Thread by @VespertilioGem

Good Evening, twitters of all genders! I'll be doing a #Kissmatewatches of both Xena: Warrior Princess and Hercules TV shows. We got all six seasons of both and I figure why not write down my thoughts?

#Kissmatewatches I was already told to throw out my knowledge of Greek Myths. I had to nod in agreement over the fact the main character's name is Hercules and not Heracles.

Add in your brand of nerd jokes here.

#Kissmatewatches Episode One: Sins of the Past
Xena was once a conqueror, but her past gives her guilt. She buries her past by literally burying all her armor and weapons. Only to immediately need them later. Oops.

#Kissmatewatches A warlord/bandit leader harasses a group by threatening to kill them all and take the women, or just take the women. His acting is begging for him to put this on his resume and I love it.

#Kissmatewatches It appears Xena remembered her weapons were nearby as she takes them out of the ground in a dramatic flair and proceeds to run them off with an ululating battle cry. The whole scene is kind of awesome.

#Kissmatewatches Apparently, the battle cry was her idea. She needed to make some kind of noise as a battle cry. Some research (uncited) gave her that "Alala" was the female personification of a Greek War Cry.
Unsure if any of that is true, but it sounds cool.

#Kissmatewatches Xena (Lucy Lawless) looks like she's having the time of her life. It makes the cheesy bits so much better. Fun was had on this set and I appreciate seeing that!

#Kissmatewatches Cut to Xena getting back in her armor. Gabrielle (Gabi) begs Xena to take her along as an apprentice. It might be a ploy to get away from her "gentle" betrothed.

Gabi: "It's not the gentle part I have a problem with. It's the dull, stupid part."

I AM HOWLING.

#Kissmatewatches Xena says she travels alone and scarouses Gabi into not following. Gabi will be following.
I heard sapphics love this series. I can see why.

#Kissmatewatches The warlord Draco has four archers fire at him. The one arrow he couldn't catch gets a promotion. It's good to know this warlord is a reasonable and overdramatic type. I am already behind him!

#Kissmatewatches Xena sneaks into Draco's tent and OH MY GOD THE SPARKS. There's a lot of "please just hate-fuck" vibes in this room! She asks for Draco to leave the village alone. He says yes, but will he actually?

#Kissmatewatches Gabi sneaks out, saying goodbye to her sister. It's sweet and sad all at once.

#Kissmatewatches Xena comes across a cyclops she blinded before. She gives him some job advice and leaves him alive, though he doesn't seem to like it. I like the idea of leaving someone alive to rethink their life instead of just killing them on the wayside. It's nice.

#Kissmatewatches Draco gives orders to torch Xena's home on her own orders. Because warlord exes has to be toxic.

#Kissmatewatches Gabi tricks the cyclops from before beautifully. Nat 20 on her deception check!
And Xena gets some good rolls herself. Sees someone following her and just stealthily knocks them all out and gains info that Draco is after her.

#Kissmatewatches So Xena knows pressure points. It's used for "magic hands performing impossible tasks" and it smacks of Orientalism. I'll accept if I'm wrong or right if anyone can spot me.

#Kissmatewatches Xena goes home, but is kicked out. She tries to connect and save her people, but they've had enough of her. Before the village can stone Xena, Gabi comes in and sweet-talks their way out.
Every time Gabi talks, I'm expecting magic, and I'm never disappointed.

#Kissmatewatches Draco is about to kill some villagers before Xena interferes. They have an epic battle where Draco falls, but is given another offer: die, or get out for good. He takes the smart offer and even stops a man from killing her dishonorably. I love him AND hate him!

#Kissmatewatches Xena heads out with Gabi to venture to another episode. And I'm anxious to see it!

This series looks super fun! It has some issues, but they can be overlooked pretty quickly and they don't last long. Not to mention it's been so long since I saw actors have fun!

#Kissmatewatches Episode Two: Chariots of War
Xena protects a village of "pacifists" from a warlord who constantly attacks them. She also learns what it's like to be domestic for a bit. Gabi meets a son of a warlord and helps his dream of a peaceful life away from his father.

#Kissmatewatches There's some uncomfortable spouse replacement from the main extra, and it's uncomfortable. "Here, have my dead wife's dress that stole my heart from me when I saw her wear it. I absolutely *demand* that you do." Lucy looks GREAT in it, but that's not the point.

#Kissmatewatches The Pacifism is horribly written. A village is always attacked by warmongers. After burning the grain stores, the warmongers call for a peace meeting. The villagers agree to it, even though it's a trap. "We believe they have good in them!" makes a good epitaph.

#Kissmatewatches Other than those two things, everything is great! The actors are having fun. Gabi gets some good lines again. The action is cheesy fun. Toxic masculinity gets a good kick in the ass. Even the kid actors are pretty good for their ages!

#Kissmatewatches I've heard the best way to watch these two is to stagger them. So next up is Hercules!

#Kissmatewatches Hercules Episode One: The Wrong Path
Already this is a bit darker than Xena. Better fight choreography. Also, if Xena = Sapphic, then Hercules = Gay. Iolaus is the best friend anyone could ask for and is harboring some feelings for Herc deep down. I can feel it.

#Kissmatewatches Herc deals with his family's death by swearing to hurt Hera all his days, starting by destroying her temples. Also, there's a she-demon who turns people to stone with her tail. Herc destroys her and swears to help people all his days. Just like his family wants.

#Kissmatewatches There's no other way to put it: Herc is a himbo. Like, the star pupil of himbos. It's beautiful. He's got the heart of solid gold, the rockin' hot bod, the gorgeous hair, and the brain of a stunted walnut. He even laments the ONE(!) time he was mean to a guy!

#Kissmatewatches Herc Episode Two: Eye of the Beholder
In other words, the "toxic masculinity is bad and everywhere" episode. Herc doesn't defeat the Cyclops and save the day with brute strength, but rather with empathy and sharing emotions.

#Kissmatewatches There's a LOT of toxic masc in this episode. Like... Yeah, it's shown as terrible, but it can be a lot to power through to get to the good stuff.

#Kissmatewatches There's 50 princesses that want Herc's white smoothie so they can have babies. They chase him down while he escapes. They finally respect his no when he says he's a single-woman lover, not a stallion to breed. It could have been handled wrong, but it went right.

#Kissmatewatches That's all for tonight. I'll be putting up other threads as the watch goes on. Have sweet dreams, everybody!

/end of thread

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