Umalume Nobhala Profile picture
Aug 18, 2020 18 tweets 7 min read Read on X
1. #NdebeleTwitter Herewith Episode 8 of #UmnxebaWodumo enjoy 😂

Escape Sexcapade

Once it was established that your Favourite Malume is a Dark Force I knew I had to skip the country. So I left and headed for a village close to the border. The chief welcomed me kuhle sibili Image
2. The Chief advised that I stay okwamalanga till the Mkomana who knows amasotsha comes back. Phela Abadizeki nxa kungelamuntu obaziyo. So I had to wait and enjoy iHospitality yenduna and his 6 wives and his pretty Mabhobhodlwana. Bahle abantwana beNduna madoda Image
3. Since I was a fugitive ngangingasebenzi. I spent the day ngingumatshaya inyoka. Ngibuka amabhekane abantwana beNduna. Umalume wenu phela vele uyalingeka. Ngugwayi liyaluma. Yikho engumalume. Lakanye ngirobhe okukodwa. Umthobanhliziyo uyadingeka when one is stressed Image
4. We agreed ukuthi ntambama ziyawa. Uyafa uFandamu. The whole day I had butterflies esiswini. I cudnt eat. I was just imagining things. Ukuba yimi so🤣. Kunini ngacina this game yokudala abantu. Ngangihlekela esikhewini. Image
5. OkuTwa engangikurobhile kwakuFit shame. She was hairy which was a plus for me. Myth has it that osisi abalehwanqa bayabulala umfihlamphini. I couldn't wait for the said Magical Sex with my Hairy Porter. I had had nasty experiences eGwanda le Plumtree so I would make up for it Image
6. Eventually she came to my room. She told me ulithwasa elilomoya wendoda so kumele aqale abikele abaphansi before we could do anything. I thought uyahlanya ubikani? Convinced her that it is not necessary. Grudgingly she gave in. Laye vele iface ibhaliwe ukuthi kudala wayicina Image
7. Uthando lwekhaya doti mani! The kissing was bad. Umuntu akukhothe amalips lawa ngani uvalela incwadi phakathi kwe envelope🤣. Kwangikhotha okuliVenda koSitaudze madoda. Ngithi ngiyakhamise kuhotshe ngathi kulungisa iCarburator. Ngiyafa phela lapha. Let's change approach Image
8. Whoever introduced Pornhub ekhaya, inkosi imbusise. UHairy Potter athathe umsobho wamangqina awuthi bhu kugearbox kaMalume, akhothe. Hawu Jesu! Ngapha it's slimy ngapha kuyanquma. Ngavelelwa. Yini engiyibona lapha. But I still had hope Image
9. Mina too late. Donsi yani okuHairy, ngikukhisakhise. Letha phela indlebe ngikhothe, Jesu! Ibaba gamu ungathi yinhlaka yomvagazi. Eeeh ngenzeni? Ngapha umbala ulembale. Yiskotshi mdala ungabhalela iMaths. But as long ngingakafiki eNgozi Mine ngizaqinisela Image
10. Ngizame ukulahlisa ngikukhiphakhiphe izigqoko. Lakho kuyavuma kuzama uku impresa ubhudi weTown. Kugqoke leskhindi seLace. It's not lingerie but uMandiweni mdala. Ngisathi Good ngithole uMandiweni wakhona ubhalwe ECONOMIC FREEDOM FIGHTERS. Malema why unje kodwa🤣🤣 Image
10. Ngizame ukulahlisa ngikukhiphakhiphe izigqoko. Lakho kuyavuma kuzama uku impresa ubhudi weTown. Kugqoke leskhindi seLace. It's not lingerie but uMandiweni mdala. Ngisathi Good ngithole uMandiweni wakhona ubhalwe ECONOMIC FREEDOM FIGHTERS. Malema why unje kodwa🤣🤣 Image
11. Under different circumstances I would have laughed but I just wanted to salvage the moment. So I left her there and turned ngadinga ibox leliyana elileface kaCommissioner we Zec. Phela its good to play safe. Ungawongorori umuntu ngelihlo. Gqoka umncwado and be safe Image
12. Yazi suddenly ngizwe inwele zami zisukuma angani sekungene umkhoba endlini. Amadolo axege okuzwayo. Okuyinasinga lakho kulale. Sengiyathe ngena mncwado, iGear silele flat. When I turned back uHairy seku Airplane mode. Selithwasa. Sekushubile bafethu Image
13. I froze. Amehlo sebomvu gebhu ungathi ubekhwezela umtswiri omanzi. Ngenzeni? Ngizwe inkalakatha yeVoice yendoda ibhonga. Ithi "Vele mthetho wakho uyadelela wena swayini" uselebhesi uHairy eyedlula eyami. Uyabhonga. Uyabhodla uhlezi embhedeni. Athi buya lapha khemani Image
14. Mina ngazi nga. Back to default settings. Ngicabange oPapa nxa bexotsha amadimoni. Ngihle ngimdayivele intamo. Ngithi Fireee. Nothing. Freee. Zwi. Come out. Nya. Ngaze ngathi I Receive🤣🤣. Kushubile bafethu Image
15. Kwangifuqa okuswayini ngaya kuthi laxa phansi. Sengiyazame ukubaleka zalezale lami. I can't believe ngatshaywa ngumfazi onqunu. Kwangithrabha okuswayini. Eventually I managed to bolt out. Ngangena iganga. Ngasibathela ngaze ngaze ngaya breka eSasol Garage on the other side Image
16. Nonetheless uMalume is safe bazukulu noma nje engasalumanga ku Hairy. Trying times in our Nation but still we laugh. END
Remember
#ZimbabweanslivesMatter Image
Please check out 11 - 16. I don't know how the thread broke🙈🙈. Its there somewhere on my TL

