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13 Oct, 6 tweets, 3 min read
IMPORTANT UPDATE on the nieces who brought you

Hello?!?!?

the original game in which you Make A Shtent
In an effort to be a quality auntie, I have initiated a pen pal situation with my nieces. I kept my first volley simple: what's your favorite bug, what's your backyard look like, what is the name of the thing that lives under your bed and wants to eat your eyes in the night, etc
The youngest niece (the chaos niece) (just kidding they are both chaos nieces) has WRITTEN BACK. Today I received something in the mail that involves pencil, dark green construction paper, and a lot of instances of the word "number" written vertically
Highlights of the letter include:
"Hi" in a sacred heart
"Yes!" (to what? Don't ask foolish questions)
"More" with an arrow pointing to the edge of the page (this is on both sides)
The word "lo\t+" in a diamond cutout
But far and away the best part and the thing that takes this from valuable to priceless:

wite back soon ⭐

📣 Everyone else's children are amateurs at best, this child is at the top of her game. Accept no substitutes
honestly if you can't live up to the devastating emotional drama of
"more -->"
written on both sides of a paper, don't write me

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More from @gaileyfrey

Sarah Gailey Profile picture
13 Oct
Just saw a take advising folks not to ask friends who are having a bad day "have you taken your meds?"

While that question by itself can be dismissive, it can also be deeply important to have a friend who is willing to check in on your basics: meds, food, water, teeth.
"Have you taken your meds" isn't the last question, it's the first. But it is a question that can help someone who is struggling with their routine, that can help ground someone who isn't sure why they feel suddenly destabilized.
I wish there was an easy way to normalize openness about all kinds of medication and its impact on mental health, so that community support could be in place for those who struggle with a sometimes-crucial dosage schedule.
Read 4 tweets
Sarah Gailey Profile picture
12 Oct
Hey gang, if you enjoyed the Stone Soup series I ran on the Substack throughout spring and summer, can I please direct you to check out the Home Cooking podcast with @CiaoSamin and @HrishiHirway? It's phenomenal and SUCH a balm:

homecooking.show
@CiaoSamin @HrishiHirway ICYMI - Stone Soup was a series of recipes I wrote based on ingredients my readers didn't know how to use, aimed at helping people use what they had around to make exciting, nourishing meals. Here's a thread with links to all 37(!!!) recipes:

@CiaoSamin @HrishiHirway Home Cooking is a fabulous podcast aimed at a similar goal - helping people navigate the culinary side of isolation - and it's just completely lovely. My heart is so full of how eager we humans have been to help each other through an impossible time.
Read 4 tweets
Sarah Gailey Profile picture
13 Sep
I wish that there was stronger cultural messaging around friendships, and how to tend to and care for them. I wish there was more space to talk about how painful it is when they shift, break, die off slowly, die off suddenly.
American culture valorizes the Nuclear Family Unit such that friendships are often categorized as secondary to romantic love, sexual attraction, filial commitment. Losing those relationships hurts in a way that's easy to communicate to those who prioritize them above all else
But prizing community, to me, means loving your close friends as your family. It means treating them with the deep care you show a loved one. Explaining that - and expressing the grief of a lost or injured friendship - to people who don't operate that way is next to impossible
Read 6 tweets
Sarah Gailey Profile picture
29 Jun
As we're all talking about dangerous, abusive patterns of behavior, there is one that stands out to me as particularly painful, especially in communities that are trying to heal. It's a type of manipulation that can be incredibly difficult to navigate well.
There is a type of person who considers themself a master chess player, a social strategist, and a cunning manipulator of individuals (who they do not see as people, but as tools) and circumstances.

That is, until something goes wrong.
When this type of person encounters a boundary they don't like, or a refusal to do precisely what they want - their narrative turns inside-out. Suddenly, they are an innocent victim being battered by cruel monsters (who they still do not see as people, but as obstacles).
Read 11 tweets
Sarah Gailey Profile picture
28 Jun
Some things to try to remember, to keep the newest wave of SFF discourse from breaking your brain: two things can be true at the same time, and there don't have to be tidy answers to questions of harm.
An example of two things being true and not feeling particularly satisfying: a person can experience harm at the hands of others while also being a profoundly unsafe and abusive person within their community. The latter doesn't cancel out the former; these facts can coexist.
Another example: a person can explicitly, frequently talk about their intent to manipulate others for access to power.

That same person can also get hurt in the process of artlessly trying their hand at that manipulation.

Both can be true. That pain is real.
Read 5 tweets
Sarah Gailey Profile picture
20 Jun
Okay friends, it's a fucked-up night for a lot of people on here who are seeing conversations about abuse and exploitation so let's check in and make sure we're taking care of ourselves and staying safe. This will not be comprehensive, but it's my best go:
Are you breathing? It's easy to freeze up and hold your breath when you're feeling activated. Try to make a little more space for breath if you can. If you're able, inhale for 3, hold for 4, and exhale for 5.
Where are your shoulders? Are they up around your ears? If you can, try to push them back and down. Gently stretch your neck - let your chin drop toward your chest, then roll your ear toward your shoulder, then go back the other way.
Read 14 tweets

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