Poetry Korner Lockdown Special
The Elephant in the Room

The elephant that’s in this room
Just shat upon the floor.
I know what everybody says;
They say -simply ignore!
But when the bastard’s shat again
No self respecting chatelaine
Could cope with it much longer. Furthermore
That elephant’s been in this room since,
Let’s see, well before,
The end of March, and just slouched round
To block the exit door!
And now he gone and shat again!
Over my Persian mat! Explain
How we endure this for a month! Before
The latest rules I tried to tie
A face mask to his trunk.
He lifted his enormous leg
And showered me with spunk,
And now the fucker’s shat again!
He’s on some fucking scat campaign!
The worst of it’s I can’t even get drunk.
That’s because all of the booze
Long since went up his trunk.
Plus he’s scoffed all of the biscuits,
Though there’s nowt in which to dunk
And - Jesus Christ - he’s shat again!
And tough if you find that profane,
Because the cunt’s just shat another hunk!
Stuck with each other in this tiny room
We two shall skulk.
I’ll try and finish off this verse
And he, no doubt, will sulk.
And obviously he’s shat again.
Torment like this would twat Verlaine.
Very soon I hope that he will crush me with his bulk.
The alternative is paddling in his poop,
Spread through the room,
Though what this creature symbolises
I dare not to presume.
I’ll just observe, he’s shat again.
I think you might find that germane
As we glower at each other, left together in this tomb.

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh
 

Keep Current with Martin Rowson

Martin Rowson Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

PDF

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @MartinRowson

8 Nov
The defeat of Trump might - just might - mark something else, which is the beginning of the end of the Global Hegemony of Trollism. At heart, what marks “populism” apart from the fascism is engenders is that the engine for achieving right wing dominance (with all the standard...
... hallmarks of theft, exploitation larded with persecution) is nakedly to front the enterprise with genuinely obnoxious, deeply flawed people whose defining shtick is that they really really annoy anyone seeking to thwart all that theft & persecution. Trump is a trust fund...
...daddy’s boy who, like Johnson, would benefitted enormously from even the dear of being beaten up at a bus stop aged 15. As it was, they got away with being obnoxiously selfish so much it became their whole being, fuelled by laughter from over indulgent onlookers. Shift that...
Read 6 tweets
6 Nov
Poetry Korner (written 29.9.20)
The Shining City on The Hill

You see that Shining City on The Hill?
The shame is that the shine is just
The gleaming of the oily sheen
On the rats’ backs swarming from its slums,
The shimmer of the stacks of trash,
The glister of the stolen gold..
Reflected in the pools of blood,
The glistening of the sweat of slaves,
The sparkle of the film star’s teeth,
The Milky Way of motes of stirred up dust
Twinkling in the beams that play around
The shadows as they tic across the cave,
The flicker in the polished dreams...
Of Freedom, just a fresher theft
To free the thief to thieve, and thieve
Others’ freedoms too, self-evidenced
By genocide and force transhumance
In a bolthole built for grifters
By bigots who sought havens for their hatreds,
And newly peopled by great waves of deadbeats...
Read 5 tweets
15 Oct
And here's Today's #PlagueSong. Altogether now...

Team Song

You put your tender in!
You drive your rivals out!
You send in your consultants
When the money’s thrown about!
You put the Hokey-Covid
In your Turnover
That’s what it’s all about!
Whooooaaaaaaa! Hokey-hokey-Covid!
Wheeeeeeeeeeee! Hokey-hokey-Covid!
Phwaaaoooooor! Hokey-hokey-Covid!
Knees bent
Boots filled
Ra-ra-ra!
You drive the numbers up!
You keep the proles locked down!
Send in more consultants
Who can go to town
Getting the Hokey-Covid
In our Turnover
That’s what it’s all about!
Read 6 tweets
14 Oct
Right, lots of lovely #DrawBorisJohnson Challenge entries still coming - keep em coming til Hallowe'en! Also being flooded with #DrawDonaldTrump Challenge entries - that's open til 3rd November. Happy to keep you busy. And here's some of the ways I've drawn @realDonaldTrump
And that lot was just 2016, leading up to his election & its immediate aftermath. Now we get to the real filth
Read 15 tweets
12 Oct
Lots of kind words from recidivist entrants to the Great #Draw Challenges testifying at how these damn things have stopped you all going completely barking mad over the past 6 months. Glad to have been of service, but also conscious of various things, which I shall now adumbrate
First, do we try and ratchet the whole thing up a notch, get proper sponsorship & serious money prizes run by a huge Media conglomorate with a vast back office to process all the drawings with something approaching rigour & good practice, or do we stick with the current...
...half-arsed approach of me eventrually getting round to choosing what I like best and then trying to remember to post an offloaded old book to the winner? Well?
Read 5 tweets
18 Sep
Poetry Korner:

Regressional (after Kipling)

God of Our Fathers, down in Hell,
God of Thunder, Trees and Drums,
There’s still so much stuff left to sell,
So many contracts for our chums -
Lord God of Lies, fill up our cup:
There’s still so much left to fuck up!
Some crusties in a care home died;
The weirdos and the misfits swarm;
A mediocre place man lied
Because that kind of thing’s the norm -
Lord God of Death, please let us sup!
There’s still so much left to fuck up!
For thee we shrug off all disgrace,
Responsibility all ducked,
And give thee, Lord, this Track & Trace
That Dido Queen of Carnage fucked -
Lord God, we’ll sacrifice a pup!
There’s so much left still to fuck up!
Read 5 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!


This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!