Today, @migueldeicaza and I will be watching the iPhone event.

Will it have a larger screen? A faster processor? Maybe, dare we dream, even USB-C? Personally I don't know if I can handle all that innovation but here we go!
I am ready, baby!
With the new iHome, every Apple product integrates nicely. Yes, you need to buy a new house but it's for better privacy and experiences.

To unlock the front door you will need your Apple ID
Intercom: You can send messages across the house. Just like Alexa. But not Alexa.
Woah, iPhone now has 5G, so you can enjoy super fast speeds while not playing 3P streaming games, not listening to 3P music stores, etc. It will be GREAT.
I too wear jeans and black t-shirt, I feel like I fit just right in
Ok, I'm afraid the moment has arrived: Miguel needs an intervention

An iPhone launch is not complete without a new, random screen size.
WHERE IS THE USB C YOU COWARDS
iPhone 12 Pro: For professional level phone usage
Announce something

New random screen size

Announce something

New random screen size
"WE JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT THE OPTIMAL SCREEN SIZE FOR A PHONE, HELP"
2040, iPhone launch event:

"New iPhone, now in 7.8346 inches screen. First iPhone ever with a 7.8346 inches screen.

-Woah!"
Miguel is in love with the new iPhone Pro and I am in absolute shock because I did not expect this as an outcome of today's event

Fun fact: @migueldeicaza's paycheck goes to Apple and then Apple gets to decide how much of it they let him keep to feed the kids.
When they zoom out from Apple's HQ I expect it to take off and fly back to its original planet and always get disappointed because that never happens.

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More from @matvelloso

13 Oct
One thing I observed when we moved to US was that Americans love some GEAR.

You're going for a walk? What? You can't just go out and start walking like that! You better have the right GEAR.
Saw a dude another day walking with a blinking light attached to his waist and I now have no idea how we all made this far walking like amateurs who have no idea what we're doing.

What, are you going to wear sneakers? pffff, don't even get me started!
Going to ride a bicycle? You better have some GEAR. You need some mofo wireless drivetrain because if you're just pulling cables, you might as well just wear a clown costume with that. YOU NEED SOME GEAR.
Read 18 tweets
11 Oct
Open Netflix on tablet:

-It's has been a while, please logon again

Open password manager:

-It has been a while, please logon again

Type password

-Please type your 2FA

Open 2FA app

-It has been a while, pl..

Me:

-You know what, I don't even want to watch anything anymore
Back in my day you authenticated on the ATARI by blowing the cartridge to get the dust off
At some point a startup will come up with the novel and more practical idea of renting movies at some physical store
Read 7 tweets
4 Sep
Years ago when I moved to US I rented an apartment, wife was still in Brazil, so I ordered a bunch of furniture online. Like, everything: Dinner table, chairs, bed, etc.
But what I didn't notice was a small print that said:

"Curbside delivery"

TAN TAN TAAAAAAAAN
On the delivery day a truck arrives. The driver opens the back of the truck, looks at me and asks:

-Where is everybody else?

I found that question a bit weird... Like: Did I order too much furniture, what the hell?
Read 9 tweets
23 Aug
Also in Portuguese, "Puxe" which sounds like "push" means pull, which is why you can tell someone is from Brazil if they are staring at a door with their CPU clocking at 100% for a few seconds
And "remind" and "remember" are the same word, which is why we never remind which one to use when
So a "reminder" is a "remeberette" for us
Read 16 tweets
4 Aug
When I got my first programmer job I didn't have a degree. They didn't pay much but I saved every penny for 6 months. Then told my boss: "I'm going to spend this on Microsoft certifications"

My boss told me this would be a waste of time. So I quit.
Went to a Microsoft partner and asked for all the trainings I could afford. Learned Windows NT, networking, etc. Started doing the certs. The instructors there told their manager they should hire me. I started working there.
Funny they had an incentive: More Microsoft certs, bigger your paycheck. So I did every Microsoft certification in existence 🤣 Anyways, it was good, I've learned a lot of stuff.
Read 9 tweets
13 May
Microservices: "We solved DLL hell by wrapping every binary with HTTP"

Don't at me
Narrator: Wait, but that doesn't solve th...

Dev: Shut up
You still get dependency hell, you still have a gazillion fragmented things, you still have versioning problems but on the bright side you lost the ability to debug anything
Read 9 tweets

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