu is so selfish!” jl scowls. “How could you not tell me something so important?!”

“It’s not such a big deal, A-Ling. You would’ve been told when the time comes. But since you’re here now...” jc’s hand suddenly grips onto jl’s with surprising strength.

jl looks down to see jc sliding zidian onto his finger, and his heart skips a beat as he jerks back, yanking his hand away, almost falling over as he stands and steps away from the bed.

“No! Jiujiu, no!”

jc’s fist is loosely open, Zidian sitting in the middle of his palm.

“A-Ling, Zidian is no use to me like this.”

jl thinks of the weak sparks he saw earlier. “No! No, I won’t!”

“A-Ling.”

There’s so much unsaid in his name, and jc shakes his head violently. “I said no, jiujiu!”

When jc sighs and Zidian is back on his finger, jl approaches again. “Jiujiu, you rest some more, ok? I’ll get Zewu-jun back to play for you, and I’ll go look for Healer Yu and wwx.”

jc gives a weak nod, and jl helps him lie down again.

“Rest now, jiujiu,” jl whispers as jc closes his eyes. He pulls the blanket up higher under jc’s chin. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

jl leaves the room with his chin lifted proudly, spine straight and shoulders back, just like jiujiu taught him.

jl almost throws a fit when Healer Yu explains to him what is going on. He manages to keep his mouth shut enough to keep the secret of jc’s core, but the second he leaves the infirmary he demands to know where wwx is, storming over and barging in after banging on the door.

And then he loses his shit.

A haze falls over him; he doesn’t care that the door is still wide open and the corridors are filled with disciples, he is bubbling over with rage and grief that he’s going to lose the last family he has left.

“wwx! It’s all your fault! If it wasn’t for you then jiujiu wouldn’t be sick!”

“Jin Ling...” wwx goes up to him, hands held out and lwj glaring just behind him. “I’m trying to save jc.”

“Jiujiu wouldn’t need saving if not for you!”

“Jin Ling, you don’t understand. I had to do it. jc was in such bad shape. There was no other way.”

“The other way would have been to tell him, you piece of shit! Instead of lying like a coward! You lied because you knew he didn’t want it so you forced him!”

“Jin Rulan, watch your words,” lwj says sternly.

“You will address me as Sect Leader Jin! I’ll speak as I wish! I speak the truth!” jl is shaking all over, he’s so angry. “wwx, you better find a cure, because you /owe/ it to him!”

lwj steps forward. “Jiang Wanyin should be grateful -“

“He should be grateful for nothing!!!” jl screams. “He owes you nothing! wwx, you’re the one that owes him!” He rounds in on lwj. “And you! You are not fit to speak his name! He is Sect Leader Jiang!”

At that point Jiang Rong enters the room, sliding himself in front of jl, blocking his view of wwx and lwj, holding jl gently by the arms. “A-Ling, don’t do this. Sect Leader wouldn’t want you to do this. Come now. He wants to see you again.”

“No!” jl shouts, and for some reason now that Rong-ge is here, tears suddenly appear. “No, I’m not done with them!”

“Come now, A-Ling,” Jiang Rong says firmly, herding jl towards the door. “Sect Leader wants to see you.”

jl looks around him. “Don’t think I’m done with you two!”

“Come on, A-Ling.” Jiang Rong keeps his voice low and calm, and when he gets jl to turn and leave, he wraps an arm around jl’s shoulders as jl breaks into heaving sobs, stomping away as he wipes his face roughly with his sleeves.

lwj is livid. “What a loathsome, ill-bred boy.”

“Don’t, Lan Zhan,” wwx says. “He’s an orphan because of me.”

“Wei Ying didn’t kill his parents.”

wwx doesn’t answer.

“Wei Ying. We should leave.”

“No,” wwx says stubbornly. “No, I’m not leaving.” He’s abandoned jc too many times already.

“I don’t understand why you still want to stay for someone who cares nothing for you.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” wwx says sharply. “I’m not leaving, Lan Zhan.”

lwj doesn’t answer. wwx slams down a stack of books onto his desk, picking one to start reading.

jl calms down a bit as he’s taken to the inner courtyards, still sniffling when he enters jc’s room with Jiang Rong.

lxc is playing quietly on the other side of the room. This old room of jc’s is too small to divide with a privacy screen, but jc doesn’t mind if lxc overhears.

“A-Ling. Who made you cry?” jc is lying down in bed, eyes barely open.

“Jiujiu,” jl mumbles, kneeling next to the bed to be closer to jc. The familiar phrase brings fresh tears. “You don’t need wwx. I’ll get the best healers from Lanling. We can do this without him, jiujiu.”

“No,” jc sighs out. “I don’t want anyone outside of lp to know. Just leave wwx here if he wants.”

“Jiujiu!”

“A-Ling. He’s not doing any harm being here. Let him be.”

jl pouts but jc just reaches up and pinches his cheek weakly.

“I don’t want you upset, A-Ling. I want to spend the rest of our time together happily.”

jl nods, hugging jc’s hand to himself.

“Just avoid him if you don’t want to see him.”

jl nods again. “Jiujiu, rest more. You don’t need to worry about me.”

Now that he’s calmer, jl realises his tantrum caused enough commotion that jc forced himself out of rest to talk to him.

“Silly boy,” jc sighs out, eyes closing. “I will always worry about you.”

jl doesn’t respond, just squeezes jc’s hand tighter. His entire chest hurts.

“Jiujiu, sleep some more.”

“Mn. Tell me more about the trouble you’ve been getting into.”

“Jiujiu, I told you already, I’ve been good. You gotta get better soon and then I can show you how much I’ve improved with the bow.”

“Mn.”

“I called to have my stuff sent over. Fairy’s coming too. Jingyi says she’s getting too fat but I don’t think so. Tell me what you think later.”

“...Mn.”

“Zizhen still quotes Teacher Lan’s lessons from his year of study. Remember you said you would ask if

Teacher Lan could give me a few private lectures?”

“...”

jl’s eyes blur with tears again. Oh god it feels like he hasn’t stopped crying since he arrived. “Jiujiu?” he whispers.

jc is so still. But if jl leans in he can hear jc’s slow breaths under the soft music still playing.

“Sect Leader Jin?”

jl spins around. Oh. He forgot about lxc. “Zewu-jun.” He wipes his sleeve across his nose. “Thank you for helping my jiujiu.”

“It’s the very least I could do.”

jl watches lxc play some more, still holding jc’s hand, though now he shifts to sit on the bed.

What had happened at cr between jc and lxc that would bring lxc to lp? “I didn’t know you were so close with jiujiu.”

“It’s a fairly new development.”

“How new?”

lxc pauses. “Perhaps a couple months, if that.”

“That’s not very long.” jl looks at him suspiciously. “We were all under the impression that Sect Leader Lan has been in seclusion for the past year.”

“Yes,” lxc says simply.

jl is itching to know more. “So is this seclusion?” he asks bluntly.

But lxc smiles a gentle smile. “I’m not quite sure anymore. Probably not.” He doesn’t find himself put off by jl’s attitude. Teenagers are just like that, and jgy had always indulged him.

The thought brings a twinge of old hurt.

lxc had never been a fan of jc’s discipline, though jl had always responded well to it despite talking back the entire time. The two are so alike, in personality but also in looks. jc may think that jl resembles jzx, but in all honesty, uncle and nephew could pass for brothers.

There’s no doubt that without jc, jl wouldn’t even be half the cultivator he is now. jgy had let jl run wild at koi tower, allowing him to skip classes and training as he wished, giving him anything he demanded in abundance.

lxc had always seen that as evidence of jgy’s genuine love for jl, a way of compensating for lost parents and a harsh uncle.

But now, looking at jl by jc’s side, a cold chill runs through him instead.

Overindulgence can ruin a child just as much as over-discipline.

Had that been jgy’s plan all along, to wrest power from the proper heir? A useless jl would never be accepted as sect leader, or would never be more than a pretty figurehead.

lxc cannot find it in himself to smile anymore, eyes fixed on Suihua leaning against jc’s bed.

jl’s sword style has always been decidedly more Jiang than Jin.

Luckily, jl isn’t paying him any more attention, turning back to his uncle and fixing the hair around his face. They are the two that love each other most in the world, lxc is sure of that.

Eventually jl shifts to lie down on the bed, curling up against jc for a nap, and lxc keeps playing on numb fingers until the day melts away.

Just before dinner, there’s a light knock before wwx peeks his head in, gaze falling on jc and jl before turning to lxc. “Can I come in?”

lxc smiles but doesn’t answer.

wwx inches in, tiptoeing over to the bed. “How are they?”

“About as well as expected.”

wwx sighs. He leans over, inspecting their sleeping faces. “I’m not gonna give up,” he says. “I’ll find a way.”

There’s no use in telling me, lxc wants to say. Instead he asks, “How’s Wangji?”

“Mad. He wants to leave.”

lxc remembers the disciple running in to shake jc awake, that jl was heading to wwx primed for a fight.

“Get Jiang Rong,” jc had slurred out, his nephew’s name tearing him from sleep. “Send Jin Ling to me.”

Whatever had gone down between jl and them could not possibly have been pleasant.

“If Wangji cannot suffer lp’s hospitality, then perhaps he should return to cr. I have been lacking in my responsibilities as of late, but he is still able to aid shufu.”

To those that don’t know lxc, they would find it a fairly innocuous suggestion.

To those that do, it’s practically a declaration of war.

“You know Lan Zhan wouldn’t do that,” wwx says, unthinking. “He wouldn’t leave me here alone.”

“Indeed. Not for his sect or for his family.”

wwx understands the insult now, but he feels indignant.

They’re in love, they’re married, what’s wrong with being together? Why would they separate themselves for any length of time?

wwx hums, leaning over for one more look at jc and jl. “Lan Zhan is my husband now. Perhaps you should let us make marital decisions on our own.”

lxc’s lips thin. He knows he’s not the best sect leader, but he’s always tried not to be selfish. Seclusion was really the only thing purely for himself and not for sect or family, whether in whole or in part.

wwx turns to leave. “I’ll return when jc’s awake.”

lxc doesn’t bid him goodbye, plucking harder at the strings in irritation.

Things do not improve the next day. jl flat out bans wwx from entering jc’s room, barely holding back on shouting to keep from disturbing jc.

wwx looks half a second away from fighting back, but somehow he manages to stop himself and leave quietly.

When jc wakes before lunch, jl can only hover as Jiang Rong and Jiang Wei whisper to jc. lxc doesn’t take offence; sect matters should stay private.

jc gives his orders quietly before his SIC and TIC leave. jl takes over then, spilling a long series of questions at jc, who just waits until jl is finished before saying simply, “I’m fine. Lemme talk to Zewu-jun for a moment.”

jl pouts but moves back so lxc can take his spot.

“In private, A-Ling.”

jl squints suspiciously, looking from jc to lxc several times before agreeing and stepping out of the room. lxc can see his shadow through the door, pacing back and forth.

“Zewu-jun,” jc says weakly.

“Sect Leader Jiang.” Up close, lxc cannot tell if jc has improved or not. He’s still pale, eyes heavy and unfocused.

“Zewu-jun, Jin Ling is here now.”

“Yes?” lxc has no idea what that means.

“You saw how he was yesterday.”

“...Yes.” lxc does not like where this is going.

“I don’t want to make it harder for him. I don’t want to drag it out for weeks or months or even years. You can stay and play forever, but the fact is I will continue declining.”

“No.” lxc shakes his head. “I cannot do what you’re asking of me. I cannot give up for you.”

“Zewu-jun,” jc sighs, and lxc hates how defeated he sounds.

“Sect Leader Jiang, you so are beloved by everyone here. Please do not do this to them.”

“I don’t know how to stop it.” jc’s eyes close again. “Even when I focus on cycling energy, I can still feel it disappearing.”

“It’s your subconscious.”

jc’s eyes shine when they open again. “How are we supposed to change that, Zewu-jun?”

lxc is quiet. “I wish I knew as well.”

“Zewu-jun...Lan Xichen. We don’t know each other well, but I think we both know what suffering is.”

lxc can’t breathe.

“Don’t keep me suffering like this,” jc whispers.

“I...” lxc doesn’t know how to respond. “I can’t,” he says weakly, stumbling back from the bed. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”

His hands shake as he slides the door open. His heart is pounding so hard he can feel it in his throat.

He needs to get away, eyes unseeing as he stumbles around lp. Somehow he finds himself by the water. A long pier stretches into the lake, and lxc stands there for a while before he walks down it.

He doesn’t know how to save jc, or else he would have saved himself along the way.

lxc sits at the end of the pier, dangling his legs off the side. The sound of the water calms him, and lxc watches the gentle waves for a long, long while.

At sunset, lxc returns to jc’s room, where jl is keeping watch over a sleeping jc.

“Zewu-jun,” he says stiffly. “I didn’t expect you to be gone all afternoon.” The worst thing is that jl can’t even be mad at him for it, cuz this is such a huge favour from lxc.

jl’s voice wakes jc, who waves jl away again.

“Zewu-jun, I have asked too much of you. Forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive. Sect Leader Jiang...Jiang Wanyin.”

The name sharpens the look in jc’s eyes, so unfamiliar to him. He had been a sect leader at 17, with no friends or allies. There has been no one to call him this name since then.

“You do not need to apologise for wanting to retain agency of your life. But Jiang Wanyin...you are needed here.“

jc sighs. “Zewu-jun, after all you’ve been through, you are still a gentle soul. I’m glad.”

That doesn’t have anything to do with this, lxc wants to say, because it’s not him looking through rose-coloured lens, it’s something he knows to be grounded in reality.

“Let me stay and play for you,” lxc says instead.

jc looks up at him, at lxc’s earnest face. lxc honestly believes what he’s saying, jc can tell.

Ah, he’s really getting too soft.

“I can’t stop you, Zewu-jun.”

“Please, Lan Xichen is fine. I feel like we’re past such niceties,” he says,

and jc huffs out a small laugh, his own words echoing back at him.

“Indeed.”

“How are you feeling?” lxc asks. “Please don’t say you’re fine, because I know you’re not.”

jc laughs again, a slight breathy thing. “Honestly, like shit. Like I’ve been trampled by a herd of horses.”

lxc is horrified.

“But...” jc sighs. “Your music does help. I’m not so dizzy when I’m awake, and I’m not so very exhausted.”

lxc can feel his shoulders relax. Prolonging this might be painful to jc, but it buys them more time to find a solution.

“Jiang Wanyin...please don’t give up yet. There is still so much of life left to live.”

“Lan Xichen, is that the answer you’ve reached in seclusion?”

Well. Actually, no. lxc never thought about it for himself, because he’s not the one that deserves it.

And it seems like jc knows too. “If I’m deserving, so are you.”

Somehow, despite the situation, lxc returns the smile. “We’re in quite the quandary then, aren’t we?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Lan Xichen.” His name sounds good coming from jc. “It was never a question for you.”

“Isn’t it?” lxc scratches at the rich brocade of jc’s thick blanket. “Sometimes being a good person is the worst thing you can be. There’s still the capacity to cause so much harm and pain and destruction, but even worse because you’re blind to all of it.”

jc doesn’t tiptoe around the issue. “jgy was a master manipulator and an all-around asshole. That’s not on you.”

This isn’t exactly the ideal time to bring it up, not when jc is bedridden. But... “I just wonder. About the end. You know.”

jc scoffs, turning his face away slightly. “He never thought of harming you because you were only useful alive.“

“He pushed me away.”

“And now he’s succeeded in being the only thing you will obsess over for the rest of your life.

No one will ever take his place at the forefront of your thoughts, no one will ever be as important as he is to you. Isn’t that so much better than dragging you to die with him?”

lxc can’t breathe.

jc sighs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t speak of your fated one this way.”

lxc is numb. Even his lips are numb as he speaks. “Who said he was my fated one?”

“Wasn’t he?” jc asks blandly. “You’re in seclusion because of him, aren’t you?”

“Well.” lxc feels intensely uncomfortable with the assessment that, while true, also isn’t exactly true.

“I’m sorry,” jc says again. “I shouldn’t judge. I mean, look at me now. What right do I have?”

“No. I see what you’re saying. And you’re right. He’s succeeded.” lxc laughs wetly, tears stinging his eyes. “This past year...I’ve thought of nothing but him and our time together.”

“It’s not wrong to mourn a loved one,” jc says gently. “It’s not so simple to just say he’s a terrible person and doesn’t deserve it. You had real feelings, all valid.”

lxc sniffs but doesn’t answer, not meeting jc’s eyes as he scratches at jc’s blanket again.

Eventually he lifts his gaze to see that jc has closed his eyes, dozing.

jc is wrong. lxc had loved jgy very much, but he was not his fated one. lxc had never felt the urge to give him his ribbon, had never wanted jgy to even touch it.

“Jiang Wanyin?” he whispers.

jc’s breathing is deep and soft.

“Thank you,” lxc breathes out. He stands from the bed, smoothing out his robes before going to find jl. There’s still time before dinner, and lxc wants to play the qin some more.

=====

“I’m here whether you like it or not and you can’t do anything about it!”

lxc pauses at wwx’s familiar shout.

“I can stop you from bothering jiujiu and making things even worse!”

Oh no. lxc sighs, rushing to jc’s room. It’s still early in the morning, not long after breakfast, and lp hasn’t woken to its usual liveliness yet.

“I’m trying to save him!” wwx screams.

“No one needs you to!” jl screams back. “You’re not wanted and you’re not needed!”

lxc slides open jc’s door, barely giving a glance to jl and wwx facing off each other cuz the only thing he can see is jc pushing himself up from the bed. “Jiang Wanyin!” He rushes over and wraps an arm around him.

jl spins around and gasps, going to jc’s other side

and holding his arm. “Jiujiu, you shouldn’t be out of bed!”

“Enough,” jc says. “Both of you, enough.” He’s shaking on his feet so lxc tightens his grip, shifting more of jc’s weight against his own body. jc is too thin; lxc’s hand is already enough to encompass jc’s waist.

“Jin Ling, wwx is a guest of lp, and you will treat him as such.”

“But jiujiu!”

jc’s glare has lost none of its potency, and jl pouts hugely but lowers his head obediently.

“wwx, I keep telling you to go out and have some fun.”

“I’m not leaving until you’re cured,” wwx says stubbornly, crossing his arms.

jc sighs. “Do whatever you want. At least you can’t do any more harm.”

“Jiujiu, I told you we don’t need him!”

“Whether or not he’s needed remains to be seen,” jc says calmly.

There’s a complicated look on wwx’s face, but lxc doesn’t think much on it as jc’s legs give way. He doesn’t think twice before lifting jc into a carry, turning back to the bed and gently setting him down onto it.

“You should be resting,” lxc says quietly.

“Who could rest with those two around?” jc scowls, allowing jl to tuck the blanket around him again.

“Jin Ling, don’t think you can slack off while you’re here. I want you on the field with Jiang Feng every morning for training.”

“But jiujiu!”

“No buts.”

“What if something happens when I’m gone?” jl’s lower lip wobbles, and jc’s entire face softens.

“That’s not gonna happen and you know it. And if something does happen you’ll be the first to know.”

“Don’t wanna,” jl whines.

“Go,” jc says sharply. “Right now. You already slacked off the whole of yesterday.”

“I was doing things,” jl huffs.

“You were slacking,” jc says. “Go. Now.”

“Fine. But I’m coming back for lunch and I’m not doing anything afterwards.”

jc waves a hand. “Stop being lazy!”

jl flounces off with a jingle of his hair beads.

“Wei Wuxian.”

wwx inches closer to the bed, where lxc is fixing the blanket around jc, smoothing out jl’s clumsy attempt. “Jiang Cheng,” he says. “You shouldn’t give up yet. I promised you, didn’t I?”

“I have no expectations.”

Why would he, towards someone that gave him promises over and over again, pulling his hopes up only to break all of them and leave him behind each time?

“Jiang Cheng, trust me. I’ll figure out a way.”

“Do as you wish,” jc says, eyes closed and not bothering to look at him.

“If you must see me, come when jl is in training. I don’t want him upset.”

“Right. Yeah, of course. Don’t worry about it.” wwx stands there some more, but jc doesn’t say anything else. “Well. I’ll just. Leave you in Lan da-ge’s capable hands then.”

lxc smiles blandly at wwx, who leaves the room oddly unsettled but unable to say why.

lxc sits by the bed. “You’re quite energetic today.”

“I just took the meds; it’ll be a little while before they start to take,” jc says, the back of his hand coming up to cover a small yawn.

lxc stares at the loose curl of his fingers, gaze sweeping up to see jc blinking teary eyes.

A sudden heat flares across lxc’s cheeks as his heart skips a beat.

“You’re here early,” jc says.

“Yes, well, I thought I’d try to come earlier to help prevent yesterday’s confrontation, but it appears I was still too late today.”

“Nah, it’s hard to time these things. Jin Ling eats here, and who knows what sort of time wwx keeps.”

“Indeed.”

lxc inspects jc’s face some more. There’s been no change, and lxc knows it’s only been a few days, but he can’t deny he had hoped for some improvement.

“You look disappointed.” jc raises an eyebrow. “Am I not pretty enough for you?”

“No, that’s not it,” lxc protests without thinking. “Just...I had hoped the music would have helped more.”

“You’re helping.” jc’s smile is faint but there. His blinks are getting heavier, eyes taking on an unfocused sheen.

“Get some rest,” lxc whispers instead. “I’ll be here.”

“...Mn.”

lxc watches as jc’s breaths turn deep and even. It’s better than the shallow breaths from before, but that’s it.

lxc sits down resolutely at his qin. If it’s not enough, then he’ll just put more spiritual energy into the music.

A jingling bell catches lxc’s attention sometime late morning, and he watches curiously as the door slides open awkwardly and Fairy steps in through the gap, closing the door after herself with a hind paw.

She gives him a look before heading to jc, climbing onto the bed and lying down next to him against the wall, head up and alert.

“You’re a very good girl, aren’t you, Fairy?” lxc says, and Fairy looks at him, tongue lolling out. “Are you here to look after Jiang Wanyin?”

Fairy gives a soft woof. She touches her nose to jc’s jaw and neck before lifting her head again. She remains alert as lxc continues to play, sniffing jc every now and then to check on him.

Even with the extra spiritual energy, jc sleeps until lunch, when jl comes back from

training and nags jc into eating more than just a bite of his food.

Sometime in the afternoon, Jiang Wei comes in with a baby girl, dressed in disciple robes over her diaper and her wispy hair tied into a fountain on the top of her head.

jl goes up to them, cooing at the baby before he turns to lxc. “Zewu-jun, have you met Wei-ge’s daughter Lizhu?”

lxc smiles. “I haven’t yet had the pleasure.”

“His wife is due soon too! And then we’ll see if Xiao Zhu is gonna have a little sister or a little brother.”

The baby has her hand wrapped around jl’s finger, who looks delighted as she waves it around.

Jiang Wei somehow manages to look severely unimpressed over the top of Lizhu’s head as he glowers towards lxc, not bothering with a proper greeting.

lxc doesn’t mind; he’s formed a pretty picture in his head, of Jiang Wei and his pregnant wife playing with their baby daughter, all in Yunmeng Jiang robes.

“I brought her here to see Sect Leader,” Jiang Wei says, sitting at the edge of the bed.

“It’s been so long since Sect Leader has seen her. She’s grown so much.” And maybe he’ll be reminded of things in life to look forward to, he doesn’t say.

Fairy woofs, and Lizhu gives a delighted shriek as she sinks a hand into Fairy’s fur.

“Hm?”

“Jiujiu!”

“Sect Leader!”

lxc perks up also, though his view of the bed is obscured by jl and Jiang Wei.

“Lizhu, is that you, baby girl?” jc sounds hoarse as he’s helped into a sitting position.

“Gah!” she says excitedly, Jiang Wei handing her over.

“Ah, Xiao Zhu, you’re so heavy now.”

jc doesn’t have the strength to hold her for more than a bare second, setting her down in his lap as she yanks on his hair.

lxc is still amazed at the length of jc’s hair. How does he manage to keep it all in a bun? Right now it’s falling over his shoulder in a loose braid,

the end pooling in his lap.

“Hey, Lan Xichen.”

“Hm?”

Jiang Wei narrows his eyes as he looks between jc and lxc. When had they gotten close enough to call each other by their name?

“Take a break. I can feel the energy you’re putting into it.”

lxc just smiles but he does stop, going to make a pot of tea as he listens to them chat around jc’s bed.

Eventually Lizhu needs her diaper changed so Jiang Wei has to run off, leaving jl and Fairy.

jl looks between jc and lxc a few times. He pulls a face,

and lxc doesn’t want to know what sort of conclusion jl’s reached when he announces he’s taking Fairy on a Very Long Walk, giving lxc a suspicious look before leaving him alone with jc.

lxc sits by the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Still tired. I know you’re putting more spiritual energy into your playing, but you shouldn’t.”

“I’ll be fine.”

jc huffs. “If you exhaust yourself then who will continue to play for me?”

“I promise I am pacing myself. I need to make sure you’re well taken care of.”

jc’s cheeks flush pink. “Just don’t overdo it.”

“I promise I won’t.”

jc tilts his head, gaze roving over lxc’s face. “You seem different today.”

“Different how?” lxc is wearing the same headpiece and white robes as always.

“Something about you is just different. You look different. Something about your face.”

“Not pretty enough for you?” lxc teases.

“Dumbass,” jc says, though he just seems amused. “I’m not sure what it is.”

“That’s fine,” lxc says serenely. “Appearances don’t account for much.”

“Says the number one bachelor in the cultivation world,” jc grumbles. “It’s good though. You just seem more, I dunno, relaxed I guess.”

“Lotus Pier is quite relaxing.”

“You’ve been cooped up in my room playing from breakfast until dinner,” jc says flatly.

“As I said, quite relaxing.”

jc rolls his eyes at him.

The thing is, lxc knows why he might look different. He spent the whole night thinking about jgy, but not in the way he used to. lxc feels better somehow, not as emotionally wrung out from thinking about him.

It’ll be a while before jgy will become an afterthought, but lxc will not - can not - allow jgy to be the rest of his life, the only thing that matters, the one to dictate his every thought, the person that he cares about more than any other in the world.

“Being out and about is obviously better than seclusion,” jc says bluntly. “It’s important to reflect on your wrongs, but shutting out the world to do so is just prolonging your own misery by looking backwards and refusing to face the future.”

“Seclusion is supposed to be a punishment,” lxc says vaguely, but there’s no strength to his words. He was the one that had wanted to enter seclusion against the will of his uncle and elders, yet it is now, here at lp, that he feels like he can finally breathe again.

“Fair enough. I just don’t think it’s very conducive to moving on.”

“What about you, Jiang Wanyin? How did you move on?” lxc is genuinely curious.

jc snorts. “Who said I’ve moved on?”

“But you just said all those things.”

“Yeah.” jc crosses his arms.

“I am the perfect example of all talk no action.”

lxc can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of him. “Jiang Wanyin, you need to think better of yourself.”

jc rolls his eyes. “I know my limitations.” He’s all too aware of all the things he’s lacking in.

lxc’s eyes are so gentle, and his smile is so soft. jc can’t look at him.

“You’re a much better man than you think you are,” lxc says. “With or without your core,” he adds pointedly.

jc doesn’t respond, lips pursed in a pout.

lxc wonders if jc even knows the expression he’s making. Ah, Jiang Wanyin is unexpectedly cute.

“You’re an excellent strategist, on the field and off. You love and support your disciples, and they are completely devoted to you. You’ve raised Jin Ling so well,

and spent a decade paving the road for him. I can go on if you want me to-“

“Stop it, shut up,” jc says with a red face.

“ -but none of these things are because of your core. They’re because of you.”

“Ugh, I told you to shut up.” jc is scowling fiercely, hunched into himself.

“Your people love you, Jiang Wanyin. You should allow yourself to be loved. You of all people deserve it most.”

“Shameless,” jc mutters. “Ugh, you’re disgusting.”

“You cannot deny it, though.”

“Of course I can,” jc grumps. “Grab me the candies that Jiang Wei brought.”

lxc passes the small box over, refusing when jc offers him one. “Speaking of Jiang Wei...” he says, dropping his gaze from jc.

jc sighs. “What did he do?”

“Nothing! I just wonder...you two seem particularly close.”

When there’s no immediate response, lxc looks up to see jc with his head lowered. His brows are furrowed, lips turned down.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry. Please don’t feel obliged to answer.”

It’s another long moment before jc speaks. “I found Wei-er in the remains of lp

when I went back to rebuild. The children never stood a chance when the Wen dogs killed them all, but Wei-er had skipped out to pick lotus seeds at night. He hid in the water, even when they poured oil in it to burn the lotuses. Afterwards he hid in the rubble and

scrounged for food until I found him, his body disfigured from burns that got infected.”

lxc doesn’t know what to say. He has seen scars peeking out from Jiang Wei’s sleeves and collar, but hadn’t given them any thought.

“I asked him why he didn’t go into town for help.

He said Lotus Pier is his home, so he refused to leave.” jc shakes his head. “What a stubborn, silly child.”

“Jiang Wei is an admirable person, with a loyal heart.”

“I spoil him too much, so I hope you don’t take offence if he is rude. Wei-er doesn’t like strangers.”

No, Jiang Wei just doesn’t like him. It’s understandable; it’s natural for him to be protective of jc, especially towards those that had shunned his sect leader all these years.

lxc was so wrong about jc. He just hopes for the chance to know him before jc’s body gives up on him.

“Rest more,” lxc says instead.

“Mn.” jc shifts to lie down. “Get some rest if you need it Lan Xichen.”

jc falls asleep far too quickly, leaving lxc feeling guilty for keeping him up. No matter, the break has completely recharged him, so he can put even more energy into the qin.

Days later there’s still no progress on the research, but wwx refuses to admit there’s no cure outside of jc healing himself. He checks in on jc in the mornings during jl’s training, though lxc has no idea what lwj has been up to. He can’t find it in himself to particularly care.

lxc has been avoiding lwj and wwx when he leaves jc for the day, eating dinner at various scenic spots around lp before retiring to his room or painting under the moonlight.

Today had started the same, but lxc overhears jc telling Healer Yu that he’s not sleeping well at night

even with meds, so he offers to come back later and play a song of calm instead of healing.

But apparently both of them have very different ideas of what “later” means because lxc meant “immediately after dinner” and jc meant “just before bed”.

jc’s room is quiet when lxc approaches, and he wonders where jl is. He knocks on the door. “Jiang Wanyin? It’s me, Lan Xichen.”

Inside, Fairy gives a sharp bark.

“Wait, Fairy -“ he hears jc say when she nudges the door and lxc slides it open.

There’s a privacy screen right at the entrance, blocking off the main space of the room, so lxc stands there, bewildered.

“Jiang Wanyin?”

“Lan Xichen, what are you - I’m not -“ There’s the sound of splashing water and lxc flushes from his hairline down to his toes.

The screen is thin enough he can actually see jc’s furious scowl above the wooden edge of his bathtub, and the knowledge that jc is completely bare on the other side of this flimsy screen...

“I am so sorry,” lxc manages after a much too long pause.

A beat.

“Why are you still here?” jc shouts.

“Right.” lxc takes another much too long pause.

“Get out!”

lxc steps back and closes the door behind himself.

He’s on the wrong side of the door.

“Lan Xichen!”

He jumps.

“I can see you on the other side of the screen! What are you still doing here?!” jc sounds like he’s gonna burst a blood vessel.

“I - um. I am so sorry, I just - I...” lxc cannot remember ever being so flustered.

“Lan Xichen!”

“Right,” lxc mumbles to himself. “Right, right, right...” He spins, leaving the room properly this time.

Outside, Fairy sits, giving a bark when she sees lxc.

lxc sighs. “Fairy, you really are too much.”

Her bark sounds far too much like a laugh.

It’s a while after that when Jiang Wei shows up, followed by a few servants. “Zewu-jun.”

“Ah, Master Jiang. I was just, ah, waiting on Sect Leader Jiang to, ah...”

Jiang Wei’s eyes narrow. “Did you peek at Sect Leader bathing?!”

“No! Definitely not! I didn’t see anything, and I opened the door by accident!”

jc’s voice floats through the door then. “Wei-er! Stop wasting time outside!”

“Yes, Sect Leader!” Jiang Wei glares at him before entering, slamming the doors shut.

lxc sobers when he realises the reason for Jiang Wei’s appearance. jc is still not well enough to get out of bed on his own, and jc would likely chew off his own arm than ask jl for help.

He could have asked me, lxc thinks sadly.

He idles outside, staring pitifully at the door until it opens, the servants carrying away the empty bathtub, a trail of soft fragrance wafting from the room.

lxc peeks in, wondering if he’s allowed in now. The privacy screen is lined against the wall

and jc is dressed in nightclothes, braiding his hair on the bed.

lxc’s heart skips a beat at the sight, but then it sinks when he takes in the shakiness of jc’s hands, barely able to tie a rough knot with the thick ribbon. “Jiang Wanyin?”

“Lan Xichen.” jc looks even more exhausted than before dinner, even with his skin flushed from the bath. “Thanks for coming so late.”

“I wanted to.”

A servant is still tidying up the room, pulling the table back into the centre and straightening lxc’s qin.

jc waves a hand at Jiang Wei hovering by him. “Wei-er, go get some rest.”

“Sect Leader, I can stay longer.”

“You know Xianzhu won’t rest until you’re back. She’s about to pop any second; you should be with her.”

Jiang Wei is visibly torn until jc gives him a sharp look. “Go.”

“Yes, Sect Leader. Goodnight.” He bows deeply at jc, giving lxc a curt “Zewu-jun” before leaving.

“Impertinent child,” jc mutters fondly.

lxc goes to help jc with the blankets as he shifts to lie down. He sits on the side after, fixing it around jc’s shoulders.

“Jiang Wei and his wife must really like the pearl character,” he comments idly. Normally there is a different mainstay character for each generation.

jc has his eyes closed already. “Mn. You can say it’s tradition. My mother had Jinzhu and Yinzhu as her handmaids.

I have Mingzhu and Xianzhu. A-Rong’s second daughter is Yazhu and you’ve met Lizhu.”

Some secrets are only for jc to know, and he doesn’t know lxc well enough to divulge.

“Jiang Wanyin, would you want a family of your own someday?”

lxc knows he’s overstepping, but if jc has given up hope and doesn’t envision a future for himself, then he will continue to decline.

jc hums. “I wanted many things, Lan Xichen.”

lxc doesn’t like the use of past tense.

“What about you?” jc asks, eyes blinking open again.

“I’m not sure anymore,” lxc says. “I don’t know about children, but it would be nice to have a partner.”

jc sighs. “Good luck with that. Everyone knows about the fated ones of the Lan family. Did you know they put out novels about shit like that?”

“Well.” lxc squirms. “I’ve heard Jingyi mentioning it before, but I haven’t seen any for myself. His friend at Baling loves them.”

“Yeah, oyzz is pretty close with Jin Ling. He thinks it’s terribly romantic, apparently.” jc snorts.

“I’d advise you to steer clear of them unless you want more shitty reminders of your...situation.”

“What situation?” It’s a genuine question.

“You know. jgy being dead and all.”

“...Jiang Wanyin...” lxc scratches at the embroidery of jc’s blanket.

It takes a while before he can look jc directly in the eyes. “...jgy wasn’t my fated one.”

jc just blinks. “Uh...yes he was.”

lxc has to laugh at that, covering his smile with his hand. “I think I would know.”

jc props himself up on an elbow to stare at lxc. “Wait - really? But you’re in seclusion because of him. You agreed!”

“Well.” lxc coughs, looking away. “It technically is because of him, and my relationship with him. But at the root of it, that was not the relationship we had.”

“Huh.” jc flops back down into the bed, and he lets lxc tuck the blanket around him again. “I thought cuz both of you needed direct heirs, you had to suffer in a secret love.”

“Jiang Wanyin.” lxc’s eyes sparkle in mirth. “Have you been secretly reading oyzz’s romance novels?”

“Of course not,” jc says, rolling his eyes. “But you can’t deny you gave him weirdly romantic treatment.“

“Did I?”

“With all the weird touching.”

“There are many that detest the touch of a prostitute’s son, so even objects he touched were said to be tainted,” lxc explains.

“Oh.” Well, that was certainly something jc never considered in his privileged life. “I never thought of that,” he admits.

“Well now you have,” lxc says easily. He doesn’t blame jc. He wouldn’t have either if he hadn’t heard the whispers about Huaisang’s attendant.

lxc decides to change the subject. There’s no point in dwelling on jgy. “What about an heir for your sect?”

jc sighs. His eyes are closed again, face turned slightly away. “Lan Xichen, surely you know of the former sect leader’s preference for a servant’s son above his own.

If not for my mother, wwx would have been heir. It certainly wasn’t from lack of trying.”

lxc feels a little sick hearing this. Trying to instate someone other than your own child to be heir is just unthinkable. No wonder jc still doubts himself with all that he’s achieved.

“So what would be the point in having a blood heir? Anyway...“ jc turns onto his side completely. “It’s not as if it matters anymore. Jiang Rong will be an amazing leader, better than me.”

“No one will be better than you.”

It slipped out by accident, but lxc doesn’t regret it.

“No one will be better than you,” he repeats, stronger now. “You are the soul of the sect. No one will ever be able to take your place in the hearts of your disciples. No one will ever be as important as you have been - still are - to the sect.

Wanyin, you rebuilt Lotus Pier and the whole of Yunmeng Jiang with your own two hands. Your disciples are here because of you and the way you inspire them. How could you possibly think anyone could be better than you?”

lxc is obviously agitated, and he’s moved until he’s above jc on the bed, one hand pushing jc down to face him.

jc is staring at him with wet, wide eyes. There’s a damp track down one cheek, and his lips are parted.

lxc’s breaths are deep and ragged. “So don’t - don’t ever say that again. Please.”

