1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 311 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. 
2. If you missed the last episode, we dealt with the question: “‘How to change your spouse without changing your spouse. If you missed it, get it here wakelet.com/wake/XeXEQWApN…. #MrMrsBetterHalf.
3. This week’s question is from a single lady: ‘We love each other and want to get married but his finances are a mess! Do I walk away, or do we marry and maintain separate accounts?” #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. The first thing I noticed about this question is that the man in question does not seem to be penniless- it sounds more like he does not know how to manage his finances. Regardless, I can imagine that this is disturbing to this lady. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. When a man is not financially prudent it is particularly difficult to cope with because as the head of a home, he is supposed to provide some leadership. While he doesn’t need to be a finance guru, at least he should not be reckless. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. I know quite a few women who have had complete emotional breakdowns because their husbands mismanaged their finances. Some of those marriages did not survive. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. Ideally, a man should be a provider. He should be able to provide shelter, food, clothing, and education. That’s not to say a woman should not support or provide, but it’s simply easier to respect the head of the home when he leads in all respects. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. However, what should be will not always be. This guy is bad at money management. They love each other, but the lady is not so blinded by love that she can’t see a problem that can affect the future. What should she do? #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. There’s a popular theory in relationships called the 80-20 rule. Basically, it states that in a relationship you will typically get 80% of what you want in a partner. In other words, there is no such thing as a perfect mate. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. Everyone has flaws. For this guy, it is his finances. For another it might be hygiene, personality, temper, looks, worldview, background, intellect, laziness and so on. Should a flaw make you run away from a potential mate? #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. Though this episode stems from a lady’s dilemma, the same applies to guys. What if the girl you are dating is spendthrift, shows no domestic management inclination is always late or has some other weakness that is a red flag to you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. I think that if there are other things that are working in your potential mates’ favour, you should not be too quick to bolt. After all, you are not perfect either. If your mate is cutting you some slack, you should also reciprocate. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. Does this mean you should just take his or her weakness and live with it? No. You need to give your partner a chance to work on his or her weakness. However, if s/he doesn’t change would you be able to live with it forever? #MrMrsBetterHalf
14.Now, this is in not an attempt to downplay the seriousness of bad financial management or to encourage you to live with the weakness. No. However, this is not a terminal condition. People can learn to be financially prudent. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. So, while this is a red flag, it may not necessarily be a deal-breaker. It might, however, become a deal-breaker only if your partner has no interest in addressing the weakness and you know that you cannot live with it. Which brings me to my next point. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. The option of separating your finances once you get married because of your partner’s weakness is not as wise as you may think. For one thing, you are setting out to break some principles of oneness, honesty and transparency. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17.When you enter a marriage saying ‘I don't trust you or your judgment’ you are essentially saying I don't want to do life with you. You don’t need a roommate; you need a spouse. 2 cannot walk together except they agree. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. You will also be communicating to your spouse that there are some things about him or her that you hate and reject. Remember marriage is for better or worse, richer or poorer. You sink or swim together. #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. Have you also considered how he or she would feel? Rejected and unloved. Already it is clear that unconditional love is not in play because that is what your actions communicate. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. ‘But PG, why would I knowingly open my eyes, and walk into a ditch?’ Nope. That’s not what I’m telling you to do. I’m saying that the option of starting your marriage already divided and in disdain of your partner is not a good one. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. What you should do is take definite steps. (a) Confront the problem. Address the situation in plain terms. He is bad with money and you fear that he will not be able to manage your family finances and will end up getting you both broke. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. (b) Judge his attitude or response. Attitude is very important. The little foxes that spoil the vines are little things. If he doesn’t see the problem or he sees it but doesn’t care that’s a dangerous fox! #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. If he doesn’t own his problem or show that he is interested in fixing it, then this makes your red flag strong enough to rethink the relationship seeing how fundamental an issue this is for you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. Is he self-aware? Does he know he has a challenge in this area? Is he willing to get help? If he does acknowledge the problem and is open to change then move on to the next step. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. (c) Education. Some people think people are born with financial sense. We all go through a process of learning be it formal or informal. While some people sit in a business class in a formal institution, some sit in the school of life! #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. Get someone who can mentor him in the area of financial management. If someone isn't readily available, then go formal. Enrol in classes, buy books, listen to podcasts and get educated! #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. So many people I know have turned their fortunes around. People who were broke & indebted have been able to read books, submit themselves to learning & counsel, & embraced the discipline required to move from poverty to prosperity. So, this is possible. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. The truth is that you might have to handhold him through this process and people who are trying to break bad habits will often need a lot of support and encouragement. Just remember that you’re doing it for both your good. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. (d) Action. Now that he’s getting educated, he needs to act on what he’s learning. Encourage him to practice what he’s learning. How does he manage his income? What does he save, spend or invest? Is he indebted, help him service the debt. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. You know the truth? He might never be the best at handling the family finances, but as long as he is willing to and humble enough to admit that it’s not his strongest suit, you will be fine. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. I know many families where the women are the primary administrators of the family funds. They draw up budgets and allocations and manage their cash flow. If your wife is good at it and you’re not then let her handle it! #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. Part of being a man is being able to identify and celebrate genius. As for the wives, handling the finances doesn’t make you the head of the home. Being the CFO doesn't make you a CEO. When everyone plays their part homes thrive. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. Finally, I want to speak to the issue of fear. Don’t enter a relationship expecting the worst. I see young people bailing from relationships at the slightest whiff of discomfort. Life is full of hills and valleys. You can’t avoid them. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. Rather what you should do is pray for the spirit to discern the right relationship to be in, the courage to work on it openly and honestly and the strength to love your mate and stand firm even when tests and trials come. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. I hope this has been helpful. I will be back next week with another topic. Until then, thank you for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
