We’re gonna be finding those red hats for decades. Like fidget spinners in a drawer.
So many sad, tired adult grandchildren will throw out a red hat in the next five years.
Ten years, thirty years.
Like plastic in the god damned ocean.

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More from @kibblesmith

11 Oct
“Hey after this do you want to go watch Avatar 1 with motion smoothing on my 96 inch TV and never fuck again” Image
“Mmm you smell like a Denny’s” Image
“I’m so hard right now it feels like there’s a Mike and Ike down there” Image
Read 9 tweets
10 Oct
Is this on purpose ImageImage
I don’t know what’s on purpose any more
Is THIS on purpose??!! ImageImage
Read 5 tweets
2 Sep
I remember being at work on election night, at 11 something pm, watching North Carolina turn red like it was the first mushroom cloud before the static.

None of this shit matters if you don’t vote so hard the electoral college buckles underneath you.
And real talk, most of the people who want to tell me voting is bad actually and the system needs to collapse before it gets better are not the first people who will be killed.
Just one of the fun things about turning off replies is that now people who want to call me a fucking moron have to repeat what I said to their 18 followers and I might win over four of them.
Read 7 tweets
8 Aug
This is embarrassing but what is the name of the smaller Batman who he makes help
I wanna say Gorby.
I distinctly remember one where Scarecrow poisons the parents’ trapeze and the boy has to go live with Batman until well into adulthood
Read 5 tweets
11 Jun
If you're upset about Jefferson Davis remember that statues of the bad guy who lost the war are literally the visual device that they use in movies to reveal that you fucked up your time travel
They should do a time travel movie where they come back to present day Georgia, but one of the time travelers is from Milwaukee and sees a statue of a Confederate general and he's like OH NO WHAT DID WE DO but the time traveler who grew up there is like "yeah man, shit's fucked"
Okay on that note, I'm retiring from Twitter so I never need to learn what's going on with that black-and-white video of the celebrities in their computer rooms, bye forever.
Read 4 tweets
30 Apr
For an overblown government hoax, this sure is a fucking nightmare.
One of the biggest problems with America, and there are a lot of them to be sure, is that we somehow unlearned the reality that we can and will get sick or injured and die.
Turn living rooms back into home funeral parlors if that’s what it takes (the “living” name isn’t a coincidence, it’s a cultural response), but Americans really need to stop spending 75 years (if they’re lucky) navigating this planet like they’re god’s one exception to death.
Read 9 tweets

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