“Lan Xichen,” jc whispers.

lxc inhales sharply when he realises the position he’s in. jc smells sweet from the bath, wrapping lxc in a familiar fragrance.

For a moment his head spins, and he scrambles back in a flurry of robes. “I - I am so sorry,” he gasps, standing from the bed. “I didn’t mean to overstep or intrude.”

jc doesn’t immediately answer, shifting to lie properly on his back and pulling the blanket back in place.

lxc doesn’t help him. He’s not sure he’s allowed now, after he’s laid such a rough hand on jc.

“Lan Xichen,” he repeats quietly, sighing as he closes his eyes. “I’m tired.”

“Right. I - I really am sorry.” lxc sits himself at the qin.

As he’s playing, he looks up to see jc watching him sleepily. “Lan Xichen, you really are a good person,” he murmurs, before he sinks into a deep slumber.

Things are stilted they next morning when lxc arrives after breakfast. jl has already gone to training with Fairy, and it’s just the two of them in the room.

“Good morning,” lxc says. He doesn’t know where to look or what to do with his hands.

He fidgets, folding them into his sleeves before dropping them back to his sides before holding them behind his back, before jc cuts him off.

“What’re you standing around for?” jc asks, and even his voice sounds thin. “Come in properly, dumbass.”

The tightness in lxc’s chest loosens somewhat as he sits gingerly in the side of the bed. “How did you sleep last night?”

“Pretty great actually. No dreams.”

“Is that good?”

jc tilts his head on the pillow. “It is. You’re helping a lot, Lan Xichen.

There’s no need to look so scared. I can barely sit up; I wouldn’t be able to break your legs.”

lxc’s faint smile disappears. “What did Healer Yu say?”

“I think you can tell from looking,” jc says drily. His skin has gained a powdery look to the paleness.

lxc feels if he reaches out and touches jc, he might just crumble to dust. “I’m not helping at all,” he says, despondent.

“You are.” jc eyes close. “I can feel it.”

“But...”

“Lan Xichen, I told you, didn’t I? It’s gonna happen eventually.”

Something burns in lxc’s chest, and it takes a moment for him to realise it’s anger. “No,” he says. “No! I can’t accept that.”

jc looks at him then. His gaze is deep and sad. “Lan Xichen,” he sighs.

lxc’s eyes sting. “Jiang Wanyin,” he croaks out, leaning closer.

“Please. I just...please don’t.”

“I told you, Lan Xichen. I’m trying. I really am.”

lxc will not say it’s not good enough. He’s gleaned enough from talking to jc that it would probably be the worst thing he could say.

“I know you are,” he says instead. “I know you really are. But deep down inside, you’ve accepted the end, so you’re holding yourself back.”

jc sighs, turning his face away. “So what? I can’t stop it. Do you know how?”

lxc really doesn’t. But the thought of jc dying like just like this - with a whisper and a sigh, at such a young age...

jc is a strong cultivator, and he had been even before the core transfer. lxc remembers him clearly from his year of study, and he thinks the reason why

no one, not even jc, realised something was amiss was because jc’s core was just as strong as wwx’s and no one could tell the difference from performance or ability.

A cultivator of jc’s strength could easily live to be 100 years old. He’s only in his mid 30s.

It’s too young, and for all the tragedies life has thrown at him, he still hasn’t lived enough yet. Even now, as lxc looks at him, he doesn’t look a day over 20. It’s just too young.

Before he knows to control himself, lxc finds hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

jc is shocked and tries to heave himself up but lxc just pushes him down again. “No, rest,” he says roughly, blotting his face with his sleeve.

“Lan Xichen,” jc sighs. “I am not worth your tears.”

It just makes lxc cry harder, the tears blurring his sight until he can’t even tell when sort of expression jc is making. “Shut up,” he mumbles, standing from the bed and backing off a couple steps. “Shut up, shut up, shut up!”

jc lies there, wide-eyed.

Is this it? Is lxc finally having the breakdown that was supposed to happen in seclusion?

“You’re worth everything!” lxc cries. He’s so angry he can feel the blood pounding in his trembling fingertips. “You deserve everything! You deserve the world!”

jc doesn’t even know what to say. He’s never heard words like this directed at him before. He’s not the type of person that deserves anything good. lxc is just mistaken. He’s gotten attached, and that’s the only reason why he’s saying these things.

“What will it take for you to just listen?! What do I have to say?! What do I have to do?!”

lxc is definitely having a breakdown.

“You make me so angry sometimes! You’re infuriating, you know that?!”

jc’s mouth is hanging open. “Lan Xichen.”

“Why do you think of yourself like this?” lxc’s voice breaks. “Why can’t you see the value of your life?”

“Lan Xichen, please don’t.”

lxc turns around, embarrassed. He wipes at his face with his wide sleeve before he looks back over to the bed.

jc is on his side, looking at him with such sad, sad eyes. His hand is on the pillow by his cheek, and there are loose locks of hair around his face. Even with pale, powdery skin, he’s absolutely stunning, and lxc’s chest seizes so tight he can’t breathe.

Oh.

Oh, lxc thinks. Oh.

“Come sit, Lan Xichen.” jc pats the edge of the bed lightly, and lxc all but collapses onto it. “You know this isn’t happening because of you, right? This isn’t because you can’t save me.”

lxc sniffles, but doesn’t respond. jc is doing it again, focusing on making lxc feel better and ignoring his own dire situation.

“Jiang Wanyin...” lxc swallows hard. “Is there...is there anything I can do?”

“You’re already doing it.”

“What about...is there anything you want? Anything at all, no matter how ridiculous it is.” lxc looks at him earnestly. “We could try and do it together.”

jc’s eyes take on an unfocused sheen. “I miss my sister’s stir fry. Auntie Mei’s is quite close,

but it’s just not the same.” It will never taste the same if it’s not the same person making it.

“Isn’t lotus root and pork rib soup your favourite?” wwx certainly makes enough noise about it, liking to reminisce about how he and jc would fight over the last bowl.

“Mn. It’s good, but that’s wwx’s favourite. Mine was stir fried lotus roots with braised pork.”

“I see.” lxc does, and it just breaks his heart further.

He straightens jc’s blanket, tucking it around him as jc rolls to lie on his back.

“Let me play some more for you today,” lxc says quietly. “You just rest for now.”

“Mn.” jc starts drifting off as soon as his eyes are closed.

lxc plays and plays and plays, barely stopping for lunch and not taking any water breaks.

The sheer power of his music makes the very air in the room vibrate, and still jc sleeps on. Not even jl can withstand it, and he bows out after only 10 minutes with a headache.

After dinner (and jc’s bath), lxc goes back to jc. “Jiang Wanyin...let’s do something different.”

“What sort of different?” jc’s eyes are bright and his lips have some colour, but lxc doesn’t know if it’s from the bath or if he’s really feeling better.

“Let’s sit outside for a while. I’ve found a pavilion I quite like, just by your rooms.”

It was his mother’s, but jc doesn’t say so. His disciples must have taken a liking to lxc to allow him access to family quarters.

“Fresh air would be nice,” jc agrees. So he sits up and directs lxc to fetch him a cloak, not bothering to dress properly.

He tries to argue when lxc lifts him into a carry, but lxc just shushes him, ignoring his protests.

Lotus Pier is quiet, everyone having retired to the dorms or their own homes. The moon is a bright white crescent, the water clear and still.

The lotuses around the floating pavilion stand tall and elegant, giving off a faint sweetness that reminds lxc of jc’s own fragrance.

He sets jc down gently on the stone bench facing the open cove, fixing the cloak around his shoulders as he sits next to him.

For a long while, they sit in peaceful silence.

“Lan Xichen, thank you.”

lxc turns to look at jc. “For what?”

“For all that you’re doing. I am not an easy man to deal with, and you’ve been nothing but patient and kind.”

lxc is quiet for a while. “I am not the easiest man to deal with either.”

“You’re alright.” jc tips his head back to look at the starry sky. “I’ll miss this.”

They sit some more in silence.

“Jiang Wanyin...”

“Hm?”

“Would things be different, you think, if you have a partner to live for?”

“I have many people to live for already. Jin Ling, A-Rong, Wei-er, all my disciples. I want to live for them, but at the end of it, I have to live for himself. And that is really nothing to live for.”

lxc bites his lip. “Maybe...because they’re not yours to keep? Jin Ling will grow and have his own family. Jiang Rong and Jiang Wei already do.”

“A person cannot be kept. You should know that.”

“My fated one is the one I will live for,” lxc says, turning his face away completely. “I will be theirs to keep, even if they don’t want me.”

jc laughs. “I don’t expect anything less from a man like you, Lan Xichen.”

They sit there some more, until jc starts to sniffle from the cold.

“Let’s get you back,” lxc says, lifting jc into his arms again. “I shouldn’t have kept you out for so long.”

“No, I liked it,” jc says, too tired to fight lxc about the carry.

His head falls against lxc’s shoulder, and he’s asleep in an instant.

lxc tucks him in gently, softly. He brushes away a lock of hair from jc’s face, gaze tracing over the slope of jc’s nose, the curve of his cheekbones, the curl of his lips.

He touches his fingertips to the centre of jc’s forehead, where a Lan ribbon would sit.

“Good night, Wanyin,” he whispers. He plays a quiet, calm song for another hour or so, ensuring a long night of restful sleep.

The next night, jc is the one that asks to go outside when lxc arrives. “I think the night air makes me feel better,” he says, so lxc carries him to the private pavilion again.

The moon is covered by drifting clouds tonight, but jc still lets out a deep breath of contentment.

lxc wonders what jc is thinking as they sit there in the chilly night air. Neither feel the need to speak, soaking in each other’s presence.

lxc watches the flowers in the water, looks up at the sky, stares into space as every nerve on his body tingles with his proximity to jc.

After about an hour jc yawns, so lxc carries him back inside, tucks him in, plays the qin, and goes back to his room to paint until his eyes start drooping.

The night after that jc falls asleep on lxc’s shoulder, and lxc sits there, selfishly,

soaking in the warmth of jc against his side until the tip of jc’s nose turns pink from the chill.

jc stirs when lxc tucks him into bed. “Lan Xichen?”

“Wanyin.” It’s only in this space between waking and dreams that lxc dares to use jc’s name so intimately.

“You shouldn’t be so good to me,” jc mumbles, eyes closed again.

“Why not?” lxc brushes aside a few wisps of hair, uses it as an excuse to run his fingertips over jc’s cheek.

“Cuz I’m me.”

“Yes,” lxc murmurs. He leans close, smoothing the blanket over jc’s chest. “Exactly because you’re you.”

“You’re impossible,” jc slurs out, and lxc watches him fall asleep.

Attempt the impossible, lxc thinks.

Perhaps it’s time for him to do exactly that.

lxc is painting again that night, wondering what proper steps there are to be taken. Courtship rituals vary from place to place, and the Lans don’t have one at all - each fated one is special and unique so they have to decide for themselves how to go about it.

He stares at his painting. It’s something he’s been working on for a little while now and he was going to keep it in his own collection, for his secret pleasure, but perhaps it would be a good overture to let jc know of his intentions.

The next day, lxc shows up in the morning with a large scroll in his hands. His eyes are dry, and it hurts a little to blink after concentrating so hard that he barely noticed the passage of time.

“What’s that?” jc asks, when lxc sits by him.

“A gift for you.”

jc’s curiosity is obviously piqued, and lxc helps him sit up, waiting patiently as jc pulls at the ribbon tying it closed. He waits some more as jc rolls out the painting, and lxc can hear the hitch in jc’s breath as he takes it in.

It’s a large watercolour of pink lotuses in a cove. When it’s unfurled to the bottom there is a figure that is undeniably jc, sprawled out on a pier like a fairy descended from the heavens, hair loose and unbound, flowing purple and blue robes billowing out around him.

“When did you -“ jc doesn’t even know how to finish his sentence. “How did you even -“

“I was inspired,” lxc says calmly, though he feels anything but. He can hear the pounding of his heart in his own ears. He’s fixed on jc’s face, trying to see what jc’s thinking.

jc is stunned, staring at the painting. Is that what lxc thinks he looks like? It’s definitely him, but a better version of him, sharp features softened into a delicate beauty, wistful instead of angry.

“Is this...me?”

“Of course it’s you.”

“I...don’t understand.”

lxc just smiles. “It’s a gift. To the one that inspired me, not only to start painting again, but to start living again.”

jc doesn’t know what to say. He’s not looking at lxc, fixated on the painting. He hasn’t done anything remotely close to what lxc’s saying.

Other than losing his temper at lxc when he first arrived, all jc has done is lie around while lxc plays the qin for him.

But lxc speaks so earnestly, so honestly. He really believes what he’s saying, though jc has no idea how that’s happened.

“Thank you,” he says quietly. He can’t stop looking at the dainty brushstrokes that form his figure. Each stroke is soft but sure, no hint of hesitation to them. It’s a beautiful painting.

jc is not worthy of it.

When he looks up again, a servant is already moving in the display rack for the painting, setting it off to the side of the bed, so he could see it lying down.

A furious blush floods his cheeks. “We can’t put this up!”

lxc looks at him with huge, sad eyes. jc feels like he’s just kicked a puppy. “Why not?” He comes closer, sitting by the bed where jc is still clutching the scroll. “Do you not like it?”

jc’s eyes fall back to the painting. “No, no, I...” His voice softens. “I like it a lot.”

He just can’t believe lxc would paint him looking like this, beautiful and ethereal.

“Then we’ll hang it up,” lxc says cheerfully, and jc lets him take it, watching as lxc arranges it carefully on the display stand before going to sit behind his qin.

jc doesn’t say anything else as he lies down again. He’s still looking at the painting when wwx arrives with a loud, cheerful “Jiang Cheng!”

jc sighs. He can feel a headache building.

“Oh? What’s this?” wwx takes a bare second to take it in, before he bursts out laughing.

“Oh my god, jc, where did you get this? Is this supposed to be you? Oh my god, who did you pay for this? You should ask for your money back!”

lxc’s lips thin as his music stops abruptly. He’s not taking kindly to the fact that his gift to jc is being laughed at so callously.

“It’s a gift from me,” he cuts in before jc could answer. “I painted it.”

wwx freezes, looking over his shoulder at lxc, as if he’s forgotten that lxc would be there as he had been every morning. “Oh, Lan da-ge!” He scratches his head awkwardly. “Um. It’s a nice painting.”

His eyes dart back to the painting, to lxc’s signature and seal in a corner.

lxc looks down at his qin. He runs his hand over the strings before starting to play again. “What matters is that Wanyin likes it.”

“Wanyin?” wwx mouths to himself, looking back at jc, who’s massaging the bridge of his nose. He takes another look at the painting, leaning down to inspect the depiction of jc. Realisation hits wwx like a rock to the head. Oh.

He straightens, smiling sheepishly at lxc. “Ah, Lan da-ge, it’s really a beautiful painting. You must have put in a lot of time and thought into it.”

“I did.”

“Jiang Cheng looks really good in it. No one would realise he looks so, uh...good? through your eyes.”

jc covers his face with both hands. This is exactly why he hadn’t wanted to display the painting - for everyone to know that lxc, Zewu-jun, the unparalleled First Jade of Lan, would picture him as some otherworldly beauty - it just seems too fantastical to be true.

“What do you want, wwx?” he asks, changing the topic.

“Just came to see you.” wwx sits by the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine. How’s the research?”

wwx has a pinched look on his face. “Not so fine. But you shouldn’t give up yet!”

jc sighs. “Take a break. Go see the town.”

“I have been,” wwx says stubbornly. He and lwj eat out quite a bit; without jc to host, his disciples returned to eating in the mess hall, even tho Jiang Rong and Jiang Wei should have taken over as hosts. It’s supremely rude, but no one in the sect really cares.

It’s a strange situation to be in for wwx. The servants and disciples barely listen to his requests, skirting the edge of propriety to the point that lwj is in a constant state of irritation.

No one in town knows him anymore, and they eye him and lwj warily once they see the white robes of Gusu Lan. It appears that the townspeople are also clear in their allegiance to Yunmeng Jiang.

“You look better,” wwx says, after inspecting jc closely.

jc feels better too. He’s not sure if it’s because of lxc’s music or because it’s so relaxing sitting outside at night, but he’s been feeling a little better in the mornings, less brittle, more present, if that makes any sense.

He’s still taking Healer Yu’s nourishment tonics though, so he’s quickly starting to tire when wwx fixes the blanket around him.

wwx sits there, watching jc fall asleep before he stands to move closer to the painting. “Lan da-ge, such a gift is really unexpected.”

“Is it?” lxc sounds serene as he continues to play, imbuing more spiritual energy into it.

wwx’s smile drops as the music seems to shake his insides, sending his blood pounding in his temples. He grits his teeth against the rising nausea.

“I didn’t realise you and jc are so close.”

“We’ve been spending a lot of time together.”

wwx looks at lxc suspiciously. “If you’re just latching onto him as some easy replacement for jgy -“

There’s a twang as lxc’s finger slips. He sets his hands on top of his qin as he levels a firm stare at wwx. “I’ll excuse you this time, Wei-gongzi, but do not dare to presume to know my thoughts, or the relationship I have with Wanyin.”

wwx folds his arms defensively. “I’ve seen for myself how you were with jgy. You certainly weren’t subtle about it, and for you to turn around now, after spending so little time with jc -“

“Time does not dictate the depth of a relationship,” lxc bites out.

“And I’m telling you again, do not presume to know anything about the relationship I have with Wanyin.”

“If jc isn’t your fated one then of course he’s a replacement! You shouldn’t be getting his hopes up like this - it’s cruel and wrong for you to do so!”

Little does he know jc has woken, lying in bed behind wwx with his eyes closed, brows furrowed. He’s still under the haze of meds so he can’t wake fully, unable to move or open his eyes, but he can hear them full well.

lxc stands from his qin. “I will hear no more of this. The relationship I have with Wanyin is our own, and you have as much place in it as I do in your marriage with Wangji. You are entitled to your opinion, and I am entitled to disregard it.”

wwx steps closer. “I will not give my blessings for this. I won’t let jc be used by you like this!”

“Is that all you have to say? If so, then please leave. You’re disturbing his rest.”

“He’s knocked out,” wwx says. “And if you think you’re helping him by pitying him like this,

then you’re the one killing him off faster than he can do it himself.”

lxc is livid. “Get out,” he says harshly. “You know nothing, and yet you speak with such arrogance. You are in no position to speak for a man you renounced and abandoned.”

“Better than a man that thinks his pity is enough of a substitute for real love.”

“Enough!” lxc waves his arm, the wind ruffling wwx’s hair, just a hint of what lxc is capable of. “Leave.”

“I’m not leaving because of you, but because I’m gonna be the one to find a way to save jc. Stay here and play all the qin you want - you’re the one doing him harm by staying.”

wwx flounces out, lxc sending a shot of energy to slam the doors shut after him.

The painting sways on the display, and lxc goes to stand in front of it. There is no way he’ll allow jc to even have a shred of doubt as to his intentions or his feelings.

He sighs, going to sit by the bed and check on jc, who’s frowning, lips pursed into a tiny pout.

lxc gently presses his thumb to the furrow, smoothing it out, fingertips brushing away the loose fringe from jc’s face.