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More from @UncleMthwithi

Jan 13, 2021
1. Chronicles of an Exiled Citizen
A thread

One thing that our people must be liberated from is fear. Fear of the known & unknown. Fear of the assumed. Generally, most of our people are both slaves and prisoners to fear. Fear rules us. Decisions we make are based on our fears
2. After the July 28 break-in at our home, alot of our people have distanced themselves from us. They feel that should it be known that they are related to us or connected to us, they will be vulnerable and the state will attack them in our stead
3. Some do not take our calls anymore. They believe the State has a way of using the calls to trace them. I gave one guy my contacts via a secure platform. He gave me his. Immediately an unknown number called him. Me thinks it was coincidence. He thinks it was someone snooping
Read 17 tweets
Oct 22, 2020
1. After Dr Dumiso Dabengwa died and the family successfully snubbed a heroes acre burial as per his wishes and the presidency snubbed his funeral, many ZPRA cadres have made me custodian of their burial wishes via wills and commissioned statements...
2. They complain about how government ignores them in life, lets wallow in poverty and be harangued by hunger only to give them Grand Funerals. Dr Dabengwa used alot of his resources to assist them. After he passed on many have remained neglected
3. I generally, enjoy spending time with leaders of different stages of periods of our history and now. Veterans & Chiefs are my favorite though. The stories, the honest criticism, the humour and the wisdom is amazing. After about 3 months in exile, I called some to touch base
Read 6 tweets
Sep 22, 2020
#NdebeleTwitter herewith Season 2, Episode 1 of #UmnxebaWodumo.

My Hillside Experience

It all began when I met uGalvin. Sagidla sonke eMoray but yena yilezana ezazingaboni nex. So he tells me he is now a waiter. Phela bragging about jobs is the new ntenene bragging contest Image
2. Nxa sifika ku parking he gets into a very expensive car. Ngangenwa yingubhane madoda. This guy owayekopa Kimi ama Corrections is now driving this sexy thingumabob? Zimbabwe ilesono shame. My ego was sodomised I tell you. He saw it and said, don't worry call me. I can help you Image
3. After serious thought, ngimfonele after 3 days. He tells me ukuthi akwenzi ukuthi sikhulume over the phone. I must go to his work place siyexoxela khona. I just cudnt believe it! Galvin wama ansa arongo now has power to call me to his office? Kunzima bo Jo Image
Read 17 tweets
Sep 2, 2020
Herewith Thread 4 of my experiences #ChroniclesofHope

Thread 4: The Bad days.

Being in hiding is a game of mental strength and for those whose backbones are clad with iron. Especially those of us who want to go home and not to Europe
#NdebeleTwitter
#ZimbabweanLivesMatter Image
2. The 1st days are bad. Anxiety. Worry and concern over the well-being of the family. At some point I went for 4 straight days without eating, worried about my children. I just can't believe I can be this helpless and watch them bullied. A friend sent this about Cde Umile Image
3. The worst is that in the day that the State goes rogue even relatives blame you for it. They castigate us for 'ukuqala iZanu'. Very few want to assist. Majority does not want any contact lest they are endangered. To get a relative to house my family was a futile effort
Read 13 tweets
Aug 30, 2020
Herewith Thread 2 of My experiences #ChroniclesofHope
Thread 2: Temple Run, Ferret enablers.

So the guy who led the Ferret Team to my house is Tapiwa Moyo of Nkulumane. We have failed to get his photo but we will give infor that will enable all of us to look for his photo
2. This Tapiwa at one point was a member of Joice Mujuru's Party Zimbabwe People First. He wanted to be Bulawayo Province chair person and had a serious fued with one Esnath Bulayani over the post. He has been deployed to Spy on Jabulani Sibanda former War Veterans chair
3. So a few days before they attacked, we got Intel to the effect that he has been deployed to follow me around and confirm where I stay. Sure enough he was monitoring my movements. He didn't know I notice him or that I know him. I played along. Then one day I made a grave error
Read 10 tweets
Aug 30, 2020
As promised herewith the thread about my experiences. #ChroniclesofHope
Thread 1: The Clouds Gather

It all started with a WhatsApp Chat below on the 1st of May. This is 2 months before the July 31 Demonstrations was announced. At this point nothing suggested that am in danger
2. Everything was normal in the Zim sense way. Somehow, this message confirmed with my spirit. Something was afoot in the horizon and God warned me through someone I least expected. I needed to start preparing for that fateful day
3. I had seen how @JoeMzacaNgulube had been in activism & remained unknown in these streets. I decided to grow my Following. I had 386. I changed my content and used my other talents: Humour and Storytelling via #UmnxebaWodumo. I also embraced #NdebeleTwitter. I grew to over 2k
Read 21 tweets

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