Let’s talk about... “You’re not a real sub if you don’t...”
As always this is my opinion, there are no rules, and make sure to pass the dutchie on the left-hand side.
This is prompted by a number of similar questions I’ve had recently, where a sub has been told...
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As always this is my opinion, there are no rules, and make sure to pass the dutchie on the left-hand side.
This is prompted by a number of similar questions I’ve had recently, where a sub has been told...
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...that if they don’t do certain things, then they must not be “a real sub”.
This is what we in the kink world refer to as “absolute shite of the highest order”.
There are no rules, remember. There’s no definition of what makes a sub “good”, no benchmark to refer to.
...that if they don’t do certain things, then they must not be “a real sub”.
This is what we in the kink world refer to as “absolute shite of the highest order”.
There are no rules, remember. There’s no definition of what makes a sub “good”, no benchmark to refer to.
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Generally the only thing that each question I’ve received has in common, is that the sub has been asked to do something they’ve said is a limit. “A good sub wouldn’t have that as a limit” is rubbish. You can have anything you want as a limit.
Generally the only thing that each question I’ve received has in common, is that the sub has been asked to do something they’ve said is a limit. “A good sub wouldn’t have that as a limit” is rubbish. You can have anything you want as a limit.
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“A good sub would break their limit for me” is rubbish. You shouldn’t break or change your limits unless YOU want to.
(Limits are we define things we don’t want to do- some refer to “hard limits” and “soft limits”, with hard meaning “HELL NO” and soft meaning “maybe one day”)
“A good sub would break their limit for me” is rubbish. You shouldn’t break or change your limits unless YOU want to.
(Limits are we define things we don’t want to do- some refer to “hard limits” and “soft limits”, with hard meaning “HELL NO” and soft meaning “maybe one day”)
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So why would a Dom say a “good”
Sub would break their limits when told? Simply put, a responsible/trustworthy/credible Dom wouldn’t. An inexperienced one might, if they didn’t know any better, but usually it’s the abusive types that try it.
So why would a Dom say a “good”
Sub would break their limits when told? Simply put, a responsible/trustworthy/credible Dom wouldn’t. An inexperienced one might, if they didn’t know any better, but usually it’s the abusive types that try it.
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Your limits are YOUR limits. Anyone pressuring you to do something you don’t want to is basically waving the largest of big red flags. They are showing no respect for you, and also ignoring your wishes regarding consent.
Your limits are YOUR limits. Anyone pressuring you to do something you don’t want to is basically waving the largest of big red flags. They are showing no respect for you, and also ignoring your wishes regarding consent.
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So if a “Dom” says “a good sub would do xyz,” or worse, “no-one will want you if you don’t do xyz,” seriously consider whether this is someone you can trust, and if they have your best interests at heart.
So if a “Dom” says “a good sub would do xyz,” or worse, “no-one will want you if you don’t do xyz,” seriously consider whether this is someone you can trust, and if they have your best interests at heart.
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Remember you ALWAYS have the right to withdraw your consent if you don’t want to do something.
Use your safeword, or heck, just go full “NO”. Yes, if you’ve got a safeword because you want “no” to be ignored, it might seem odd to suggest saying no, but you can...
Remember you ALWAYS have the right to withdraw your consent if you don’t want to do something.
Use your safeword, or heck, just go full “NO”. Yes, if you’ve got a safeword because you want “no” to be ignored, it might seem odd to suggest saying no, but you can...
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...make it VERY clear you’re not playing any more. “No, I’m not doing that Bob. No. I’m serious. I’m not playing. No.”
(Drop “Sir” and use their proper name for added effect)
...make it VERY clear you’re not playing any more. “No, I’m not doing that Bob. No. I’m serious. I’m not playing. No.”
(Drop “Sir” and use their proper name for added effect)
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You don’t need to explain. You don’t need to validate or justify your refusal - your “no” - and indeed if you try to explain, they’ll often try to use that as an invitation to talk you round.
Just... No. No is enough of a reason. No, quite simply, is a complete sentence.
You don’t need to explain. You don’t need to validate or justify your refusal - your “no” - and indeed if you try to explain, they’ll often try to use that as an invitation to talk you round.
Just... No. No is enough of a reason. No, quite simply, is a complete sentence.
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You’ll see similar sentiments throughout kink; consent is key.
On a related note, this thread is about “Is it normal for a Dom to want...”
You’ll see similar sentiments throughout kink; consent is key.
On a related note, this thread is about “Is it normal for a Dom to want...”
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In summary:
- There’s no definition of “good” that subs are measured against
- Don’t break your limits for *anyone*
- A “Dom” who tries to talk you out of a limit is questionable at best
- No means no.
In summary:
- There’s no definition of “good” that subs are measured against
- Don’t break your limits for *anyone*
- A “Dom” who tries to talk you out of a limit is questionable at best
- No means no.
If you’ve found this useful, read more of my threads here: threadreaderapp.com/user/TheSirDax
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