Thread by @MaximEristavi

This year had a terrible toll on my mental health. I had to reevaluate my public presence. I've been oftentimes too nice and polite by surrounding myself with people and affiliations that do not affirm me, value my talents, and see my potential.

A big cleanup is coming.

I moved mountains to become who I am today, to have a chance to do what I love, to be in a position to make a difference. I started from zero, being a poor and queer kid. Often not seen, assigned no value.

Yet I've been struggling to accept that I deserve what I've built

I recollect one watershed moment when @EllenPage called me 'brave', insisted I stop denying it. At that moment I felt embarrassed, ashamed. I honestly thought she just doesn't know what a big fraud I really am. Took me years to see what a tragic self-depreciation trap I lived in

Another moment stuck with me: once @Shakeenz were kindly introducing me before one of my talks. She would just say so many lovely things about me, with passion and great determination. She believed what she was saying. But just I wanted the earth to swallow me up. I felt unworthy

I have several folks like that around me. Who believe in me, cherish me, affirm me. Often more than I do myself. I'm blessed this way. And I finally in the place where I'm ready to start accepting this love and appreciation with my head held high. Like maybe I deserve it.

Raised in an environment where your humanity gets invalidated every fucking day, lack of belief in your worthiness is not surprising. But for a public person, it gets extra magnified when you get surrounded by the wrong people. Who always take, but never give back.

This morning I woke up to a mail from a dearest friend. She sent me this quote from a recent @MariahCarey interview promoting her memoir (by the way, I'm in love with every page of it). Not ashamed to admit I teared up. This reads like gospel to all of us denying their self-worth

All I'm saying if you feel unworthy during these challenging times maybe look around and ask yourself — do you surround yourself with folks who affirm you?
Not yeah-sayers, but people who help you grow. Support you. See you.

Maximize self-love.

Happy pride to me.

*was. y'all excuse my emotional typing

And here’s a gorgeous picture of me that my super talented (and cute!) husband took recently. So there’s a receipt that I’m not a total mess these days.