Thread by @AprilDownSouth

Today is #WorldMentalHealthDay and it’s so important that we remove the stigma around mental health. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in my 20s, but likely had it since childhood. (A thread)

What that means is that I have anxiety over nothing in particular more often than not and an anxiety attack can come on at any time for no reason. Driving down the road. Watching TV. Laying in bed. It also leads to migraines - often lasting weeks at a time. #WorldMentalHealthDay

I have imposter syndrome to the Nth degree, and doubt myself more often than not. When my anxiety is high, it can be work to focus on something simple like reading a book. I will read and reread the same sentence over and over. My brain just has “bigger” things to worry about.

I began medication for it about 15 years ago and therapy about 12. I graduated from therapy after a few years and thought I was ready to wean myself off the meds.

I wasn’t.

That led to my first major depressive episode a few months later. #WorldMentalHealthDay

I cried from wake to sleep for over a week. I was convinced my boyfriend was going to leave me (he wasn’t) and I was making plans to move in with a friend. I thought what a burden I must be to everyone around me. What a failure I was. #WorldMentalHealthDay

I didn’t consider suicide, but I did think how much easier it would be if my brakes went out. If my steering stopped working. If I hydroplaned into or off an overpass. I made an urgent appt to see my psychiatrist. #WorldMentalHealthDay

I showed up to my appointment but apparently got the time wrong. I was shaking so violently I couldn’t even write my name down for the office asst. No doctors were there to help me though. I was breaking, and no one could help. #WorldMentalHealthDay

She scheduled me for the next day. I went to my car & cried for an hour until I could see clearly enough to drive home, where I cried myself to sleep. I started medication again the next day. No one except me & my boyfriend knew what I was going through. #WorldMentalHealthDay

Years later, I had another major episode on an epic road trip with my dad. I wasn’t able to see my doctor to get my annual Rx sign-off and had been off meds for just a few weeks. Y’all, I was such a raging bitch on that trip, I’m surprised my dad still talks to me.

I now know that, despite great coping mechanisms and techniques, being very emotionally self-aware and in-tune to disturbances in the Force, I still need anti-depressants. #WorldMentalHealthDay

I may need anti-depressants for the rest of my life for anxiety and depression, and I’m OK with that. My health is more important than my pride or what people will think if they know. I talk about my mental health challenges to help normalize being not OK. #WorldMentalHealthDay

It’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to take medication. It’s OK to see a therapist. It’s OK to cry to just get it all out. It’s OK to take care of yourself and your health and that includes your mental health. #WorldMentalHealthDay

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