When interacting with an ADHDer about a task, it's important to realize what you're conveying with your words. If you're too stern and guilt trip, you'll achieve your goal but cause a lot of stress and guilt on the long run. If you make it look optional, it will never get done.
Since our internal motivation is affected by ADHD, we often need external pressure and deadlines to work more efficiently. But understanding that this isn't us being childish or irresponsible is important. We are the first ones who get frustrated at not being able to do things.
We've been scolded our whole lives for it. Feeling guilty is a form of external pressure, and you might get an ADHDer to do stuff by guilt tripping them. But it's also very unhealthy. It will likely cause low self esteem, anxiety, stress, and it's detrimental on the long run.
If you take the opposite approach and try and lessen the pressure by making it look like the task is optional, it will relieve that anxiety and guilt... but we will likely not do the task. Making things look optional takes away that urgency/external pressure factor.
So, what works then? Try to ease the pressure and guilt while conveying that the task is still there. Try finding out if there was something on the way of them doing it. Try setting a deadline system that will work for them (some people get stressed by them, others don't).
Each ADHDer might react in a different way, but trying to find a balance between relieving that guilt and stress while keeping the task at focus is key. From there, try working out what each individual needs to carry out that ask most efficiently.
In cases of detrimental stress, ask yourself... Can someone else do it? Is it really that important? Is there another way around it? We are capable of many things, but adding tasks that might not be necessary will drain us and we'll be left without energy for other stuff.
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