Thread by @TheOperaGeek

Today's #OperaGeek "Serious Talk Times™" is about something difficult: rejection.

Many people think of rejection in the sense of romantic attachments; that isn't what this is about.

This is about other kinds, & perceptions of 'following your dream' as a performer.

Buckle up.

This is about everyday rejections. The rejections that come when you try to do what you love. The rejections that are never voiced, but made known through silence.

The rejections that chip away at you, little by little, until your confidence is blown.

1/16

I told @TheeDoctorB last week about my wall of rejections I'd kept for a while, at the end of/just after college.

It was literally a wall of the letters, printed emails, etc of the auditions, competitions, & programs that sent me a 'no thanks' - often without hearing me.

2/16

I finally took down the physical copies, but I kept them. And the emails. I mostly took it down because there were so many they didn't fit on the wall anymore.

I was only heard at about....30-40% of the things I sent in for.

My first paid gig was after 5 years of this.

3/16

5 years of paying for voice lessons, travel, APPLICATION FEES (yes, that's a thing in opera), etc - w/ nothing but an 'encouragement' award once.
5 yrs of the career not even paying the prep for itself.

I'll always have a day job to pay the bills. Gigs aren't easy to get.

4/16

And make no mistake - with any artistic/performing career, the cost to the artist is HUGE. I've often joked about an opera spreadsheet of costs, and I know for other disciplines it is the same.

In essence, I spent five years paying to be rejected.

5/16

I began getting paid gigs - roles, concerts - and would have a few a year.

I kept a day job, sometimes two. Had to pay for all the expenses of being a working performer that...wasn't working. Still kept applying, auditioning.

Kept getting rejected. A lot.

6/16

In my case, just as an interjection to the thread, I was also dealing with untreated (but diagnosed) #ADHD. I've talked about how mental health affects every aspect of your life, from work to performance to relationships.

Here is a bonus.

7/16

#ADHD often comes with a fun thing called rejection sensitive dysphoria. RSD makes you feel rejection harder, we are worried constantly about being rejected, & we try to please everyone so we won't be.

(and yes. I am always worried about it, which can be self-fulfilling.)

8/16

So it comes to this:
I've had, and continue to receive
(in performance/TTRPG/streaming) rejections. Quite often. Despite the fact that a lot of you think I'm cool, I don't shoot my shot (as it were) for a lot of things because I just don't want another one, or to impose.

9/16

The fact is, I don't have a physical wall of rejections anymore.

I don't need it. I carry it inside my head, always.

The constant worry of affirmation that what you think about yourself really IS true.

And I'm not alone in this.

10/16

Almost every creative person or anyone in the arts/entertainment industry knows this and feels it on some level. Some more than others, maybe, and some may get fewer - or more.

This was a long thread to basically come back to a point I've made many times.

11/16

Artists, performers, creators, are all HUMANS.

That means...don't comment on something with what you think is 'constructive' criticism. Don't constantly ask why they haven't gotten X, if this other person has achieved it. Don't compare them to others.

12/16

Because even though you don't see it (because we don't let you)

Even though you see us as highly successful (we have an image to maintain!)

All of us deal with rejections. Big or small, intended or not, they affect us. They make us not do things for fear of that email.

13/16

Trust me, even when you're a soul-less ginger, the small comparative rejections all add up to eat away at confidence & happiness.

So....just remember that.

14/16

I'm sure some will judge me based on this thread, but I felt people needed to hear what the other side of pursuing your passion is.

It can give the greatest joy, & also the greatest pain. And you keep doing it, because even when you want to quit, you can't NOT do it.

15/16

And this isn't meant as a discouragement to ANYONE to not be in this career.
Do it. If your heart screams to create, CREATE. If you love it, DO IT.

Just make sure you love it enough to hear 'No.'

-fin-

(psst also if you have/eventually have a partner, make sure they know all this and support you! I wouldn't be able to do most things I've done without the support of PJ. Also, honesty is key.)

Oh and I forgot to add- PLEASE don't be like the person at my day job who, upon finding out I was an opera singer, said: "An opera singer?! ....you must not be very good then, if you have to work here." And then laughed as if they were the FUNNIEST PERSON EVER.

🤬

#OperaGeek