Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Superior Court hits the roof, ruling Doug's gas pump carbon tax stickers unconstitutional. States "We are absolutely heart broken to learn Ford ignored the people's rights."
2. Doug reveals plan to save CNE by opening cheesecake kiosk.

3. Friday before school starts Doug announces amendment to his back-to-school plan. Ford says "it's imperative for the safety of the childrens that they refrain from sharing their doobies."
4. Meanwhile, Lecce tours 407 construction site on Friday to ensure classrooms are safe.

5. With Alberta schools now opening Kenney focuses all his energy on saving and protecting inanimate objects. I mean statues. Not Issue Managers.
6. Alberta provides Fed relief funds to private schools. LaGrange says wealthy children's butlers should feel safe at school too.

7. Conservatives outraged after O'Regan suggests Alberta capable of innovation. Rex Murphy becomes confused, thinking O'Regan is suggesting Alberta to sell fish 'n chips.
8. O'Toole appoints acerbic, trash-talking, ineffectual woman from the west as Deputy. Rempel passed over.

9. Regina crowd boos unveiling of new Andrew Scheer statue. Turns out it wasn't a statue; it was Andrew Scheer delivering a speech about saving statues.
10. Kenney's speechwriter retires. Bunner says he'll spend his retirement fishing and denying existence of Residential Schools.

11. Poilievre outraged after Feds hint millions could be spent in Alberta as part of new green deal; asks, "Why won't Trudeau help Alberta create new jobs in the 1970's?!"
12. O'Toole takes back Oshawa. Encounters zero resistance from anyone.
13. Doug complains about complainers.

14. Brian Lilley buys a thesaurus; writes National Post piece using the pen name "Rex Murphy."
15. Two-thirds of the doctors at Medicine Hat clinic say they're planning to leave province. Kenney outraged about statues. That's it. That's the funny part.
16. #StatueLivesMatterToo

17. Lecce & Ford say, except for actually reading the reports and hiring more teaching staff, they're doing everything in their power to ensure health experts' recommendations followed for safe school return.
18. Turns out thousands of HVAC upgrades takes longer than 10 minutes.

19. O'Toole hires veteran CPC Comms staffer, Bob Loblaw, as his new social media copywriter.
20. Conservatives across the country up in arms after Dr Tam suggest masks be used during naughty-fun times*, saying Tam condoning love and promoting sharing of affection.

*new partners

21. Amurikuh's still not great again. Seems that dream's for "losers" anyway.
22. Kyle and OG take two seconds to help Canada forget the past 8 months for a few minutes.
23. It's the Labour Day Weekend. Relax. Refresh. Recharge. Don't share your doobies.