Thread by @ramkid

I know some people are really confused about my stories. Are they real, made up, or a bit of both? This one, I promise, is a hundred percent true. It's about a one-eyed monster called The Great Horned Yokelops, and how I vanquished him. +

'Really?', I hear you say, 'This time the poor bloke has totally lost it.'
Well, if you will be patient, I will furnish undoctored photographic evidence as well, somewhere along this thread. +

A human would describe the GHY as a ghost like figure with a giant yellow eye that dominates its body, and two magnificent horns. No arms or legs to speak of. PFA an artist's (ahem, ahem) rendition based on reported sightings. +

Btw, I'm not telling you the first part of the story. I believe there's a big market for prequels. So I'll keep that for when the price is right. This story begins when Yokelops was already caged. +

What distinguished the Great Horned Yokelops from his harmless brethren, were his horns. The unhorned variety, or just GUYs, are actually quite common. +

As soon as the Yokelops Monitoring Civic Authority (YMCA) got to know that there was one truant specimen in the Santacruz area, they got in touch with me. I'm apparently the reigning expert in their vanquishment. +

I am fastforwarding to the time the caged GHY was brought to my home. Maybe I've misled you by calling it a cage. It was actually a seamless white ovoid. I kept everything ready. A sharp knife, a specially fabricated flat metal plate with a handle, a fire. +

I held the cage in my left hand. With a swift, precise swing of the knife, I let the blade crash into the equatorial region, cracking it open. I had already kept the plate over the fire. +

With a deft manoeuvre using both my thumbs, I spilled the contents of the cage on the heated plate. As promised, here's the photograph, captured seconds after the Great Horned Yokelops landed on the scalding plate. +

There was one last step. It involved sprinkling salt and pepper on the GHY. And sliding him off on to a plate. And then...um... eating him.

ANTHE