“I’ll make you see,” he whispers to jc. He has no idea jc is still conscious. “You will never have to doubt me.”

lxc wonders what jc is dreaming of when he sees jc relax in sleep.

“Sleep well. I’ll be here.” He gives one last brush to jc’s cheek before he goes back to his qin.

When jl and Fairy arrive after morning training, the first thing jl does is a double take in front of the painting. His eyes scan over it, settling on the painted jc.

“This is yours, Zewu-jun?”

“A gift to your jiujiu,” lxc says calmly.

“Hm.” jl inspects the painting some more before slanting his gaze back to lxc. “What sort of gift?” he asks.

“What sort of gift does Sect Leader Jin think it is?” lxc takes a sip of tea. His smile widens when jl crosses his arms with a scowl. He looks so much like jc.

jl squints suspiciously at lxc. He knew it. He knew it! He was right that there was something weird between his jiujiu and Zewu-jun! And now oyzz’s won their bet that Zewu-jun left seclusion because jc is his fated one! Ugh, ljy will never let him live this one down.

Wait - is jiujiu really Zewu-jun’s fated one? If so, why did it take so long for Zewu-jun to figure out? Is Zewu-jun taking advantage of jiujiu?!

“I’ll have you know jiujiu is actually really sought after. He’s old but he looks young, and he’s the leader of a great sect,

and he’s the best combat fighter there is, and his cultivation is super strong, and he’s super smart too, and those stupid matchmakers have no idea what they’re doing just cuz those stupid women wanted jiujiu to send me back to Koi Tower.”

“I am aware of your jiujiu’s assets.”

jl frowns. “When did this happen?”

lxc hums but doesn’t answer.

jl lifts his chin to stare down at lxc. “The Jiang family has no elders for you to gain approval, so you’ll have to go through me. Jiujiu will never agree to anyone unless I agree to them too.”

“I have no doubt of that, Sect Leader Jin.”

“Unless you agree to what, you brat?”

“Jiujiu!” jl whirls around to the bed, Fairy giving a happy woof where she’s lying next to jc. He helps jc sit up, stuffing pillows behind his back haphazardly.

lxc rises from his seat. “Wanyin, do you need anything?”

“No, I’m good.”

“Then I’ll just go get some fresh air before lunch,” lxc says smoothly, stepping out and gently closing the door.

jc looks at jl, who’s staring at the door with a frown. “How was training?”

“It was good. I’m getting better at double handed combat!” But then jl stills. He knows jc is training him for Zidian, but it doesn’t hurt to know any less.

Growing up, jl had hated training with his non-dominant hand. It was stupid and completely useless.

Zidian is jiujiu’s, and jiujiu was gonna be, like, 1000 years old when he died and by then jl would be, like, 980 so it wouldn’t pass to him anyway.

But now...now jiujiu is barely able to sit up by himself, and jl blinks back tears as jc sighs.

“Better is not good enough. Did you spar with Jiang Feng?”

“Yes,” jl pouts.

“Did you lose?”

jl’s pout grows.

jc sighs again. “Jin Ling, if you don’t care to discipline and train yourself, then how do you expect to lead your sect? You’re supposed to set an example as leader.”

“I’m leading my sect just fine!” jl says hotly.

jc doesn’t yell at him, and jl hates it, this eerie silence when there used to be angry shouting and empty threats and jl letting some steam out from screaming right back and then going to do whatever jiujiu had wanted anyway.

“What were you talking about earlier with Zewu-jun? Agree to what?”

And now jl fixes his jiujiu with a suspicious look. No way jiujiu doesn’t know what Zewu-jun is doing.

...right?

“So...jiujiu...you and Zewu-jun...”

“What about us?”

Oh my god there’s an “us”, jl thinks. He feels faint.

“Are you...happy?”

jc sighs, reaching up to pinch jl’s cheek lightly. “How can I be happy when I’m like this? I am content, and that is enough.”

jl nods as if he understands. “Is Zewu-jun treating you well? I’ll break his legs if he isn’t!”

jc snorts out a laugh. “Of course he’s treating me well. Haven’t you seen him here all day, playing the qin for me?”

“Well yes...” jl leans closer. Jiujiu’s eyes are brighter, and

his lips have some colour back in them. He’s still deathly pale, but he doesn’t look on the verge of death anymore. “You look better, jiujiu.”

“I’ve been sleeping better at night.”

jl feels sick. “Cuz...Zewu-jun is, uh, with...you?” he manages to squeeze out.

“Could be.” There’s a faint smile on jiujiu’s face and jl just about vomits in disgust.

He does NOT need to know ANYTHING about jiujiu’s nighttime activities or who he’s doing them with. Ugh, gross.

“What’s with that face?” jc asks.

jl coughs into his fist. “Um. Nothing.”

“Go let Lan Xichen back in. He’s probably holding up lunch outside.”

jl does as he’s told, and lxc comes back in with a trail of servants with lunch. jl nags jc to eat more but jc just ignores him, drinking his bowl of disgusting meds and settling back down to sleep.

jl moves to finish off his lunch at the table with lxc, and for some reason it infuriates him that lxc is so cool about the whole thing.

“You still need my approval,” jl says archly, when he catches lxc watching jiujiu with a smile.

“Of course,” lxc says. He would never want to put jc in a position where he would have to choose between him or jl.

“I’m keeping an eye on you. If you dare hurt jiujiu -“

“I would never.”

jl still looks at him suspiciously. “Why did it take you so long?” he asks.

“Or is jiujiu not your fated one at all?”

“That’s a conversation for me and your jiujiu.”

jl is a bare second away from yelling at lxc but this is the first time someone is serious about courting jiujiu, and the two of them definitely have a weird aura when together,

something surprisingly intimate but totally obvious.

lxc starts playing again, and jl tries to read correspondence from his sect, but it’s no use. lxc’s music has too much spiritual energy in it, and just being in the same room is enough to give jl a headache.

He leaves with a huff, Fairy keeping watch outside.

jl doesn’t like doing paperwork inside his rooms when he can be outside with the lotuses so he heads towards the floating pavilion. About an hour later wwx & lwj arrive.

“Jin Ling,” wwx greets, lwj stern and cold next to him.

jl ignores them.

“Look, I just want to talk to you about Jiang Cheng.”

jl ignores them some more and wwx rolls his eyes.

“Sect Leader Jin, do you have a few moments to discuss Sect Leader Jiang’s situation?”

“What situation would that be?” jl takes a sip of tea.

wwx sits at the table, and jl hates the way wwx acts so familiarly but bites his tongue. He will hear out wwx. “Have you seen the painting Zewu-jun gave him?”

“What about it?”

“Well it’s obviously a courtship gift. We can’t let Jiang Cheng be some sort of cheap replacement of jgy. I respect Zewu-jun, and I’m sure you do too, but I think we can both agree that this is not a good idea.”

“Are you saying my jiujiu isn’t good enough to be Zewu-jun’s fated one?”

“Yes,” lwj mutters, and jl shoots him a glare.

“What business is it of yours, Hanguang-jun?” jl asks coolly. “I never realised that the identity of a fated one could be dictated by someone else.”

“I will not let my brother go down this wayward path.”

“I see that Zewu-jun has failed in preventing /your/ wayward path,” jl scoffs. “As far as I’m aware, he’s a grown man and leader of one of the four large sects. Unless you deem him unable to make decisions for himself,

you have no standing to make them for him, least of all when it comes to deciding on a soulmate.”

wwx waves his attention away from lwj. “Jin Ling, I know how important Jiang Cheng is to you. He’s important to me too.”

“So important you broke your promise to remain by his side,” jl mutters, and wwx bristles but presses on.

“I can’t let him be used like this.”

“Let me get this straight,” jl says. “You don’t approve of Zewu-jun courting my jiujiu because he’s not Zewu-jun’s fated one.

You think Zewu-jun is using jiujiu as a replacement for my shushu. Is that correct?”

“Yes!” wwx says, exasperated. “I don’t understand why you’re not more worried about this!”

“I don’t understand why you are. My jiujiu deserves the best, and Zewu-jun seems good enough.”

“Not if he’s just being used! Of course he deserves a partner but not like this! Look, Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng will listen to you if you talk to him about this. Let’s just break it off early, or it’ll hurt more later on.”

“I think it’s ridiculously presumptuous of you to insert yourself into someone else’s courtship. If my jiujiu says yes, why would I deprive him of happiness? You say this because you look down on my jiujiu,” jl says accusingly. “You can’t believe he would be someone’s fated one,

and you can’t believe he would ever be anything other than a replacement.” jl stands from his seat, sneering at wwx and shooting another glare at lwj. “I will protect jiujiu, but it seems like I need to protect him from you and not from Zewu-jun.”

jl storms off, ignoring wwx’s calls of his name. He’s shaking, and it isn’t until he’s inside his rooms that he lets the tears escape.

Fated one or not, jiujiu seems happy when he’s with Zewu-jun. jl will never begrudge jiujiu’s happiness,

not when there’s been so little of it in his life. jl isn’t dumb - he hears things about jiujiu’s life that jiujiu always hides from him, not wanting to share any of the pain that he carries.

If Zewu-jun does hurt jiujiu or make him sad for any reason, jl has plenty of time, energy, and resources to make Zewu-jun regret it for the rest of his life.

For now, jl will trust Zewu-jun.

lxc doesn’t want to go back to his rooms at dinner. lwj and/or wwx are probably waiting for him to leave, and he cannot be bothered with them right now.

lxc will not be swayed on this. He may be known for benevolence but he is neither weak nor a fool. He knows what he’s doing.

The only opinion that matters is jc’s, and he certainly seems receptive enough at this point.

lxc glances up to see jc looking at the painting again. He’s on his side, sleeping robes pulled loose around the collar. He looks so soft, and lxc gets that urge again,

to hide him away from all the hurt in the world. It’s odd, this feeling, because lxc also wants to show him off, wants everyone to know what a great, wonderful man jc is.

“Would it be alright if I stay for dinner?”

jc jolts, startled out of his repose before settling back down.

“Of course. But don’t you want time to yourself?”

“Truth be told you would be doing me a favour. I don’t want to deal with certain persons right now.”

jc huffs out a laugh. “I’ll have them set up a different room for you, near our pavilion. Avoid all you want.“

lxc is thrilled. Our pavilion! “You’d do that for me?”

“Why not? It’s not like it’s hard, and it’s not like I can do anything else for you. Might as well make you comfortable.”

“Thank you, Wanyin.”

lxc’s warm smile makes jc shy away, cheeks flooding with heat.

“I told you, it’s nothing,” he mumbles.

“It means a lot to me, that you would allow me to stay in the family quarters.”

“Shut up,” jc says, heaving himself up and turning the other way to stack up his pillows. “Why do you have to make it sound like that!”

“Sound like what?”

“You know exactly what.”

“Wanyin.” lxc moves smoothly to sit by the bed, where jc looks at him with wide eyes. “I really do mean it.”

“I know,” jc says grumpily, fixing his blanket so he doesn’t have to look at lxc or his stupid smile that makes jc’s heart turn somersaults.

He always knew that lxc looked at him and saw nothing but a cruel, cold man. lxc may hide his emotions behind a calm, smiling mask, but his eyes are always honest, and they’ve never looked at jc with anything more than disinterest or forced politeness before this whole debacle.

They might have shared a bond when jc was a child at cr, but lxc had looked at him then like he was a different person altogether. He had never seen Sect Leader Jiang, he had only seen a vulnerable child, and the days before jc left just showed that lxc hadn’t moved beyond that.

Now they’re here at lp, and jc can’t figure out what’s behind the tender, warm looks that lxc keeps giving him. He’s never seen lxc with that look on his face before, even towards lxc’s loved ones. It makes him nervous to be looked at like that, like he’s bare to lxc,

who looks deep enough to see his soul. He likes it, but he wants to hide from it. He’s not ready to have someone look at him like that, like he’s precious, like he’s deserving, like he’s...

jc stops his train of thought before it veers into dangerous territory.

“I don’t ever want to make you uncomfortable,” lxc says seriously. “But I do want you to know how I feel.”

“It’s fine,” jc says, pulling at his blanket. “I’m not uncomfortable or anything, I’m just...not used to it.”

lxc’s smile returns, and jc scowls.

“What’s with that stupid look on your face,” he says. “Stop it.”

“I’m just happy, Wanyin.”

jc is looking down, cheeks flushed into a glowing, healthy pink, when jl barges in without knocking.

He stops in the doorway, looking at both of them before entering. lxc is leaning towards jiujiu, his hand suspiciously close to jiujiu’s thigh, and is - is jiujiu blushing?! “What are you two doing?”

“Talking. What does it look like?” jc bites back and jl heaves a relieved sigh.

jc barely holds back the urge to shake his head. Youths. Who knows what strange things they’re thinking.

After dinner, lxc goes to settle in his new room and the servants come in to prepare jc’s bath. The painting is set off to the side, so Jiang Wei doesn’t see it until after

he’s helped jc in and he rounds the privacy screen to wait.

“Sect - Sect Leader, what is this?!”

“Hm?”

“This painting! This -“ Jiang Wei leans over to look closer. “Zewu-jun gave this to you?”

“Yes?”

Jiang Wei cannot believe jc is so blasé about this. “And you accepted it just like that?”

“Just like what? Why wouldn’t I accept it?”

Jiang Wei thinks he’s about to spit blood. He can feel his temples pounding. “Sect Leader, how do you not know what this is?!”

jc is supremely annoyed as he says, “Well since you very clearly do, just spit it out and stop talking in circles!”

Jiang Wei can only despair at the naivety of his sect leader. “It’s a courtship gift,” he says slowly. “Sect Leader, you accepted a courtship gift from Zewu-jun.”

There’s a giant splash as jc flails in the water. “What?! How could that be? It’s just a painting of me, what do you mean courtship?!”

Jiang Wei despairs even more. “Sect Leader, he’s just told you through this painting that he thinks you’re immeasurably beautiful and precious

and that he holds you in the highest esteem. His feelings are obvious. And now you’ve given him rooms in the family quarters. You’ve basically just announced your engagement!”

jc’s heart skips a beat before it starts pounding rapidly, and he goes very, very still.

Is this why wwx said all those things? Is this why jl acted so strangely? It all makes sense now, but it makes no sense at all - why would lxc want to court /him/? No, there has to be some sort of misunderstanding. He says so, and Jiang Wei just sighs.

“No, Sect Leader. There is no misunderstanding.”

jc doesn’t reply.

When Jiang Wei has helped jc out of the bath, he takes down the painting and gives it to jc. “Take a closer look, Sect Leader,” he says. “There is no mistake, no misunderstanding. Zewu-jun means to court you.”

He leaves jc staring at the painting in his hands.

jc is still sitting quietly on the bed when lxc comes in with a happy smile.

“Lan Xichen,” jc greets, and lxc’s smile melts away at the serious tone.

“Yes? Is something the matter?” When he nears the bed, he sees

that jc is holding the rolled up scroll. His stomach begins a slow sinking. “You took it down.”

jc can’t look at him. “Lan Xichen, be honest with me.”

“Always.”

“Is this a courtship gift?”

“Yes,” lxc says immediately.

jc’s head snaps up to look at him incredulously. “What?”

“Yes,” lxc repeats. “It’s a courtship gift. I had thought...” He takes a steadying breath. “I had hoped you would know of my feelings when you saw it.”

jc frowns, frustrated. “If you don’t say, how am I supposed to know?”

lxc frowns also. “I thought it was obvious.”

“Not to me!”

jc’s voice rings in the room as lxc stays silent.

lxc swallows hard, drawing his courage to continue. “Does this mean...you’re not...amenable?”

“No!”

lxc can actually feel his heart break.

“No, not - I don’t know!” jc feels so frustrated.

It’s all happening so quickly - he hadn’t even realised lxc had these feelings for him - “This is just - just too much right now.”

“I see. I understand.” lxc turns to leave. He cannot be here, not right now. He needs time to himself, to recover.

“Lan Xichen.”

He looks back. “Yes?”

jc holds out the scroll to him.

“It’s a gift,” lxc says quietly.

“I can’t keep it if I’m not - if we’re not...”

“Jiang Wanyin, it’s a gift. I gave it with hope, but no expectations.“

“Lan Xichen, I...I just need some time,” jc says quietly.

lxc doesn’t try to force a smile. He will only ever be honest with jc.

There is no music that night.

=====

“Where’s the painting?” jl asks first thing in the morning, without even a greeting.

“Took it down,” jc grumps. He’s had a sleepless night, tossing and turning. He still can’t believe that lxc has these feelings for him, even when it’s been laid out bare for everyone to see.

“What? Why?!”

jc fixes a glare at him. “Did you know what it was?”

jl gives him dead eyes in return. “Uh, yeah, everyone knows.”

“You knew it was a courtship gift and you didn’t tell me!”

“Jiujiu is so stupid! What’s so bad about being courted by Zewu-jun?!”

“What’s so - do you even know what you’re saying?!”

jl stomps his foot. “Of course I do! I already gave Zewu-jun permission!”

“You what?!” jc thinks he’s gonna have an aneurysm.

“Where’s the painting?” jl demands again.

jc will never admit that he slept next to it last night. “Right here, why?”

jl yanks it from him, pulling the ribbon and holding it up dramatically as it rolls out. “Look, jiujiu!”

“I’ve seen it already!”

“Look again!” jl jabs his finger at the painting. “I know you saw it too! Zewu-jun has real feelings for you! Why is jiujiu being so stupid!”

“You’re the one that’s stupid!” jc shouts back childishly. “He’s just confused, it’s not real!”

“Wow,” jl says quietly. “Out of everyone in the whole world, I never thought jiujiu would be the one to try and tell Zewu-jun that he’s not feeling what he’s actually feeling.”

jc is silent. It hurts, what jl said, because jl is right.

“Take a closer look, jiujiu. You have eyes and a brain. Any idiot would be able to tell Zewu-jun’s feelings. Jiujiu is being stupid and refusing to see.”

He places the painting gently on the bed before spinning on his heel and stomping out.

The doors are open when lxc arrives well into the morning, giving a hesitant knock.

“Come in.”

jc is sitting up in bed, and lxc stands there awkwardly, fiddling with his sleeves.

He hurts all over, and the image reflected back at him this morning shows a drawn, tired man, none of the brilliance of his title.

“Sect Leader Jiang. I wasn’t sure if -“

“Stop with the formalities, Lan Xichen,” jc says roughly. “Didn’t we agree it wasn’t necessary between us?”

“Yes, well. Since I made you so obviously uncomfortable yesterday...”

“I told you, you don’t make me uncomfortable. I’m just not used to it. I never...I never expected it. I’ve never been...no one’s ever...”

“Oh.” lxc doesn’t know what to say.

jc looks so lost, so confused, but it slowly fills lxc with hope that had seemed impossible last night. He steels himself. Didn’t he say he would leave jc with no doubt?

“That’s alright,” lxc says, heart in his throat. “If you’re not used to it, I’ll keep at it until you are.”

“Lan Xichen,” jc mumbles. His face feels hot. “You’re shameless.”

