Thread by @rafiziramli

I missed my wedding anniversary last Thurs.

She was smiling in the am when I had bfast, she was smiling when I came back late from a game. All along waiting for me to realise it was our wedding anniversary.

This thread will not make up for the neglect, but I hope you read it.

We have always taken pride that we are unconventional.

After all, we only met once when I was 15 before I met you again at 32.

Met 5 times before I proposed through an email (ha3), and you said yes.

Then I forgot to reply to the email.

I remember meeting your parents for the first time.

Your mom asked me: "Betul ke nak kahwin ni?"

I guess everyone thought it was a joke.

Your dad was simpler: "Please imamkan solat Maghrib"

I guess I passed ha3.

We both hated ceremonies, so our wedding was for the smallest circle of family and friends.

I forgot to bring hantaran due to the confusion of logistics arrangement (ha3).

But you were all smiles despite the eccentricities.

We actually survived wedding ceremony that we hated.

The first year wasn't easy.

You had to put up with constant blog stories that I was gay (ha3) because most people didn't know I was married by then.

Or that I had an affair with Kristi (who happened to be my cat).

I was away most of the time.

The next thing you found out I was in a lock-up. Then in lock-ups again. And again.

I never contemplated initially how it must have been being in your shoes then.

Having to look after me all the time, having to worry all the time.

And you never once complained.

And I was away most of the time.

Even when Ben came to our life, I was still away most of the time.

You looked after Ben while I went around chasing the rainbow.

And you never once complained.

You nursed me when I was sick, and increasingly I become more sickly.

When you were sick, I was away and you had to look after yourself.

You spend your entire time taking care of me while I was busy looking after everything else but us.

I could take charge when I am outside because you take charge when I come home at the time when all I wanted was to be consoled.

I could be strong elsewhere because you were strong in my moments of weakness when I am alone.

You once said that we are meant to be together because the entire universe conspired to bring us together, despite everything.

And that this is your life purpose, to be by my side as I chase my crazy adventures.

But you have become my life purpose a long time ago.

I know Emerson said, "life is about being useful, not about being happy".

But I think we have been both to each other - useful & happy.

Sometimes we said the meanest things to each other, but it always brings us closer because, in all our quirkiness, we love each other.

I am very bad at expressing my inner feeling and I am sorry for that.

You leave songs on our Apple Music to communicate to me and even if I don't say anything, I understand every single thing you wanted me to know.

Sometimes leaving songs to each other works better than to talk

Most of the time I don't know what I feel, I cannot express it, I cannot connect the dots.

But I do know that I am lost without you, that you fill-up the hollowness and you complete the emptiness.

And you are all that I need to go through the rest of my life

I can never make it up for all the neglect over the years.

I intend to spend as much time as I have to grow old together with you and Ben so that if ever I have to be away again, we have enough memories together.

And navigate whatever comes along the way together.

Happy 9th-anniversary dear.

I hope the nasi lemak breakfast the next day more than made up for my forgetting it.

And thanks for allowing me to still be alive the next day, never mind that I took one day to realise I missed the anniversary.

I've put on my calendar for next year's anniversary.

And will leave messages to my teammates at work to remind me 2 weeks in advance of the next anniversary.

Please kill me if I miss the 10th anniversary.

And I left this song on our Apple Music for you.

Even if you feel it’s too corny because we never actually went through a proper wedding ceremony, this is what I feel every day: