If you’re ever feeling guilty about not cooking a fresh home-cooked meal, a reminder that people in cities historically either had cooks or ate at food stalls, going back to Ancient Greece. Ancient Egypt, too, although since everybody ate bread, beer, and onions, less of a thing.
It’s a weird quirk of our obsession with nuclear families that everybody is expected to have time, skill, and equipment to cook daily and that if you’re a woman, particularly, you are a lesser person if you aren’t casually able to cook every day with random fresh ingredients.
Don’t buy into that. People since forever have hired cooks, gone to inns, lived in extended families where it wasn’t always your turn to cook, or ate such simplified diets that it was less of an issue.
You haven’t failed at a normal human task, you have been sold an unrealistic expectation and told it was a normal human task. Go get takeout. Or beer, bread, and onions. Eat cheese and some dates. Relax.

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More from @UrsulaV

2 Nov
So there I am the liquor store, contemplating my incipient recreational alcoholism, when I hear one of the clerks say to the other, “That duck is so mean.”
The speaker is a young woman. Her coworker, a wild haired older gent, says, “What’s he do all day?”

DUCK-OWNER: Hangs around with his girlfriend! And honks whenever anybody drives up! I don’t need him to honk, I have dogs for that!

I briefly contemplated honking dogs.
WILDHAIRED OLDER GENTLEMEN: Well, he’s a duck.
DU: And he attacked someone the other day!
WHOG: *nods knowingly, as if duck attacks are on the rise*
DU: I think he’s mad at me because I put him in a harness.
Read 7 tweets
31 Oct
It’s New Glove Day! I wanted to take a glamour shot for the eleven seconds they were pristine.
It’s supposed to get cold tomorrow night. It maaaaay not be cold enough to kill some of my weird new salvias, but then again, it may. So I’m taking cuttings of the ones that have thrived, just in case, and will grow them out under lights in the garage.
A couple will come into the garage in containers once it gets Really Truly Cold, but I gotta get the cuttings before the leaves drop, which the cold snap might cause even if the roots are fine.
Read 20 tweets
29 Oct
I am having a Day, Internet. I will spare you the saga of my attempts to find a working ATM in a windstorm, but it culminated in getting sideswiped in a Burger King parking lot by a man going approximately two miles an hour.
You know how they say “That’ll buff right out?” My truck will buff right out. He barely scraped the paint. His minivan...not so much. The fender was pretty well corrugated.

His wife was furious and yelling at him and I felt terrible for the guy.
I was like “Dude, it’s not a big deal, nobody’s hurt, it happens to all of us, just photograph the scuff so you know I’m not gonna take a hammer to it or something.”
Read 13 tweets
10 Sep
I kinda miss my capacity for shock.
Anyway, related, I was doomscrolling the fires the other day, watching places that I used to know cease to exist, and I nearly cried for a second and then I didn’t, because it wouldn’t help and there was too much shit to do. And damn, when this is all over, we’re all gonna break.
We’re all doing the thing where you shove your emotions down to deal with the crisis. And that’s actually useful, because a crisis is not made better by having Feelings. So it’s healthy to do it, and then when crisis is over, you cry and move on.
Read 7 tweets
16 Jul
Morning at Wombathaus begins with a three-way wrangle over whether I am Lawful Good or not.
ME: I always play a paladin!
SHEP: Oh no. You’d totally murder a small child to save a rare plant. Lawful Evil.
ME: Is that evil? It’s internally consistent—
LIZ: *facepalm*
SHEP: MURDER
ME: Ok, now are we talking actual murder or just letting someone die? Because murder would be evil, but if the kid and the plant are dangling off a cliff—
SHEP: That’s murder!
ME: No it isn’t! I took Intro to Philosophy and it’s God doing the murdering in that case!
SHEP: That is SO Murder!
LIZ: Also rules lawyering which is Lawful Evil.
ME: If you don’t act, then it’s technically God doing the murder! You technically aren’t morally liable until you insert yourself into the trolley problem.
SHEP: That is so Lawful Evil.
Read 8 tweets
11 Jul
Apparently certain parties are tweeting about how colleges are just left-wing indoctrination again, and god, it’s like the universe just WANTS me to rant or something.

Fine. Let me tell you the saga of the time I actually got in-indoctrinated about something in college.
Although you would not know it from my twitter feed, O internet, I’m actually a very chill individual in general. I don’t get really incandescently angry often. I don’t yell, I have never thrown a toaster, and there’s very few things I get really genuinely worked up about.
(I mean, obviously I have the same low level seething rage as everyone these days, but I mostly just sit in my garden and sigh heavily and donate money.)
Read 43 tweets

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