“Only for you...Wanyin.”

jc holds the scroll out without looking at him. “Just put up this stupid painting. But I’m telling you now that doesn’t mean anything. Don’t get any stupid ideas.”

lxc smiles. “But does Wanyin like it?”

“It’s whatever.”

lxc catches jc’s wrist as he reaches for the scroll. He feels the quick thrum of jc’s pulse under his thumb, and jc blushes furiously as lxc slides his fingertips over his hand, but doesn’t pull back.

lxc’s heart swells with new hope as he beams as jc.

That night, when lxc arrives after jc’s bath and there’s only a glare from Jiang Wei and a hissed, “You better watch yourself,” he takes it as another victory.

=====

“Xiongzhang.”

lxc sighs. He had left the inner courtyards to paint the pier at night, and he had thought lwj would be asleep.

“Xiongzhang has been avoiding me. Why?” lwj sounds hurt, and lxc turns to face him properly.

“Because, Wanyin is not up for discussion.”

lwj is quiet for a while before he responds. “I want only to protect Xiongzhang.”

“I know, but I don’t need you to.”

“I just don’t understand why it has to be Jiang Wanyin.”

lxc folds his hands into his sleeves. “You don’t need to.”

“Xiongzhang, I am your blood brother -“

“And I value your opinion. But you’re wrong. I will hear no more on this.”

lwj just looks at him, and lxc wavers.

“Wangji, you know I never approved of your relationship with wwx. Did you listen to me?”

“Wei Ying‘s situation is different.”

“Only to you. To me, I accept him as your partner, but I do not particularly care for him.“

“You congratulated us on our marriage. You were happy for us.”

“Because you’re my brother and he’s your fated one. I‘m happy that you’re happy. Jiang Wanyin is that for me.

How can you not understand he is worthy of love even when you’re surrounded by those that love him so fiercely?“

There is a pinched, agitated look on lwj’s face.

“Wangji, you know as well as I do that part of the hostility between you two is because you deliberately sought to antagonise him at every turn.“

The press of lwj’s lips is acknowledgment, but lwj remains stubborn.

lxc sighs. “Have you considered that Wanyin is willing to make concessions for you because you’re married to wwx? Do you really think you’d be allowed to stay at lp without his explicit approval?”

lwj’s mouth softens the slightest.

“Have you forgotten already that he allows wwx to wander lp at his will? Even with no rights as an outsider?”

“Xiongzhang is an outsider too.”

“Hopefully not for long.” lxc sniffs. “Wangji, you have been spoiled for too long now. You have to

make sacrifices for the ones you love, and this will have to be one of them.”

He turns, walking towards the edge of the pier. He hears footsteps follow him, and he smiles. His brother’s stubbornness may be legendary, but he is still a good person.

When he begins painting, he asks lwj, “Are you still researching?”

“No. Wei Ying refuses to accept reality. He’s squandering away his days, trying to draw up a new talisman or to invent a new medical procedure.”

“What have you been doing then?”

“The usual.”

lxc gives him a side look. “Have you not tried to make any friends at all? Or have you already offended too many Jiang disciples in the past?”

He waits patiently during lwj’s silence.

“One of the older children. Jiang Rong’s nephew, Li Zewei.

He prefers the arts to martial training. I’m helping him with the qin.”

“See? That’s good. You’re enjoying yourself aren’t you. I bet you miss teaching the disciples at cr.“

“...”

The two brothers sit quietly under the moonlight, and lxc smiles as he paints until dawn.

=====

To be honest, wwx has known all along that the simplest way to solve jc’s problem is to have another core transfer, to remove the one that his body is rejecting.

His body doesn’t want it - so remove it.

But wwx can’t do that to jc. Not when everything now is exactly what

wwx had hoped for when he gave jc his core: jc’s revenge has been taken, Yunmeng is greater than ever before, Jin Ling is safe and strong, and jc’s position as sect leader is secure and unquestioned.

jc flourished because of the core, and wwx will not and cannot take it from him

no matter how much jc hates what he’s done.

Besides, worst case scenario is that there’s a revolving queue of people to continually pass jc spiritual energy. He’s pretty sure all of jc’s senior disciples would line up to offer themselves.

“Hey, Jiang Cheng?” wwx whispers. lxc is playing quietly after wwx asked to speak to jc. Things are still stilted between them but there’s an unspoken agreement that they will be civil when jc is there.

“Hm?” jc is falling asleep, but wwx wants to catch him when he’s unguarded.

“Do you hate me?”

“Stupid.”

“Why not?”

jc’s eyes slit open. “Wei Wuxian. I’ve had 13 years to deal with it. I’ve grown. You haven’t. Stop being stuck in the past.”

“If you have truly forgiven me, then none of this would be happening.”

“Cuz I haven’t had 13 years to deal with this particular shitstorm,” jc mumbles.

“Do you blame me for shijie? For Jin Zixuan?”

“Of course I did. Wei Wuxian, you were and still are the most arrogant piece of shit. You think everything is under your control,

that no one knows better. You ignored the responsibilities of the sect, you created so much trouble for me when we were at our weakest, and you betrayed me when I needed you most.”

wwx gives a wet laugh. “Sounds like you haven’t moved on at all.”

“I have. Or else up you wouldn’t be here at all, you utter imbecile.” jc sighs. “I don’t want to hate anymore. It’s tiring, and why should I, when I have everything I wanted now.” He scowls. “Why are you being so weird? Are you finally leaving and giving me some peace?”

“Ha, of course not.” Then wwx sighs. “You’re doing better. That’s why I asked. I want to know if it’s cuz of me. If you’ve finally accepted the core because you’ve forgiven me.”

In the last few days, there’s been a couple times when wwx spies jc signing papers in the

afternoons, jl at the table and lxc still playing quietly.

“You really are the most arrogant piece of shit in existence.”

jc thinks it’s more likely that lately he’s been imagining himself without a core at all, and the thought doesn’t bother him as much as it used to.

At his age, and facing the certainly of his death, he doesn’t feel the same despair that he had at 17. Back then there had been the need for revenge and the weight of his massacred sect on his shoulders. Now, with his sect and Jin Ling secure, there’s nothing left for him to do.

He’s content, core or not, and maybe that’s why he isn’t burning out so quickly anymore, not with lxc’s music energising him on the side. Which is good, he would like more time with his loved ones, and the hollowness that had swallowed him after the temple is also diminishing.

Is this what being at peace is truly supposed to be? Not resignation but true acceptance, no more emptiness inside him but calm tranquility?

It feels good, to not be so empty anymore.

“Stop wasting time, Wei Wuxian,” jc says. “We both know what’s happening.

If you won’t take your core back now, you can take it back when I’m gone.”

“Stop saying shit like that!” wwx feels so frustrated. “I told you I’d think of something!”

jc sighs. There’s no talking to wwx when he’s like this. “Do whatever you want then. I won’t stop you.”

He pulls at his blanket. “Now go away, I’m tired.”

wwx helps him tuck the blanket under his chin. “I’ll come back soon.”

jc makes a grumbling sound but ignores him otherwise.

wwx watches him fall asleep, sitting there for a long while after that just watching jc breathe.

He did that also, all those years ago, when jc had his core burned out of him, his chest torn open from whips, delirious from an infection fever.

wwx saved him once, he will save him again.

He’s created a talisman to shield the core so it wouldn’t be affected by

the spiritual energy attacking it, but the side effect is that it prevents the core from sending energy to the body. Then he created one that only acts one way so the core is shielded while able to send energy, but it fizzles out after only a few seconds no matter how many sigils

wwx adds to prolong the effect, rendering it essentially useless. He’s got a few more half-worked ideas, but he’s lost interest in most of them cuz he knows they won’t work.

He’s just missing one thing. Just one thing that he’s not seeing, and it’s driving him absolutely insane.

When he gets up to go, his eyes land on heavy silk cloak. It’s a rich patterned purple glimmering with silver thread, and the way it’s hung lets wwx see the talismans embroidered into the lining. It is undoubtedly the work of cr tailors.

“This is from you also?” wwx asks.

“What of it?”

There is no way lqr doesn’t know what’s happening now that lxc has involved others at cr.

“What does Old Man Lan think of all this?” He still remembers the way the disciples gossiped when lqr came all the way to scold lxc for leaving cr.

lxc flashes him a look. “Not that it’s any of your business, but shufu likes Wanyin. He always has.”

wwx wants to wipe that smug look off lxc’s face. It’s never bothered him that people don’t like him, but he never thought that lqr, who disapproved of everything and everyone,

would actually like someone like jc, who’s rude and temperamental at best.

They both look over when jc hums from the bed. “Xichen, water please.”

“Right here,” lxc says, hurrying over.

There’s an ugly look on wwx’s face when jc’s asleep again and lxc turns around.

Nothing else is said as wwx leaves, slamming the doors shut after himself.

=====

A couple weeks later, jc is feeling better.

He’s obviously better, so Healer Yu has stopped giving sleep inducing meds, brewing him strong nourishment tonics instead. He needs some help to move around, but not inside his small room where it takes just a few steps to cross.

Still, it allows jc to see his disciples again, watching over morning drills under a shaded seat, and the outpouring of excitement at seeing him each morning surprises and warms him. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of that feeling.

The hollowness inside him is fading, and jc finds himself laughing more, smiling more, even eating more. His emptiness is slowly filling up with warmth and security, and those closest to him are bewildered but beyond delighted at jc’s slow but steady recovery.

The routine he has with lxc has shifted also. Because lxc wakes at 5, he plays an energising tune for jc during breakfast, accompanies jc as he inspects training, and works on his own as jc takes his much needed naps in the afternoon.

lxc has started taking back some responsibilities from lqr; seeing jc work so hard while he’s still recovering motivates him even more - he may be mentally weaker than jc but there’s nothing so wrong with him that he can’t work.

The best part of their day is the evening where they would sit at their private pavilion, talking about anything and everything. They understand better than anyone else the weight of their birthright and the weight of shouldering the sect at a young age, though lxc had

the strength of his entire sect behind him. There’s nothing taboo between them, free to air frustrations and difficulties without worrying about judgement.

For lxc, best of all jc understands what it’s like to lose a sworn brother in such terrible circumstances.

If it wasn’t for jc then wwx would still have his core and might not have turned to demonic cultivation.

If lxc had listened to nmj, if it wasn’t for lxc aiding jgy, then nmj might still be alive.

jc knows what it’s like to mourn someone that had done so many bad things,

to question if they are still allowed to love the good memories and hate what he’s done.

lxc is still immeasurably guilty that he had brushed aside jc and Yunmeng Jiang all those years ago, but jc is unbothered.

His heart aches at the knowledge that jc had no other option than

to be stronger and fiercer than anyone else, than any other sect leader, because he had only been 17 - still just a junior disciple - and as brilliant a strategist and fighter he was, he was completely overlooked and stepped on and deliberately given a hard time, especially by

those that had eyed Yunmeng’s resources and the Lotus Throne for themselves.

It’s funny that jc has to be the one telling lxc to look forward, when he’s the one so stuck in the past that he is trying to destroy the core inside him.

For wwx, he’s more confused than anything at why jc is apparently just healing himself. What changed for jc to finally accept the core? wwx talks to him every day. There isn’t anything noticeably different about jc. The way they converse isn’t any different, and

jc treats wwx as always. It’s driving wwx up the wall with the unknowns, though his focus has completely disappeared once jc started showing signs of improvement.

wwx spends his days wandering around lp instead, trying to impress a severely unimpressed Auntie Mei in the kitchens

to wheedle treats from her, trying to give tips to disciples that brush him off and joining nighthunts where he and lwj are largely left on their own.

Now that he’s idling away his days, it really hits wwx that the old Yunmeng Jiang is gone.

The disciples train differently, they use different formations during hunts, and the entire running of lp has been streamlined to extreme efficiency.

wwx is not used to being disregarded; at cr the juniors love him as much as the elders hate him, but at lp

they stare at him distrustfully even as thank him for offering advice. His enthusiasm to stay at lp has diminished with this new realisation, and he and lwj have started making overnight trips for nighthunts. wwx will not admit he’s running away, but being at lp is difficult.

Truth be told, jc himself doesn’t know why he’s healing, but he has better things to do with his time: like Xianzhu showing off her newborn as Jiang Wei cries and Lizhu pokes the baby; like jl complaining ceaselessly about training (“I’m a sect leader

why do I still need to do drills?” - “To stay in peak condition; I don’t care if you’re 100, you’re doing drills.”); like having the children visit him in little groups, gifting him flowers and sweets and drawings because those will make Sect Leader feel better soon.

Like having those quiet, intimate moments with lxc, catching him by surprise each time, still so unused to the soft tenderness from lxc.

jc doesn’t want to question it anymore, doesn’t want to question all the good things in his life right now.

He knows he doesn’t deserve any of it, so he’ll enjoy it while it lasts instead of worrying about when all of it will be torn from him.

“What are those papers for?” wwx asks one day when he sees jc frowning over a thick stack of documents.

It’s late morning, and jc’s cheeks are a healthy pink from being in the sun as he supervised training. lxc is drafting a letter at the table and jc is perched in bed, propped up by a stack of pillows and working from a lap tray. Each time lxc looks up,

he smiles at the life on jc’s face. But he’s lost his smile now that wwx is butting his head into jc’s business, as if he has any right to know sect matters.

“Trade agreement with Yao’s sect. We revise it every year.”

wwx laughs. “That guy keeps giving you so much shit. I mean, I’m surprised you haven’t just taken over his sect. They’re quite minor aren’t they? Barely able to recruit outside of the family cuz they all flock to Yunmeng anyway.”

jc gives him a sharp look.

“Literally what is wrong with you? That’s impossible, and you’d do well to remember that.”

wwx scoffs. “You could handle his sect just by yourself.”

“Just because I can doesn’t mean it’s possible.”

wwx makes a face, one that jc is intimately familiar with.

It’s not just dissenting, it’s patronising, one that doesn’t understand why jc is too slow to see the answer.

jc grits his teeth. Obviously he doesn’t need to explain himself, but a small, ugly part inside of him needs to prove himself to wwx,

that just because his entire existence is second best doesn’t mean he’s incapable of being sect leader.

“Yao has alliances with much of the minor sects in the area. They form a substantial force altogether. If I attack him unprovoked, our allies would abandon us and might even

support him instead. At the very least, the other large sects will act to stop us. Have you already forgotten the Wen-dogs?”

wwx’s entire face shifts.

jc continues. “Even if we win, we would become a pariah, and our existing trade and ally agreements would be rescinded

because we could no longer be trusted.”

wwx wants desperately to argue back. It’s all over his face, but he can’t. “At least you could sign a longer deal so he stops trying to take advantage of us each year. That’s what Jiang-shushu did.”

The mention of jfm turns jc’s face to stone, and it takes a beat too long before jc speaks, quiet and eerily still. “Yunmeng has good climate for agriculture but that means many finished products need to be imported. We have a huge variety of crops, and even if there’s a

particularly bad year we can rely on freshwater products and reserves, but Yao is stupid enough to hope for it to renegotiate each year. He doesn’t see the bigger picture, and if it profits Yunmeng, the hassle is worth it.”

wwx is confused. “What bigger picture?”

“I’ve been developing our medicinal crops for a few years now, and Yao imports 90% of his from us because it’s too expensive to import from others close enough to him. He’s landlocked, and all his freshwater products are from us. His territory isn’t large enough for him to

expand agriculture, and he’s increasingly dependent on his logging industry. This once a year thing just allows me to negotiate higher and higher rates each time.”

wwx’s eyes are glazed over. “How terribly dull.”

jc’s own shutter. “Yes, well these are necessarily evils to being a sect leader. Only half is nighthunts and fighting.”

wwx sighs. “Well, that was boring enough that I need a nap now. I’ll see you later, Jiang Cheng.” He waves at lxc. “Lan da-ge.”

lxc just nods at him before looking back at jc, who’s working with slumped shoulders now. “Wanyin, you do know you’re extremely successful, don’t you?”

jc snorts. “Every sect leader has to deal with this shit.”

“Not everyone pays attention to the details that have made your sect so successful.”

“What, finding typos and fixing grammar?”

“You know you do much more than that. I was rather impressed when you found that Sect Leader Xiang changed the wording to a minor sub-sub-clause.”

jc scowls at the memory. “Fucker wanted to control the fishing boats in the east lakes. As if I’d give him the chance.”

“It was sneaky and underhanded,” lxc agreed. “But you caught it. As you always do.“

jc scowls even harder. “That’s my job. It’s my responsibility.”

“You always go above and beyond,” lxc says. “I know when -“ he swallows hard, smile dimming. “- when da-ge was still alive he signed multi-year trade deals because he couldn’t be bothered to do it each year.”

“Sect Leader Nie was a man for the battlefield.”

He eyes lxc sceptically. “nhs is doing well also.”

“He relied so heavily on me and - and...” lxc takes a deep breath. “- and especially jgy to solve his problems. But he’s doing well now on his own. Perhaps no longer having a crutch helps more than solving his problems for him.”

“You do know that he knew everything that was happening, right? He orchestrated the whole thing?”

“Yes, well.” lxc’s gaze shifts over to the qin set aside the table. “He loved Mingjue very much.“

They’re quiet for a while, before jc shifts.

“Xichen, none of this was your fault in any way.”

“But the music - and I gave him the jade token -“ lxc chokes up, eyes tearing as he stares at his qin. He can’t look at it anymore, standing from the table and pretending to make a pot of tea.

“Xichen.”

lxc looks over.

jc is still scowling. There’s none of the pity that lxc hates, and he ends up smiling, just the tiniest bit. “Don’t be stupid. He would have thought of another way even without you. He wanted it done, and it would have happened either way.”

“That’s what I try to tell myself,” lxc says sadly. He brings the tea over to jc, who shifts the documents off the tray. “Wanyin...I feel like such a fool.”

“Well you’re not,” jc says flatly, in a tone that broaches no argument. “You were manipulated and betrayed.

It says nothing about you other than you genuinely loved and trusted jgy, and it says everything about what a rotten person he was instead.”

“Wanyin...” lxc scratches at the embroidery of jc’s blanket. He doesn’t know how to say it; he’s been so confident in pursuing jc so far,

but bringing up jgy makes him supremely uncomfortable. They absolutely have to talk about it though, because lxc will not have jc misunderstanding anything about his feelings.

“I feel like you are still labouring under the misconception that I was in love with jgy.”

“It’s fine,” jc says. “I believe in you.” jc isn’t much of a replacement, and lxc’s earnestness has worn down his defences.

lxc inches his hand closer to jc’s until their fingertips touch. He glances up to see jc looking down at their hands, and he shifts closer on the bed.

“Wanyin...I really do mean it. You are the one for me. The only one.”

jc just blinks at him, cheeks pink. “I know. You -“ He turns away then, unbearably shy under lxc’s dark gaze. “You’ve said it before.”

The first time was at their pavilion, whispered just as jc drifted off against lxc’s shoulder. The next few times were during similarly intimate situations, always spoken softly into jc’s ear, but never so brazenly as now, in broad daylight and talking about such serious matters.

“There has never been anyone else. There will never be anyone else.”

lxc leans in even closer, until his fills the entirety of jc’s senses.

“Wanyin, you are the first and only.”

jc inhales sharply, blush darkening. “You...shameless!”

It’s spoken with no strength, the air between them charged and heavy with anticipation.

“Yes,” lxc agrees, smiling as he catches the barely-there tremor of jc’s bottom lip. “For Wanyin’s smile, I will be the most shameless.”

Ah, Jiang Wanyin is so beautiful like this, with pink cheeks and a bashful smile, long lashes hiding his shy gaze.

“Xichen,” jc breathes out. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Mn,” lxc hums, lifting jc’s hand and brushing the very tips of his fingers against his lips.

He can see the tremble that shudders through jc, who pulls back his hand hastily, cradling it against his chest.

lxc pulls back with a wide smile. jc is so beautifully responsive, but he doesn’t want to go any further during the day when anyone could walk in on them at any time.

lxc is finding that he’s a more possessive and jealous man than he thought, and he will not share jc’s expressions and quiet words with anyone.

“Let me reheat the tea,” lxc says. “And you can rest before lunch.”

As if on cue, jc yawns. “Don’t need it,” he mumbles,

but by the time lxc turns around again he’s sprawled against his pillows, breathing deep and even.

lxc sits back down on the bed. “Wanyin?”

No answer, not even a hum.

“I’ll be here,” he whispers, and leaves jc sleeping with a soft brush to his cheek.

=====

“...Wanyin?”

“Hm?” jc is poring over jl’s “homework” - a treaty with reasoned amendments. It’s jc’s way of practical tutoring to challenge jl’s decisions; jl is still too young & there’s been too many times when he’s been caught off-guard by his council.

“I just got a letter from shufu.”

“...’mkay.”

lxc can’t even find it in himself to be mad that jc is basically ignoring him. He knows how much effort jc puts into preparing jl for his role, and it warms his heart instead, widening his smile.

“He‘d like to visit lp.”

“Teacher Lan is always welcome,” jc says absently, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. There’s a streak of ink on his cheek. Wanyin is unbelievably adorable sometimes.

“To see you, actually.”

That’s when jc looks up, blinking. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” lxc says, sitting at the edge of the bed. “It’s just that he knows I am courting you, and he’s requested a meeting to discuss details.”

jc frowns then. “What details?”

lxc has no idea either. “I’m not quite sure. You know we have no rituals or protocol -“ jc nods

“- and as far as I’m aware, Yunmeng Jiang have none either?”

And that’s when jc starts to look embarrassed. “Ah. Well. It’s not that we have none, it’s just...” He begins to flush, and not in the usual pretty pink. It’s a guilty red, darkening his ears and the back of his neck.

“It’s not formal, just the bare minimum that most people do, like approval from parents and the blessings of the sect leader. And since there’s none for me...”

lxc’s heart sinks. He wants to give jc everything, including a proper courtship. “Is it just a meeting for approval?”

“Well...a timeline is decided and...um. Gifts are brought to show sincerity, but it’s not necessary for us, not when you’ve gifted me so many things already.”

lxc’s heart sinks further. “Wanyin...why didn’t you tell me any of this? I would have waited to do this properly.”

jc looks at him then. “My parents are gone, and I am sect leader. If I say it’s proper, then it’s proper.” He looks away. “And besides, I haven’t done anything for you so far. I haven’t even given you anything.”

lxc is affronted on jc’s behalf. “You gifted me a set of exquisite brushes. That definitely counts.”

jc’s flush has returned to its usual pretty pink, blooming across his cheekbones. “It’s just a few brushes,” he grumbles.

“Nothing as lovely as what you’ve given me,” he finishes softly, fingertips reaching up towards his hair.

lxc’s eyes land on jc’s bun, crowned by a curling snake headpiece commissioned by lxc, covered in bright purple amethysts and large black gem eyes.

If one looks very closely at the patterns of the tiny scales, they would look remarkably similar to the swirls of Gusu Lan clouds.

“Nothing is as lovely as you,” lxc murmurs. “And the greatest gift is the privilege to court you.”

jc flushes deeper but doesn’t reply. “Anyway, Teacher Lan is welcome anytime at his convenience, to stay as long as he wishes.”

“I shall let him know then.”

lqr arrives three days later by boat with a huge retinue of servants, loaded with gifts for jc.

jc greets him at the pier, leading the way to the reception hall where he‘s prepared lqr’s preferred longjing tea and simple lotus paste pastries.

There’s a brief exchange of pleasantries before lqr brings forth some gifts to their host: fruit and delicacies from Gusu,

expensive biluochun teas, and jars of Emperor’s Smile as thanks for jc’s hospitality.

“Teacher Lan, you are too generous to our humble sect,” jc says. He knows lqr has never gifted Emperor’s Smile before because of the Lan sect rules, but this visit is for a marriage meeting,

and anything to pad the gifts would naturally be added.

“It is also thanks for taking in my unruly nephew,” lqr says. Then pauses. “Both of my nephews.”

“It is no trouble at all. Xichen has been of immense help,” jc says, and lqr takes in the way his robes hang too loosely

on his frame, the shade of pallor on his skin, the hollowness of his cheeks. No doubt lxc has been playing music for jc.

“At least he’s not completely useless,” lqr says, and lxc just smiles.

There’s more idle chatter before lqr retires to his rooms to rest, followed by lxc.

“How long has Sect Leader Jiang been ill?” lqr asks.

lxc takes a moment to answer, not wanting to reveal too much. “Too long.”

lqr frowns. “Xichen, I will ask you this only once. Are you sure Sect Leader Jiang is the one?”

“Yes,” lxc says firmly.

“Not just more misplaced sympathy?”

lxc’s smile disappears into something hard and cold. “No. I would never demean him so.”

lqr nods. “Very well.”

“Have I the blessings of our elders?”

“No,” lqr says shortly. “They want you to marry a woman, for direct heirs.”

“I would sooner abdicate than leave Wanyin.”

lqr hums as he strokes his beard. His eyes are dark and opaque. “As I thought. They are not convinced he is your fated one. You will have to make your own case before them; there is only so much I can do.”

“Of course. Thank you, shufu, for all you have done already.”

During his time at lp, lxc has seen all the work jc does caring for jl that goes completely unseen and unknown. lxc is now more grateful than ever to have his uncle on his side.

lqr softens visibly. “Tell me, how did your relationship with Sect Leader Jiang evolve into this? You have been sparse with information in your letters.”

“Yes,” lxc says, somewhat chastened. “It happened by chance, when he was at cr on business with wwx.”

“He is why you left seclusion?”

“Yes.”

lqr hums but makes no comment. Eventually he says, “The road may be long and winding, but it will lead to the same end.”

“Yes,” lxc agrees. He’s known jc for 20 years now, since jc had studied at cr. Well - not “known”, because

he didn’t really know jc, not until now, and he’s still learning new things about him every day.

They chat until it’s nearly dinner time, when lxc goes back to his room to freshen up and change into appropriate robes for dinner. jc is hosting a formal banquet for lqr,

though he skips the dance performances because he knows lqr doesn’t care for them.

When lqr enters the hall and sees lwj with wwx, he pauses. lwj goes to greet him with a deep bow and a quiet “Shufu.”

wwx bobs his head with a cheeky grin. “Teacher Lan. Are you here for jc?“

wwx never thought it’d get so far, to the meeting of families, but no matter how much he wheedled jc, he was flatly ignored on the issue of lxc. lwj still disapproved, but he had told wwx there was no point in convincing lxc either. Maybe if lqr opposes the marriage?

(He ignores the fact that he & lwj married anyway with lqr’s disapproval. jc is different. He wouldn’t do something like that, would probably have an aneurysm just thinking about doing something so improper.)

But lqr just harrumphs and goes to jc instead, who’s flanked by his SIC and TIC. The three of them bow to him - properly - and he returns their greeting. jc leads him to his seat first before taking his own. lqr is the guest of honour & lxc sits next to him.

Across from them are jl and jc’s men. lwj & wwx are next to lxc, at the very end.

The night begins with a toast of tea in place of wine, though not for wwx, and more empty pleasantries are exchanged as the food is served. Musicians play unobtrusively off to the side, and

there’s only quiet whispering between jc’s men as they eat.

lqr eats silently as always, noting that jc has made vegetarian versions of famous Yunmeng cuisine. jc’s eye for detail and attentiveness is something that lqr has liked about him since his days at cr.

The boy is much more sensitive than his father was, has a much bigger heart that loves and loves and loves.

lqr has known jfm since they were teenagers and studied together at cr. With his older brother in seclusion, lqr also saw jfm quite a bit for intersect matters.

He still remembers the way jfm flew to cr after wwx’s fight with jzx.

lqr will never understand how the man could be so warm and loving to his ward, but so cold and dismissive towards his own flesh and blood. He had thought it vile gossip until he had seen it with his own eyes.

It’s what prompted him to check in on jc after he was essentially left alone to finish his year of study - the other ymj disciples lacked his discipline and diligence, and jc spent his entire day studying or training, rarely leaving time for frivolities or fun.

lqr had been impressed with jc even then as they had discussed lqr’s lessons. It continued after the war, as lxc devoted all his spare time to his sworn brothers and ignored the plight of ymj.

lqr had scolded lxc, but lxc had been stubborn in his opinion of jc as a cruel man.

lqr and lxc have very different ideas of what a cruel man is: lqr thinks it is one that can look straight into a child’s yearning eyes and still turn away without a thought, and to keep doing it for years on end. lqr sometimes wonders -

if jfm was still alive, would he still treat jc so? (He knows the answer, but he doesn’t want to think it.)

lxc had been so slack in his relations with ymj that lqr had stepped in, allowing him to keep checking in on the young sect leader occasionally.

Many times lqr had ended up in deep discussions with a surprisingly insightful and diplomatic jc.

lqr is not blind and deaf to the whispers about jc, but gossip is forbidden for a reason. He understands the boy’s pain, the anger and frustration jc has against the world that had

already been so cruel to him as a child. As far as lqr can tell, jc is a moral and upright character and worthy of respect.

He notices jc flash a smile at lxc, eyes soft and warm.

lqr sighs. He hopes his foolish nephew will not be the one to shatter the already broken heart,

but as much as he loves lxc, he has lost considerable faith in him these last couple years.

The meal ends with stronger after-dinner teas and some sweets as they indulge in more chatter. lqr doesn’t like socialising, but his soft spot for jc is wider than Yunmeng’s Long River.

They retire to their rooms well before curfew, and that’s when lqr realises his nephew is situated in the family quarters, seeing him disappear off with jc and listening to the giggles of the servants. Too many think that not speaking somehow translates to him not hearing.

After breakfast the next morning, jc leads them to a tea room to begin discussions. There’s a brief kerfuffle when jl refuses to go to training and demands to sit in on the meeting.

“I am jiujiu’s only family! I have the right and the responsibility to sit in for his parents!”

“Jin Ling!“

“Jiujiu!” jl crosses his arms, pouting.

“Sect Leader Jin shall naturally be a part of the proceedings. However, this discussion requires approval from elders, and I am sure your jiujiu is able to hold his own in the absence of any in his sect,” lqr says,

fixing jl with a no-nonsense glare. As with his hundreds of students over the years, jl falls into place, turning to jc with one last pout.

“Training,” jc growls out. “And if I hear from Jiang Feng that you’re being lazy, you’re not allowed to attend tonight’s banquet.”

“Fine! But I’m telling Auntie Mei you said I could have pastries for lunch!” He runs off before jc could say anything else, and he sighs.

“Teacher Lan, please excuse his impertinence.”

“No need.” It’s heartwarming to see how much jl cares for his uncle.

They head to a tea room, but jc shies away from the topic, dragging on the small talk until lqr clears his throat.

”Sect Leader Jiang. I, Lan Qiren of Gusu Lan sect, am here as the paternal uncle of Gusu Lan sect leader Lan Xichen to support his proposal of marriage.

We have prepared some simple tokens of sincerity.”

At that, lqr signals in a train of servants, carrying trays of jewellery, jade, gems, bolts of silk and brocades, rare ingredients, fine porcelain wares, and chests of expensive materials for talismans and signal flares.

“Teacher Lan,” jc says, shocked. “This really is too much.” He had expected more hospitality gifts, things that were basically a given when visiting anyone.

“It is up for you two to decide which, but upon marriage a spiritual weapon will pass to the Jiang family.”

jc turns Zidian on his finger. “I...that is...” His mother had not received such valuable gifts from his father. The Jins had given only chests of gold and gems for Yanli. jc doesn’t know what to do. “A spiritual weapon?”

“Liebing, naturally,” lxc says easily, jc gaping at him.

“No! Absolutely not!”

lxc pauses, but nods. “True. It is useless without the teachings of our sect.”

“No!” jc shouts. “No, it’s too much! Xichen, Teacher Lan, this is all too much! Not for me, please, this is already more than enough!”

Deathly silence.

lqr’s face has turned to stone, and jc swallows uneasily. Even now, he’s mindful of lqr as his elder and teacher, and he’s offended him and lxc, who’s sitting with a sad frown.

“Child.” lqr looks right into jc’s eyes, “you are worth much more than whatever we have to give.”

jc doesn’t know how to respond. He blinks, lost.

“I will hear no more discussion on this matter unless it’s to say that you deserve more than my useless nephew. Unless you have further concerns, I propose we move onto deciding a date for the ribbon ceremony.”

jc jolts at that. The ribbon ceremony is only for fated ones, not political marriages. The Lans may be romantic, but sect leaders must be pragmatic.

“I...was not under the impression that there would be one,” he murmurs, head lowered. He is mortified at having this conversation

with lqr sitting right in front of him. His face feels like it’s on fire, and lxc has gone strangely still beside him. jc waits for him to agree.

lqr is furious as he says quietly, “Lan Xichen. What is the meaning of this?” He cannot believe that lxc has messed up so badly.

“Shufu, please give us a moment to ourselves,” lxc says, and he sounds quietly furious as well.

lqr stands. “I will see you two at dinner.”

It’s not even lunch yet.

jc is stiff as he stands to bow when lqr leaves with an angry sweep of his sleeves.

He and lxc stare at the closed door for a moment before lxc turns to him, looking utterly devastated.

“Wanyin,” he says. “Tell me where I have been lacking.”

“What?” jc is baffled. “How are you lacking in any way?”

“Then why would you refuse my ribbon?”

“I’m not, but that’s only for your fated one.”

“Yes, and?”

jc’s mouth falls open, and lxc can’t find it in him to stay angry at jc’s frankly ridiculous obliviousness.

“Wanyin, I’ve told you over and over again. Why do you not believe me? You’re the only one for me. You’re the first, the last, and there will never be anyone else.”

jc fidgets. “I know, but. It just seems crazy to me, you know? How am I that for you, when I’m just me?”

lxc clasps jc’s hands in his own. “Wanyin,” he says.

jc has his head down. “Xichen.”

“Please, look at me.”

It takes a while, but jc manages to lift his head. lxc’s gaze is tender as always, but the lines of his face are sad.

jc’s heart clenches. He’s the one that’s put such a look on lxc’s face. This man that he wants to hold and protect - jc has hurt him instead.

He bites down on his lower lip, and lxc’s eyes dart down before meeting his once more.

“Wanyin. You are absolutely infuriating, you know that?” His voice is gentle, indulgent.

“Of course I do,” jc huffs. “Don’t know how you manage to put up with me, honestly.”

“Because you are my fated one,” lxc says plainly.

jc stops breathing.

lxc cups his face in a large, warm hand, thumbing over jc’s cheekbone. “Do you remember the first time we went to our pavilion?”

“Yes.”

“I said I would belong to my fated one even if they do not want me. Wanyin, my fated one. My soulmate. My heart. Please do not forsake me so.”

“I would never -“

“Then you will admit to being my fated one?”

“I - that...”

lxc leans in, pressing a soft kiss to jc’s cheek. “Please,” he whispers desperately, voice low and rumbling in his chest. “Please believe me.”

Another kiss, pressed to the other cheek. lxc’s lips are dry and warm, and jc swallows down a shudder. He takes in a shaking breath.

The pause hangs over lxc like a knife to his neck.

“I believe you,” jc murmurs against lxc’s skin.

“Thank you.” lxc’s lips trace down his cheek. He stops at the edge of jc’s lips, their shared, heated breaths deafening in the silence of the room.

jc can feel his bottom lip trembling at the closeness.

“May I kiss you?” lxc whispers, heart thundering with overwhelming hope.

“...Yes,” jc breathes out, right before that very breath is stolen from him at the gentle touch of lxc’s lips to his.

It’s a delicate kiss, the tremble of jc’s lips evident against lxc’s confident press. lxc hums in delight, tilting his head slightly to kiss jc properly.

jc gives a soft whine at the touch of lxc’s tongue tracing the seam of his lips, and lxc pulls back with a wide smile.

jc slowly blinks open dazed eyes, and lxc is filled with so much pure adoration he thinks he’s about to burst. “My heart,” he murmurs reverently.

“Dumbass,” jc murmurs back.

“Your dumbass, my heart.”

“Mn.” jc is smiling also, eyes falling shut again as he leans in for another sweet kiss. “Mine.”

=====

lqr raises an eyebrow when he sees jc and lxc in the banquet hall for dinner.

Both are in fresh robes, hair carefully done, but their lips are raw and swollen, jc’s eyes glazed while lxc glows.

lqr holds back a sigh. “Xichen. I assume you’ve cleared up the misunderstanding?”

“Ah. Yes.” lxc has the grace to look sheepish, sharing a secret look with jc.

“Good. Then we shall continue our discussion tomorrow.”

It’s a much simpler banquet meal tonight, and lqr enjoys his favoured dishes, seasoned with spices and herbs, fragrant but not heavy or spicy.

After dinner, lxc leaves again with jc, though with the way jc is leaning heavily on lxc’s arm, lqr doesn’t think he needs to worry about any extra-marital shenanigans for now, not when jc is still recuperating.

The next day, discussions are short. They dance around the issue of jc’s health for a while until lxc says that no wedding date will be set until jc feels he is ready. lqr agrees - stressful preparations aside, if jc is unwell he wouldn’t be able to fully enjoy his own wedding.

They break before lunch, but jc excuses himself from lqr, citing sect matters but really to rest. Hosting is exhausting, even with lxc’s calming music each night and energising music each morning.

lxc guides lqr around lp on a tour, but lqr pays very little attention to it.

He’s been shown around lp by jc years ago after it was rebuilt, and lqr has had many opportunities over the years to explore its beauty for himself as lxc ignored Yunmeng Jiang’s existence.

Eventually they come to a floating pavilion that lxc says is a favourite of many

(lqr knows. It’s his favourite too), and they stop there for tea.

“You may not be aware of this, but I have come to know Sect Leader Jiang fairly well over the years,” lqr says.

lxc cannot hide his surprise. “Is that so?”

”Who do you think was responsible for dealing with Yunmeng Jiang in your negligence?”

lxc looks ashamed. “I was unaware that there was any association outside of business.”

“Sect Leader Jiang had no allies and no ties of friendship. He also had no elders, no council, and no one to turn to for advice. It is natural that I would do my best to assist. It was the right thing to do.”

lxc’s ears are red with embarrassment. “I understand shufu’s lesson.”

“Prejudice is forbidden. It is not my place to punish the sect leader, but I believe now you must deal with the consequences of your decisions, and that is greater punishment than any copying of the Virtues chapter.”

lxc knows too that jc’s belief in himself will waver. As serious as their relationship is, jc still lacks security in it. He believes lxc is telling /his/ truth - but it may not be /the/ truth. Nothing but time and perseverance will bring the security that jc needs.

“You’re making many promises to Sect Leader Jiang in this courtship. Let us hope you will not eat your words and break them all.”

“Yes, shufu.”

lqr says nothing else after that, and the two drink tea quietly until lunch.

jc rests again after that, as there will be another banquet for lqr before he leaves tomorrow.

lqr takes the time to meet with lwj in the privacy of his rooms.

“Shufu,” lwj greets.

“Wangji.”

They sit silently as lwj pours tea for them both. The servants are sent outside and the doors are closed.

There’s more silence as they sip their tea.

lwj is the first to break. “Shufu is here for xiongzhang’s official proposal.”

“Then you are not completely unaware.”

“It is xiongzhang.”

“You have forgotten everyone else in the happiness of your union. Is it so surprising I would assume the same for your brother?”

“Shufu.”

lqr takes a long sip of tea. “What is your quarrel with Sect Leader Jiang?”

“He forsook Wei Ying.”

“Wei Wuxian is the one that forsook Jiang Wanyin.”

lwj’s fingers tighten around his cup.

“I approve of Sect Leader Jiang,” lqr says. “There is no better match for Xichen.”

“Anyone else would be better.”

“Would Jin Guangyao have been better?”

lwj frowns. It is unfair to use such an extreme example.

“It appears you have forgotten many of our rules on virtuous conduct.”

lwj dips his head. “Wangji is ready to accept punishment.” No amount of punishment will change his opinion.

lqr strokes his beard. “No. I will not be the one to mete out punishment for your prejudice. That is for you to bear.”

lwj remains in stubborn silence.

“wwx is determined to prevent the union.” lqr sips his tea. “He’s been hounding both Sect Leader Jiang and Sect Leader Jin.”

“Wei Ying does what he thinks is right.”

“Indeed.” lqr’s face is pinched in disapproval. “How very noble of him.”

lwj will not talk back to an elder, much less his own uncle, but his sullen silence speaks volumes. “Why did shufu ask to meet me?”

“Do I need a reason, other than being your uncle?”

The tea is cool. lqr pushes his cup away.

“You are dismissed,” he says.

lwj bows properly, but there is no point when lqr knows the respect is not there.

There are still a couple hours until he needs to get ready for dinner.

lqr’s head pounds, and there’s a sharp ache behind his eyes.

I am sorry xiongzhang, he thinks.

I have failed you.

=====

lqr leaves the next morning, sent off at the pier by jc and lxc. wwx is hungover from last night’s banquet and lwj is busy tending to him. lqr doesn’t know what he expected.

jl is there as well, and lqr speaks to him seriously.

“Sect Leader Jin, when your jiujiu is ready we will decide on the wedding date and the logistics involved. As the only family of Sect Leader Jiang, I hope I can rely on your involvement.”

jl puffs up with pride. “Yes, Teacher Lan! Of course!”

lqr nods. jl is young but growing into being a fine gentleman, no doubt due to the care of his uncle.

“We shall meet again soon,” lqr says, as his boat begins to leave the pier.

“I will write soon!” lxc says, waving.

jc bows deep, followed by his disciples and jl.

The current is fast, and soon they are no more than specks on the horizon. lqr enters the shade then, sitting to meditate.

All he can do for lxc and jc is to hope.

======

After lqr leaves, jc goes to supervise morning training, but lasts barely an hour before exhaustion seeps into his bones. He leaves for his room with lxc following.

“Oh,” lxc says, when they reach jc’s open bedroom doors. “It’s you.”

wwx is yawning at jc’s table, picking at a bowl of super spicy noodles, his favoured hangover cure. “Hey, jc, Lan da-ge.”

“What do you want?” jc asks, already undoing his sash.

wwx sits there as jc begins to undress. “Just wanted to talk to you.” He sends lxc a Look. “Alone.”

lxc blithely ignores him, carefully removing jc’s crown and unpinning jc’s long hair as jc unwraps his outer layers. They move in practiced motions from jc’s frequent naps and their evening talks on the pavilion. lxc doesn’t think he’ll ever get over the thrill of seeing

jc’s hair tumble down the length of his back, thick and wavy, sending a wave of sweet fragrance towards lxc. The gloss has returned now that jc’s health is improving, and lxc barely restrains himself from leaning in to just breathe jc’s scent.

By then, jc is already undressed, robes tossed off to the side, and lxc moves around him to retrieve the layers. He smiles again at jc’s grateful gaze as jc quickly ties a loose braid. Sometimes no words are needed.

“Alright,” jc sighs, getting into bed. “Say what you have to.”

lxc hangs jc’s robes on a rack, the headpiece set on his dresser. “Wanyin, I will see you later.” lxc will not wake him if he sleeps through lunch.

“Mn.”

lxc reaches for jc’s hand, freely given. He holds it in both of his own, bringing it up to press a kiss to the back of it.

jc’s face is burning but he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t shy away, and lxc feels giddy at this easy acceptance of affection.

“Later,” lxc murmurs.

“Mn.”

lxc gives wwx a brusque nod as he leaves, closing the doors after himself. The windows are already darkened with heavy fabric,

but light still shines through the thin paper doors.

“Well?” jc lies down, head pounding. “What is it?”

wwx moves closer, sitting by him. “You’re really serious about this.”

jc sighs. He just wants one (1) day without wwx bothering him about lxc. “Yes.”

“Jiang Cheng. I just want the best for you.”

jc’s eyes close, tired. “The best for me is to go away and let me rest.”

“Jiang Cheng.”

jc scowls as his eyes open. “Seriously, wwx, what is your issue with Xichen?”

“I don’t have an issue with him,” wwx says.

“I have an issue with him taking advantage of you.”

“What if I don’t care?” jc sighs again. “I’m not going into this like some silly love struck teenager, wwx. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m in my mid-30s, and I’ve been dealing with political slime balls on my own since I was 17.

You’re an entire 13 years younger and less experienced than me. I don’t think you’re in any position to say I’m going to be taken advantage of.”

wwx falls silent for a while. “I care about you, jc. I don’t want you hurt.”

“How do you know he will hurt me?

Do you think it will be more or less than what you’ve already done to me?”

wwx opens his mouth to protest, but jc raises a hand to stop him.

“I’m not gonna bring up the past with you anymore, wwx. You told me to forget it, but I’m telling you to forget it too,

and remind yourself I’m no longer your weak, incompetent shidi.”

“I never thought that about you,” wwx says immediately, but there’s no strength to it.

jc thinks he’s lying. He can tell from the look on wwx’s face. “I don’t need protecting,” jc says.

“I just don’t understand how you’re ok with this,” wwx says. He knows the one thing jc hates is to be second; no matter what wwx said to comfort jc when they were younger, he knows that for Uncle Jiang, jc had never been enough, knew that he himself had outshone jc in every way

possible, frustrating and angering jc at every turn.

And this is all while growing up under Madam Yu’s anger at being a replacement for who Uncle Jiang had really wanted to marry, the anger that the child of her perceived love rival would eclipse her own son.

She had thought she would be enough; cssr was jfm’s past, but she would be his future.

She obviously hadn’t been. Madam Yu’s love rival had never been cssr, because there was never any competition.

Who then would willingly go into a marriage like that?

“We’re gonna have a ribbon ceremony,” jc says, and wwx is confused because so what? Don’t all Lans conduct a ribbon ceremony for marriage?

“Ok,” he says. “Is that it?”

jc sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “wwx, if he breaks my heart I will end him myself.”

wwx knows he won’t. jc is too soft, too forgiving, too sentimental. “Jiang Cheng...”

“I’m tired,” jc says. “You have nothing new to say, so say it when I have the energy for it.”

It’s wwx that sighs now. “Alright. Rest well.”

He tucks jc in, though jc bats away the hand that tries to fix his hair. “I’ll see you later?”

“Mn.”

wwx rolls down the fabric over the doors before leaving and sliding them shut behind himself quietly.

“Senior Wei, what a coincidence.”

jl is having tea at a stone table in a courtyard, just a few steps from jc’s room. He’s been waiting for a while now.

“Jin Ling. What are you doing here?”

jl flashes a dirty look at wwx. “I have more right to be here than you will ever have.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

wwx is frustrated. He’s barely been awake an hour and he’s been attacked nonstop since.

“Have some tea with me, Senior Wei.”

“What do you want?” But wwx still sits. If jl thinks he’ll manage to convince wwx that jc and lxc are a good match, he’s got another thing coming.

“For you to leave my jiujiu alone, of course.”

wwx knew it.

He accepts the cup of tea that jl pours for him. There are no servants around, no disciples either, and wwx knows he’s walked into a setup.

“What do you have to say then?”

jl glances at him before it lowers again.

“Jiujiu is the one who raised me. There is no one more important to me than him.” He takes a leisurely sip of tea. “And frankly, I find it insulting you think I would just give him away to the first person that comes knocking.”

“I know you have deep respect for Zewu-jun,” wwx begins, but jl interrupts him, fire in his eyes.

“It’s even more insulting you think I would side with an outsider and not with my jiujiu who, I repeat, is the one who raised me.”

wwx stays silent this time, though he sighs hugely. No one will give him a break and it is exhausting.

“Jiujiu tells me a lot about my mother and father.” There’s a pained look on jl’s face. jc has always wanted jl to know his parents,

to know how much they loved him and each other, no matter how much it tears at jc to recall the happiness he had with jyl.

wwx stiffens, but sips his tea and doesn’t reply.

“You and jiujiu never liked my father but my mother married him anyway. Why did you and jiujiu allow it?”

“She loved him,” wwx says quietly. “So, so much. And at the end he loved her too, enough to begin making up for all those years he hurt her.“

jl hums. He’s still not looking at wwx, turning the teacup to inspect it’s fine engravings.

“Then why are you so determined to ruin my jiujiu’s happiness?”

“Your father loved your mother very, very much. I’m not sure I can say the same for Zewu-jun.”

“Unlike you, I have both working eyes and ears. I have no doubt of Zewu-jun’s feelings for my jiujiu.”

jl sips his tea as he looks at wwx from under his lashes. “You’re blinded by your stubbornness, Senior Wei. Perhaps you should talk with that husband of yours and see what he thinks about Zewu-jun’s decision to hold a ribbon ceremony.”

jl whistles then, and the faint jingling of a bell coming from a distance causes wwx to panic.

“Alright, alright, I get it, you demon child!”

“Good talk.” jl’s voice follows wwx as he hauls ass back to his rooms with lwj, who’s plucking at Wangji.

“Lan Zhan.” wwx drapes himself over lwj’s lap.

“Wei Ying.” A large, warm hand cups his face, and wwx smiles up at lwj’s soft expression.

“Lan Zhan, apparently there’s gonna be a ribbon ceremony.”

lwj inhales sharply through his nose, and his expression freezes.

wwx is alarmed at the reaction, sitting up quickly. “Lan Zhan? What is it?”

“Ribbon ceremony?” he asks.

“Mn,” wwx nods. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“A ribbon ceremony,” lwj repeats tonelessly. “It is for soulmates only. The fated one.”

“I mean, wouldn’t it be necessary for all Lans getting married? Cuz ribbons can only be touched by spouses.” wwx slides his hand into lwj’s hair to find the ends of his ribbon, running his hand down the silk.

lwj’s ears burn at the sight of his ribbon in wwx’s fingertips.

“Mn. Not necessarily. Not everyone is so lucky to have an exchange of ribbons. Sometimes spouses are just given a new ribbon of their own if they marry into the sect, without ceremony.”

“Lan Zhaaaan.” wwx nuzzles into lwj.

“Wei Ying,” lwj sighs into wwx’s skin.

The two of them lose track of time for a while, but hours later, during dinner in town, wwx brings it up again.

“Is it really serious then, the ribbon ceremony?”

“Mn.” lwj sets down his chopsticks. “Not just serious. Once in a lifetime.”

“I see.”

wwx chews on the ends of his chopsticks. “Lan Zhan, what would happen if you think someone is your fated one but they’re actually not?”

lwj looks aghast. “That would cheapen the entire notion.”

“That serious, huh.”

“There can be no doubt. We only love once.”

“What about jgy then?”

lwj is quiet for a while. “I need to speak with xiongzhang.”

“It’s not just me that thought Lan da-ge and jgy were in love. Everyone thought so!” wwx doesn’t know why he’s feeling so defensive, especially since lwj agrees with him.

“How would we know jgy wasn’t his fated one!”

“Mn.”

They don’t exactly rush back to lp after dinner, but they don’t idle in the night market like they usually do.

jc and lxc finished dinner a while ago, eating with jl and the disciples in the barracks mess hall.

They’re at the pier now, having an after-dinner tea while enjoying the lights from the town.

As usual, they hear wwx before they see him, and jc sighs while lxc stiffens, smile freezing.

“Hey, Jiang Cheng, Lan da-ge!”

lwj’s gaze flickers briefly to jc before settling on lxc.

“Xiongzhang. May I have a word.”

lxc’s lips are pressed into a thin line. “Yes, of course.”

They two of them make their way to a pretty courtyard with a small lotus pond that’s often used to entertain visitors.

“What is it?” lxc asks the second they sit.

“Wei Ying says you will hold a ribbon ceremony with jwy.”

“Yes, and?”

lwj stares at him in undisguised shock. “Ribbon ceremony,” he repeats.

“Yes. Have we not been over this before?”

“What about jgy?”

lxc sighs.

“Wangji, there is a reason why making assumptions is forbidden. This is exactly why.”

lwj lapses into silence.

They sit there like that, neither speaking. lwj’s gaze is lowered; he is vaguely ashamed of himself, of his secret wish that with time,

lxc would see all the ugly parts of jc and end the relationship himself.

lwj dislikes jc to his very marrow, but he’s so important to Wei Ying, and he’s xiongzhang’s fated one. He’s also not a psychopathic murderer, so. That’s a plus, at least.

Eventually, lwj lifts his gaze. “I wish you happiness.”

“As long as I have Wanyin, I will be happy,” lxc says serenely.

But acceptance doesn’t mean lwj isn’t curious. “You’ve known each other for 20 years now.”

lxc just smiles.

“If I remember correctly, you disliked Wei-gongzi very much when you first met.”

“20 years.”

“Fate is never so simple, Wangji.”

“...”

lxc fixes the fold of his sleeves. jc is probably still with wwx or just in the bath. He still has time before they go to their pavilion.

lxc still waits outside the room until jc is done, but he hopes soon he’ll be able to wait inside with the privacy screen, or maybe jc will even let him behind the screen. The thought sends a thrill through him, and he misses the way lwj frowns at his starry-eyed expression.

“...

...

...

Congratulations, xiongzhang.”

lxc beams. “Thank you, Wangji.” He would marry jc without lwj’s blessings, but it feels good to get it anyway.

“What is the situation with the elders?”

lxc’s smile disappears. “I will see them when Wanyin’s situation stabilises.”

“He is very stable now.”

He is. But - “It comes and goes,” lxc says. He’s eager to return to cr, to face the elders and officially settle his marriage, but he doesn’t want to leave jc, however briefly.

lwj is silent for another long moment. “What about our sect?”

“We will figure it out.”

“What if you have to give up leadership for him?”

“Then that is what I’ll have to do,” lxc says calmly. To live without jc - he would have nothing left to lose then.

As unpleasant as it is to plan for, lxc has given it some serious thought. He doesn’t want to end up like his father: secluded in a room he renamed the hanshi, frozen and bleak like his life had become, sect leader only in name, barely able to fight when they had been attacked.

lxc had allowed himself the selfishness to go into seclusion, and he doesn’t regret it, but it had never been his intention to stay there forever, though now with a clearer mind he knows it would have been a slippery slope - the world stops for no one’s tragedy,

and even after his single year of seclusion, lxc was still surprised at how much had already changed.

“I cannot imagine being apart from him. If I must continue without the blessings of our elders, I will begin the process to instate a new heir.”

“Xiongzhang, I -“

“It will not be you. I know you wish to wander the world with Wei-gongzi.”

lwj is silent.

“Lan Jingyi will be the heir.”

lwj’s reaction is instantaneous and instinctive. “Sizhui is the better choice.”

“Is he? Sizhui is not your son. Unless you have proof of his lineage, the sect will not acknowledge his position as rightful heir. Jingyi is our closest blood relative, and he has several family members in the Elder Council. There will not be any problems with his succession.”

lwj stays in sullen silence. It’s true, though. All sects value blood lineage; even the Headshaker had no problems taking control and running his sect (though now lwj thinks the Nie sect knew exactly what nhs was doing and why).

“Jingyi is an exceptional young cultivator, easily at the head of his class, but more importantly, he has a good heart. He’s still just a child, but he will have my full support. Regardless, I will marry Wanyin, and an heir will have to be decided anyway.”

“And is jwy willing to leave his sect to someone not of blood?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but yes.” lxc’s mind flashes back to the convo he had with jc not long after he arrived at lp. His heart gives a painful clench.

“Wangji, I will never ever be able to verbalise just how much I adore him. I don’t even know if Wanyin himself will ever understand. I do not want to forsake everyone else for him, but if I must, I will.” The deep look lxc gives lwj tells him that lxc means it from his very soul.

“...You have my support, xiongzhang.”

lxc smiles, shoulders relaxing. “Thank you, Wangji.”

===

Meanwhile, wwx is combing oil through jc’s hair as he takes his bath.

Growing up, that was the only instance where jc allowed wwx to spoil him, whereas normally he was over concerned with appearing strong and independent.

“I talked to Lan Zhan about the ribbon ceremony.”

“Mn.” jc is tired.

It’s been a while since he had dinner with all his disciples, not just the most senior, and they were more excited than usual to eat with him.

“Jiang Cheng?”

“Hm?”

“Are you really ok with Lan da-ge?”

“I’m not settling on him just cuz he’s my first suitor.” jc sighs.

He leans his head back as wwx combs higher towards his scalp.

“Yeah, I always wanted to ask. What’s with the blacklisting?”

jc sighs. “Ugh, basically they weren’t willing to take care of jl, and it only got harder as jl got older and started talking back.”

wwx laughs. “Did jl scare away your matches?” He braids jc’s hair and wraps it up to keep it dry before moving to sit off to the side.

“They didn’t see the need for me to be so involved in jl’s life. I eventually got blacklisted after losing my shit too many times.” jc hums.

“Just as well. I was only doing it cuz people wouldn’t stop bothering me about it. I should’ve been smarter and gotten blacklisted earlier.”

“Oh.” wwx fishes out a small pouch of lotus seeds, passing a few to jc. “I always thought you’d go with that list of yours, you know.”

jc hums noncommittally. “Now that I think about it, it sounds a lot like A-Jie.”

“She was perfect,” wwx says quietly.

There’s a long, tense pause.

jc lowers his head, splashing water onto his face to hide the tears. “Go, wwx. I am tired.”

wwx wishes he had kept his big mouth shut. Maybe then he could have talked more with jc. “Alright,” he says quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

jc doesn’t answer, but wwx never expected him to.

The servants get called in when wwx exits, and he sees lxc standing outside as well,

so he forces a smile in greeting. “Lan da-ge! You’re already done with Lan Zhan?”

“Yes.”

wwx shifts to the side. “Go on then. I think Jiang Cheng is getting sleepy.”

lxc takes a step back for emphasis. “I will wait until Wanyin is done.”

wwx tilts his head.

“Lan da-ge, no offence, but would you even know what to do in bed with Jiang Cheng?”

lxc promptly flushes a furious red. “That is none of your business!”

wwx just laughs, loudly and obnoxiously. “You don’t! Well, Lan da-ge, you might want to read up on it!

I won’t have my shidi mistreated - or worse, unsatisfied!”

lxc just stares at him flatly. “Are you quite done?”

wwx rolls his eyes. “Quite.” He makes to leave but then looks over his shoulder. “Lan da-ge. Jiang Cheng is precious to me. If you dare hurt him in /any/ way...”

lxc rolls his eyes right back at him. “As if I would. Off with you now. Wangji is waiting.”

wwx cocks an eyebrow at him before melting into the shadows.

lxc turns back to face jc’s doors. The servants are almost done, and he will be reunited with his beloved once more.

His heart skips a beat. He can’t wait.

The doors open again as the servants leave, and jc’s voice floats out.

“...Xichen?”

lxc beams, and it’s only then that he steps over the threshold into jc’s room. “Right here, Wanyin.”

=====

“So, hey.”

jc looks up to see wwx leaning against the open door to his office. “Hey.”

wwx sidles in. “Sooo...Lan Zhan and I are thinking about taking off for a while. You know. Have a wander and see if we find anything interesting.”

“Oh.” jc doesn’t know how to feel about this. Things are still weird between him and wwx, even though the past few days have gone easier without wwx bothering him about lxc. “When are you thinking of leaving?”

“This afternoon. Lan Zhan’s just finishing up with packing.”

jc bites his tongue. So soon? He /really/ doesn’t know how to feel about this at all. “Alright,” he says in the end. What else could he say? It wasn’t like he invited wwx to lp, and he knows his disciples haven’t changed their hostility to wwx even after all this time

(and that is already discounting all the disciples that lwj offended over the years). jc knows what it’s like to be on the receiving end, and he wouldn’t want to stay either.

“Maybe we can come see you after? Mooch off you some more, you know.” wwx’s grin is hesitant.

“Yeah, sure.” jc sits there in silence as wwx continues to stand awkwardly in the doorway. “I’ll give you a couple jars of lotus wine to take with you.”

wwx lights up. “Really? Thanks, Jiang Cheng!”

“It’s nothing.”

wwx dawdles a little longer. “So...yeah. Gonna head out.”

“Alright.” jc sits there a little longer before standing. “I’ll just go get the wine for you.”

“Thanks. Meet you at the pier?”

“Yeah.”

jc doesn’t know what sort of face he’s making as he heads to the wine cellar, but the disciples that see him only bow wordlessly,

and he sees more than one servant just turning on their heel to leave.

He picks out 2 bottles of their best. He stares at the labels for a while before straightening, lifting his chin as he leaves.

wwx and lwj are at the end of the pier, a boat already waiting for them.

jc can feel himself relax just a smidge when he sees lxc there as well, a flat look on his face as he listens to whatever inane thing wwx is spouting.

“Oh! There’s Jiang Cheng! Remember the tips I gave you, Lan da-ge!”

“What tips?” jc is scowling as he reaches them.

wwx just laughs. “You can thank me later!”

lwj has a pained expression. “Wei Ying.”

“Right, well, time to go!”

“Goodbye, xiongzhang.”

lxc gives lwj a pointed look, and lwj‘s lips tighten.

“Thank you for your hospitality, Sect Leader Jiang.”

“Yes, well. You guys will be back.” jc shoves the wine at wwx. “Here.”

“Jiang Cheng.” wwx’s smile is wobbly as he hugs the jars against his chest . He lurches forward, as if he wanted to hug jc, but he stops himself. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Mn. The boat is waiting.”

wwx gives one last look over his shoulder as lwj helps him onto the boat. It sets off immediately, and jc swallows hard as wwx stands at the very end to wave at him.

“Make sure you stock up on wine! Next time we’ll see who can do more shots!”

“You’re gonna die of cirrhosis!” jc shouts back.

wwx just laughs, but he’s too far away for jc to hear anymore.

jc watches the boat disappear, staring blankly after it.

“Wanyin.”

jc turns. “Xichen.”

lxc reaches over to hold jc’s wrist lightly with his fingertips.

“How are you feeling?” He doesn’t like the lost look on jc’s face.

“I don’t know,” jc says honestly. “Xichen...”

“I’m here, Wanyin.”

jc has his head lowered, and it’s a while before he speaks. “My head hurts.”

lxc wonders if jc even knows he’s pouting.

It’s inexplicably adorable. “Let’s go to your room to rest. I’ll play you something to help you relax.”

“Mn. Alright.”

jc must be feeling pretty terrible to just give in. lxc resists the urge to sweep jc off his feet into a carry, but jc would never allow it, not here.

He will not show weakness in front of anyone, and lxc knows how much of a concession it is for jc to even admit that he’s not feeling so great.

lxc’s fingers brush against jc’s as they walk towards his room. Once inside, their movements are slow as lxc takes down jc’s hair,

leaning in to press a gentle kiss to the side of his neck as jc strips off his outer robes.

There’s a soft moan before jc sighs out his name. “Xichen...”

lxc circles around jc. “I am here, Wanyin,” he murmurs, and jc sways forward to lean his forehead on lxc’s broad shoulder.

jc cannot remember the last time he felt anything like this - has he ever? Has he ever been able to lean on someone just like this? To know he would be taken care of, to know that if he fell, he would instantly be caught before he could touch the ground?

“I am here,” lxc whispers again.

“Mn.”

jc lets himself be swept up and gently set on the bed. lxc sits on the side, tucking him in warmly. “Does your head hurt a lot?”

“Mn.”

lxc leans over to brush a kiss to jc’s forehead and then on each of his cheeks.

He hesitates above jc’s lips, and ends up smiling into the kiss that jc leans up to give him.

“Such a dumbass,” jc murmurs fondly.

“Yes. Yours.” lxc kisses him again, pulling back with great effort when he feels jc start to melt against him. “Rest now. I’ll be here.”

“Mn.”

===

Just two days later, it’s jl that’s called back to Lanling.

“Jiujiu, promise me you’ll write this time? And not just your stupid, boring updates - I need to know how you’re doing.”

They’re at the pier with jl. A large, ornate ship is parked far out in the water.

It’s too big for the pier and they’ll have to be rowed out to it, but jc expects nothing less from the excessive extravagance of the Jin sect. Besides, they need something big enough to send all of jl’s retinue of footmen and maids and Fairy’s personal care team back to Koi Tower

(jc will excuse the groomer, but a dog Does Not need her own chef).

“Of course,” jc says, waving away jl’s concerns. “And besides, you’ll be back in 10 days.”

“I wouldn’t go if I didn’t have to be there personally for a council meeting,” jl pouts but jc frowns instead.

“You have your duties and responsibilities. You cannot let them down.”

jl’s pout just grows. “I know, you’ve said it a million times.”

“And I’ll keep saying it until you get it through your thick head.”

“Jiujiu!” jl crosses his arms. “I know what I’m doing.”

“Show me, then,” jc challenges. “I’ll see you in 10 days. Go.”

“Alright.” jl tosses several forlorn looks as he climbs onto the boat and stands at the helm with Fairy, waving as they’re rowed out. “I’ll see you soon, jiujiu! Zewu-jun, I leave my jiujiu’s care to you!”

“Insolent brat! Shut up or you’ll fall off!” jc shouts back, and jl can’t even smile at the energy in jc’s voice. He’s still incredibly worried, and he feels as if something might happen the second he turns away.

It’ll be alright, he thinks, when he climbs onto the ship.

It’s just a few days, and Zewu-jun will be there anyway.

===

lxc stares hard at the letter he’s just received. It was flown out to him by a messenger, as if it was some urgent missive.

He bites back the urge to rip the letter to shreds. It’s ridiculous;

a summoning by the elders to explain himself before them. To an extent, lxc understands their frustrations - not only had he entered seclusion against their advice, but he ran away in the middle of it and has been holed up in lp for a few months now.

While the Lans may hold themselves above gossip, it does not mean they do not have ears.

Worse (to them), he’s apparently chosen a spouse that was not vetted by the council or by any elder other than his uncle. lxc doesn’t think he requires their permission to marry,

even if that’s the way they’ve always done it. But just because that’s the way they’ve always done it doesn’t mean that it’s the right way or even a good way.

His spouse is his own, what part should the council play in determining the object of his love and desire?

And besides, lxc‘s heart has chosen already, and he will not take another.

he /will/ marry jc.

But he knows all too well how the Elder Council works, and he also knows all too well how much pressure his uncle must have suffered already.

It’s been a while since lqr left lp, and lxc has no doubt that he’s been facing pressure from the council every day since then.

lxc always thought his uncle could handle it easily. It’s what his uncle has been doing since before lxc was born.

He remembers sitting in on those meetings as a child heir, and lqr had never faltered in his arguments or decisions. But these few months with jc has woken him to his own privilege of having a capable uncle handling the entire sect while he goes off gallivanting on his own.

He cannot keep doing this. He cannot be selfish anymore, as much as he wants to.

“Wanyin...”

“Hmm?” jc is at his desk, drafting a letter.

But lxc doesn’t know what to say. Instead, he goes to sit in front of jc’s desk.

jc looks up with a frown. “Xichen, what’s wrong?”

lxc’s lips are pressed into a thin line. His fingers are white knuckled against his knees, and there’s a stiffness to his straight posture. “I’ve received a letter from my elders.”

The light dims in jc’s eyes, and a flare of anger erupts in lxc’s tight chest.

He knows jc is thinking the worst, as he is wont to do. His elders are stealing jc’s smile from him, and lxc will defy the world to bring it back.

“Do not worry, my heart. It is bothersome and must be dealt with eventually, but nothing will take me from you. I promise.”

“It is your sect,” jc says simply. “We are sect leaders. We have responsibilities owed to our people.”

“My duty is to you.”

“No.” jc shakes his head. “You cannot place me above your sect. It is unfair to them.”

lxc can feel himself crumple. “Wanyin...” His head hangs low.

“You must think me a terrible person. A terrible leader. You’re right. I’ve failed them all. I have failed myself.”

“Hey.” jc moves to kneel by lxc, and the gentle touch of his hand has lxc loosening his fists. “I don’t think that. I have never thought that.”

“Even when I was so terrible to you for all these years?”

jc huffs out a laugh. “I’m a pretty terrible person.”

“I will not have you speaking about my beloved like that.”

jc shakes his head. “I’ve done things I’m not proud of. But I don’t regret it. I did it for my sect,

for Yunmeng, for all those under my protection. I did what I thought was best at the time. And you did the same.”

“Did I? Have I? Wanyin...I can’t trust my own decisions anymore. I’ve been taking some of the work back from shufu, but...” lxc looks down in shame.

jc cups lxc’s cheek in a hand to turn it back up. “We all have moments of doubt.”

lxc shakes his head. “I - I can’t. I’ve been deferring to shufu’s opinion because I - I just can’t.”

“You are not incapable of making decisions anymore.”

“I am,” lxc whispers. “I cannot trust my judgment, my experience, not even day-to-day decisions.”

“No, you’re not. You decided to come here. You decided to stay. You decided to -“ jc blushes “- to choose me as your cultivation partner, and you chose to resume responsibilities.”

“Those are not the decisions I’m talking about,” lxc says. “And I will not have you say our love is so simple as a choice.”

jc rolls his eyes. “I know that, dummy. My point is that you’ve been making pretty monumental decisions with no problem.

It’s gonna take time to get back into the swing of things, and I wouldn’t expect you to dive right back in as confidently as before, but you’re not incapable. Start small. Just the most immediate thing first. One step at a time.”

lxc’s lips are still downturned, and there is a rare tension to his brow.

“I know you want to believe me but you can’t. It’s alright.”

lxc clutches at jc’s hand. “It’s not that!”

“Xichen, don’t be an idiot. I told you it’s alright.

Remember when we first started going to our pavilion and we kept trying to convince each other “you deserve happiness but not me” and not believing each other even though we believed what we were saying and it just went around in circles for /days/ until -“

“Until you shouted at me to stop being such a dumbass.” lxc gives jc a soft smile. The adoration gleams bright in his eyes, and he thumbs over jc’s sharp cheekbone. “My heart,” he murmurs, leaning in for a kiss.

jc allows the kiss for a while, lxc wrapping an arm around jc’s

(still too thin) waist to hold him close. jc stops it with a pat to lxc’s chest when lxc heaves him into his lap. “We’re having a serious discussion here.”

lxc sighs but wraps his arms tight around jc so he can’t slip away.

“I know. But no matter what, I will not let them take me from you. Either way, Jingyi will begin his training as heir. The sooner the better.”

“Mm. I agree. Earlier is better. So when the time comes it’s less of a shock. But your sect - you cannot abandon them for me.”

lxc sighs again, more deeply this time. “If I am forced to make that choice, then I will. No,” he says, when jc rears back with a scowl, ready to argue. “If they use you to force me out of my position then that’s not a choice. I will support Jingyi and shufu as much as I can,

no matter what. I’m not choosing you above my responsibilities - I don’t want to abandon my sect either, but you cannot ask me to end our relationship for the whims of my elders. What effect does my marriage have on their livelihoods?”

“A good spouse can aid in the leadership and growth of the sect. A woman can give you direct heirs.” jc’s face is stony. He understands all too well why the untitled jfm married the Violet Spider. “I know my own limitations.”

“No,” lxc says stubbornly.

“No. Your achievements are legendary by this point. And shufu approves, which is all the approval I need.”

“Teacher Lan is too kind. He took me under his wing when I was just a stupid kid. I owe him a lot.”

lxc doesn’t believe lqr thinks that way. “Shufu loves you.

He was ecstatic when he heard I was going to formally propose. Didn’t you see how excited he was during his visit?”

“...” jc doesn’t know how lxc can read someone’s emotions like that. He saw the same strict but endlessly kind teacher as always.

“When are you going to leave?” he asks abruptly.

“I don’t want to.”

“Well you have to.”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

“You can’t be attached to me all the time.”

“Yes I can.”

“No, you can’t.” jc strokes over lxc’s cheek. “Xichen. It’s time.”

lxc doesn’t want to face it, as much as he knows he needs to. And he /wants/ to, because he wants to formalise his engagement.

But he doesn’t know if he can do it.

“Xichen.” jc’s eyes trace over lxc’s features. jc still can’t believe lxc actually wants to be with him.

Maybe once lxc leaves lp...

“Go. Fly back now; it’s still early. You’ll have time to rest and then meet your council tomorrow morning.”

lxc doesn’t immediately answer. It’s too much, too unexpected. He’s supposed to leave /now/?

No. He needs more time.

But the look jc gives him is all too knowing. “The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back to me.”

“That is blackmail and utterly unfair,” lxc complains.

jc doesn’t meet his eyes as he smooths out the two long locks of hair by lxc’s temples.

“Go,” he repeats, softer this time. “And remember I’ll be waiting.”

“Wanyin...”

“Right now, you need to pack. I’ll be at our pavilion.” jc stands, pulling at lxc’s hand.

lxc drags his feet as jc leads him down the corridors towards the living quarters.

jc stops in front of lxc’s room.

“Go pack. Don’t make me wait.” jc gives him a light push to his shoulders.

lxc opens the door and jc turns to leave. He doesn’t look back, so he doesn’t see lxc stare after him forlornly.

jc is leaning against a pillar, head tipped back to enjoy the breeze when a shift in the air alerts him to lxc’s presence. As always, lxc walks without sound, floating towards him like a cloud in his billowing robes, Shuoyue clenched in a tight grip.

“All packed?”

jc knows he has to stay calm for lxc, who’s looking pale and shaky.

“Yes. Wanyin, I...”

jc tilts his head as he straightens. “Come here.”

lxc stands next to him, and they both stare out over the water. jc reaches over to hold his hand.

“Xichen, do you want to marry me?”

lxc turns to him with huge eyes. “Of course I do!” He sounds affronted that jc would even ask him such a question.

“Will you fight for us?”

“Of course!”

“And will you defend me against those that speak ill of me?”

lxc turns to look at him.

“I know what you’re doing. And of course I will.”

“If you don’t take this step, we will not be able to marry properly. It will not be recognised by Gusu Lan, even if we have a proper ceremony here.”

“I know,” lxc sulks.

“Come on,” jc says, leading him down an unfamiliar path to a hidden side entrance guarded only by a few disciples. He sends them away for some semblance of privacy.

The look on lxc’s face has jc faltering a little. Maybe he’s pushing lxc too hard before he’s ready?

“Xichen...” jc reaches up. He looks straight into lxc’s eyes as two strips of silk catch on his fingers, and he smirks at lxc’s shudder when he brings them over lxc’s shoulder. They both look down at the patterned white silk in jc’s hand, held up between them.

lxc isn’t sure he’s breathing. “Wanyin...” He swallows hard, pushing down the surge of desire rising in him at the sight of his ribbon in jc’s hold.

jc catches his gaze again as he brings his fingers up to press a soft kiss to the ribbon. His smirk widens at lxc’s gasp.

“Xichen. Don’t keep me waiting too long.”

“I won’t. My love, my heart, I will return soon. Please wait for me.” lxc grasps at jc’s hand to brush his lips across the knuckles.

“I will.” jc watches lxc step over the threshold and out of lp.

lxc looks back at him, pale but determined as he unsheathes Shuoyue.

jc hopes his smile isn’t as wobbly as it feels when lxc steps onto his sword and lifts into the air.

With one last, longing look, lxc turns and speeds off towards cr.

It takes only a couple seconds before lxc is just a speck in the distance, and jc sighs as he turns around.

“Back to your positions,” he calls.

“Yes, Sect Leader!”

As jc walks off, his disciples share worried glances with each other.

jc can feel himself frowning as he makes his way back to his office. It’s sudden for him too, and he already feels bereft without lxc by his side.

He massages his chest as he sits behind his desk. The words of the letter he was drafting are blurry.

lp is never completely silent, but jc can only hear a dull buzzing in his head as an overwhelming sense of loneliness washes over him.

This is the way it’s always been, he tells himself. He’d gotten too used to being spoiled when he was ill, but now they must return to reality.

jc allows himself a sigh, before he picks up his brush and goes back to his paperwork.

=====

TBC!!!

I’ll delete this tweet later!!

Thank you so much to all the readers!!! You make my day 🥰🥰🥰🥰💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜

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